does he still love me

[ankka13]

Hi , i dont know how to start my story so that those who read it understand the whole picture , i am a 21 year old g and i am dating a 17 old year boy . we are together for 1 year now , one year which had wonderfull moments but also messy ones . We live in the same small town where everybody knows everybody so our relationship is basicly secret . we have to hide all the time and we cant show our feelings in public . His parents are against us , mine too and they only suspect that we have a thing going on , they dont know for sure . In order to mantain the relationship we have to lie all the time and that caused us a lot of stress .We both act really insecure and we both are extremely jelous ,but i would say he is more than me . It all started sudddenly and we were really much in love , i was the first one for him sexually and i also was the one he discussed everything with , the one who helped him through everything school work , projects , family issues . He cant bear the thought of me socializing with anyone , and he thinks that everybody arround me has an interest in me .we used to spend all the weekends together in my car or going to another city . This made him loose his friends and change his lifestyle completely . Before me he used to go out with the guys a lot , drinking , playing pool , but during this year he hasnt at all and now he starts to miss this . He told me that he loved me a lot but he needs to get out with the guys too. The moment he told me this i said that he wants out but he doesnt know how to tell this to me. We then agreed to end it because we cant go out together and we feel trapped and that each of us should go his way . we spent a night separately and then he called me to acuse me of flirting with every guy arround me and that he cant go out in a place where i am cause it is extremely painful for him to see me in that position . we talked the next day and we decided that we will stick together and try to trust each other and that i should offer him the freedom he needs because at his age i used to go out too and that i should understand . Yet when i say i agree but i want to go out too when he is out with the guys he sais he cant take that because he saw me that when i go out i hang out only with guys and he doesnt hang out with oher girls . My question here is how should i win him back without causing more trouble . I love him so much and i know he does too , i want to give him the freedom he wants , but i am not sure i will be able to, cause while he is out and i am at home i constantly think that he chooses to be with them instead of me and that if i miss him so much how come he doesnt . But when he goes out with the guys he calls me every half hour and texts me , and when he hears my voice he gets angry that i am upset cause he is out . I wish i knew what to do . I know he has his point but he asks from me the thing he cant give . he asks me to do what he is not able to . Cause if i go and have a coffe with someone he reacts even worse then me . Any suggestions?

[BlueEyedSarah]

You both need to trust each other, especially him, he needs to trust you or no relationship will work with each other.

 

Sure you can miss him, but he can not be around you all the time. Guys and girls like to hang around with their friends, it doesn't mean he likes you any less, he is young, just like you are also and he just wants to be with he's buddies while he can.

 

He thinks of you while he is out with he's buddies because like you said he texts you every half hour.

 

Be happy for him to be out with he's friends, and do something you need to concerntrate on for yourself, like go out with your friends, go to a club, see family, go for a drive or a walk, do something to keep your mind busy while he is with friends.

[WoWaddict]

Hi , i dont know how to start my story so that those who read it understand the whole picture , i am a 21 year old g and i am dating a 17 old year boy . we are together for 1 year now , one year which had wonderfull moments but also messy ones . We live in the same small town where everybody knows everybody so our relationship is basicly secret . we have to hide all the time and we cant show our feelings in public . His parents are against us , mine too and they only suspect that we have a thing going on , they dont know for sure . In order to mantain the relationship we have to lie all the time and that caused us a lot of stress .We both act really insecure and we both are extremely jelous ,but i would say he is more than me . It all started sudddenly and we were really much in love , i was the first one for him sexually and i also was the one he discussed everything with , the one who helped him through everything school work , projects , family issues . He cant bear the thought of me socializing with anyone , and he thinks that everybody arround me has an interest in me .we used to spend all the weekends together in my car or going to another city . This made him loose his friends and change his lifestyle completely . Before me he used to go out with the guys a lot , drinking , playing pool , but during this year he hasnt at all and now he starts to miss this . He told me that he loved me a lot but he needs to get out with the guys too. The moment he told me this i said that he wants out but he doesnt know how to tell this to me. We then agreed to end it because we cant go out together and we feel trapped and that each of us should go his way . we spent a night separately and then he called me to acuse me of flirting with every guy arround me and that he cant go out in a place where i am cause it is extremely painful for him to see me in that position . we talked the next day and we decided that we will stick together and try to trust each other and that i should offer him the freedom he needs because at his age i used to go out too and that i should understand . Yet when i say i agree but i want to go out too when he is out with the guys he sais he cant take that because he saw me that when i go out i hang out only with guys and he doesnt hang out with oher girls . My question here is how should i win him back without causing more trouble . I love him so much and i know he does too , i want to give him the freedom he wants , but i am not sure i will be able to, cause while he is out and i am at home i constantly think that he chooses to be with them instead of me and that if i miss him so much how come he doesnt . But when he goes out with the guys he calls me every half hour and texts me , and when he hears my voice he gets angry that i am upset cause he is out . I wish i knew what to do . I know he has his point but he asks from me the thing he cant give . he asks me to do what he is not able to . Cause if i go and have a coffe with someone he reacts even worse then me . Any suggestions?

 

 

I don't want to come off as harsh, but is a relationship that you have to hide and lie about really worth it? You realize that it's not about just your parents and his parents being against the relationship.... the fact that you guys are together is illegal.

