Jo-good Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 I just found your site (probably like many others, by trying to gain more knowledge into why people abuse)... yes, I am the victim of domestic violence, and am currently 9 weeks pregnant by my ex. He's got more abusive since he heard that i'm pregnant (threatening to kill me if i terminate the pregnancy,kill my family, etc) and i had the court issue an emergency injunction against him yesterday. My friends think I should terminate the pregnancy as i could have 20 years of madness from this man... i personally would rather terminate this abusive vile excuse of a man and run with my son and our expected addition to the family. But feel resentful that I should have to run anywhere... i've done nothing wrong! I guess i've been looking to see where i went wrong and understand why this has happened. I met this guy a year ago... and yes... all the textbook warning signs were there.. he'd been to prison for violence, his ex girlfriend (and mother of his first born) wasn't allowing any parental contact, he was put into care by his mom, he witnessed his dad murder a policeman... the list does go on too. Jeez... now i've just written that i wonder just i, as a successful, independent, respectful, empathetic and loving woman didn't run a mile? I was lonely, and yes, did have some problems at the time so suppose I was flattered by his (textbook) - falling head over heels in love with me after just 3 weeks! My reasons for enduring this relationship are probably the most difficult to fathom out... he hit me in April... I left him... he wormed his way back in... then began the cycle of sweet then mean... but i kept going back for more! why? He managed to convince me that my friends were against me... and now that i am finally and determindley detaching from this man.. i feel that i have lost their support (ie... you should have listened to us MONTHS ago...) Is it normal to blame myself for this mess ... i know that IF HE chose to behave himself then none of this madness would have occurred.. but why did I CHOOSE to let it continue?? Link to post Share on other sites
WoWaddict Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 I just found your site (probably like many others, by trying to gain more knowledge into why people abuse)... yes, I am the victim of domestic violence, and am currently 9 weeks pregnant by my ex. He's got more abusive since he heard that i'm pregnant (threatening to kill me if i terminate the pregnancy,kill my family, etc) and i had the court issue an emergency injunction against him yesterday. My friends think I should terminate the pregnancy as i could have 20 years of madness from this man... i personally would rather terminate this abusive vile excuse of a man and run with my son and our expected addition to the family. But feel resentful that I should have to run anywhere... i've done nothing wrong! I guess i've been looking to see where i went wrong and understand why this has happened. I met this guy a year ago... and yes... all the textbook warning signs were there.. he'd been to prison for violence, his ex girlfriend (and mother of his first born) wasn't allowing any parental contact, he was put into care by his mom, he witnessed his dad murder a policeman... the list does go on too. Jeez... now i've just written that i wonder just i, as a successful, independent, respectful, empathetic and loving woman didn't run a mile? I was lonely, and yes, did have some problems at the time so suppose I was flattered by his (textbook) - falling head over heels in love with me after just 3 weeks! My reasons for enduring this relationship are probably the most difficult to fathom out... he hit me in April... I left him... he wormed his way back in... then began the cycle of sweet then mean... but i kept going back for more! why? He managed to convince me that my friends were against me... and now that i am finally and determindley detaching from this man.. i feel that i have lost their support (ie... you should have listened to us MONTHS ago...) Is it normal to blame myself for this mess ... i know that IF HE chose to behave himself then none of this madness would have occurred.. but why did I CHOOSE to let it continue?? I was also a victim of domestic abuse a few years ago. Guys like that mess with your head. Part of the abuse is making sure you never see him at fault for anything. The guy wants you to blame yourself, thats part of the control he has. I'm very sorry this happened to you, and I'm very sorry you have to make a painful decision about your pregnancy. My ex cut me off from all my friends, he isolated me from everyone. My family life is unhealthy and generally a bad enviornment, which is probably why he picked me. I was easy to manipulate because I never wanted to be home, and I had just had a nasty breakup with someone. Thankfully the abuse only lasted a few months. My current boyfriend and I were always friends (we've known each other for almost 6 years, dating seriously almost 2), and we had a serious argument a couple of months before I met this abusive guy. We had a falling out and weren't talking. He came back into my life 4 months into this abusive relationship, and he saved me. He told me that he loved me (I had always secretly had the same feelings for him). He told me that things didn't have to be the way they were, and that if you love someone, you would never hit them. I thank god every day for him, because if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have left my abuser. I would have had no reason to, because he had me convinced that what he was doing was love, and he was the only one who would ever love me. My current bf was the only one I ever told about my abuser. I thank god every day for being lucky that I made it out of that relationship. There are so many women who die at the hands of their abuser. I can't say either way if you should abort or not, because it's an entirely personal decision. I would feel horrible if you took my advice and it made this delicate situation worse. But please take it from someone who's been there, you're doing the right thing in leaving him. Make sure he stays gone, and don't ever look back. