Sparklegirl100 Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 I know this is going to come across as somewhat arrogant to some forum members, but I think I am too good to be true and a lot of men get intimidated by me. I have all the qualities a decent man would desire in a mate - I am good looking (have been told numerous times), talented (have many hobbies), athletic, charming, intelligent, highly educated ( I have three university degrees), spiritual, benevolent, child oriented (children usually gravitate towards me), have a sense of humour ,am sweet natured and caring. I haven't had the occasion to have too many boyfriends over the years because of the time I have dedicated to my hobbies and university studies. Now that I am working in my profession, I have more time to keep in good shape by exercising every day at my gym and spend time socializing with my small circle of friends. I want to expand my social circles but am not sure how. Now that I am 29 years old, I am starting to have a hard time figuring out where all the available men are. I don't believe in meeting men in the bar or club scene or online. I haven't met anyone interesting at the gym and my career is rather solitary so I don't meet too many good catches there either although I have patients who seem interested but I am not legally permitted to date them. I don't attend church either. I have thought of taking up some dance lessons and being more involved with the alumni activities at my university. What other ways can I meet men? I wonder if I come across as too intimidating. When I do meet my potential match, should I downplay my attributes? I think some men shy away from my "star power". I tend to attract a lot of attention (stares) from other men, including those who are in the company of their girlfriends or spouses. How can I make a man feel less intimidated by me?
Curmudgeon Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 Do NOT dumb yourself down. There's not a man alive who's worth doing that. If the ones you've met can't handle an accomplished and complex woman then they're not worth your time because nothing lasting, challenging or stimulating will come of it. An alumni association and professional associations are good places to meet others who have the advantage of being like-minded. The other choice is to not look at all and just let it happen. In my experience, love comes best when it's sought least. For the record, you would not intimidate me. Challenge perhaps but never intimidate, and I always did love a challenge!
Author Sparklegirl100 Posted December 23, 2006 Author Posted December 23, 2006 Yes, I agree that you can't exactly seek love - it seeks you when you least expect it. However, you can increase your chances by "exposing" yourself more frequently by attending more social events and that's exactly what I am going to do!
Guest Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 I know this is going to come across as somewhat arrogant Yes, it does. but I think I am too good to be true I doubt it. I haven't had the occasion to have too many boyfriends over the years because of the time I have dedicated to my hobbies and university studies. Sounds like you just haven't had the pleasure of meeting a guy who really interests you. I don't believe in meeting men in the bar or club scene or online. This comes off as arrogant too. I wonder if I come across as too intimidating. You probably just give off that arrogant vibe. Smart men can spot it a mile a way, and they won't waste their time with it.
Curmudgeon Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 Bet you're snatched up by someone worthy in no time!
Author Sparklegirl100 Posted December 23, 2006 Author Posted December 23, 2006 :-) thanks! you're sweet!
westernxer Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 What other ways can I meet men? Men in general or men who will rock your world? Sounds like you've met a lot of men in general.
Author Sparklegirl100 Posted December 23, 2006 Author Posted December 23, 2006 Men who will ROCK my world and make me feel HYPERalive (more than I already am LOL ! ) !
westernxer Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 Men who will ROCK my world and make me feel HYPERalive (more than I already am LOL ! ) ! I think saw a movie about this, but I was distracted by the chick in the front row. *snicker*
princessa Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 I'm afraid there is no match for your "star power". The rest of us mortals are only ridden with flaws, and can only stare in admiration of your perfection, daring not approach such a godly creation. I'm afraid your only option is to downplay your attributes and pretend to be "normal"....
Trialbyfire Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 Meow.... Don't worry, there are plenty of men out there that are not intimidated by a well-rounded woman. The ones that are, you don't want anyways. You do come across pretty strong though. If you are like this in real life at the get-go, this might turn off some people fairly quickly.
