if you can't get a girlfriend...this is the bottom line...

[Yamaha]

You accept being friends with women. You have accepted the conditions of friendship and have lost your edge. Women will not respect you as a man if you accept being a buddy so easily. The only women you should be friends with are those YOU are not interested in romantically.

 

You need to quit being such a nice guy, accepting their conditions as your only choice. When you do this women lose respect for you because you have not stood up for yourself. They will still be your buddy but they don't respect you as a man.

 

They will continue to be your friend as long as you let them run the show. Now if you don't mind being "just friends" with all these women and being used for your compassion and entertainment then continue as you have been but if you want a gf you must act like a bf. This means telling them of your interest and not accepting a just friendship. Now you can be friendly but don't be just friends. You may lose some buddies but this is what guy friends are for, not women.

 

You also need to observe women and approach the ones that seem interested in you. You can hit on who you like but if you want a favorable response then you look for women that are are open to your pursuit. Women choose the man they want so look for the women who chooses you and pursue her. She will not want you to be just her friend.

[Erik]

Yamaha is perfectly right.

 

Funny, I just became a member yesterday, and all my advice seems to boil down to the same thing: There are no such thing as friendship between opposite sexes.

 

If the girl feels 'just friendly' towards you, it means she basically sees you as one of the girls. (Or worse!) Not good, she'll emasculate you sooner rather than later.

 

When you meet a girl, you must make sure that she - and this is important - YOU YOURSELF understand that the purpose of the contact is sex. Don't tell her in so many words, but hold the image in your head, her female ESP will pick it up. You are NOT to be her friend but her lover. The moment she starts moaning about her problems with the BF or her ex, you should leave. Never settle for 'just friends'. Your lust-addled mind is telling you to get close to this girl, and you wrongly conclude that therefore you must want to be her friend. Wrong! You want to go to bed with her! Never forget that.

[LIGHT]

Thanks everyone i get your drift be more selfish less freindly and more aggresive and take control them i will be seen as a potential boy freind and not one of the girls. Wish i had to chatted to you all years ago

 

May not be easy trying to pretend to be something im not but will give it a go

[Green]

light youve got it all wrong no one told you to pretend to be something ur not, if you like a girl just dont be afraid to go for her and let her know it, dont go about it in some I'm going to be real friendly and maybe she'll make all the moves and tell me exactly what to do so I dont have to take a single chance

[monkey00]

no one here can tell you how you should or shouldnt do things with women. In the end it's your move.

 

I say the easiest thing a guy can do is focus on oneself and his ambitions/career. Women are attracted to men who have goals. The last thing you want to do is let your world revolve around a girl.

 

Believe me if you want any chance at all in getting with your female friends you have to let them see you in a new light. The only way that will happen is if you disappear or remain busy for few-several weeks. And when that happens they will see you in a new light. So follow your ambition.

 

Before you know it women will come left and right

[Erik]

KMT, Light has probably been hearing this since he was twelve.

 

Light, you've more or less got it right, you don't want to be an a*h*, but you've got the drift. You need to be more assertive. What KMT means is that you shouldn't pretend to be someone you are not, and not lie about your feelings. This, however, does not amount to pouring your heart out on the first date. Being honest does not equal being obliged to expose your every intimate thought to a girl you've only spoken to a few times.

 

What KMT has got totally, completely wrong is that you should just declare your love and wait for the girl to do the rest. It will NEVER work, you are the guy, you HAVE to take initiative. In general, keep the emotional stuff inside you until you know each other a little better. That would normally mean until you are having sex on a regular and relaxed basis. That's not lying, that's emotional self-defence.

 

Taking initiative is kind of like a rite of passage, for some people it is the most difficult thing they have ever tried. As a boy, you don't want responsibility for anything, but if you want a sexual relationship with a girl, you'll have to be the one to take a grown-up responsibility, because the girl (almost) never will. And you have to learn to shrug off a lot of brush-offs too, and some girls are mean, so learn to grin. Girls have other crosses to bear, but this one is yours.

