I didn't get a Christmas card from the guy I like...

[BlueEyedGirl]

Guy I have a major crush is someone I have been working with on a big project. We have worked quite closely together this year and got along very well. The problem is, he is involved with someone (even though unhappily from what he says). During working with him, ther was a lot of flirting going on, I wasn't too full on, just some electric prolonged eye contact, "accidental" touches, which he seemed to fully reciprocate and sometimes initiate. Quite a few people in the office have joked and teased that there is something going on.

 

Then during the say last couple of months he grew somewhat more distant. He was pretty busy but stilll... I left him pretty much alone (I have always been good with reading signals).

 

This week, everyone in the office was giving each other Christmas cards. Even people who don't really work together and barely speak. I didn't get one from him and it hurt. Even just preprinted one with his name signed, how hard can it be. I didn't get him one either as he is somewhat more senior than me so I assumed that he should get me one first.

 

I keep thinking of reasoning behind him not giving me a card. Maybe he felt that giving me one would be leading me on? Even though I have never told him how I felt, never invited him to hang out outside of work, and all flirting done was fully both sided. Hell, I don't even know that he knows how I feel.

 

Maybe he just couldn't care less? But then again cards were given left right and centre to and by people who couldn't care less about each other. I find it hard to beleive that he would have no common decency of giving me a card..I'm pretty sure he did it on purpose.

 

Maybe something hapenned or is happening that I am not aware of?

 

Ah. What do you guys think? This hurts. I worked my ass off with him and I'm not even worth a 99 cents Christmas Card?

[ddnnee]

u gotta understand guys. guys dont do these kind of things. they forget everything. besides, isn't that guy a bit busy to worry about cards?

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

That happened to me at work too and it totally sucked (and then, being me I started pestering the guys which was a big mistake).

 

Guys flirt all the time! Why? I have no idea but they do.

 

And then, if they have a gf they don't want anything to do with you and just chicken out. Especially if it's a girl at work that they are flirting with (they don't want to get involved with someone at work).

 

Of course, you believe they "like you" and all the rest but they just leave it at that like nothing ever happens.

 

In my case I got into very embarrassing situations since I started emailing those guys (that were looking at me shamelessly and staring up and down and flirting and the occasional touch and what not) and also getting in trouble because there were rumors about the emails. Just to warn you.

 

Good luck with the guy. Just give it time, maybe this is not the right time and maybe one day if he breaks up with the gf you will have your chance. But don't count on it too much.

 

Ariadne

 

Ps: The card, I don't know, maybe he felt weird or like you said, didn't want to lead you on.

[justagirliegirl]

Did he give cards to anyone else?

[Guest]

maybe he left it at your place? did u check your mailbox?

[IpAncA]

For one thing I think your making a huge deal out of this. If he's involved with someone then your going to have to wait and see if they break up.

 

Guys really don't do christmas cards. I hardly get one from my brother and my H has to be reminded to send one to his parents.

[BlueEyedGirl]

Well to be fair, I haven't really seen him give cards to anyone, but I could have missed it. Also now that I think about it, all other staff that I saw that gave Christmas cards were ALL female.

[laRubiaBonita]

Well to be fair, I haven't really seen him give cards to anyone, but I could have missed it. Also now that I think about it, all other staff that I saw that gave Christmas cards were ALL female.

 

exactly! guys rarely do cards....

[whichwayisup]

You're expecting something from him and he doesn't even handout cards. So this is why you're upset. That and knowing he's married (or involved with someone) so he isn't paying attention to you the way you want him to.

 

Sorry, but maybe it's time to focus on another man who is single. You're going to be hurt if you pursue things with him.

[Guest]

i have done some thinking, alot actually about all this pushing away of some people are doing to others and it has struck me as something a little strange - it is not a beheviour u see often - it is ususallyu associated with someone that loves another but feels that their inclusion into their life will uunneccarily burden them and that they view this person as someone who should go find someone better. i am not entirely sure why that is, there are many reasons and connections and should be something discussed with their therapist.

