Husband and his sister too close for comfort

[HapaMommy]

I am 22 and have been engaged to my 'husband' for four years now. About 2 years ago he told me that when he and his sister were 10 and 9, or some where close to that age, they were 'forced' to have sex by thier baby sitter:sick: . Then about a month ago, that fact came up in conversation between him and his sister and his sister reminded him that they did it again at a different house. And now that they are 26 and 27 I feel like they are just too close.

 

They're relationship seems almost sexual to me. And it makes me feel very competitive with his sister:mad: . Like she is another woman and not his sister. She didnt like me in the begining of the relationship and we actualy physicaly fought once, (though it was one sided, I am only 5ft 5in she is 6ft) and now I think we are a little closer but its still wierd. I feel like my husband still would have sex with her if he could, or like her twins and two yr old, could even be his kids:eek: .

 

Or maybe they had sex again within the last few years. I dont know thier relationship is just not very much like a sister and brother should be. Like how EVERYONE who doesnt know them thinks they are a couple. That would mean that theyre body language is sexual and not brotherly right? I dont know if I should say anything about it bothering me or if all brother/sisters are that close. What do you think I should do?

[JackJack]

Are you married or not? You say you have been engaged for 4 years but call him your husband. If you are NOT married, don't get married until those issues going on with them have been resolved. If you feel this way now you will this way after married.

[Love Hurts]

If you are not married……. Wow………I would not marry him.

What you experience now gets ten times worse once your married and the clock of time tick away.

 

Fights between the two of you will send him running to his sister. Holidays you will look at her across the table from you as your wonderment and anxiety fill the air.

Do you want to invite children into this mess?

Chaos is in front of you if you do not abandon ship now.

Run and don’t look back.

 

Good Luck

[Okeydokey]

Honestly it sounds like this is something that neither of them would be willing to give up (their close relationship that is) - I think you have to sit down and decide - am I willing to tolerate their creepy relationship - and accept it for what it is? or am I marrying him with the hope (and expectation) that this is going to change? People cannot change things which are such an integral part of themselves especially if they do not see it as a fault, then they have even less of an incentive to change it. my 2 cents.

[che_jesse]

Ewwwwww..... just... ewwwwww.... They should be hideing in shame not laughing about it, sorry I'm just grossed out by this.

 

Does he know how you feel, have the two of you talked about his relationship with his sister before? If you have not its definitely something the two of you need to resolve before you get married.

[johan]

Is his sister pretty hot?

 

Ha ha. Just kidding.

 

I'd be freaked out and repulsed, not just jealous.

[Guest]

Shouldn't the family sue that beasty baby sitter????

[whichwayisup]

I wonder why they weren't seriously tramasized by that experience? It does seem that it wasn't dealt with properly by their parents. And was that babysitter ever charged? Did your future hubby and his sister ever go into therapy because of it? The fact too, they had sex again later in life is creepy...

Usually I wouldn't say much between a bro/sis relationship, but in your situation it's not healthy and who knows what could happen with them later in the future.

 

Depends on how much you're willing to put up with. They are close and always will be, meaning chances are she can do NO wrong in his eyes. Did he stand up to her while you were fighting? Did he protect you and tell his sis to leave you alone and stay out of your relationship? If no, then if I were in your shoes I'd seriously consider ending the relationship.

[bonehead]

I wonder why they weren't seriously tramasized by that experience?

 

Are you sure that the trauma isnt coming out in their closeness?

 

If it started at a young age, was ignored by those around them, then they may have an its ok attitude.

[magda]

I advise backing away from that bizarre relationship.

[GreenEyedLady]

Are you sure that the trauma isnt coming out in their closeness?

 

If it started at a young age, was ignored by those around them, then they may have an its ok attitude.

 

I agree...what happened to them was ABUSE...it doesn't sound like they've dealt with it as such...

[whichwayisup]

GEL and BH you're right, and because they've not dealt with it in a healthy way and it seems they've accepted it as "normal and okay", you need to really think about your future and all that it brings by staying with him, having to deal with their closeness.

[ohmy3]

Oh my! ............ Chances if they talked about it around you they want you to know and wanted to see how you'd react (like is it OK) so they can continue! That is just to weird for me if you have no reasons to hang around in this very unhealthy and scary environment DO NOT! I must be very, very, frank I am very concerned w/ the fact there is children in this situation if a brother and sis. have had sex no matter how it started and did again at 1 other time in there life at Free WILL? can that be safe for children........................... I wonder?????? if you can get out & alert others for child's safety is a must!!!!!!!!!!!!

[WhisperingWillow]

This is a disturbing ordeal. I would cut my losses if I were you. The fact that one other poster pointed out remains. They felt that comfortable to talk about it in front of you like it was table fodder. That's gross. Ok they were abused, and probably never got the proper help for that. That's understandable, but all siblings know that you just don't diddle your siblings. That's not acceptable. It's a catch 22 isn't it? Abuse equals messing with ones mind but when you're as old as they are, they know better.

 

You have no children with this man, I would say you not walk but run from this situation. It's creepy. Not healthy.

[norajane]

I take it there's no husband in the picture since you are wondering who is the father of her children?

 

That you even think your boyfriend might be the father of her children would indicate that you think he might have had sex with her while you two have been together - why haven't you run the other way yet???

 

Have you expressed your concerns to your boyfriend? Perhaps you should and see what he says about it. No way you should get married before you talk to him about this and get it resolved.

[ohmy3]

I must be very, very, frank I am very concerned w/ the fact there is children in this situation if a brother and sis. have had sex no matter how it started and did again at 1 other time in there life at Free WILL? can that be safe for children........................... I wonder?????? if you can get out & alert others for child's safety is a must!!!!!!!!!!!!