Why am I on the verge of tears?

[Hurt and Lonely]

Just a few days ago, I found out that my "close friend with benefits" just got back with his ex. I'm pretty sure he did this to get back at me because he is very spiteful. A few weeks ago, I told him we were never exclusive and I ended up sleeping with another guy, but he acted like it didn't bother him at all. He had asked me several times to be with him in the past, but I had declined time and time again.

 

We have been "benefiting" for about 8 months now. I talked to him last night and he told me that it was my fault he went back to his ex because I was the one who wanted to see other people. He told me he would still make exceptions for me even if he is back with his ex and I told him I do not mess with guys who are taken. He also said he knew things would not last with her. I don't get it? Then, why is he with her? I basically told him that I don't think him and I could be friends anymore because it would be awkward now.

 

I feel so hurt over this and like everything is my fault. But I do not want to tell him my true feelings because that would make me vulnerable. I know I have too much pride and I always want the upper hand, but it is making me miserable. I just feel like I've lost him even if we were never together. I talked to him yesterday and basically told him something along the lines of not wanting to have anything to do with him anymore. I told him that there is no chance in hell of us ever being together especially now that he is back with his ex. But, why am I so hurt by all this? I don't know, maybe it is because he is now off limits that makes me want him all the more?

[stillafool]

Yes that is one of the reasons you want him is because he is now unavailable. I can't blame you for not sleeping with him anymore now that he is back with his ex girlfriend (I hope not a wife). Did he ask to be exclusive with you? If the answer is yes and you slept with another guy it doesn't sound like you were ready for a relationship with him anyway. If the answer is no, he was probably going to reconcile with his ex girlfriend anyway and your sleeping with that guy just made him miss his girl. At this point I would leave him alone unless you want to be used. As you can see he's already been "benefiting" you for 8 mos. and hasn't tried to make a comitment to you.

[Guest]

Yes that is one of the reasons you want him is because he is now unavailable. I can't blame you for not sleeping with him anymore now that he is back with his ex girlfriend (I hope not a wife). Did he ask to be exclusive with you? If the answer is yes and you slept with another guy it doesn't sound like you were ready for a relationship with him anyway. If the answer is no, he was probably going to reconcile with his ex girlfriend anyway and your sleeping with that guy just made him miss his girl. At this point I would leave him alone unless you want to be used. As you can see he's already been "benefiting" you for 8 mos. and hasn't tried to make a comitment to you.

 

Yes, he did ask me to be exclusive many times before and I always said no. I want a relationship, but I don't think I want one with him. I can't understand why I am so hurt over this. My feelings are so mixed. I hope he hasn't grown on me or maybe it was proximity. I guess, I feel like I want to believe that somehow he is back with her only to get back at me and that he will break up with her and come crawling back to me. He did tell me it was my fault he went back to his ex girlfriend. However, even if he does come crawling back, I will never give him a chance because I think he f*cked up. But I also know that I hurt myself in the end. I guess FWBs never really do work out.

[cbstyles69]

maybe its not your feelings u should be considering here. it seems quite obvious he's grown some sort of attachement to you. friends with bennefits are fine and dandy but when it comes down to it. two people require some sort of phsysical attraction and some sort of effection to be intimate in this manor. he realizes his loss and that you will never devote yourself to him so he fled. he more then likely realizes his ex is not going to work out but needs some sort of comforting type of rebound. i think in a couple instances i've turned to an ex girlfriend to help cope with a heart break. u've said it yourself and i dont see any need to question. move on and find yourself someone new. unless of course your willing to devote yourself to him. dont mistaken this for jealousy tho.

 

hope that helps.