He goes to the bar and I'm jealous!

[Guest]

Hi,

 

I just recently started dating my boyfriend. I am only 19, he is a couple years older. He likes to go to the bars with a couple of his close (single) buddies. I have no problem with this but I do get a little jealous. Since I've never dated an older guy I'm not used this I guess! I would say he usually goes a couple times a week... I'm assuming that's normal for a young guy right? But what about one with an underage girlfriend? I only get jealous because I don't know exactly what's going on while he's there-- I guess I don't see the point in going out to the bar unless you want to meet and hangout with new people. And even if he is not hitting on other girls he is a verrrrry good lookin guy so I have no doubt in my mind that girls would approach HIM!

 

So basically, someone tell me is this acceptable behavior for someone in a relationship, and do I have a right to be a little jealous...?! I'm young and stupid so tell me!

 

Thanks in advance for any responses!

[BlueEyedSarah]

I just recently started dating my boyfriend.

Its a new relationship, it takes a while for you to trust when in a new relationship .

 

I only get jealous because I don't know exactly what's going on while he's there

How about ask him if he could call you when he is out in the bar with he's mates so you could talk to him on the phone for a while, so he can tell you whats going on and you can hear whats going on.

Don't tell him you feel jealous though, just ask him nicely if he could call you because you being 'underage' for the bar thing at the moment you are intrested in whats going on...then he will probably tell you all about it.

 

I guess I don't see the point in going out to the bar unless you want to meet and hangout with new people.

Or just hang out with he's buddies .

 

And even if he is not hitting on other girls he is a verrrrry good lookin guy so I have no doubt in my mind that girls would approach HIM!

Even if a girl does approach him what makes you think he will go off with them when he is with you? I'm sure he will tell them he is taken. Not every guy is a walking, cheating, horny scum bag .

 

I'm young and stupid so tell me!

Your not stupid, don't be so hard on yourself, your learning .

[Okeydokey]

I don't think you need to worry. It is a healthy thing for both of you to have activities that are separate from each other (I hope you have your own scene too). I'm a 26 y/o woman and I don't go to bars more than a few times a year, but basically they are pretty lame and boring. He probably just goes to have drinks with his buddies and make a ruckus. You're doing good. I think it is normal for you to feel a little left out bc he is doing something you can't participate in, but try not to dwell on that too much... after all the fastest way to tank this relationship is by expecting him not to have fun bc you can't go along. Don't worry about his outings. You're doing great!

[Javelin]

My girlfriend and I are the same age (23) and she loves going to bars; while I find them very boring! On occasion, I'll go with her, 2 maybe 3 times out of 4 outtings. When she goes without me, we keep in touch every hour or so and vice-versa, when I'm out with my friends. Basically it was already stated, but Communication is key.

 

Don't worry too much about it, soon he'll be worrying about all the guys trying to hit on you!

[pennyjosix]

I'm 18 so we are about the same age. I would be a little jealous if I were you too. You haven't been there, you don't know what's going on, but you should try to have more faith in him. It's okay to be cautious, but you get yourself in a whole heep of trouble when you become obsessed with your curiosity. He would probably be jealous if you had girls night out at a place mostly used for picking up men/women. You are justified, just don't let it get out of hand.

[Guest]

I forgot to mention how sometimes, say on like a weekend night we'll be hangin out at his apartment and we'll drink together for a while, and then later on in the night, he will leave to go out the bar with his friends (so im by myself and/or with only 1 of my friends). I find this a little rude? Like why can't we go out somewhere together too. But maybe it's just me.....???

[Javelin]

we'll drink together for a while, and then later on in the night, he will leave to go out the bar with his friends (so im by myself and/or with only 1 of my friends). I find this a little rude? Like why can't we go out somewhere together too. But maybe it's just me.....???

 

Yeah that's a problem!

 

When I'm in a relationship, I always try to work out the issues that bother me or my SO in the early stages of the problem's development. Basically, nip it in the butt quickly. In your case, from what you've stated, he has done this more and it has evolved into what I like to call a, 'reoccurring habit.' Thus it needs to be talked about and worked on between the two of you as soon as possible.

[JackJack]

I forgot to mention how sometimes, say on like a weekend night we'll be hangin out at his apartment and we'll drink together for a while, and then later on in the night, he will leave to go out the bar with his friends (so im by myself and/or with only 1 of my friends). I find this a little rude? Like why can't we go out somewhere together too. But maybe it's just me.....???

 

 

You're younger and probably a little more neive, and he knows this, so he probably feels he can do whatever and you'll go along with it. Yes its rude of him to get up and go out with buddies to the bar after he just spent time with you drinking. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but you might want to find someone thats your age or closer so you wont be left alone while he hangs out at the bar. Sounds like he spends more time there anyway than with you. You're young and life is to short for you be worrying at 19 why he is at the bar, and why he feels the need to go alot. Talk with him about this, if this doesn't matter to him and he doesn't listen or at least compromises with you, then he doesn't care anyway.

[PandorasBox]

He could stay home and drink if he chose too, but the bar scene provides more of a social setting and entertainment. If he wanted he could invite his buddies over for a drink, but going out probably seems more appealing to him. Doesn't sound like he is ready to cut back on the bar scene hun.

[megnog]

hey okay so wow i'm 19 and am dating a 27 year old and we've been dating for a few years now and when we first started dating he would go to the bar at least once a week.

 

at first, it was fine. usually in the beginning of relationships nothing bothers me. but as we continued dating it started to bother me because i began to get jealous. he would call me like a good boy but sometimes he would go out later than i cared to stay up for (back when i was in highschool) and THEN i really had no idea what he was doing. it was all really easy for him to get away with anything as it is for your guy, but putting trust into the relationship is all you can do. i'm a very untrusting person, and i don't know how to fix myself. but i read somewhere that unless you have a reason to NOT trust the person, always trust first. anyway now he doesn't go to bars at all. i'm not proud because its not like i wanted to control him but i told him it bothered me and he told me that he honestly didn't like it that much, but went because thats where his friends would go.

 

if he does go, which is once in a blue moon, he does call me like a good boyfriend and i think thats what you need to make sure your boyfriend does. also, if he drinks with his friends and you and your friends and he decides to go out to a bar, don't be upset about it, just find somewhere else to go. go out to a club or a party or somewhere fun so you don't feel so bad about him up and leaving. good luck!!!!!!!