 

as for the reason that someone is already in a relationship with someone else, i think the reaction and dialogue would be different. this is very vague and evasive and often misleading and changes often as well. this sounds like avoidance behaviour and possible a self-respect issue, possible medication not being taken,

 

i am in a similiar situation as u where my ex brings up every excuse in the book, and it changes every day, even her likes and dislikes - that tells me many things but unfortunately, if someone desires to work on their issues alone - u must respcet that decision, as for my ex being in another relationship - sure she might, or might not. i know as a single parent, that works, maintains a home, takes time for himself, that doesn't leave a lot of time for the ol slap n tickle - but maybe she's figured out a master plan - she is smart as the dickens ya know

 

 

i am not a doctor but i play one on tv

 

i am

[BlueEyedGirl]

You're expecting something from him and he doesn't even handout cards. So this is why you're upset. That and knowing he's married (or involved with someone) so he isn't paying attention to you the way you want him to.

Sorry, but maybe it's time to focus on another man who is single. You're going to be hurt if you pursue things with him.

 

Whichwayisup,

 

You have hit the nail right on the head. I guess I was half expecting him to get involved with me this year despite the girlfriend (or to break up with the girlfriend even as they were having some problems). Now I feel like I have been very naive and deluded all along. Not getting a card has brought me right back to earth. I really thought that he liked me and it's really tough to realize I was wrong. Even if nothing was to ever happen with us, just knowing that I haven't imagined everything would be enough for me.

 

It's like this: if he gave me a card it still wouldn't mean anything, but not giving me one proves that he doesn't want me. AT LEAST I saved traces of self respect by not getting him anything either.

 

Now that I have time to reflect, I remember all the times I initiated the flirting, and how subtle I thought I was being at the time, but now I don't think I was that subtle at all. He must think I'm a complete fool and I'm so embarassed . I thought I was keeping my feelings somewhat hidden because I never said anything or invited him anywhere but it must have been so obvious to him.

 

I feel like quiting this job because I would still have to work with him a lot next year. I feel like he is treating me like crap. I want to show him how not interested I am anymore from next year but don't really know how to go about that. It's depressing how I'm this old and still unable to tell when a man likes me.

[vanessabg]

You're expecting something from him and he doesn't even handout cards. So this is why you're upset. That and knowing he's married (or involved with someone) so he isn't paying attention to you the way you want him to.

 

Sorry, but maybe it's time to focus on another man who is single. You're going to be hurt if you pursue things with him.

Your expectation to him is not fair as you know he is married. you should find another suitable guy which is pay full attention to you.

[che_jesse]

I dont see what the problem is, from this angle you look like a... put honestly... gold diggin' ho.

 

Hes a senior manager, hes married, and your doing your hardest to work yourself in there.

 

Good for him for not falling for it. I'm just saying.. I'm sure you look the same to him that you do to anyone else observing this.

[whichwayisup]

i am not a doctor but i play one on tv

 

i am

 

 

Whichwayisup,

 

You have hit the nail right on the head. I guess I was half expecting him to get involved with me this year despite the girlfriend (or to break up with the girlfriend even as they were having some problems). Now I feel like I have been very naive and deluded all along. Not getting a card has brought me right back to earth. I really thought that he liked me and it's really tough to realize I was wrong. Even if nothing was to ever happen with us, just knowing that I haven't imagined everything would be enough for me.

 

It's like this: if he gave me a card it still wouldn't mean anything, but not giving me one proves that he doesn't want me. AT LEAST I saved traces of self respect by not getting him anything either.

 

Now that I have time to reflect, I remember all the times I initiated the flirting, and how subtle I thought I was being at the time, but now I don't think I was that subtle at all. He must think I'm a complete fool and I'm so embarassed . I thought I was keeping my feelings somewhat hidden because I never said anything or invited him anywhere but it must have been so obvious to him.

 

I feel like quiting this job because I would still have to work with him a lot next year. I feel like he is treating me like crap. I want to show him how not interested I am anymore from next year but don't really know how to go about that. It's depressing how I'm this old and still unable to tell when a man likes me.

 

Because he's married or has a girlfriend makes him hands-off...Even if he was flirting with you, that never meant he was going to dump his woman for ya. It was just an ego stroke for him and fun. Flirting and having fun at work is FINE but as long as it's not crossing any lines, both people are Ok with it and it's not being taken out of context.

 

If you need to quit your job, then do so. And if you stay, just focus on your work tasks and don't even bother talking to him on a personal level anymore. Keep it professional.