I just don't understand

[VeniceQueen]

My ex broke up with me about two months ago. When I stopped acting obsessive, he started contacting me a lot more. These days we talk quite a bit. The other night he IM's me, almost reminiscing about our relationship. Sometimes in my sleep I said some crazy things in front of him and he was teasing me about that. He also asked what I had been up to, etc. I was sweet and open and friendly though I didn't bring up a possible reconcilliation or how much I've missed him. I have to admit, it was really, really nice talking to him again. It felt good, just as things used to be.

 

He's even gone as far as to post melancholy poems in his profile (which he knew I'd see) that make it sound like he's missing me.

 

I thought maybe he was thinking about getting back together with me. I'm wise enough now to know he has to be the one to make the move since he was the dumper.

 

But he's still just as big of a flirt with other girls as he's ever been since the breakup. I know he's been on a date or two, but nothing too serious.

 

Even one of his own friends told me he seems to be rebounding after the breakup and needs lots of female attention.

 

I don't get it. Is he trying to get to me? I know with my previous behavior after the breakup he's probably shocked I'm not freaking out and asking him about these girls.

 

What is there to gain in messing with my emotions? I don't even get emotional in our conversations anymore so he really has no idea what I'm feeling or how much it bothers me.

 

I honestly do not believe him to be a cruel person. In spite of our problems, I know he is a good human being.

 

So what's up? Why does he want to talk to me so much, and about the way things were? Why does he do this if he's still taking out other girls? Why does he want to talk about our relationship and then turn around and make me think he doesn't care? Some male perspectives might be especially helpful on this one. I just don't understand the male mind anymore.

[Guest]

i think what is happening is this - sometimes people do that to see if the other is interested. frankly, its not a great way to do things but sometimes u need to grab someones attention somehow. i think if u both have been communicating for a couple of weeks where that stuff has come up its probably so each of you can see if thnigs from the past are still a concern and to find out what u need to do to reassure the other person. after u do that its time to let that stuff go, and leave it behind, and start having some fun again. that's what i would do anyways.

[jusified]

1) He probably misses you, but it doesn't mean he loves you. He may just miss the relationship

 

2) He migh be going out with those guys because he wants to move on or get over you, as he does not know if you would get back wit him so he might as well try and be with someone else.

 

Well ask yourself why you miss him and why do you want him back? Was he a flirt with other girls while in a relationship?

 

Anyways, if you think about it and take some time away from him and knwo he is what you want then you should just go and talk to him about getting back together or at least ask him straight up how he feels about you.

[miss snoopy]

Well... I'd say he needs an ego boost just now. He's checking in to make sure you're still there and available just in case (maybe in 2 months, 2 years, whatever) he decides on a curtain call.

 

Maybe he's thinking of getting back together but his actions and words don't suggest this.

[Rooster_DAR]

So far from my experience, I seem to feel they miss the relationship and the comfort that it brought. Whether they truly love you or not is debatable. Also in my experience, once this point is reached it's over for good. Time to grieve the loss and move on, rarely do miracles happen that might reunite you.

 

REgards,

[Guest]

i think in my case we both know we are sincere with our intensions. we would never use each other as an ego boast. i know for a fact that she is a woman of great integrity and commitment, and that she is simply unsure of what she wants right now. i don't believe she would contact me if she was with someone else, and i know she knows i would do the same. i think she knows what that i am being honest with her but i believe she does have trust issues and does not want to be hurt again. because she gave me her heart so completely and i didn't treat it with tenderness and care - so she has every right to be cautious and think things over and take all the time needed to do that.