Jen2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now. We have always been off and on. Usually our breakups never last more than a day or so. Well last time we broke up we agreed that if it happened again we would just go on with our lives. So it happened again I broke up with him over something that could have just been talked about, and the problem would have been solved. Its always like one of us feels the need to win the arguement so we try to be all big and bad and break up with the other. Well now I think it is really over. I don't understand why this time is different I know we agreed but I just feel like we have come so far. His last relationship was 7 yrs, and he has a 2 yr old child. It took him 4 months of us dating to say we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Then he told me that he loved me about a month ago. The day before our breakup he introduced me to his grandparents and said that meant a lot to him since I was only the second girl to ever meet them. I just don't see how his feelings could change over night. I called him several times a day after we broke up and he didn't really have much to say. Then on the fourth day he called me crying. He said that he was sorry for the way he always was treating me, and I could do better. And that it was unfair to the both of us. Also that he was under a lot of stress with his living situation, and with christmas coming cuz he doesn't have any money to buy his daughter anything. He said that he hoped I understood why he couldn't do this right now. So I cut back on calling him. I just want more than anything for this to work out. Any suggestions? I haven't been calling him at all he called me twice but I have not answered my phone. Other than the day he called me crying I haven't gotten any type of emotion out of him. I just want to know that this hurts him as much as it hurts me. I feel like he is over me and moving on. My friend suggested the not talking to him. She said he isn't going to miss you if u call him everyday. So when should I answer his calls? What should I tell him when he ask why I haven't been talking to him? Also I told him it was probably best if I just returned the gifts I bought his daughter, and his response was why are u punishing her? ( I gave him his gift back in July) Basically long story short I feel like he doesn't care at all about us breaking up. I would feel a million times better to know it is affecting him, even if we don't get back together. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 You really seem to be very self absorbed about this whole thing. You know that he is already feeling terrible because he cannot afford to buy his daughter any presents, and yet you just want to know that he is in more pain because of you. Listen, I understandthat this would prove to you he still has feelings, but, try to have some understanding of how things might be from his perspective. Why not give him the gifts you bought so that he can give them to his daughter? The relationship sounds very destructive, and full of power games. Try just giving and not trying to win anything and see what happens. It doesn't mean hounding him, you should not do that. After all, that is still about winning, but, then, so is not answering his calls. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jen2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Author Share Posted December 21, 2006 That same day I went and dropped off the gifts. He never thanked me or anything. All he said is that she would really like them. At this point I personally feel like there is still a chance, but I don't want to ruin it. Any suggestions? Should I answer his calls? It just seems like when I called him earlier in the week he sounded annoyed with me. He kept every conversation less than 5 minutes. I don't need his sympathy and I feel like that is the only reason he is calling. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 Okay. Sorry, your first post was a little unclear, I didn't mean to insult you. Continue with NC. Answer a call, and tell him, that you cannot speak to him at the moment, because if he is serious about finishing with you, then you need time to get over him. Tell him that you are sorry that neither of you worked out a different way of dealing with each other, and that you are sad that you cannot try again to do things a different way. Make it clear that you cannot hear from him again while his decision still stands. If he calls again after this, but has not changed his mind then he is not respecting your need for time to heal. Link to post Share on other sites
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