Need , where do I go with this?

[LoveHurtz]

Hello. I am a 30 yr old single female who is in need of advice. I posted awhile back on another thread about my situation, but it has changed so I am on this thread. To make a long story short I have been friends for 8 yrs with someone that is also my best friend. He got married and divorced in the last 3 yrs b/c we were in love. Once he was divorced, I had his baby and we tried to make it work out. We lived together for over a year. Then, I had a addiction to pills so I had to go to rehab for a couple of months and we went our seperate ways while I got myself together. The problem is, it has been 6 months since then, I have a great job and am doing well. I love him very much, but we have a child already and I feel we should be married and living as responsible adults and parents. He is living with his mom and I am living with mine for now. He says he is not ready for marriage. My problem is that why waste my time with him if after 8 yrs of knowing him he isn't sure. I know I have put him through alot ( he has done the same with me) but love is unconditional. I want a husband who will not bail out on me when the going gets tough. I don't know what to do, I don't want to walk away b/c I love him and he has been in my life for 8 yrs. But, I also want to move on with my life and build a life with someone who I have a fresh start with and wants the same things I do. He says we need more consistancy to feel good about even getting engaged. I think you can get engaged and that is like a trial period before getting married. I don't know what to do.....Any ideas?

[whichwayisup]

I suggest going to couples therapy and learn how to communicate, listen and take it from there.

 

You two have a child together, so no matter what he'll be a part of your life forever.

 

If it is something you both want, then work together to make it work. If not, then have joint custody and make things as simple as possible for your child.

[Guest]

OP, first off, if he wanted to see you he should have asked you out, not had you meet up with him somewhere - and at a friend's house besides; second, if he made plans to meet you and then didn't show up, then he obviously didn't think the plans he made with you were all that important; third to accuse you of anything, when he's in the wrong is his way of not having to feel bad for his behaving like a jerk in the first place.

 

You did nothing wrong, he did. And hopefully you don't think this is the right guy for you...because he's not, unless you want someone who doesn't care about you, but only cares about himself.

Two wrongs don't make a right.......

 

First, of all he was was wrong for asking you to meet him somewhere, cancel on you and then show up. (What was up with that!)

 

Second, you had no reason to stay by his friends house after he informed you he was not coming. You said it not me. "It was his friends house". It would have been different if you had established a friendship with his friend/friends after a certain period of time. Then you decided to stay because you knew him too.

 

I think it was wrong on both of your parts but that is just my opinion. I also, agree with the majority, I think you may have been set up.

[Seen_It_All]

Then, I had a addiction to pills so I had to go to rehab for a couple of months and we went our seperate ways while I got myself together.

 

This is what he does when the going gets tough? Runs home to mommy? Were you not living together in a supposedly committed relationship? Why didn't he stay and take care of the child you had TOGETHER while you got the help you so desperately needed? His answer when the going got tough was to bail and run home and live at his mother's?????

 

I think you have a pretty good idea of what this guy is really made of. Did he not divorce his wife because he was supposedly in love with you? So it's quite apparent he wasn't capable of being honest in his marriage. Be GLAD that he at least recognizes the fact that he's clearly NOT marriage material - because he isn't.

 

He couldn't be honest with his wife and he bailed on you the second things got rough. You really need to take a giant step backwards and see this guy for the pathetic coward he is.