 

 

Monkey00's advice is good too. Focus on something else. Girls got eleven senses dedicated to sniff out desperate guys. Often, guys doesn't understand what could be so bad about being 200% crazy about a girl, but there you have it. It's a turn-off for girls. The reason is they realise you could be just as crazy for any other girl, and they'd be right about that too.

[Erik]

no one here can tell you how you should or shouldnt do things with women. In the end it's your move.

 

Wiser words were never spoken. If you could learn this online, you wouldn't need to go online to learn it. Once you've managed it, you'll say "Aha! So THAT's what they were speaking about, why didn't they just say so?. Wasn't so hard after all"

 

But how you should NOT do things with women, is being their friend. Not unless you are 100% sure you are not attracted to them sexually. That said, female friends can be a handy thing, females usually know a lot of girls.

[LIGHT]

light youve got it all wrong no one told you to pretend to be something ur not, if you like a girl just dont be afraid to go for her and let her know it, dont go about it in some I'm going to be real friendly and maybe she'll make all the moves and tell me exactly what to do so I dont have to take a single chance

 

I always do and i have no problem walking up to girls at the bar, starting a conversation and asking them out for a drink, the problem is i always get no thank you or im with someone or actually i like your freind. The same can also be said about introductions with freinds of freinds. As for concentrating on other aspects of my life i do and have a wide social circle, good job and real estate inter

[Green]

ur doing something wrong, figure that out and ur set. Dont ask women for advice, just make observations make them quick, and most important of all try things and take things for granted. try to steal a kiss

[JCD]

Light, my advice is just be yourself. When the right girl comes about, you'll know it. You can be open with your feelings and all that as well. I think it is one of the natural self defenses mechanisms to make it very hard to be a friend to a girl you love. I couldn't do it and I tried, I just get angry at the situation and quit trying. I don't know about others but when I seek out a girl, it's because I find her attractive and want her sexually and emotionally. I have couple of girl friends and they're just friends and the girls I love, I keep at a distance if they don't love me back because I can't be friends with them. There are too many feelings involved and one heck of a roller coaster ride. Out of sight and out of mind.

[Realness]

I think you should do this

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

get a prostitute

[FleshNBones]

In my experience, a man's looks can significantly affect the way women percieve him. A whitty remark can be charming or it can be annoying. Any question can be tenderly answered, or rebuked harsly. A woman's heart is a very shallow thing.

As a game, dating is rigged, and lying is one way to rig it in your favor. Maybe spreading your seed and moving on is the best way for men with fewer options.

[Enema]

"Stop Putting the Pussy on a Pedestal"

[Mustang1984]

I'm right there with a lot of you guys out there. Part of the roblem is American culture and our media here. The media plays a large role in how people lead their lives and their goals and dreams. In america our media places women on a very high pedastle and men far beneth them. Women are portrayed as intellignet sex goddesses and males as simple idiotic dummys who must battle endlessly to gain the attention of one of these supreme female beings. The media also constantly shows women with super good looking muscular men who are very sexy and mysterious. Often these males are showen as "bad boys" who live life on the edge and are super confident and also extremly romantic. So, is it any wonder why girls turn down average guys so often. Granted we all know TV is only TV, however we all are still influenced by it more than we know sometimes. I've seen it frst hand. Most girls want an attractive, confident, romntic, assertive, bad ass guy. However nice guys generally are more shy and not at all bad asses. I myself am good looking and romantic, but thats only 2 out of 5 major things. No wonder why I have problems.

 

Unfortunatly, we cannot change the effect the media has had on the female population in the United States. Also let me note that males have been effected as well and there are plenty of females out there having issues. At least we know what it is that these women are looking for. Thats a start at least. Now THIS BY NO MEANS meens all women want this. However it is quite clear by the difficulty so many men are having that nice guys are having significant problems in this country.

