if you can't get a girlfriend...this is the bottom line...

[dropdeadlegs]

LIGHT, that was a fact filled post and I appreciate you taking the time to type it. I am truly at a loss. I don't think the UK is all that different from the US with the exception of some minor differences in terminology and mannerisms. I am truly at a loss of further advice. You sound like a great guy who has a full and active life with the exception of the romance area. While my life isn't nearly as full as yours, I can see that lacking romance would greatly and negatively affect me.

 

The one thing that did stand out to me is about your friend(s) and not you. My friends and I have an unspoken rule that if one is chatting someone up, it is NOT okay to move in, even if approached, while someone uses the restroom. I know that attraction is somewhat feral in nature, but I wouldn't hurt my friend and would rebuff the advance of someone she was seemingly interested in. Maybe on another night it would be okay to talk to that man, but certainly not when she went to take a powder. On the upside, I normally wouldn't want to be with someone who is kissing in the first five minutes, either.

 

I have rather unconventional tastes in men. Sure I find the Johnny Depp's and Brad Pitt's attractive, but in life I don't seem to be attracted to that type in person. I am truly more attracted to something else that I can't define. I have dated lots of men that women like yet don't find sexually attractive. I like guys with great personalities, sense of humor, and a genuine interest in something other than just sleeping with me. I don't mind a few quirks if he is grown up and generally responsible.

 

I wish I had an answer for you, and I'll keep looking for answers, but today the best I can do is say that I wish you well. You sound like a fun person and should I ever make it to the UK while single, I'll look you up.

[bridget_jones]

Come visit to San Antonio, we have a plethora of large women down here looking for any love they can find, including all you can eat buffet's.

 

I sort of find that comment unnecessary and offenssive. Just because a woman is overweight, why should she settle for just anything that will come along?

these are human beings you're talking about here, get over yourself.

[allina]

If someone really can't get a date or girlfriend it's because there is something very undesirable about them, that's the bottom line. It's not because all members of the opposite sex are this or that, it's not because they're too nice, too tall, too smart, too shy, too anything. If you can't get a gf/bf the problem has to be YOU.

[LIGHT]

LIGHT, that was a fact filled post and I appreciate you taking the time to type it. I am truly at a loss. I don't think the UK is all that different from the US with the exception of some minor differences in terminology and mannerisms. I am truly at a loss of further advice. You sound like a great guy who has a full and active life with the exception of the romance area. While my life isn't nearly as full as yours, I can see that lacking romance would greatly and negatively affect me.

 

The one thing that did stand out to me is about your friend(s) and not you. My friends and I have an unspoken rule that if one is chatting someone up, it is NOT okay to move in, even if approached, while someone uses the restroom. I know that attraction is somewhat feral in nature, but I wouldn't hurt my friend and would rebuff the advance of someone she was seemingly interested in. Maybe on another night it would be okay to talk to that man, but certainly not when she went to take a powder. On the upside, I normally wouldn't want to be with someone who is kissing in the first five minutes, either.

 

I have rather unconventional tastes in men. Sure I find the Johnny Depp's and Brad Pitt's attractive, but in life I don't seem to be attracted to that type in person. I am truly more attracted to something else that I can't define. I have dated lots of men that women like yet don't find sexually attractive. I like guys with great personalities, sense of humor, and a genuine interest in something other than just sleeping with me. I don't mind a few quirks if he is grown up and generally responsible.

 

I wish I had an answer for you, and I'll keep looking for answers, but today the best I can do is say that I wish you well. You sound like a fun person and should I ever make it to the UK while single, I'll look you up.

