how to stop a girl's obsession with my BF?

[Guest]

I think this co-worker of my BF is obsessed with him, and I want to stop her from sniffing around, but I don't know how exactly.

 

The story is about 6 months ago this girl and her friend started to invite my BF out with all the work group, so it seemed innocent enough. But when he invited me along sometimes her attidute to me was snippy, she'd make fun of things I'd say or just stare at me when i spoke, in a way that girls do when they want to make you uncomfortable (guys do not pick up on that, only girls do).

 

Anyways, it started to get annoying when my BF was looking at his emails and I was shocked that so many were from her, inviting him out for group outings, but some were more private, for just her and her friend and him to hang out. He turned down so many, I was surprised she keeps trying after so many months. She even texts him to remind him, but he tells me that she is doing that with everyone at work. I feel it is a cover up and she just wants to get with him. She is totally disrespecting me, and I know what she is doing. She is making a fool of herself but it is getting me mad because any office party, there she is, trying to get his attention, being nice to me in front of him but is is so fake.

 

He always invited me too, and said the invites extended to me, but I noticed she put way too much emphasis on him when we were around, like she wanted his attention really bad. She started to get touchy with him, and made jokes that were sexual in nature (asking him if he liked so and so song, they always were very sexually titled songs)

that's when we both agreed that she was making us uncomfortable.He always tried to stay neutral, she is always approaching him, but she seems to take his neutrality as a green light to keep it up.

 

So he started to make excuses to not go out for all the gatherings she would invite him /us to. But when we go to a comany party, just to see everyone else, I see her watching him and us and how we interact while sizing me up and it is really giving me the creeps.

 

I thought us ignoring her invites would make her back off, he does not want to create a tense work environment by confrontation, he is a very passive person actually. And I am very shy , she is pretty aggressive and ballsy.

 

Anyways, so at the last company party she still jumps in next to him and tries to talk to him or make sexual jokes and "playfully" grab at him. I should probably say something but she is cunning, she would make it look like I was overreacting. Also, she gave me a lot of attidute, because I guess she sees me as her competition.

 

I told my BF he is going to have to drop the nice guy thing and plain be mean. This girl is really getting on my nerves, how much farther do we have to go to get her off his s**T? If I call her on it, it may not make as much difference unless my BF does, but I doubt he will ever be able to say something flat out nasty to her, as that seems the only thing to make her realize their is no hope for her-- so I know I have to do the rest. Any suggestions? I am really not good at this..

[ahsumgurl909]

IMO I would just keep ignoring her. If she gets any type of reaction out of you she will have suceeded. People like her thrive on getting under peoples skin. As long as she realizes she made you uncomfortable she will know she put some strain on the relationship.

 

DO NOT ACT LIKE YOU EVEN NOTICE HER RUDENESS! She will get worse for a few more parties because she aint getting a rise out of you. If you know your BF isnt interested and can trust him let her continue to make a fool of herself. If she did ever have a chance it will totally turn your BF off. As long as she thinks you dont notice her lame inuendos etc. She will soon bury herself and her head in the sand.

 

Just my opinion. Good luck

[Walk]

I agree with the above poster. Ignore her behavior. You and your bf have to be in total agreement on this. A united front. Her behavior will get worse for a while, but in the end she'll back off. She'll get bored of not getting a response from either of you, and she'll move on to easier prey.

[whichwayisup]

OR he can just tell her that he isn't interested in socializing with her or any other woman that he works with outside of work. He needs to be very clear and percise so she will get the hint. Not rude, but firm. And at work, he needs to be professional not personal with her at all.

[Guest]

Thanks everyone! It is just so confusing, I've often avoided confrontation thinking that would give her more fuel, and my bf wants to keep a "nice" work environment so has been avoiding any kind of clear discussion.

 

The ignoring sounds good, I was just curious if anyone had had previous experience with this, I would not want this to go on on indefinitely.....unfortunately it has put a strain on us, because I have tried to get him to just flat out tell her it is not acceptable, as the above poster suggested, but I don't think my bf will do that-- he says he will but then he never actually does, he is just hoping it will go away on it's own.

 

My problem is that unless he is icy to her, she is taking any bit of professional cordiality as a green light. And I spoke to him and we left it off that he would try to be mean to her, but I won't hold my breath, he is a more passive "go along with the crowd" type, doesn't make waves so I feel angry at him, I just wish he would in this one situation..... i get angry that this one thing has been the only thing we argue about for the past few months. It is so easily solveable if he would tell hr to back off, but instead I cringe anytime we have to see her. He does too because he knows we'll probably argue about it after.

 

Thanks for hearing me vent here, it was good to hear your feedback-- happy holidays everyone!

[Individual3]

 

My problem is that unless he is icy to her, she is taking any bit of professional cordiality as a green light. And I spoke to him and we left it off that he would try to be mean to her, but I won't hold my breath, he is a more passive "go along with the crowd" type, doesn't make waves so I feel angry at him, I just wish he would in this one situation..... i get angry that this one thing has been the only thing we argue about for the past few months. It is so easily solveable if he would tell hr to back off, but instead I cringe anytime we have to see her. He does too because he knows we'll probably argue about it after.

 

 

Oh boy can I relate to this! My boyfriend is the same way. It's like he's afraid to hurt these people's feelings or something. There are some girls that like him, but instead of telling them to piss off he still acts friendly towards them. He says he doesn't have any feelings for them and if they want to like him it's not his fault. I know he won't do anything but it makes me angry that he's not rude or cold to them.

[BlueEyedSarah]

I agree with other posters that you and your boyfriend should ignore this girl.

When you go on these company outings do you often hang in a big group of others? Maybe if you did this all the time she will not have a chance to really act the fool when your both with a whole big group.

[Guest]

Yes, lately it has only been in a group and it doesn't stop her, and get this-we don't even approach her or anything-now she will come up and stand next to him , it is outrageous!!

 

but because it is not other people's signifigant other they probably don't see it the same as I do. God forbid if an opportunity to make sexual innuendos comes up, mostly I would dismiss her, but it causes big rows between him and me because I hate to think she is all like "haha her guy still is nice to me even after I give his girl a bit of attidute" but he said he did not hear what she said to me the last time (not worth repeating, trust me, it was catty) so that is why he was being normal when everyone was joking around in the group.

 

It is becoming more of a power thing between her and I, and I can ignore it or not but unfortunately that is what it is now......and anytime he is even tolerant or neutral to her it burns me inside cuz I can tell that those crumbs are like a score to her.

 

Now he suggested we avoid all parties/get togethers whenever she will be there (going forward), and it just makes me mad we have to do that, how can a person be so relentless??

 

but maybe avoiding her is all we can do considering no firm talk will realistically happen.....and the alternatives (me seething for weeks after) is not so good either.