 

So what the heck can we do? Well, its quite clear that many men seem to be in the friend death spiral. You need to make your intentions knowen fairly quickly. Now hers the key. If you desire to be more than friends and thats all you want, then you need to make it clear in a very subtle and very polite way that being friends is simply unacceptable. If she says " I just want to be firends say " I totally understad and respect that, however I hope you understand that, that is not what I'm looking for at this point in my life. I really like you a lot and desire more than friendship. I understand your just wanting to be firends, but I think that if thats all you want then we should not see or talk to each other anymore, because it wouldnt be fair to me and my feelings." This makes you seem confident and assertive becuase your sticking up for yourself which is what you should do if frienship isnt what your looking for with this partiular person. Dont waste your time and torture yourself, becuase thats not fair to you.

 

With women you need to come off like you could care less if shes not interested in you. Make it seem like your happy with yourself and your life. Also, challenge them and be honest. Dont just agree with everthing they say, becuase they are pretty. Girls want guys that are a challenge. It intrigues them if a guy acts like he doesnt need a women to make him happy. It shows confidense, power, and assertivenes.

When you ask a girl out you need to have a tone that indicates that you are expecting a yes answer. Dont go " Ummmmmm i was ummmmm wondering ya know if you wanted, i mean it wouldnt have to be a date but ummmmmm to hang out sometime" Bad news for you if you do that most likely. Just go "Theres a concert this weekend downtown, do you wanna go, its supposed to be pretty awesome. I could pick ya up around say 8" Say it in a normal tone while looking right into her eyes the entire time.

 

Now, some might disagree with my advice, but these are things I've noticed in my life. I'm sure there are others with different perspectives on things and I respect that.

[Mary3]

I'm right there with a lot of you guys out there. Part of the roblem is American culture and our media here. The media plays a large role in how people lead their lives and their goals and dreams. In america our media places women on a very high pedastle and men far beneth them. Women are portrayed as intellignet sex goddesses and males as simple idiotic dummys who must battle endlessly to gain the attention of one of these supreme female beings. The media also constantly shows women with super good looking muscular men who are very sexy and mysterious. Often these males are showen as "bad boys" who live life on the edge and are super confident and also extremly romantic. So, is it any wonder why girls turn down average guys so often. Granted we all know TV is only TV, however we all are still influenced by it more than we know sometimes. I've seen it frst hand. Most girls want an attractive, confident, romntic, assertive, bad ass guy. However nice guys generally are more shy and not at all bad asses. I myself am good looking and romantic, but thats only 2 out of 5 major things. No wonder why I have problems.

 

Unfortunatly, we cannot change the effect the media has had on the female population in the United States. Also let me note that males have been effected as well and there are plenty of females out there having issues. At least we know what it is that these women are looking for. Thats a start at least. Now THIS BY NO MEANS meens all women want this. However it is quite clear by the difficulty so many men are having that nice guys are having significant problems in this country.

 

So what the heck can we do? Well, its quite clear that many men seem to be in the friend death spiral. You need to make your intentions knowen fairly quickly. Now hers the key. If you desire to be more than friends and thats all you want, then you need to make it clear in a very subtle and very polite way that being friends is simply unacceptable. If she says " I just want to be firends say " I totally understad and respect that, however I hope you understand that, that is not what I'm looking for at this point in my life. I really like you a lot and desire more than friendship. I understand your just wanting to be firends, but I think that if thats all you want then we should not see or talk to each other anymore, because it wouldnt be fair to me and my feelings." This makes you seem confident and assertive becuase your sticking up for yourself which is what you should do if frienship isnt what your looking for with this partiular person. Dont waste your time and torture yourself, becuase thats not fair to you.

 

With women you need to come off like you could care less if shes not interested in you. Make it seem like your happy with yourself and your life. Also, challenge them and be honest. Dont just agree with everthing they say, becuase they are pretty. Girls want guys that are a challenge. It intrigues them if a guy acts like he doesnt need a women to make him happy. It shows confidense, power, and assertivenes.

