what went wrong, ladies?

[luke]

Hi

 

I'll try to include the relavent stuff while keeping this as short as possible.

 

I met a girl at a party and we started spending a lot of time together. Right away, I told her that soon I was planning on moving out of state for grad school, unless I was accepted to med school at home......

 

The next four months were great. I met a lot of women in college but none made me feel like she did. I'm pretty sure it was mutual too......we were together nearly every day and night.....

 

Then came my denial to med school....I was already accepted out of stae and told her that I would be moving. I told her she was really special to me and that I wanted her in my life....she made hints of wanting to go with me.....to which I kind of ignored because it just wouldn't have been possible at that time....

 

I told her I wanted to try the long distance thing but she told me it wouldn't work and that we were just friends......I was really confused at this point....didn't know what to think....but I figured that if we stayed friends there would probablly be a better chance of us having a future together anyway....

 

So I left.....and called her the first night I was away...she hung up on me. I got a hold her a few days later and she claimed that it never happened. She told me she met another guy who was a doctor yada yada and later said they were just friends...

 

I tried real hard at the friend thing but it wasn't working.....she just wasn't the same....we talked every week or two and stayed in touched with e-mail....

 

After the two month summer semester she knew I would be coming home for a month. What she didn't know was that I was considering dropping the program and staying home for good.

 

When I got here I called her a few times but she never returned my calls. Later I found out from her dad that her mom's cancer had came back and that it was looking pretty bad. I wanted to be there for her. I called again and told her I was staying here.....she didn't want to talk..

 

A few days later her mom died. I wanted to be there for her but i thought she needed some time. I called a couple weeks later and she still didn't want to talk to me. I was persistent though...she said she didn't want to see me and told me never to call her again......I asked her about all the time we shared together when I was here, and the time we spent talking when I was out of stae..to which she replied "I forgot"......

 

So I haven't called her and that was about a month ago....

 

Am I crazy or is she just going through something here?

 

I really care about this girl and would do anything to get her back. However, I'm afraid to tell her how I feel because it might make things worse....

 

What can I do?

 

Sorry this was so long, I'd appreciate the time of any who chose to respond.....

[Em]

Hi I'll try to include the relavent stuff while keeping this as short as possible. I met a girl at a party and we started spending a lot of time together. Right away, I told her that soon I was planning on moving out of state for grad school, unless I was accepted to med school at home...... The next four months were great. I met a lot of women in college but none made me feel like she did. I'm pretty sure it was mutual too......we were together nearly every day and night.....

 

Then came my denial to med school....I was already accepted out of stae and told her that I would be moving. I told her she was really special to me and that I wanted her in my life....she made hints of wanting to go with me.....to which I kind of ignored because it just wouldn't have been possible at that time.... I told her I wanted to try the long distance thing but she told me it wouldn't work and that we were just friends......I was really confused at this point....didn't know what to think....but I figured that if we stayed friends there would probablly be a better chance of us having a future together anyway.... So I left.....and called her the first night I was away...she hung up on me. I got a hold her a few days later and she claimed that it never happened. She told me she met another guy who was a doctor yada yada and later said they were just friends... I tried real hard at the friend thing but it wasn't working.....she just wasn't the same....we talked every week or two and stayed in touched with e-mail.... After the two month summer semester she knew I would be coming home for a month. What she didn't know was that I was considering dropping the program and staying home for good. When I got here I called her a few times but she never returned my calls. Later I found out from her dad that her mom's cancer had came back and that it was looking pretty bad. I wanted to be there for her. I called again and told her I was staying here.....she didn't want to talk..

 

A few days later her mom died. I wanted to be there for her but i thought she needed some time. I called a couple weeks later and she still didn't want to talk to me. I was persistent though...she said she didn't want to see me and told me never to call her again......I asked her about all the time we shared together when I was here, and the time we spent talking when I was out of stae..to which she replied "I forgot"...... So I haven't called her and that was about a month ago.... Am I crazy or is she just going through something here? I really care about this girl and would do anything to get her back. However, I'm afraid to tell her how I feel because it might make things worse.... What can I do? Sorry this was so long, I'd appreciate the time of any who chose to respond.....

