smilebrite Posted July 25, 2002 Share Posted July 25, 2002 my boyfriend is a porn freak he mastubates to internet porn everyday and has a huge collection of video tapes he rents them and makes a copy before returning them. we had been together for years before i even knew that he was doing this. i don't know if it should bother me or not he does it discretly i found out because i asked otherwise i might not have ever known. i never had a problem with porn but looking at pictures of naked women and coochies on the internet is a little unnerving but he says it the same as porn. i see his point but i don't think its right should i try to put a stop to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 25, 2002 Share Posted July 25, 2002 It would be my guess that, at some point, this will become a serious problem for your relationship. His behavior would indicate that he prefers masturbation with porn over regular sex...which is always problematic. I wouldn't take the relationship any further until he receives treatment for his very serious addiction to both porn and masturbation. You should consult with a medical or psychology professional to hear the details of just how his addiction could affect your life in the future should you decide to make him your lifelong partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 25, 2002 Share Posted July 25, 2002 It's definately disrespectful to you and your relationship, but I guess one GOOD side about it is...at least he told you when you asked. Link to post Share on other sites
smilebrite Posted July 26, 2002 Share Posted July 26, 2002 the only reason that it dosen't bother is because he is discrete and the masturbation don't disrupt our sex life he is great in bed he has even learn some stuff from porn and brought it to the bed room that i love. i just don't understand all the porn and wonder are most guys like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 26, 2002 Share Posted July 26, 2002 I wonder the same thing...and my boyfriend just can't explain it to me. At least he stopped looking at porn for me...bc it REALLY bothered me. Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted July 27, 2002 Share Posted July 27, 2002 I don't know why some enjoy watching porn day after day. I think its just because. If its no affecting his intimacy with you and because you only found out through asking him, why let it bother you? Could it be a small case of jealousy? You both need to give each other your own space and time to yourselves when ever possible to keep a healthy r/s. If he chooses to watch some porn during some of his free time there shouldn't be anything to worry about. Allot of men look at nudity. I know many many men who have playboy mags thrown around the bath rooms or spread out on the living room coffee table. Its just their nature. I think they were cursed with that need like us women are cursed with our own things. Seriously, as long as it doesn't interfere with your r/s with him, don't bother him about it. Men will be men. Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted July 27, 2002 Share Posted July 27, 2002 Not all men do this. I work in the computer business, fixing many many computers per month direct from customers. You would not believe how many of them have HIDDEN porn in their computers. Not only does this cause problems with their computers, but it sickens me that I'm the one that has to remove it. No customer has ever said anything after I've deleted all the porn! Now, I can assure that there are very few people who don't do this! Sometimes it's not even just the men. I really hate that part of the job. Since every directory on every machine that comes in has to be searched for viruses automatically and manually, the stuff is always found. It's weird though... people will hide it in weird named folders in other programs that are installed. Link to post Share on other sites
Cadydid5 Posted August 8, 2002 Share Posted August 8, 2002 really gotta disagree with tony here, and agree with velvet. just b/c he is into porn doesn't mean he is a freak or has a problem. he is a guy,and while some may truly not be interested in it, and others are willing to be whipped and give it up, most just like to get off- thats all. there's no deep thing about it. like you said- it doesn't interfere w/ your sex life, so why do you care so much? don't buy into the whole thing thats it has to do with you, please be smarter than that- he was probably into this way before you. my biggest suggestion would be to loosen up and get over it. even better would be to help yourself not feel rejected by getting him to involve you with it, like watch a movie with him or something. its not all icky poo poo people- loosen up. Link to post Share on other sites