When you ask a girl out you need to have a tone that indicates that you are expecting a yes answer. Dont go " Ummmmmm i was ummmmm wondering ya know if you wanted, i mean it wouldnt have to be a date but ummmmmm to hang out sometime" Bad news for you if you do that most likely. Just go "Theres a concert this weekend downtown, do you wanna go, its supposed to be pretty awesome. I could pick ya up around say 8" Say it in a normal tone while looking right into her eyes the entire time.

 

Now, some might disagree with my advice, but these are things I've noticed in my life. I'm sure there are others with different perspectives on things and I respect that.

 

The truth is that pretty women will always get men chasing after them for attention and whatever else that comes with that....

 

If a man shows completely no interest in a pretty woman he might be considered * gay *

 

A smart man knows a woman should be placed high on a pedastal and no woman should accept any LESS than the best treatment .

 

By the same token the man should be placed high on the pedastel as well by the woman and the woman should treat him with great respect.

 

As these dull games keep going on and on in our society where we * pretend * we dont care. We lie , we ignore someone we care about EVERYONE loses no matter how many books you guys read. Everyone loses.

 

And the speech about how you just want to be friends....Just a few simple words and NC is the quickest way to let her know. But then again if she is saying " I just want to be friends " your foot should already be heading out the door and regain your composure and respect and MOVE ON.

[Guest]

Okay, I read the whole thing.

 

Some of you people need meds, you really do. You need to realize that what comes naturally to you doesn't to everyone.

 

I'm 37, have a good job, good car, dress well, and am sociable. I've had about 40 dates, near as I can count in the past year and a half.

 

And no sex, and not much of any relationships.

 

About 75% of women I meet are solely interested in dating/dancing/dining bull****. They are either commitment-phobic, or have put themselves on a pedastal. They're all waiting for the perfect guy to come along and will find a reason to reject anyone else.

 

Oh, I know, I know. "You're too bitter." Yeah, I wasn't always. After you do everything that you can, and you're still screwed, let's see how positive your outlook becomes.

 

Then we have the "just wait. Just wait. Good things come to those that wait." Yeah, I'm 37, jack. How old are you?

 

Then we have the guy who said "get a prostitute". Thanks, I think most people can 'service' themselves. How do they get anyone to care for them?

 

I've heard all the dating techniques, confidence-building routines, lower-your-standards, all the BS from people.

 

Go to church. Sorry not religious. And when I was, people there were there to worship not hook up. Go to classes. Yup, did that. People were there to learn, not hook up. Try online dating. Yup, did that. Try singles activities groups. Yup, did that. Try speed dating. Did that. Just chat up women in supermarkets, coffeeshops. Yup, did that.

 

I did mention I had a bunch of dates, right?

 

Tried being the nice guy. Tried being a bad boy. Tried being just me. Tried being sexual. Tried being chaste. Nothing works. Each woman has a different reason for rejecting the guy (even for each guy). I finally figured out the problem ISN'T ME. It's the psychopaths out there that want to play and manipulated and get their egos stroked by 50 guys who all want them.

 

Tired of the mindgames, the liars, etc.

 

I give up. Women don't want me, so be it. I can't do a darn thing about it, so why stress on it or get angry about it?

[Mustang1984]

I can definitly sense the frustration and anger in this last post. Its undrstandable when you feel that youve done everything and can't please anyone.

 

Your very right when you said "what comes naturally to you doesn't to everyone". Some guys find appraching women really easy and they can win over anyone just about. Some guys are more shy and struggle constantly with just meeting women and striking up a conversation.

 

You shold be proud that you can even get so many dates. Theres guys out there who have never had a girlfriend or even a date. Its ashamed really, becuase out of my 22 years on this earth, the happiest by far was the 5.5 years I was with my one and only gf who is now gone. Now 6 moths after the break up I'm back to being miserable and depressed like I was before I met her.

