When to announce you want sep/div?

[Guest]

This question is addressed to both the party who initiates divorce (or separation) and the other spouse:

 

Is there a preferred day to tell your spouse you want a divorce? For example when both not busy at work, like vacation?

 

For the spouse who didn't initiate divorce, do you feel even worse if your spouse broke the news during the period of time when you are busy with work? Or is it it doesn't make much difference, in either case you are completely heart-broken?

[mum2three]

There is never a "good" time for bad news. But obviously during some private down time at home or in private. My H did it over an argument at nite. That was the first I heard it and that is still his final answer. So it was dramatic and traumatic.

 

The ideal thing would be to discuss how the relationship is going and see whether both of you are choosing to go forward together. If not, discuss your plans for separation.

[Empty1]

there is never a good time to tell someone this, but believe me please wait until after Xmas, as its a lot of other people that are hurt by this news as well, ie family, friends, relations. Xmas is supposed to be a happy time. Wait until after christmas at least!! Mums advice is good preferrably a quiet time when things arent hectic.

[Delarocha]

I agree with mum2three,

The one thing I would add is at THIS point I would wait until after Christmas. I think discussing the relationship approach is definitely better than just coming out and saying, "I'm leaving, goodbye."

 

Chances are the news won't be a complete shocker, but that won't make it any less painful.

 

If you can I would say a time like the start of a weekend to the other person has a chance to deal with their emotions in private. I guess personally I would prefer to have a day or two to get all the crying out before returning to work.

 

I guess the when and how ultimately comes down to how "sure" you are of things. Do you think the relationship can be repaired with change from both parties? Do you even WANT the relationship, or think you might want it? Or do you know for sure things are over and cannot be repaired... (Which might not necessarily mean they can't be)..