samsungxoxo Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 Is it possible that one's aggressive tendencies can be mark by genes, well isn't what you carry on your genes (run down a few generation esp. when one or both parents had it also) 50% responsible for the way you turn out to be. Yes nurture (your environment) does play a role also, but how about if it's your urges to lash out (you knwo basic human instinct) at times. I guess due to it there's a point history will repeat itself.. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 I would agree, but there are lots of instances where parents stopped the cycle of abuse by taking parenting classes, getting therapy, and attending to the issues that they had from growing up in a household filled with physical abuse. We are not the slaves of our genes, after all, we have the ability for higher cognitions and are not necessarily bound by instinctual behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samsungxoxo Posted December 22, 2006 Author Share Posted December 22, 2006 True you can improve, even though you'll always have that urge. It's kinda sad when you're realizing what you did was wrong and you're trying all your best to deal your difference with a loved one at home by not resorting screaming or wanting to push that other person, knowing you're a short temper person sometimes. But see, sometimes if someone gets you soooo annoying, it's like you got no choice but to scream/talk-back, it's like that's the only way they get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author samsungxoxo Posted December 22, 2006 Author Share Posted December 22, 2006 Then at times, the more patient and tolerant you are, the more annoying they can get, enough to push your buttons. and well if they push your buttons, yes you're partially blame for acting out on them too but shouldn't they also get blame for causing you to act out on them? In a way, they ahd it coming, thus they were really asking for it. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 Well ultimately it's never about the other person because you can't control others. You can only control yourself and your reactions. Through therapy and self-exploration I have changed dramatically in regards to aggression. I used to be a little jit, to be blunt. I wore corn rows and I would get drunk and fight with ANYONE, even though I'm a little tiny person. I would always "step to" people when I thought that they wronged me. Ultimately I learned that I could control my response, rather than other people -- and the aggression disappeared. Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 Is it possible that one's aggressive tendencies can be mark by genes I do know that it has been proven that there quite often is SOMETHING different in the way the brain is wired in some people who are very aggressive. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 Is it possible that one's aggressive tendencies can be mark by genes, well isn't what you carry on your genes (run down a few generation esp. when one or both parents had it also) 50% responsible for the way you turn out to be. Yes nurture (your environment) does play a role also, but how about if it's your urges to lash out (you knwo basic human instinct) at times. I guess due to it there's a point history will repeat itself.. Genes do play a role but there is so much more to aggressive behavior that JUST genes. Nurturing plays a huge role in the development of a child's brain, then there are neurotransmitters that can be out of whack, hormones in women and men play a role and then there is habit and etc. Nature has provided us with the instinct to survive and to survive sometimes at any cost to others. The unfortunate result is that in this modern world where we tend not to require the fight or flight (and other) responses we are still influenced by primitive means to survive. On the other hand we have the capability for higher thinking, thinking beyond aggression and can reason out the consequences of our actions in advance. Most people maintain a balance that permits them to freely function in society and for those that do not have that balance they can be institutionalized either in hospitals or prisons or simply be left to exist on the fringes of society. Sometimes people that are aggressive simply have not been exposed to or do not understand the alternatives available to them to use instead of aggression. I think most individuals can be taught other methods or techniques to deal with their anger or aggression without violating the personal well being of another person. Think of this like a tool kit for life. If you only have one or two tools then you are going to go about your life responding in one or two ways to a situation. But if you have many tools you will be able to have many responses. The finer your tools the finer your responses and the better your life. Maslow said something like "if your only tool is a hammer, you tend to look at the world as if it were a nail." For any situation where you would be aggressive I can give you an alternate non-aggressive alternate response. The need for aggression in our society is extremely rare from my perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 Then at times, the more patient and tolerant you are, the more annoying they can get, enough to push your buttons. and well if they push your buttons, yes you're partially blame for acting out on them too but shouldn't they also get blame for causing you to act out on them? In a way, they ahd it coming, thus they were really asking for it. You're to blame if you lash out. You choose to lash out or not. No one forces you to. My bf's parents were highly abusive. His father beat his mom and him from the time he was 5 til he left in his teens. My bf's never laid a finger on me. Never pushed me, or even touched me while angry. Occasionally he might get loud, but he doesn't really yell, and never screams. If it were genetic, then he should be beating the hell out of me on a daily basis. Besides, my family's a bunch of hot headed aggressive rednecks and the only one out of the bunch that was abusive was abusive while on alchol and drugs. He's quite able to control his impulses when not high or drunk. Which leads me to believe that people are very capable of controlling their impulses when they want to. You can control yours when you choose to. But for some reason you believe that other people deserve to be abused. I don't understand that. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted December 24, 2006 Share Posted December 24, 2006 lol...the abuse victim being blamed, I expected more from you Aliec...that's what EVERY abuser says. People fight sometimes, maybe say mean things, it happens, abusing them is certainly not the way to deal with it nor something the victim can be blamed for... There are no 'buttons to push' to give someone the right to hit you...what are you suggesting, walking on eggshells so you don't push some buttons? that's absurd... Link to post Share on other sites