 

I would give anything to experience having someone be crazy about me and in love with me once again. Like the guy in the previous post I am successful, great car, great job, but no girl which is what I want again more than anything.

 

Maybe it just takes tons of determination and luck for some guys. I have often felt like "whats the use, no one wants me." esspecially after my ex cheated on me and left me. To the guys out there who have never had a girlfriend I will tell you that it can be the best thing ever. To have a romantic special someone who is in love wth you and cares about you and is always there for you is an exprience like no other.

 

If there is a hell, to me it would be having to live life without a romantic partner. To me that kind of love is the most important thing in life.

[Green]

For me the trouble I have with woman often represent what im feeling in my life. When things are going good I get lots of women, when things are going bad it gets hard. Now women and relationships with people are just hard to get . I havent been close wiht all that many people in my life and connecting with another person can be scary and its hard.

[shamishank]

I've been in this bitter situation before and it's ugly. It's impossible to attract anyone other than people who are so confused that they're willing to put up with that ugliness, and even then only briefly. That ugliness oozes out of you when you're that bitter...it's a vibe. People might care for you, and they might want to be your friend, but no sane girl would want to be in a relationship with that kind of bitterness in the picture. Stop trying...and "stopping trying" as a strategy to attract women still counts as trying, so don't do that either...

[Mary3]

Okay, I read the whole thing.

 

Some of you people need meds, you really do. You need to realize that what comes naturally to you doesn't to everyone.

 

I'm 37, have a good job, good car, dress well, and am sociable. I've had about 40 dates, near as I can count in the past year and a half.

 

And no sex, and not much of any relationships.

 

About 75% of women I meet are solely interested in dating/dancing/dining bull****. They are either commitment-phobic, or have put themselves on a pedastal. They're all waiting for the perfect guy to come along and will find a reason to reject anyone else.

 

Oh, I know, I know. "You're too bitter." Yeah, I wasn't always. After you do everything that you can, and you're still screwed, let's see how positive your outlook becomes.

 

Then we have the "just wait. Just wait. Good things come to those that wait." Yeah, I'm 37, jack. How old are you?

 

Then we have the guy who said "get a prostitute". Thanks, I think most people can 'service' themselves. How do they get anyone to care for them?

 

I've heard all the dating techniques, confidence-building routines, lower-your-standards, all the BS from people.

 

Go to church. Sorry not religious. And when I was, people there were there to worship not hook up. Go to classes. Yup, did that. People were there to learn, not hook up. Try online dating. Yup, did that. Try singles activities groups. Yup, did that. Try speed dating. Did that. Just chat up women in supermarkets, coffeeshops. Yup, did that.

 

I did mention I had a bunch of dates, right?

 

Tried being the nice guy. Tried being a bad boy. Tried being just me. Tried being sexual. Tried being chaste. Nothing works. Each woman has a different reason for rejecting the guy (even for each guy). I finally figured out the problem ISN'T ME. It's the psychopaths out there that want to play and manipulated and get their egos stroked by 50 guys who all want them.

 

Tired of the mindgames, the liars, etc.

 

I give up. Women don't want me, so be it. I can't do a darn thing about it, so why stress on it or get angry about it?

 

You realize now that you can have * everything * but can't get a woman to want a serious relationship this *tells* you that women don't base everything on your car /truck/house/bank account. She is looking at YOU. If there is any arrogance or the feeling that you don't feel confidant and are giving off * vibes * that tell her she should not go any further with you .

 

We aren't looking for the * perfect * person because he does not exist. What we ARE looking for is the *right* person for us. Someone that we feel can stand the test of time , be sincere , romantic , loving and someone who rocks our world in bed

 

I'm sure you have tried many different things. The secret is to stop trying and realize a vast percentage of the internet fruit loop chicks outweigh the normal garden variety. I can definately say do NOT go with on~line dating because a great majority of those hyped up ads are for your amusement and not for your pleasure. The popular sites tout excellence and great matches but we all KNOW now that is really bloating the real truth.