 

Thank you for you kind sentiments and i know what you mean about friends i beleive like you that you should steal your freinds chances. Several of my freinds have however done this and one on more than one occasion, very anoying. Youroutlook on attraction is unusual compared to the people i meet, ps i will hold you to a uk date lol

[Green]

yes you should get girls picture off the internet and get dates that way you seem well written. Why not get one of those mail order brides from one of those eastern european countries. Look I know that if I could study you Id point out ur major flaw. It sounds like your major flaw is just the major lack of self confidence. Stop saying stuff like its a naval town and there are more men. I travel over 2 hours some times to get to areas with the hot women ur not in prison take a trip. You sure work alot

[dropdeadlegs]

Thank you for you kind sentiments and i know what you mean about friends i beleive like you that you should steal your freinds chances. Several of my freinds have however done this and one on more than one occasion, very anoying. Youroutlook on attraction is unusual compared to the people i meet, ps i will hold you to a uk date lol

 

LIGHT, there is no need for thanks. I am really beginning to wonder if your friends don't undermine your efforts. I can't necessarily relate to a male perspective, but if an overweight, averagely attractive female hangs out with a hot blond supermodel type, the former is destined to fail in picking up a man. She will always pale in comparison.

 

I choose to go out alone and it has served me well. It forces me to make conversation instead of relying on others. It has also meant some fairly lonely evenings, but I tend to go where I know a few regulars.

 

I don't think my male "attraction" is all that unusual. Christy Brinkley was once attracted to Billy Joel. Paulina Porizkova has been married to Ric Ocasek for many years. Heidi Klum is married to Seal. Yes, those men had wealth, but even wealth wouldn't keep an equally wealthy supermodel for long. Some attractive women are looking for something more than they have been able top achieve easily, and supermodels can't have a problem dating men! I would think they would have their choice! Yet their choices are sometimes what the world sees as less than attractive men. Theses men have likely intrigued these women on a basis that is not physical. Physical attraction is what they have been accustomed to and they question it. It's a given. They are looking for something else, something beyond that.

 

I am of average attraction, yet I think I know what a supermodel goes through as my average seems to be considered above average by so many. I am interested in someone who can see beyond my appearance to the person I am inside. That person is at times quite loony, so I need someone who is able to temper that with my loving nature, and call me out when I get out of hand, which is rare. I should say that it rare now, at 42, but was once pretty rampant.

 

Please don't give up hope. Just keep on living happily and I just know that you will find your true love.

 

It is unlikely that I will make it to the UK as a single woman. It's pretty unlikely that I will ever make it there as a married woman, either. I have never been outside my country except for a trip to Canada as a baby. I would love to travel abroad, but I don't see it happening for me in this lifetime. BUT, if I do, I'm looking you up! I have an amazing memory!

[LIGHT]

yes you should get girls picture off the internet and get dates that way you seem well written. Why not get one of those mail order brides from one of those eastern european countries. Look I know that if I could study you Id point out ur major flaw. It sounds like your major flaw is just the major lack of self confidence. Stop saying stuff like its a naval town and there are more men. I travel over 2 hours some times to get to areas with the hot women ur not in prison take a trip. You sure work alot

 

I have been subscribed to the net now for 4 years at a cost of over $1000 and have mainly found people that are trying to scam money out of me. I did go out on one date but she brought her children along and then had a nervous breackdown (litterly) and i have arranged a couple of others who just didnt turn up. I really dont have much faith in internet dateing.

 

The UK is different to the US and while i am prepared to travel most women here are not prepared to date anyone more than 10 miles from there house. To give you an idea most pubs containing 60 people here would on average consist of 10 couple, 10 single women and about 30 single males.

 

I will still keep trying but am at a loss to see where i am going wrong and so are my frends. Thanks for your ideas

[thewizzorld]

Some people are going to hate me for this post. But please, wait to judge it until the end, if you can put up with reading all of it--if you can't, I humbly request that you simply do not respond as you will most likely not understand its intent.

 

Do you want someone to tell you the truth behind what you should do if you've been trying for years upon years and NOTHING works? What other people won't tell you, either because their minds refuse the idea or they're blind? The reality behind what you should do if you've done everything seemingly within your power. I will.

 

First, a statement to start out, because it seems depressing from here but will pick up in the end: If you think you have done everything in your power, you haven't.

 

I'm surprised so many have discovered that humans truly are not equal by nature. While all humans deserve equal rights, we aren't equal as all of us are at the mercy of circumstance--most of us victims in one way or another, few blessed. There are some forces pushed onto you by circumstance that, for various reasons, we may be unable override(greatly supported by this thread) without outside help.