Author samsungxoxo Posted December 24, 2006 Author Share Posted December 24, 2006 lol...the abuse victim being blamed, I expected more from you Aliec...that's what EVERY abuser says. People fight sometimes, maybe say mean things, it happens, abusing them is certainly not the way to deal with it nor something the victim can be blamed for... There are no 'buttons to push' to give someone the right to hit you...what are you suggesting, walking on eggshells so you don't push some buttons? that's absurd... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t100382/ Well I have done this once, which I'm not proud of and I'm trying to keep to my promise, though at times I feel like snapping back at her (mom that is). I'm a bit scare that there's gonna be a second time if we were to get in an intense argument like last time which I completely lost it and could have been a bit worst (a slap probably if she didn't back down). At the same I don't wanna sound like an abuser that promises and then resorts to it again. Just about a week ago there went another argument and I was like "I'm gonna throw the suitcase downstairs rigth now and break it" and well it procceeded a bit. The last thing I say was something like "If you touch me I'll block you and push you (well actually I wanted to scare, not really was about it, then again I dunno, probably). Then she goes rubbing it in my face that inidence when I hit her, which I was like "It was just with the clothes for your information, quit making a fuzz over it and no I wasn't gonna push you, I was trying to see your reaction, I was only testing you alright, geeezz". Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted December 24, 2006 Share Posted December 24, 2006 ... and no I wasn't gonna push you, I was trying to see your reaction, I was only testing you alright, geeezz". What does "testing" her mean? Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted December 24, 2006 Share Posted December 24, 2006 Well aliec from that thread seems you both abused each other during that incident...verbally and a bit physically...she was as wrong to hit you with clothes as you were to hit her with clothes. That, however, doesn't mean victims are partly to blame...by victim I mean the receiver not the giver, your mother was the giver as well...and people fight all the time, noone deserves to get hit for having an argument. Sounds like your situation there is pretty unhealthy...if you're decently well financially, why not just move out? Link to post Share on other sites
Author samsungxoxo Posted December 24, 2006 Author Share Posted December 24, 2006 What does "testing" her mean? It means that I wanted to see what her reaction was. She went on telling how I had promised her I wouldn't hit her again (true I did promise that) and rubbing it in my face about that inicidence. The weird thing is on that occassion I had broken down with guilt, but now I don't feel guilty no more, well not that much. I feel liek if there was a second time (which very unlikely, unless I had to defend myself that is) I woudln't feel that more guilt as the first. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 24, 2006 Share Posted December 24, 2006 We are not the slaves of our genes, after all, we have the ability for higher cognitions and are not necessarily bound by instinctual behavior. thats really not true....whether we are slaves or not depends upon the particular gene(s) in question and which traits or characteristics they control. For example, if one carries the schizophrenia gene then they are more likely to get this devestating malady no matter what they do. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 Originally Posted by Craig View Post What does "testing" her mean? It means that I wanted to see what her reaction was. I'm disappointed in you because I thought you didn't repeat your anti-social behavior with the same person. Now you are slipping into repeating behaviors that violate the well being of another person. You have to learn to choose your battles wisely Ailec1987. One day, somewhere, sometime, someone is going to take you up on your threats like . . . Just about a week ago there went another argument and I was like "I'm gonna throw the suitcase downstairs rigth now and break it" and well it procceeded a bit. The last thing I say was something like "If you touch me I'll block you and push you . . . Other people will just walk away from you. Have you even tried to find an anger management class? Link to post Share on other sites
Author samsungxoxo Posted December 25, 2006 Author Share Posted December 25, 2006 Nevermind now I feel guilty again, this is what I'm gonna work on from now on, improving my attitude that is. I guess in the end it doens't matter how many times my folks argue nor my mom cursing too much at times, now it's about me, I'm responsible for my actions alright and a record on my file would surely ruined my future career or other job applications. Just a week ago, I acted on my 4 year-old brother too, kinda shake him a little, while screaming and well it almost would have ruined my relationship (b/f saw it all and he told me that really scared him). I figure it's me I'm gonna work on, not my parents, not my slow computer. I don't wanna sound like someone that just talks and talks on improving only to then repeat it. When I read "The Loser" article, it kinda scare me for a while b/c there were a few or some descriptions that I fit on. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 Awareness of your challenge/problem is the first step in your journey to becoming the kind of person you want to be and the kind of person you want others to know you as. Character is how we act when we think no one is looking. Link to post Share on other sites
LostHeart Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 I didn't read the whole thing to be quite honest. There is a genetic defect, if you will, that promotes hostility and aggressiveness. It's actually quite common and most people end up going into careers in the army/military so that they can be acceptably aggressive. You have to actually look into the genetic material to find if a person has this though. Also, it is suspected that personality can be inborn and passed from parent to offspring. In addition, prior to age five you have fully developed a personality that will stay with you your entire life so if you have very bad experiences and were exposed to excessive aggressiveness you will become more aggressive (and what do we actually remember prior to age five, right? Makes you wonder...). Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts