Insecurities and jealousy

[CandleFire]

Hi there. my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 2 years, and we are happy and very much in love. obviously we have our spats here and there, but we always talk our way through them. there's just this one area that i haven' been able to force myself to be rational about... i get jealous a lot and have a tough time with trust--it's not that i don't trust him, i just don't how he could possibly refuse every other offer he might get and still choose me. i mean... i guess i'm insecure, but i can't make the feelings go away! we've both talked about infidelity and trust--and we're both on the same page: if you want someone else, do me the courtesy of ending it with me first. so why why why can't i make myself rational? like tonight for example, he's going to a bday party at a bar with tons of other guys and girls, and they are having a beer drinking competition. i mean, even with the best intentions, when alcohol is involved, can't anything happen? i don't drink much, so i don't know... it just makes me so sad that i can't be confident enough to trust our relationship... does anyone feel the same way? thank-you...

[Guest]

Hey. Don't let your insecurities run off with you. I did and pushed my boyfriend away and now it's over.

I was so insecure and always thought he was too good for me, and questioned why he's with me, but I never showed him. So inside, I was just a time bomb. I was never secure and so never 100% happy with him, and kept a lot of very important emotions to myself. When I realised I loved him, all I wanted to do was tell him but I couldn't, scared of what he'd say or think.

 

The day we broke up, I let it all out cos I had nothing left to lose. And it turned out he was very insecure as well, and wanted to tell me he loves me from the very start but lacked the courage.

 

So we both had insecurities and things we were hiding and that contributed to us never being able to last forever.

 

And when you realise that, there is so much regret and it really sucks, so trust him, he's never given you a reason not to and be glad you have a guy who would never cheat on you, and who obviously really cares about you.

[notmakingsense]

How come you aren't invited to the party?

[BlueEyedSarah]

He can still control he's actions even when drinking. Don't worry about it, just wish him a good time and tell him you will see him later. If he does do anything then is he really that worth it? If it comes to it also tell him you are worried about he's health if he gets drunk, tell him you don't want him drunk and hopefully he will go easy on the beer.

[brickaney]

t... i get jealous a lot and have a tough time with trust--it's not that i don't trust him, i just don't how he could possibly refuse every other offer he might get and still choose me. i mean... i guess i'm insecure, but i can't make the feelings go away!

I am also in a two year relationship & I still struggle with soem jealousy. It was until I started calling my friends everytime I got jealous that I started thinking about things rationally. Everytime you're feeling insecure/ jealous call a friend, tell them what happened, & they will have something rational to say.

I have a very difficult time being rational with my boyfriend when I'm feeling jealous/ upset. I freaked out because he got a job at victoria's secret. I knew he'd be looking at gorgeous women everday & the thought of me being compared to all them made me sick. We argued for a while & he finally got frustrated enough with my yelling & hung up. I cried alone for a while & then called my friend. Thank god I did. Everytime I feel jealous I remember what she said to me:

"____, "Bob" is not going to cheat on you with some b****y victorias secret employee. It is not in his character to compare you to other women."

 

Everytime I get jealous I think "Is he the type of guy that would do that sort of thing?" After two years you know your bf well enough to answer this. Don't let your jealousy cloud the answer. If your bf didn't love you or thought he could do better he wouldn't be committed to you for two years. He loves you. Ask him to remind you ever now & then of his feelings. I had to ask my boyfriend to compliment me every once in a while & now he;s coming up with all these other things to say.

 

 

i mean, even with the best intentions, when alcohol is involved, can't anything happen? i don't drink much, so i don't know... it just makes me so sad that i can't be confident enough to trust our relationship... does anyone feel the same way? thank-you...

 

Unless he's blind drunk he's going to be able to make decisions. Deep down he feels his committment & I highly, highly doubt he would even think of breaking it. He will distance himself from the girls at the party. Just trust his character. On that night, make plans with your friends so you aren't up all night thinking about him. Keep yourself busy & forget about it.

[CandleFire]

Wow, you guys. thank you all so much. i really feel a lot better... just knowing that i'm not the only one who's ever felt like this. and you're right, too--i have to tell myself "it's not in his character". i guess i was just picturing all those jerks in the movies who do that kind of thing (pathetic, i know...). but you're right--i know deep down that he isn't like that. deep breath. i've still got a lot of work to do, but thank you for making me feel better!!!

 

oh--and to answer one of your questions: i think i wasn't invited because i don't drink... i've got a bad family history with drinking--so i stay away... but it was a good point, and i sorta did feel left out.

 

do you really think it's possible that he could still choose me, insecurities and all, above all others? i know i would choose him in a second.

[pennyjosix]

if he really loves you then yes it is very possible he would choose you.. love should overlook some of those things