 

Some people say, "but people can change!" Maybe. Prove it. "Well, this one guy changed! _I_ changed!" Really? Good for you and that guy. Showing one person, or hundreds of people, can do something means everyone can do the same thing, right? No, that is illogical. Perhaps if you and "this one guy" were stuck in different circumstances you would not have been able to effect such a change. If the situation were such that 50% of the people on Earth could change, you'd have a lot of supposed "backup" to your theory. Unfortunately, this inductive logic is a gigantic fallacy. Some people, bound by negative feedback loops in their thought and moods established long before in their life, may be simply unable to do change if they don't seek help(for what help is, see later). Now for those of you who have problems with reading comprehension, I am not saying it is ultimate truth that there are people who can't change without help--but it is a possibility.

 

If you are one of these people, just know that it's(probably) not your fault, if you're one of those people who simply can't attract someone in whatever manner you are seeking, and isn't blessed by fortune. By the time you've become an adult, it's very possible(and from this thread, very likely) that circumstantial force has simply become so strong it's virtually invincible against you, and you will have to accept your circumstances and adapt, or continue to suffer.

 

It's my view that the only hope of those oppressed by circumstance lies in technology--cybernetics, surgery, neuroscience, genetic engineering, protein engineering, medicine, etc. For example, without prozac to revert a negative feedback loop you may be stuck wallowing in an endless loop of regret and depression that feeds upon itself. Seek help, there's no shame in being a victim of circumstance. It may well not be your fault, and even if it is, you may need help to change because of something that isn't your fault(ala brain chem). The only way for humans to be equal, given the conditions of reality are as I described, is for humans to be able to modify their own attributes at will.

 

I am only arguing possibilities, not stating these as truth, of course. But don't spout any sophistic bull**** about "people are able to change, because X person did it! So everybody can!" If that's your argument, just don't say anything. You don't know the truth of the universe, and neither do I. Don't pretend to.

 

Ah, if only we were born later we could live near perfect lives free of circumstance--provided either the methods of freeing oneself from it(developmental drugs, surgery,etc.) were cheap, or you were not frowned on by fate as a poor person unable to afford it.

 

I'm afraid to say more because I don't want to force anyone who's in a state of depression and hasn't realized these things yet to feel as if it's hopeless to achieve whatever it is that they think will allow them to be happy, because that's far from the truth. As I said, help already exists, be it surgery, or drugs to help you with some of the recurring problem of depression and negativity some of you obviously have. It's only a matter of whether or not you're willing to take it.

 

 

 

Anyhow, for those of you who adamantly claim that anyone can do anything on their own without outside help(and i am not just talking about psychiatrists here, chemical/physical changes as well), consider your own circumstances before looking down on these people. The following are quotes or summaries of crucial parts of the arguments some of you advice-giving people have used.

 

"Girls love my laugh."

"You have to be confident, like me."

"Be yourself."

"Just talk about things! Be funny!"

"Let her come to you. They choose you, not the other way around!"

 

Have you all ever considered that there are people in this world far past the developmental stage who are fundamentally lacking in a few or all of these qualities? I will write an example of someone who is lacking -all- of them. We will assume he is 25, long past the period when the brain stops primary development, along with the rest of the human body. This is a very extreme circumstance, but it hits very close to home for me(Fortunately, I can actually will myself to go out and do things--although I don't know if the changes I am making will help yet--so I haven't dedicated myself to making some other kind of change(i.e. surgery) and seeing if it works), and let me tell you from experience that it is more than possible. This isn't a description of myself, however(this guy's worse off), but there are similarities.