tanita Posted April 3, 2003 Share Posted April 3, 2003 Chill out girl! If you can't beat it,join it! All guys watch porn and the best way to deal with it is to join him! Sometimes,my guy calls up and says "hey, i'm watching a porn moovie wanna join?" and i do!O r sometimes,whaen we are just sitting and chilling out,i ask him if he has a new porn moovi we have not seen yet! This way,he knows i know and he shares it with me.I know that he also watches it alone,when i'm not around but frankly,i would be worried if my guy did not watch the occasional porn moovie-ALL guys do and i think it is natural and healthy-at least he SEES and not DOES with someone else. We all have our fantasies! Now,maybe you do not like it and well,that is a prob.But,it can be fun to watch together. Link to post Share on other sites
Pookette Posted April 3, 2003 Share Posted April 3, 2003 smilebrite: You can read my thread. Its under Marriage/Infidelity. Pretty much the same thing. I myself hate the stuff, so I can understand where you're coming from. It feels good to get opinions from unbiased sources, so look for porn addiction stuff on the web. You'll be surprised at what you find. Good luck there. It's going to sound really horrible, but at least you can find someone else if need be. Bill: Its nice to know not all men do this. Wish I had known the details before I got married. Perhaps I would have taken a look at everything before I took the plunge. Link to post Share on other sites
Badkitty Posted May 28, 2003 Share Posted May 28, 2003 I am having the same struggle with my boyfriend and the whole porn thing. I trust him, I have looked thru all of his mags. The thing that gets me is going to my computer and seeing how much of it he looks at and what kind of girls he looks at. They are all blonde (I am not) and they all have large breasts(dont have those either). I feel threatened and angry. I am an attractive person that keeps my shape. I dont get why I am not enough for him to look at. I just dont want this to lead to something else like cybersex. Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted May 28, 2003 Share Posted May 28, 2003 Originally posted by tanita All guys watch porn ...................................ALL guys do. Unless you've taken some world-wide survey of all men, I think you're making a rather unfounded generalization/assumption that "all men" watch porn. Statements like that are about as ludicrous to me as someone saying "all women love shopping" or "all women want to have babies." Also, telling someone who's got a problem with their b/f's daily porn viewing/whacking off to it to "chill out" is a little insulting, I'd say.......about the same as suggesting that she should simply "join him." Why should she? What if she's not into that, would you then accuse her of being a prude? And to whoever it was (CatyDid5?) who suggested she "loosen up"..see, I think insulting comments like that have no place on a forum where people have gathered up the courage to come and share what troubles them. To me it comes across as telling someone that their concerns are stupid and anal. When a person is so into porn/masturbating to porn that it's beginning to affect his relationship (which it obviously is here, or else the poster wouldn't be here seekinga advice), then it either is, or is verging on, an addiction to it. Not all women are opposed to their guys watching porn because it "makes them jealous"..jealous of what? Jealous of bimbos with fake boobs and lots of airbrushing? Jealous of women who have no more self respect than to set women back hundreds of years by being part of an industry that objectifies women and makes them appear to be nothing more than f*ckholes and sperm receptacles? Maybe there are actually women out there who are disgusted with their men who support an industry that exploits women.....?? Of course it couldn't be that. *shaking head* PS..Tanita. What's a "moovie"? Is that a flick with cows in it? LOL (um, you meant "movie") Link to post Share on other sites
jessicakicksbut Posted May 28, 2003 Share Posted May 28, 2003 Not all guys watch porn, and that doesn't mean they are less of a man because they actually stand up for themselves against the stuff, and realize it is fake and can not take the place of "real intimacy". Link to post Share on other sites
analeen2 Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 I have the same problem with my hubby, he loves watching porn movies, nude pictures and even sending pictures of himself to women in chatroom. The only problem is he never told me anything about this until I've managed to log on to get his password where pictures of nude women and even emails with nude pictures. I have confronted him about this. I cant see any reason why he prefers having sex with these women thru internet than having sex with me as his wife at all. Link to post Share on other sites
wideawake Posted June 24, 2003 Share Posted June 24, 2003 Here's my view. I'm a guy that has enjoyed watching porn from time to time. Even I find it a little disturbing that her boyfriend does this on a daily basis, and then actually has a collection of tapes. I don't know, it sounds like a problem to me. smilebrite - I think you're right to question this. If it's upsetting you and affecting your relationship, than it's not right. Simple as that. As an fyi - the only times I've really watched porn is when I've been single, or in a relationship where I wasn't satisfied with the sexual part of the relationship (i.e., not enough....) I have watched porn with a couple of girlfriends though, and that has been the best by far!!!! Not saying this is in any way your situation with him, but just my 2 cents. But yeah, I don't think it's right to become fixated on porn.... Link to post Share on other sites