BlueEyedGirl Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 I really don't buy into being "too good". I hear people constantly saying that they are too smart, too nice, too attractive and that's why they are single. Nobody is avoiding you because you are completly brilliant. People are always looking to trade up. The issue seems to be that maybe you are very pretty, smart, succesfull etc but, there is something about you that comes across as "not quite right" and that's what is turning people off. It's hard to pinpoint that over the net. I can only say that your post comes across as too arrogant and somewhat bitter.
lindya Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 I have all the qualities a decent man would desire in a mate - I am good looking (have been told numerous times), talented (have many hobbies), athletic, charming, intelligent, highly educated ( I have three university degrees), spiritual, benevolent, child oriented (children usually gravitate towards me), have a sense of humour ,am sweet natured and caring. There's always something slightly odd about reading other people's glowing descriptions of themselves. Why would anyone do that? It's tantamount to saying "here's who I think I am, and this is how I believe that you and other people should perceive me..." instead of crediting others as being sufficiently perceptive and independently-minded to form their own opinions. What's the definition of a decent man who wants to co-star in your personal version of the Truman Show? Somebody with several degrees and a string of successes behind him, who never made a mistake in his life? Who never did a single thing he ever regretted, and who won't settle for anything less than a female partner who can honestly claim likewise? You portray yourself as someone who's very accomplished - but, at the same time, there's something oddly one-dimensional and uninteresting about the person you're describing. She sounds like someone who hasn't been faced with enough of life's real challenges to find out what her weaknesses (as well as her strengths) are. We all have them, after all. I think you're over-selling your strong points at the expense of being honest about who you really are. The best friendships (including the romantic kind) aren't necessarily spawned by people presenting themselves as though they're being interviewed for a promising position at a blue-chip company.
Guest Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 instead of crediting others as being sufficiently perceptive and independently-minded to form their own opinions. Huh? How could people on a message board 'form their own opinions' without having actually met someone? Why do women always cat out any woman who speaks well of herself? If someone posts wondering why they're not finding partners, readers will have a preconceived list of reasons the person might not, including that they don't look great or aren't fit or whatever. So the poster starts out by explaining that those things probably don't apply. She sounds like someone who hasn't been faced with enough of life's real challenges to find out what her weaknesses (as well as her strengths) are. We all have them, after all. How on earth can you possibly make that judgement after one post? Are you somehow magically able to discern a person's whole life history from a few lines of print? I think you're over-selling your strong points at the expense of being honest about who you really are. The best friendships (including the romantic kind) aren't necessarily spawned by people presenting themselves as though they're being interviewed for a promising position at a blue-chip company. Meow indeed. BTW Sparklegirl it's been my observation that if you are indeed hot and post a hot avatar on LS, people will then flock to your defense and tell you that you are indeed a fine and worthy woman who all men should fall before. Fact is, many people (male included) are insecure. And they lack confidence. And are, therefore, intimidated by women who are not insecure and who do not lack confidence. They will make catty remarks or try to undermine you in other ways. Heaven forfend that you have a realisitic appraisal of your strengths! You should try dance classes although there are often more women than men but if you are a good dancer, you'll get attention from the men who are there. Check your local paper and online events for your town. There are clubs these days which are specifically set up for adults to meet and socialize; the clubs set up activities like hikes or day trips or sports events. You can also join political associations or volunteer groups or take classes. Most cities have jazz clubs, for instance, and if you're a jazz fan you might find compatible people there. Good luck. And don't let the naysayers get you down.
Curmudgeon Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 People are always looking to trade up. NOT! If that was the case there would be no marriages or committed relationships. Noone is absolutely perfect in and of themselves or for someone else but many are "right" enough that they're worth hanging on to.