 

"I don't have a laugh girls love. My smile is also pretty repulsive due to my mouth's shape. Due to being like this my entire life, I have pretty low confidence, and my personality isn't so hot. I was painfully ostracized throughout my entire of middle school life, and thus was very quiet in high school, and was neither gifted with nor able to develop a great sense of humor as a consequence. Not to mention a lack of development of social ability. And after all that, you think she is going to -come- to me? You think -she- will choose -me- when I am like -this?-"

 

I am speaking my own opinion here, so these will all be stated as fact:

Such a person clearly defies every single one of the circumstances you forward-lookers have(and those are only some of the examples you've used). You are blessed by circumstance, and thus are able to look forward. A true sense of humor is not something you can develop. It's a talent. A good face and smile is not something you can develop without surgery. A good laugh is also not doable. His ability to connect with people isn't something that can be changed, either. If it is, along with a good laugh(or, going out on a limb, good voice), it requires a mountain of effort.

 

And then here is the killer nuance. He realizes all this. Whenever he thinks about this and other negative issues, which we will assume he is bound to do by brain chemistry as we are creating a hypothetical case(a very realistic one, might I add), in addition to his current problems and feelings of depression and hopelessness, this makes it seem all the more hopeless. How are you supposed to muster up the effort to do anything under that, if your thought patterns naturally occur that way and your brain is done developing?

 

But wait! He further realizes, being the observer of his own mind, that this pattern of recurring negativity is occuring. What's he to do? This gives him the power both to help himself or to continue destroying himself. Many people in these circumstances may not even have the powers of observation to get this far, and are thus forever stuck in the loop without even realizing it's happening to them.

 

The only answer is: Get help. What you people should be advising these people to do is NOT to simply conjure up their will and magically change. You don't know how difficult their circumstances may be(try to open your mind on what kind of bad circumstances people can have, even if they SEEM good on the surface, when you think about this). The only way out may well come from outside change.

 

By the way, while it is an extreme circumstance, it illustrates my point either way. The person described here is not the only kind of person who could meet with such an outcome--since we don't know what causes people to love someone else in truth, we can't determine what it is that some people lack that disables them from changing on their own. But I'm sure it seems reasonable by now that these kinds of people can exist.

 

None of you people who have given advice other than "give up" so far are in this kind of situation, clearly(as you are having success in your romantic life). It is illogical to pretend you know for certain why you are successful and why others are not. You have no way of knowing, in truth, what causes someone to not desire sex with another person, what causes someone to not desire a lasting relationship--because there's no way of knowing anything for sure(it's a basic tenet of philosophy and science). What if there are pheremones not yet discovered which, if you lack, you will simply be unable to attract people with?

 

With your advice and positive words you may simply be driving them into failure. I applaud your efforts, though.

 

I will repeat: if you are feeling so down about your romantic attempts which have failed for years and years and years, and you have never had a truly romantic relationship since you were young, do something drastic. Something you haven't thought of yet. Find a truth people seem to be unwilling to accept, and go and change yourself based on it. People aren't put off by a terrible face "only a mother could love?" How naiive. Do something about it, or you're going to have to deal with it. Too depressed to do something about it? Find a professional and find out why, don't allow yourself to suffer anymore than you have to. Find the truth behind the reason of your failure, and try to smash through circumstance using any means possible. It's possible in the modern era.

 

But please, for all these people on the message board who have been burned out and lost their sense of positivity, don't listen to people on a message board who are telling you things that flies in the face of a vast amount of experience(ala the 40 year old here), they only end up renewing your sense of positivity when in reality nothing has changed from when you lost your positivity and positivity wasn't even the real problem in the first place. Get help, open your mind to find out the real cause of why things aren't working, and fix it. Don't let shame, personal philosophy, or pride get in the way of your happiness; I know most people are simply too embarassed to get a cosmetic change or go to a psychiatrist, or even admit they need to. Few men are born equal, because few men are born in equal circumstance--be it your family, genes, or childhood experiences--so there's no fault in reaching out and looking for help. I hope my meaning is understood.

 

As an addendum, I'll grant that there are many things I don't know whether or not can be fixed by science yet(thus the paragraph lamenting our lack of technology/medicine), such as a sense of humor, voice, or the size of your... member. But many of you don't really seem to have any problems. Many of you are probably only lacking in methods of seduction and such. But my argument applies to this too: if nothing has worked, open your mind, find out what's wrong. If you can't get a woman into bed and it's not because of some physical attribute, you aren't able to seduce her("turn on" is just a euphemism) for some reason. Find out why. If you can't, go see a quality professional who will help you(Not Miss Cleo, please). And do something about it.

