Is it too late?

[devon1]

I thought they said it takes double the time you have been together. Sigh.

 

memorex,

 

I understand where you're coming from but I know my situation and I believe that the feelings we had couldn't have just vaporised in such a short span of time. Well, maybe I'm just stubborn but I believe in following my heart. I know what I want and I will fight for what I want. =)

[chryssy83]

Hey Devon,

 

As a woman who has said that very thing...that I just lost the feelings, let me tell you something. I don't think she means that they just vaporized. I don't think she means she has NO feelings left. What she does mean is that she does not have the feelings necessary to continue in a relationship with you.

 

I know I'm pitiful and I want things that aren't good for me, just like people are saying you do. But let me tell you this--if my ex had said he didn't have feelings for me any longer, I wouldn't be having these problems. I would be GONE. That is a HUGE thing to say. HUGE.

 

You do know your situation. And perhaps there is a chance that you will end up back together. I will hope for that with you. But again, as a woman who has been in this very situation--let me tell you that you can't fight hard enough to make her have feelings for you. If she still had feelings but was mad at your behavior, maybe this would work. But that's not what she said.

 

The way to get her back would be to go on with life and continue to be the guy who attracted her attention to begin with. Back then you weren't begging or clinging or staying at home every night just in case she called. You were doing your own thing--being your own person. It might attract her again. It might not...but it CERTAINLY will attract other women. Just like you got her.

 

When you are with someone who has feelings for you, whether it's her or someone else, you will be so glad that you didn't just "fight" your way back into a one-sided relationship. You might run her off this way (I hate guys who do this) and you will definitely prolong the healing process for yourself.

[notmakingsense]

When you are with someone who has feelings for you, whether it's her or someone else, you will be so glad that you didn't just "fight" your way back into a one-sided relationship. You might run her off this way (I hate guys who do this) and you will definitely prolong the healing process for yourself.

 

Great post Chryssy! You are moving on... good! And, that's an excellent quote. "Fighting your way back in to a one-sided relationship" is not worth it.

[devon1]

Thanks for the post Chryssy.

 

I understand what you mean. And I didn't mean that I would fight my way back when I said I will fight for what I want. I meant I would fight in the sense that I won't just accept defeat and walk away. I will not pressure her and try to make her change her mind. What I would do is to try being friends and see if we can find the spark once more. I know it's hard and painful. Maybe we would need more time to move on before we can ever start to meet up as friends.

[lorr]

That was well said Chryssy!

@Devon 1 I know your hurting right now, but you really need to leave her alone, and let her get on with things.

Let her figure out what she wants to do, and if she is interested in being a friend to you in the near future, then she will find you and let you know this.

 

If you are serious about NC, then her dad should not be reporting back to you every minute about his daughter. Do yourself a favour and move on.

[memorex1970]

Hey Devon,

 

at the end of the day you must do what you want to do...but if you continue the way you are with this situ then you are going to get EVEN more hurt and devastation.

Everyone on here giving advice sees it from an outsiders point of view, basically how it really is.

Because you are so hurt and confused right now you will not be able to see it for what it probably really is.

Somebody mentioned a few posts ago that saying what she said is a huge thing to say...buddy this girl has made it clear she wanted out, all the signs are there from what you described.

Ive been in EXACTLY the same position your in right now and had your thoughts but you cant make somebody want you.

I dont believe for one minute that her feelings vanished over night, I mean how could they but what has happened is that they are starting to change and what she said is the first stage of her not wanting to continue with the relationship.

See it for what it is, dont waste your precious time holding on to nothing because you will never move on why you do.

 

Keep us posted and take care.

 

Nick

[devon1]

Hey it's me again. Just thought I'll update everyone on my progress. I'm definitely moving on... letting go of the past. I realised that there's no point in holding on to the past. A past that she was willing to let go of. Why not look towards a future that she might want, instead? Yes I'm learning to let go of the relationship that we had. But that doesn't mean I'm letting go of my love for her. It's not something I can just let go off. If it's there it's there. If it fades, it will do so in it's own time. It's not something I have control over.

 

So why worry about things that I have not control over?

 

The situation stands that we still keep in touch. But it's her who initiates the conversations, be they online or text messages. It seems to me that these are just ways for her to keep in touch with me and check on how I'm doing. I'm not going to read too much into that since that wouldn't help anyway. I haven't been contacting her and she warms up more to me if she contacts me on her own accord. There were a couple of times where I had to really contact her to talk about work related issues and I could feel the strain. Perhaps she was busy and that when she was really free and mentally prepared to talk to me, she wouldn't feel as pressured? I won't know but I've learnt to let her do the reaching out.

 

Well, I met her over the weekend at a party and she gave me a hug. It was a real tight squeeze, very unlike the obliged hug that she gave me towards the end of the relationship. I thought that was a step forward. My female friends who were there said they thought she seemed as though she wanted to hold on longer and hug me a second time. Perhaps she's starting to miss me.

 

I know I shouldn't hope cos that way I won't be disappointed. But I'm at peace now. I know that it would take patience and a lot of control on my part to win her back. I feel that the signs are positive and I'll just continue the way things are and who knows what might come along.

 

Just keep enjoying my life as it is and show her how attractive a happy me can be.

 

I hope everyone else is fine. I haven't been able to hang around here as much since a new semester started and I picked up guitar and piano classes to keep myself occupied. =)