cbl Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 yes and no. some men feel comfortable being with women who they think are easy to handle; some enjoy the feeling of "conquering" women who are considered socially high achievers.... i am a woman but i went to classes mostly with men and works in a male-dominated industry. quite a few male friends gave me their honest opinions. now one thing at a time. how do you increase with your exposure to other males? well other posters gave very good ideas. schools, associations, maybe study groups, or attend any groups that hold activities that you are interested - go for it. even though you don't meet the love of life you could have met the friends of a life time. also, if you have friends who know single guys who are right for you, it would not hurt going on a blind date. well, now, you mentioned "down-play" and you gave us quite a detailed description about yourself. i am assuming ("assuming" as i don't know since you did not mention) your potential match should be a man who, - holds 4 university degree (i don't think there's any), or a master's degree hold or a PhD - man older than 29? - is very good looking - is very athletic - is also spiritual - loves kids and a good kids care-taker - is very charming and high IQ - has a good sense of humor - is versatile: maybe a painter, a writer, a global-trotter, and a pianist at the same time? - i also assume he needs to have a good job and earns a good salary? - oh, unmarried i am trying to think if Bill Clinton fits into the profile. wait, he has IQ of 180 but he's not available. Bill Gates is fairly good looking, athletic? i don't know. but he did not even have a college degree.... i am probably describing less than 0.1% of the world population, and if i excludes people from other race.... oops..... honey, you might want to think about what kind of man that you really want. i dont think you are looking for a perfect man in the world. yes there are close to perfect man but chances are you might not like them, or they might not like you. by saying this i am not talking about down-playing your attitudes. i am simply talking about what you value most in a partner. one of my lover did not even attend university (i am also one of the high achievers in the academic area); he's just my height (i always date men above 6 and i am 5'7); he's average in looks and he has a pot belly because of his age - but i consider him my best bf so far. he's very well-read. i am never bored when i am with him. he can talk about quite a few things in depth. he can always make me laugh with his own sense of humor. we have similiar values towards life and family. we are both fun-loving and spontaneous. he travels more than i do (i've been to 21 countries so far). he has quite a few life experiences. he's caring, romantic, and sweet. he always serves me on the table. and always opens the door for me. he has a big heart, very compassionate. and he's fantastic in bed. what more can i ask from a man?
Guest Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 I have found that when men meet someone as great as you are they assume that you must already have a boyfriend because any sensible guy would snap you up and so they dont think they stand a chance or if you got with them they may think that you would not stay with them for long as you would be looking to trade up. I dont think you are being arrogant - it is clear that you have looked after yourself but for many men you would be the dream girl who is out of their league. Dont lower your qualities - stay as great as you are but may be try to flirt a little the men and let your friends/colleagues know that you are looking for a boyfriend as they may be able to match you with potential men.
Storyrider Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 Have you never been in a serious relationship? Because at 27 that alone could be enough to throw a man off. In general, by age 27, you need to be dating a very wide range of people quite frequently in order to narrow them down to the two or three that are really interesting. It sounds like you plan to try and meet more people, so that's good. Do you sound arrogant? Somewhat. More importantly, if you want to know why this is happening to you, I think you need to look past the obvious and be more introspective. You are asking yourself why men are overlooking you, and the best hypothesis you can come up with is that you're too good for them? Is there nothing about you someone might find less than appealing? Be honest now.
lindya Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 Huh? How could people on a message board 'form their own opinions' without having actually met someone? Why do women always cat out any woman who speaks well of herself? Women don't always cat out any woman who speaks well of herself. There are, however a number of posters - including me - being critical of the way this particular poster talks about herself. I can't speak for anyone else, but my reasons are: 1. The "I'm too good to be true" comment, which sounded less like healthy confidence and more like a shade of narcissism. 2. Ditto the "my star power" comment. 3. The OP's assumption that men are intimidated by her attributes. In doing this, she perceives the root of the problem in a manner that flatters her and allocates blame to other people. That's the way children comfort themselves when things go wrong. I have met women in RL who talk about themselves in the sort of terms that the OP is using, and I've seen how people (male and female) pander to them face to face, then complain behind their backs about how egotistical they are. I think, in those circumstances, it's better to tell a person straight up that they're coming across as egotistical then leave them to decide whether or not they're happy to be perceived by others in that way. These things are always just down to personal opinion, but if a lot of people are concluding that one person is egotistical then that suggests that the individual is not presenting themselves in a manner that's conducive to their own happiness (unless being perceived as overly self-involved and egotistical makes them happy). Is the OP's post representative of how she conveys her feelings about herself in real life? Only she can answer that....but I don't think patting her on the arm and saying "there there now, they're all just jealous of you" will do much to help her connect with other people.
norajane Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 Sure, some men might be intimidated by you. But not ALL men. So, if NO ONE is approaching you, it's not just because they're all intimidated. There must be other reasons why the other men aren't approaching. If meeting enough men is a problem, try speed dating. It's fun and you'll meet a lot of men in an hour or two.