 

It's my hope that all of you who are having problems will find your answers--although you may not find them here.

[thewizzorld]

The above poster is very correct!

 

 

All joking aside, while that may help some people, if you're not at the end of your rope in depression, I think this, which was posted in another thread(this is not my writing) is great advice. The difference is, the following article is directed at people who's only problem is attitude and knowledge, and assumes you have problems and have not tried everything it suggests--my post above is more about thought process and the possibility that there are things you can't change on your own(i.e. without help/medication/etc.) which are only hindering you. By the way, I am only double posting so that I can clearly separate two veins of thought which serve very different purposes.

 

 

 

 

 

nice guy

A young male who will give up countless hours of his time listening to the problems of his very attractive

female friends because they need someone to talk to about their apathetic, Baywatch jock of a boyfriend

because no one else will listen or genuinely care.

 

Although always surrounded by beautiful girls the nice guy can’t get a girlfriend or even facilitate the alleviation

of certain “drives” because his “ordinary” physical appearance will forever be compared to the Baywatch beach

bum’s. The nice guy would never capitalize on a vulnerable girl, objectify or cheat on a girl, he will go out of his

way and bend over backwards to help his “friends” and will never ask for anything in return but no matter how

intelligent, understanding, humorous, compassionate, trusting or loyal the nice guy is the female cohort will always

pass him up and endure any length of abuse, objectification, apathy and cold-heartedness from a man if he has

physical attractiveness, fashion, big muscles and chiseled facial features.

 

The nice guy will eventually realize that his dependability and empathy will never be appreciated and all his

friendships with females are all one-sided. This coupled with years of watching girls go for tanned, muscular

jerk-offs with nice cars while he desperately hopes someone will realize that how viable he actually is will

spawn and incubate the nice guy’s insecurities and he will eventually abandon his views, dumb-down his

speech, take-up weight-lifting and switch majors from cancer research with a minor in theoretical physics

to playground management so he can devote his time to emulating Baywatch characters and football players

so that he will one day be viewed as more than a “nice guy.”

 

The nice guy will eventually work up the courage to ask out his attractive female friend but will invariably

be turned down because she’s so self-centered that she’d never actually had a smidgeon of compassion

for the nice guy’s feelings or even realized that he’s interested in girls. After rejecting the nice guy, the

girl will downplay the supposed friendship to the point where they never speak again, which in turn will

make the nice guy depressed (ironically, he won’t have anyone to talk to) because he’s devoted so

much time and energy and has become so warped from being exposed to these kinds of people that he

will either live the rest of his life alone in a tiny apartment, jerking off to old Saved by the Bell episodes

or get drunk one night and impregnate a 300-pound, cross-eyed derelict who works at Wendy’s and

spend the rest of his life being treated like ****.

 

The whole ‘nice guy’ phenomenon really supports the idea that people primarily care about physical

appearances and that shrewdness, selfishness and narcissism will always triumph over compassion,

rapport and “inner beauty.”

 

"Jeez Patrick, I hope I can find a nice guy like you someday."

 

"Well, if you need me I'll be at home, crying myself to sleep while masturbating to the sound of my

70-year-old neighbors having sex...I might also play some ps2."

 

 

 

 

JerkThe kind of guy most girls ACTUALLY want when they say they want a Nice Guy .

 

Jerks are selfish, manipulative bastards who see women as little more then sexual conquests to brag

about to their buddies or mere objects that are there for their personal pleasure. As to ensure the

post-sex breakup will be in their favor, Jerks often play the "sensative guy" early on so the girl will

make most of the moves on HIM, and after he's done with her and dumps her for some other girl just

like her, he can make it look like she's at fault for coming on too strong, and consequently she'll take

him back if he chooses to return for seconds.