 

I think I would try things you enjoy. Don't go to a hiking club ( as an example ) and think you will met * her * Just go there to hike ! People talk about meeting at bars and clubs and on /on so forth but I never felt I could meet a man of quality where people are drunk and sneaking numbers.

 

And lastly , just remember * we * pick you. You don't pick us. Its the truth .

[wergo]

I think I would try things you enjoy. Don't go to a hiking club ( as an example ) and think you will met * her * Just go there to hike !

 

Well, maybe. But don't try that for too long. If you're just doing things you enjoy by yourself it's painfully easy to fall into a rut and the next thing you know you're an old man who's never had a life. If you need to be proactive you need to be procative early in life. It only gets harder the older you get.

 

But stay FAR away from online dating; it's pure fraud.

 

And lastly , just remember * we * pick you. You don't pick us. Its the truth .

 

Very, very, very true. And if no one ever picks you, you're better off never having been born.

[LIGHT]

Well, maybe. But don't try that for too long. If you're just doing things you enjoy by yourself it's painfully easy to fall into a rut and the next thing you know you're an old man who's never had a life. If you need to be proactive you need to be procative early in life. It only gets harder the older you get.

 

But stay FAR away from online dating; it's pure fraud.

 

 

 

Very, very, very true. And if no one ever picks you, you're better off never having been born.

 

And seriously if no one ever has and youve tried everything you can think of including on line dating which is the biggest rip off going and like me you constantly approach girls and are rejected to the point that i am 40, have been single for 17 years and in that time have only had 3 dates, kissed 2 girls and been consitently the last 60 or so times i have attempted a chat up, then what.

 

Yes i am sucessfull, surrounded by freinds and am actually happy as i have a very good life but no girlfriend and beleive me to some guys chance falls at there feat and to others there fate is to be alone

[FleshNBones]

Well, maybe. But don't try that for too long. If you're just doing things you enjoy by yourself it's painfully easy to fall into a rut and the next thing you know you're an old man who's never had a life.

You will also be a very poor man. Your energy is better spent on self improvement through education, and innovation. If you are destined to be a bachelor, at least be a successful one.

If you need to be proactive you need to be procative early in life. It only gets harder the older you get.

For those of us who hit puberty late, it is probably already too late.

A genetic and financial edge is a must. Being groomed by socially conscious parents throughout childhood also helps.

[FleshNBones]

Yes i am sucessfull, surrounded by freinds and am actually happy as i have a very good life but no girlfriend and beleive me to some guys chance falls at there feat and to others there fate is to be alone

You better believe it! The girls throw themselves at my younger brother in droves. I think he is on girlfriend #4, and most of them are from middle-class families (not working class). The spoiled pampered girls actually catered to him.

 

In my lifetime, I have have had zero girlfriends, one date, and zero kisses. I was used and manipulated by one girl.

That gives me a score of -1.

[Mary3]

I still stand by what I say : You want to remain focused on what you want but still you should be able to do the things that might or might not lead to a chance meeting .

Example : You go to a bar. You spend your time looking around at the females. Should you approach this one ? Ask for that ones number ? How about just going to the bar , enjoying your drink and not expecting anything ?

Whether its a bar or cruise go there to have fun ( if you like bars ) and you won't smell so * desperate * as if you ARE looking for something....

Which guy do you think we would pick ? The casual guy sitting at the bar and has a relaxed look on his face ? Or the guy who eyes every chick licking his lips and getting the courage to approach her ?

Let her NOTICE you by not being an obnoxious in your face guy but rather the guy who remains cool at the end of the bar.

Thats just my take because there is nothing MORE irratating than a man hitting on you that is a total bore , or drunk , or lacks any confidance.

Excuse me but I need to go to the Ladies Room......You don't want to hear that line as she dodges you...