How to show someone that you have change?

[Lowcountryman]

My girlfriend broke up with me back in august because I just didn't show her that I had any motivation to do anything. The thing with me was that I was so depressed about my life that I couldn't do anything about it. I was in a job I hated and didn't do (outside sales and could set my own hours- sat at home all day), I was overweight (6'4 295) and was so broke I had to make excuses for why I couldn't even take her to lunch. I was in the deepest rut someone could find themselves in. I hated my life w/the exception of her. We lived together for only 2 months and when she broke up w/me I moved in w/my parents. Well I'm still living here and changing everything in my life. I exercise daily and have lost 50 pounds, I have a new job that I like and I'm paying off bills that have held me captive for as long as I can remember. I miss her so much and the holidays just don't make it easy. How do I get her to realize that I'm not the same unmotivated person that I was w/her? How do I get her to understand where I was and who I was then and see who I am now? I've done the stupid things already and asked for 2nd chances but to no avail. I know it wasn't the right time for me to even ask. She was the love of my life and fate gave her to me during the worst period of my life. How do I get her to see me for who I am now and not who I was?

[JLO22]

Coming from a women perspective! Who broke up with who? Is your single at the moment? How long have you two been seperated? You might want to move out of your parent house and get your own place for a couple of months....... to show that you are established and trying. (if you can afford it)

 

Call her up and talk to her sometime and establish the firendship the way it use to be.... Be blount with her and ask her would she consider being with you. Let her know that you are a changed MAN!!!! Not only TELL her SHOW her. Actions speak louder than words! Talk is Cheap! All and all just show her that you are changed.

 

 

This reminds me of my situation.... I was dating a guy for four years he made one to many bad decision even went to jail. When he got out of jail I was there for him.... He cheated, used, and mis-treated me.

 

After not being together for eight months I see that he is changed got a job, SUV, and his own place.... See WHAT I tell you, he showed me instead of talking.

[Guest]

i guess my question for u J22 is this - if you have seen the changes, what have u done? are u now back with him?

 

i am curious about this because i wonder how long after seeing the changes does a woman finally decide to let down her guard and communicate again?

[ThatAin'tRight]

I don't think telling her you have changed will do a thing for you. She has to see it herself without being told what to look for. Also, who did you change for her or you? You're on the right path, keep going on it and get yourself together.

Getting her back should be the last thing on your mind. Getting your life back should be.

[Lowcountryman]

Thanks ThatAin'tRight. Well the changes I'm making are for myself, they are changes that needed to happen. But they are changes that I hope help bring her back. But I understand that she has to see that I'm making these changes for me and not her, otherwise she'll think I'm destined to fall back into the same hole that I'm now digging myself out of. But I am totally focused on myself right now, I don't even feel like dating anyone right now. I'm not ready to present this package to the rest of the world until all my ducks are in a row. At 245 pounds I haven't weighed this since about 2002. She won't recognize me when she sees 70 pounds gone but I know w/woman it runs deeper than weight loss, they need to see real change not just physical.