 

Typically are/were Frat boys, Jocks, and Prep's in school.

 

"Yeah, Billy's a real Jerk the way he used Tricia like that. Can't believe she bought his crap though."

 

So......................the balance part is being a jerk without the manipulative, using, absuing, cheating

player with the hot, (femininie definition) ripped body, that knows how to walkl the walk, talk the talk,

make the right moves ~ without being a player, a user, and an abuser.

 

It means giving up your PS2, your obsession with un-manly things, getting off your deadazz and

getting in some exercise at the gym, learing how to dress, clean and groom yourself without being

a metrosexual ~ while displaying self control and self discipline and not being a weak minded SOB

that has no control over their basic instincts. All the while not being a jerk, and not being a doormat.

Knowing who you are, what you're about, having and knowing what your center of conscious is,

what your code is, and what you will stand for and what you want. Its not attitude, its not arrogrance

~ its confidence ~ that if some gal dumps you, you can find one or more in no time.

 

Its identifying, and over-coming your personal shortcomings and perpetually seeking self improvement.

 

Its knowing that the closest you can come to controlling a woman ~ is through knowing and understanding

her to the best of your ability and capactity. And knowing that changes daily. Its about being adaptable,

flexable, in your life.

 

Its being romantic in little things and in all things. Its about not being taking granted, and not taking your

woman for granted.

 

Its about giving respect, and not standing by and being dis-respect.

 

Its about actually getting off your azz and learning something about sex and women's bodies beside what

you learned in 9th grade gym class, and are still applying 20 years later.

 

Its about understanding that most women most of the time (but not all the time) have to be emotionally

engaged first before they're physically engaged sexually.

 

Its about understanding that if you want to have a vibrant, passionate love life in the bed room ~ you've

got to make love 90% of the time outside the bedroom (If you're don't know what I'm talking about ~

your totally freaking clueless)

 

Its understanding what I mean when I say, "Men don't get enough sex, because women aren't getting enough

love!" (And if you don't understand that one, you might want to quit being a fool and get back into school

on the subject)

[LIGHT]

The above poster is very correct!

 

Its about understanding that if you want to have a vibrant, passionate love life in the bed room ~ you've

got to make love 90% of the time outside the bedroom (If you're don't know what I'm talking about ~

your totally freaking clueless)

 

 

I can really relate to your post its makes a lot of sence especially the comments about the nice guy. That fits me exactly except that my close female freinds (not all the females i know) are there for me 100 % and have proved this in the past on numerous occasions and i guess i must be freaking clueless because i havent got a clue what you mean by that statement.

[dropdeadlegs]

"Its about understanding that if you want to have a vibrant, passionate love life in the bed room ~ you've

got to make love 90% of the time outside the bedroom"

 

Here's my take on it:

 

In order for your sex life to be satisfying, you need to have a satisfying partnership in general, as the two are intrinsically entwined. If you are not content, happy, satisfied in that 90%, the 10% will be disappointing well. It is difficult (maybe impossible) to completely separate and compartmentalize the sexual passion from the everyday passion felt for your SO.

 

Maybe it's more complicated, maybe it's more simplified, but that's my understanding in a nutshell.

[Yamaha]

Get one of your girl "friends" to go out with you sometime. Women are attracted to guys who already have a girl. ( but she has to act like she's your g/f not your friend ).

[Green]

yamaha's got a point get one of them to go out with you and be all over you beg them for this one favor maybe even give you a kiss out in public it will give the girls a different oppinoin of you. Drop Dead legs had some great points like the fact that billy joel and seal two of the uglies men on earth married two of the hottest. now forget the fact that your probably not as ugly as them and ur not going for women as picky all you have to do is step up ur game. go to a match maker to help set u up on ur date. Look Light if I ever come to England which I definetly was hoping to myself Ill look you up and show you how to get women the american way.