JCD Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 As a guy, I don't find girl that says how many degrees or how much money she makes very attractive. How can that make my life more fun? It can't. I rather have a girl that is humble, can talk to easily and be outgoing. Someone to spend time with and not feel like I'm being judged or corrected or controlled. If she happens to be smarter than me, then that's fine with me as long as she's humble and don't try to show it off arrogantly.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 I know this is going to come across as somewhat arrogant to some forum members, but I think I am too good to be true and a lot of men get intimidated by me. I have all the qualities a decent man would desire in a mate - I am good looking (have been told numerous times), talented (have many hobbies), athletic, charming, intelligent, highly educated ( I have three university degrees), spiritual, benevolent, child oriented (children usually gravitate towards me), have a sense of humour ,am sweet natured and caring. I haven't had the occasion to have too many boyfriends over the years because of the time I have dedicated to my hobbies and university studies. Now that I am working in my profession, I have more time to keep in good shape by exercising every day at my gym and spend time socializing with my small circle of friends. I want to expand my social circles but am not sure how. Now that I am 29 years old, I am starting to have a hard time figuring out where all the available men are. I don't believe in meeting men in the bar or club scene or online. I haven't met anyone interesting at the gym and my career is rather solitary so I don't meet too many good catches there either although I have patients who seem interested but I am not legally permitted to date them. I don't attend church either. I have thought of taking up some dance lessons and being more involved with the alumni activities at my university. What other ways can I meet men? I wonder if I come across as too intimidating. When I do meet my potential match, should I downplay my attributes? I think some men shy away from my "star power". I tend to attract a lot of attention (stares) from other men, including those who are in the company of their girlfriends or spouses. How can I make a man feel less intimidated by me? You are EXACTLY the sort of a woman who SHOULD be making use of online dating opportunities. You would do so well for yourself to socialize in arenas where your high opinion of yourself isn't the first thing the other party glimpses. Clearly the usual "he/she looks f***able on the outside, so lets try that and see if a return engagement is sensible" social pattern isn't doing anything to cure your singledom. So why not apply yourself where you can make a very unique internal connection with someone and only then show up and meet somebody who surprises some element in you by already knowing what to ask about your life? Don't meet hastily and do give yourself every opportunity to chat with potential online-to-offline social interests for as much time as you possibly can beFORE meeting in real life. Make a connection with some depth for a change rather than continue to shield yourself behind that facade when in meat-market settings. You'd look so great if long-dormant aspects of your social self were stimulated and piqued. Dare to give the online social world a chance. Do it for you!!
Ironman75 Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 Sparklegirl100. All I can say is WOW! You sound like me like 8 years ago. I used to be a professional athlete. So I was the STAR. Tall, dark, and handsome. I never had a problem dating or finding women even to this day. I found my self hiding behind my success. Then I started limiting my choices. Never really giving anyone a chance. And I was wrong for that. I have long changed my ways. Let me ask you something do you really want the responsibility of being " to good to be true"??? You don't want that no one can live up to that all the time. So stop. Also you then start to put your self on a pedestal and when you do that people tend to come along and knock you down when you don't live up to "To Good To Be True". And we all fall short some times. But when you fall you fall further and longer and every times it's harder to get up. So be ready. I've been there. From everything you say you actually sound like a beautiful, intelligent woman. And better even driven. But thats not everything. You are a very accomplished woman. So I know there's more to you then degrees and beauty. That's what's sexy to a man. A woman that can talk to anyone. Not talk down to or at people but talk to them and listen. 95% of success is happiness, success is not just measured in how much you make and where you live. And don't ever lessen what you've done and who you are ever. Above all else to thy own self be true. A real man will listen and respond. It's clear you love yourself so I ask you is there any love in there for anyone else? Just so you know thats a beautiful thing that you love yourself because if you don't who will. But at the same time to much of anything can be a bad thing make room for others in there. Ask your self what you want and get it. Be prepared to give exactly what you want in return. If you can do than you will be fine. So yes many men would be intimidated by you. But not the real one's so maybe thats good. Don't limit your ways of finding Mr Right though. Be open to new experiences with new people thats the best way. But be careful not all are who they appearer to be. But I'm sure you know that. Other than that just tone it down a little and keep you eyes opened and your ear to the ground. So he won't pass you by. Hope this helps you a little.
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