Stupid Posted June 28, 2003 Share Posted June 28, 2003 LETS CUT TO THE CHASE!!!! Uhm ur husband/boyfriend is still horny for all the ladies out there else why woud he be looking at pOrN!!!!!!! if ur born american, ur born with porn! and always horny 4 all the women. its everywhere in our society, implicitly as they say, on TV and magazines and just sex in general. here and the UK everyone is crazy . He aint in love with U! but dont worry, its so rare to fall in love these days no one does that much. uhm, i once fell in love with this girl and she was kind of fat but she had the most beautiful face and even tho she had a rather terrible body, the day I met her and talked to her and for the next month as we went on dates, I never, ever even thought about looking at porn AT ALL!! and this is coming foma porn freak. see true, true, super rare love means u dont wanna see porn cuz u see an angel instead. Im 26. ive had about 7 girlfriends. i fell in true love with 3 of them. But i looked at porn when i was with 2 of em. The only one i never looked at porn when i was with her was the chick-with the bad body but incredible face. I thought i was looking into the gates of heaven when i was with her... So this is to say, basically the only time a man doesnt want to see porn is when he feels spirtiually uplifted either by a girl thru love or by his own self!!!! and thats rare these days Link to post Share on other sites
just wonderin Posted July 12, 2003 Share Posted July 12, 2003 I did not mind my hubby looking at porn mags and movies here at home, but after he bought his computer and he would get so upset if I came anywhere close to him while he was on-line and checking emails, he would act so upset and weird! Not to mention that he would not tell me his password for nearly a year! He works out of town all the time and I try to get him to talk on the instant messenger with me and he just refuses. but now Ifind all kinds of porno ads and have received emails of with other ladies names and the subject lines are sounding very personal and when i open them there is no message and also found adies profiles on his history and I confronted him about it and he said he was just f****** around on that site. And things he has said to me in the past and all this bothers me tremendously! Makes me wonder just what he does on the road? Him being all alone in his truck supposely and hardly ever calls to just chat and now he says his telephone is broke(cell)! Ummmmm? Link to post Share on other sites
worried Posted July 21, 2003 Share Posted July 21, 2003 all i can say is that your lucky your boyfriend admitted to you when you confronted him about the situation, my boyfriend lied straight to my face when i asked him about it and if he gets excited by looking at porn on the net, i think he was shocked that i figured the truth out, when i told him that i figured it out he still tryed to deny it but the truth came out finally. i'm not sure what to do any more its like all the trust has just walked out the door, i'm so upset over it and its harder because we've been together for 3 years. Link to post Share on other sites
niko1999 Posted July 21, 2003 Share Posted July 21, 2003 Wow, I guess I am lucky, my bf is far from a porn addict. Yah, he has his collection, picked up when he was single, and I know what he has, probably more than what he has(he has the worst memories for things!!!!). The closest he gets to porn is his playboy magazines and maxim magazines, and he throws those out afterwards(he knows I dont like them, and Iappreciate the fact taht he does that for me becuase he respects my feelings). But enough about me:) Now, you say this is not effecting your relationship, but to some point it is, becuase you have seeked out the advice of others on the subject. Maybe you just needed to find out if it was normal(sorry, I read your post forever ago, so I kind of forgot some stuff). Its good that it does not effect your relationship to the extent that porn can effect a relationship. I think you just need to let him know taht you DO know, that you DO appreciate the fact that he wasnt blatantly obvious about his daily masturbation, but that you wish he would not do so on such a regular basis. As for the fact taht it even seems to HELP your sex life, have you ever read the disclaimers at the beginning of a porn? It says for purposes of teaching! Glad to know it works for you too!!!! But seriously, see if maybe he will cut back a little bit? If he can easily, than he doesnt have (too) much of a problem, but my personal opinion is that if a guy looks at porn all the time, he has a slight problem, but so does someone who smokes regularly. I need my coffee fixes:) Link to post Share on other sites
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