[LIGHT]

yamaha's got a point get one of them to go out with you and be all over you beg them for this one favor maybe even give you a kiss out in public it will give the girls a different oppinoin of you. Drop Dead legs had some great points like the fact that billy joel and seal two of the uglies men on earth married two of the hottest. now forget the fact that your probably not as ugly as them and ur not going for women as picky all you have to do is step up ur game. go to a match maker to help set u up on ur date. Look Light if I ever come to England which I definetly was hoping to myself Ill look you up and show you how to get women the american way.

 

OK I will give this a go, but wont women be turned off by the fact that you appear to be with another woman. My two closest females freinds are always very close to me when we are out and work colleuges who dont really know them have comment wow you can see you two are really in love, well we probable do have a love but not in the romantic sence.

[mental_traveller]

I have girls that like me for me and none of them find me attractive, they are freinds and some of them are very close freinds that i have known for a long time.

 

Maybe that is part of your problem - you sit back and let them treat you as a friend. Instead, insist that you aren't looking for a friend you are looking for a woman to be with. Especially if you have mediocre looks, you absolutely must make it clear you are *sexually* interested from the beginning.

 

Second, you live in a place with 60:40 male/female ratio, and yet you complain about not getting dates. Ditto for going out to pubs with mostly single men and couples. Why not put yourself in an environment with different odds, where there are lots of single women and few men or couples? It's like someone who lives in the desert and complains about the lack of water.

 

As for looks, yes things are tougher if you have below-average looks. But there are lots of ugly guys with girlfriends and wives. There are even some ugly guys who have lots of girlfriends, or really attractive girlfriends. So clearly looks alone cannot prevent you from finding a woman. Also, some good-looking guys can't meet women because they are really shy or have no social skills.

 

I would say you have to just try harder, try more often. Experiment with different approaches. The one common factor I see with you and the other dateless guys is that you all give up. Instead of thinking "I met x number of women and failed, I'm a loser who no one will ever want to sleep with", you need to think of it more like cold-calling "Ok I just got hung up on for the 30th time, on to the next call". Yes it is dispiriting, but if you persist then eventually you will make the sale. If you give up then you won't. And people can detect a loser attitude a mile off, this can only handicap your chances.

 

I would honestly ask you, have you done every single thing you can to improve your chances? Are you continually looking for someone every spare minute of your life? I just don't think this is the case. I appreciate that if you are dealt a bum hand in terms of attraction & social skills with women, it is 100 times harder. But there's a big difference between "harder" and "impossible".

 

Finally, have you thought about getting one or more friends to help fix you up? Bars, pubs, and online dating are all dominated by initial looks. Try more social settings where introductions and conversation have more effect.

[LIGHT]

Maybe that is part of your problem - you sit back and let them treat you as a friend. Instead, insist that you aren't looking for a friend you are looking for a woman to be with. Especially if you have mediocre looks, you absolutely must make it clear you are *sexually* interested from the beginning.

 

Second, you live in a place with 60:40 male/female ratio, and yet you complain about not getting dates. Ditto for going out to pubs with mostly single men and couples. Why not put yourself in an environment with different odds, where there are lots of single women and few men or couples? It's like someone who lives in the desert and complains about the lack of water.

 

As for looks, yes things are tougher if you have below-average looks. But there are lots of ugly guys with girlfriends and wives. There are even some ugly guys who have lots of girlfriends, or really attractive girlfriends. So clearly looks alone cannot prevent you from finding a woman. Also, some good-looking guys can't meet women because they are really shy or have no social skills.

 

I would say you have to just try harder, try more often. Experiment with different approaches. The one common factor I see with you and the other dateless guys is that you all give up. Instead of thinking "I met x number of women and failed, I'm a loser who no one will ever want to sleep with", you need to think of it more like cold-calling "Ok I just got hung up on for the 30th time, on to the next call". Yes it is dispiriting, but if you persist then eventually you will make the sale. If you give up then you won't. And people can detect a loser attitude a mile off, this can only handicap your chances.

 

I would honestly ask you, have you done every single thing you can to improve your chances? Are you continually looking for someone every spare minute of your life? I just don't think this is the case. I appreciate that if you are dealt a bum hand in terms of attraction & social skills with women, it is 100 times harder. But there's a big difference between "harder" and "impossible".