Man, that royally sucks! Kinda makes you life feel like you are in a t.v. drama doesn't it? Well, I would like to say that I had a great friend from high school who I got along with great, laughed with all the time, and basically clicked with, and then in the middle of my junior year I had to move 2 states away with my family. Now, we talked and kept in touch and eventually he asked me if I wanted a long distance relationship, and my heart sank. I felt horrible because I knew I couldn't do something like that, and I was honest with him, and we're still friends today. In fact, we talk more than we did when I lived a block away from him...but anyway....what I'm trying to get at is.....

 

Your answer is coming to me in paragraph 5 of your message. That was her telling you that she didn't want a long distance relationship with you and that was kind of like her final statement, while you remained hopeful that you could still have a future together. I'm going to be brutally honest with you, and this is gonna suck to read, but girls say that we can still be friends to guys to lessen the blow of the rejection, and in turn, this may be even worse for the guy to hear because that leaves him feeling like there's still something there. (Ladies, back me up on this one please.) I mean, we all do it, not just girls, but you tend to hear it from girls more, I don't know why. And so, being friends with this person can also make things worse because they're still a part of you life, and so you're thinking about them constantly, and you want to be there for them, but really the girl just means she wants to be on friendly terms with you....(am I right?). Like I said, I'm just talking from my own experience and observations. Unfortunately, and normally I would say,"Go get her dude!!", but I'm afraid I would let this girl be, and if she ever wants to talk to you again, great, but it just doesn't sound like it was meant to be. I am sure she doesn't hate you, and I know it will be hard to get over, but I also know that there are so many great people out there to get to know and that will like and appreciate your company, so get out there and follow your heart. I hope this has made some sense and was some help to you. You take care!!

 

Em

[Richie]

If she forgot, then forget her. Period. It is hard. But it is better than wasting your time in Self-pity and losing your self-respect by making her to remember the past chats.

 

NEVER BEG. I mean NEVER LOSE YOUR SELF-RESPECT. Nothing in this world worth more than your self-worth. Even if you get her by your persistence, she won't have good respect for you. That goes for both sex. When something comes to us voluntarily and easily, we don't realise the real value of it.

 

Take care,

 

Richie

[luke]

If she forgot, then forget her. Period. It is hard. But it is better than wasting your time in Self-pity and losing your self-respect by making her to remember the past chats. NEVER BEG. I mean NEVER LOSE YOUR SELF-RESPECT. Nothing in this world worth more than your self-worth. Even if you get her by your persistence, she won't have good respect for you. That goes for both sex. When something comes to us voluntarily and easily, we don't realise the real value of it.

 

Take care, Richie

I apprreciate the answers you guys and gals have given. Although something in the above message gives me some hope.....what was said about taking for granted what comes easily....I think your absolutely right.....

 

I might be crazy, (really) but I KNOW she was mad at me for leaving in the first place, when I could have stayed home.....she thought I was kind of obsessed with money and stuff but I tried to explain it had more to do with wanting to make a life for myself...yada yada

 

So in a way I think she may have been hurt....and she is not to excited about letting me back in her life for fear of the same thing happening again.

 

In closing though, I know your right....that by persisting in trying to talk to her I'm just making myself less in her eyes....but I really want some closure here!

 

So no problem, life goes on.........and time will tell....

 

And thanks for the help!!!!!!

[odyne]

Your story is sad and I sympathize with you a lot. One thing to think about is her life at this point. If her mother just died I'm sure she's going through extreme emotional stress, possibly even depression. She may be pushing everyone away, not just you. She was probably mad at you initally but when other walls started falling in her life she converted it into the idea that you don't care about her. She may feel like everyone she loves has left her. This may all be wrong, but it's a possibility you should try to realize. If you really want to be her friend and be in her life, show her that you care. I'm not saying, stalk her, that would be far too extreme. But if someday she's stuck in your head, write her a little note telling her you are thinking about her and that you are there for her. The response may not be soon (or ever unfortunately) but if you don't do anything you are going to lose her forever. Try to be as supportive and uninvasive as you can while still showing your concern for her. You're not losing self-worth or respect with actions like that, just realizing that someone you love is hurting and may not know how to deal with you at this point. If she requests again for you to leave her alone, then respect her wishes but leave her a way to contact you just in case.

 

Take care,

 

Odyne