You could end up in jail if someone decided to complain about it. Statutory rape is the only crime that you can be convicted of based on circumstancial evidence. If someone over 18 is dating someone under 18, the law automatically assumes they are having sex (which is Statutory), regardless of what either party says.

 

Even though you guys love each other, love is not a factor when it comes to the law and the age. You might be better off taking a break until he turns 18. It'll give you guys a chance to sort through things, and you won't have to worry about hiding the relationship anymore.

 

Like I said, I'm not trying to sound harsh, but thats the gods honest truth. You seem like a very nice, sincere girl, and you have no business spending time in a women's prison for 10 or 15 years because someone in your small town got a little too nosy.

[ankka13]

yes , you bothe are right , when it started ,me being prosecuted was really a stress and i wanted to avoid being with hime , and having to hide all the time , then to worry wether they saw us .Then hearing all the rumours about us .During a year every situation i wrote before really made me nervous and sometimes desperate . i endd up yelling at him and sometmes blame him for everything , when i am the one who is the adult so i am responsible for the relationship . we tryed so many times to end it , but as me and him have lost almost everyone except each other is very difficult to cut it . every day we talk on the phone , we wake up each other n the phone , he texsts me during his school brakes , he comes to my place evry day for 20 minutes , it is toxic buy we are addicted i guess. last night for example i told him to o out with his buddies and i will stay home . he said that i should go to so we can at least see each other . so i asked one of my friends and we went to a bar , stood there for 30 minutes while he asked me where i was cause he would come there oo . of course i did not mind , but then i felt bad that he stood beside me all the night and he listened to me and my girlfriend so he hadnt had much fun. i told him that i dont mind if he gos back to his buddy , he said he wanted o stay with me , so i really dont know what to think anymore.

[BlueEyedSarah]

stood beside me all the night and he listened to me and my girlfriend so he hadnt had much fun. i told him that i dont mind if he gos back to his buddy , he said he wanted o stay with me , so i really dont know what to think anymore.

He wanted to be with you, to see you, he didn't care if he was bored, as long as he was with you, could see you.

 

I think you should end the relationship until he is legally an adult (Age 18). If he truly wants to be with you then he will wait.

 

If anyone finds out about this relationship with you and this boy then you could get into alot of trouble, just like WoWaddict said before.

 

No matter how 'addicted' to this relationship you say you are...what would you rather want...To be happy with him without having to hide your relationship because he is young or be charged for rape and get locked up behind bars for 10 to 15 years... He would not wait around if you are in prison for that long. You probably would never be able to see him ever again.

[ankka13]

thanks for replying , In the country where i live the age of consent is 16 so we are not running that danger of me getting n jail . we keep it a secret because of our parents and because we both still depend on them and because we decided we wouldnt stop hiding until he finishes highschool and we both would get away from this town , him attending a university , and me working . i am working now too , i am a translator and with this profession i can work anywhere, so relocating for me wuld be easy .he still has two years to attend at highschool and i could have left this town many occasions but i remained because i culdnt imagine leaving him here. People in town know us both very well , me being considered to be a strong independent girl , and him being a cute popular guy all the young girls are after . we also have many things in common , the most important is a dance troupe which i am conducting and he is my leading dancer . the troupe started before we were a couple . we were very close working at the troupe together and after one year of platonic emotional attachement , we got involved . A year had passed since we are together , and two and a half years since we are best friends . we share many good memories : shows we had with troup , departures , audience successes . we feel this dance toupe is our common work and success , so it is even more bonding for us . one more important fact is that his parents got divorced when he was 5 , and his mother is remarried and has a young daughter of four . she married a guy 11 years younger than her so he fact that she is sort of against us is very frustrationg for him .

[WoWaddict]

thanks for replying , In the country where i live the age of consent is 16 so we are not running that danger of me getting n jail . we keep it a secret because of our parents and because we both still depend on them and because we decided we wouldnt stop hiding until he finishes highschool and we both would get away from this town , him attending a university , and me working . i am working now too , i am a translator and with this profession i can work anywhere, so relocating for me wuld be easy .he still has two years to attend at highschool and i could have left this town many occasions but i remained because i culdnt imagine leaving him here. People in town know us both very well , me being considered to be a strong independent girl , and him being a cute popular guy all the young girls are after . we also have many things in common , the most important is a dance troupe which i am conducting and he is my leading dancer . the troupe started before we were a couple . we were very close working at the troupe together and after one year of platonic emotional attachement , we got involved . A year had passed since we are together , and two and a half years since we are best friends . we share many good memories : shows we had with troup , departures , audience successes . we feel this dance toupe is our common work and success , so it is even more bonding for us . one more important fact is that his parents got divorced when he was 5 , and his mother is remarried and has a young daughter of four . she married a guy 11 years younger than her so he fact that she is sort of against us is very frustrationg for him .

 

 

The legal age of consent is 16 almost everywhere. But thats consent to have sex with someone that is also under 18. If you're over 18, dating someone under 18 is still considered statutory rape.

 

I really wish you would consider waiting until he is 18 to continue the relationship, because justifying it through family history and whatnot isn't going to matter if you end up in front of a judge.

This is really serious business, for real. Saying you guys are addicted to each other won't keep you from ending up in jail.

 

All it takes is one nosy neighbor to ruin your entire life.

 

If you guys really care about each other, you guys will be able to cool your jets until he is 18.