 

Finally, have you thought about getting one or more friends to help fix you up? Bars, pubs, and online dating are all dominated by initial looks. Try more social settings where introductions and conversation have more effect.

 

Myfemale freiends are mainly old freinds of mine who i have know for over 15 years.i do not have any romantic desires towards them. if i see a girl i like i make it know that i like her

 

All the pubs where i live have a male inbalance, its not a question of trying a different pub. Sure i could move to a diffrent city but that would mean giving up my freinds who are very special to me, my social life, a good job and my buisness interests. I have a very good life and am not prepared to sacrifice that.

 

I havent given up and i still try i just continusly fail and yes i have tried everything i can think of and my freinds both male and female can not think of anything more i can do. As for freinds fixing me up none of my freinds know any single females, every feamle we know is in a relationship.

[Green]

I would look to a neighboring town, take a vacation and meet women. U dont have to move to drive 40 minutes down the road to a town with more women. Most bars have more men then women at them its only been the really good bars that have way more women then men. And some times when there are alot of women around and only a few men it can still be hard to break into the groups of women and pick one up, they kind of act like c*ck blocks for eachother. look u'll get no more advise out of me accept if you give up stop complaining and if your going to try know that you will undoubtly suceed as long as you keep trying.

[mikey2strikes]

inherited? nah. looking at my parents, my dads a slob, juxtaposed to my mum. she looks just about ready to leave him everytime they hold conversation.

i used to be the single guy, not had a relationship for 3 years pluss. i used to get to meet up with girls, because they thought i was half good looking. i was a strong silent type, mostly because i was nervous, thats what cought there atention i guess. either that or they felt sorry for me. each and everyone would turn me down, would only ever really take one date, im not kidding. people from school used to recognise me from the same cap that i had been wearing for years. stone broke student, even then i wasnt getting any. untill i tryed.

i know you said youve tryed. but i find that hard to belive, when i was in the same situation as you years ago. i mamnged to get myself from something as stupid as 1 date a year, who would then later decide they didnt like me anyway. to three dates a week, who i would then be seeing the next week. all diferent women might i add.

thing is, most people dont even know how they do it themselves. ther elike you, they put it down to luck or whatever. but i'm telling you now, thats not the case. youve obviously been trying wrong. just stop feeling sorry for yourslef, and dont just try, succeed

[strawberry_11]

:love:just keep on trying

[mental_traveller]

Well, you could try what I guy did who I read about in the papers. He couldn't find a woman, so he put a big sign outside his house, saying "Wife wanted" and his contact details.

 

Here you go:

 

"WOMAN WANTED: well-dressed 40 year old high-earning bachelor with own business, good car, rolex & two houses seeks woman for dinner date & possible relationship. Looks not important compared to personality. Telephone "LIGHT" on 01285 xxx xxx"

 

Get an estate agent style picket fence and put it in your front garden. Then call up the local and national press and get it on the news, place 1/4 page ads in a couple of papers and online too. I guarantee within a few weeks you will have at least one date.

 

If you meet someone and get laid, remember to come back and say thanks

[Green]

yeah or you could try in more conventional ways. stop making excuses and go and talk to all the girls in the bar just remember to keep it flirtatios and away from the friend zone then if you get anything that could be interpreted as a signal they are flirting back ask for a number or a date or both. Look once you start getting first dates you'll have a better chance at snagging a relationship first dates shouldnt be so hard to get. and once you start getting a couple of first dates I gaurantee you'll be getting second dates and than ur dating. Once one of these girls ur dating starts to get seriouse then its time to break it off with the others and try out one of them committed relations pow. look man u havnt been trying, getting urself to try is both one of the easiest and hardest things in the world to do.

[LIGHT]

Ok thanks everyone i have been trying and will keep trying and will try a few towns further away. I havent read anything here that gives me a clue where im going wrong as everything that has been said i have been doing and my freinds are also out of ideas so i will just keep trying as before.

[Green]

thats all you can do but oh yeah think about buying a wife from one of those poor countries