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted December 24, 2006 Share Posted December 24, 2006 Hi Jo, I think it's great that you're beginning to understand what's happening with abuse...you might want to check out this article too, well maybe you have already... http://www.drjoecarver.com/loser.html As for the pregnancy...it's your choice and yours alone, you could file complaints against him and deny him his parental rights...might check with a lawyer on that Link to post Share on other sites
Love Hurts Posted December 24, 2006 Share Posted December 24, 2006 You have your emergency injunction or PFA on him. Once you attend your upcoming hearing and the order is upheld and it will be. It’s good for three years. When he calls you or returns to your residence during this time. He is jail bate. He WILL make contact and say he is sorry…asking you to drop this… don’t listen. (This man is dangerous as well as a professional liar, a con man with evil intent.) At the end of the three years you need to renew your order of restraint. This is an every three year process unless an attorney deems the order restraint indefinitely. You have an option to NOT claim him as the father. This way he has no right to your child. Nor would he be held liable to pay child support.. He may love this idea… Him Not Paying for a child ever….. He may step up to the plate and demand a paternity test (these tests are to be paid for by he who requests them). Which means; he may claim the child as his own and volunteer financial support. This does not mean he has rights to visitation. You can keep him away from you legally. You don’t have a thing to worry about as far as the law being on your side. He on the other hand is going to become very angry with what you are doing to him. He will try to come back… and will phone you…. It’s only a matter of time. He is a repeat offender. That says it all. You seriously need to have mace and a cell phone when traveling in your vehicle. Change the locks on your doors. Have some weapon of defense in your home. You can beat this and win……… you just have to stay ahead of him. Be cautious; watch your back and Do Not Live In Fear. Instead live like your ready. You gotta find that COME ON M.F-R. Attitude. Be strong. Know that men of his caliber usually have a common trait flaw.. A weakness called paranoia. Paranoid at what? What usually scares this type the most.. is the thought of someone coming to get him or that someone is chasing him or after him. Seriously he will run when no one is chasing him. He may also dislike sitting in chairs that put his back to the door (have you noticed that behavior). Tell him he is being watched. Tell him you’re dating a cop. This is a great time to fabricate and buffalo him. Above all tell him you do not love him. If he believes you have a glimmer of love for him…… He will not let go. In the end if you play your cards right……… he just slips away ………out of your life just as he came into it. Do not live in fear. He is the one that is sick in the head. It’s very possible …If you only knew………… how much fear he carries inside himself. You would feel like superwoman. Prepare for Jo-goods War. Expect Victory. God Bless Link to post Share on other sites
Jo-good Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Prepare for Jo-goods War. Expect Victory. God Bless thank you all for your words of strength and wisdom.... the court injunction was granted on Friday and we return to court on the 23rd feb for him to make his representations.... i have received one text from him since the injunction... it read... "and you love me, which part. im going back to old ways. goodbye. i have spoken and my foot is down. goodbye. just tell "it" you closed the door as i was more than willing" twisted or what? doesnt he realise that i WANT him GONE?! just hope its the last of it. he was probably drunk or high on drugs (funny how he always has money for his "fix" though?) will keep you all posted, and once again, thanks for the support. i announced my pregnancy to my friends the other day... one guy i know (who asked me out a couple of months ago)... said he would still stand by me regardless of this other man's baby... i said to him i need time to get my head round things right now.. but it's nice to know that i've got people there for me! Jo xx Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Hey glad it's working out...don't let his threats get to you anyway, by all means don't have an abortion just to avoid him or his threats..if you can prove any of his abuse or that he takes drugs they probably will deny him visiting rights Link to post Share on other sites
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