Men-honest:questionaire Re: Porn

[rtHawk]

:ook. ?? for HONEST, genuine men who are in LTR, marriage or serious relationships and still watch porn; with or without the understanding of your SO. This is not a post for condemnation or generalization or man bashing at all..... just for understanding the inner mind of men...

THANK YOU.

I have read many articles, discussed with lots of friends both women and men some of the issues around porn and am trying to help us all better understand how some men view porn, how it does or doesn't affect their relatiohsips and how we as women can try to better understand our partners.

 

please answer these ???l:

when you watch:

 

is it for the scripted sex?

is it for the porn girls?

do you think of your partner?

do you imagine you are with the porn girls?

do you feel badly if you know your partner doesn't care for the porn?

 

how do you view the porn chicks? is it their body parts or them as a whole

if body parts: is it T/A .. crotch shots?

 

if it is body parts.. what is most important?

 

do you know there are women going to plastic surgery for labioplasty? trimming the inner labia to be "porn perfect" so no labia shows from the outer ones because it is considered not as attractive? what do you think about that?

if you are with a woman who has been blessed with larger labia, does it bother you? do you wish she would have surgery so she could look like the porn girls?

how important is the "perfect pu$$y?"

 

do you know women are now having anal bleaching so they could have more pink anal areas to look more like porn chicks.??

what do you think of that??

 

if body parts are important to you, after watching porn, do you feel you can see that this is not real and that "real women" don't look like that.??

does it affect how you see your woman/partner?

do you think it could in the future?

 

how important is intimacy to you??

 

do you watch with your partner and get aroused ?--if so, do you feel it is unjust as you are getting aroused by looking at other nude-exposed-women and their intimate bodies??? but then go to your partner to satisfy your arousal?????

 

 

do you consider it unreasonable to be asked to stop watching?

if you were asked --because you know it is so hurtful to her, would you?

could you?

if not, why wouldn't you try?

Thank you for your honest responses

[Rooster_DAR]

:ook. ?? for HONEST, genuine men who are in LTR, marriage or serious relationships and still watch porn; with or without the understanding of your SO. This is not a post for condemnation or generalization or man bashing at all..... just for understanding the inner mind of men...

THANK YOU.

I have read many articles, discussed with lots of friends both women and men some of the issues around porn and am trying to help us all better understand how some men view porn, how it does or doesn't affect their relatiohsips and how we as women can try to better understand our partners.

 

please answer these ???l:

when you watch:

 

is it for the scripted sex?

is it for the porn girls?

do you think of your partner?

do you imagine you are with the porn girls?

do you feel badly if you know your partner doesn't care for the porn?

 

I always think of my partner and not the porn star singularly, usually with another man or woman involved with both of us.

 

how do you view the porn chicks? is it their body parts or them as a whole

if body parts: is it T/A .. crotch shots?

 

They have to have a least an average body, and for me they need to be shaved but preferably a brazillian trim.

 

if it is body parts.. what is most important?

Their vagina and how it's kept up..trimmed.

 

do you know there are women going to plastic surgery for labioplasty? trimming the inner labia to be "porn perfect" so no labia shows from the outer ones because it is considered not as attractive? what do you think about that?

 

Self improvement through technology is not bad, but natural can be just as sexy

 

if you are with a woman who has been blessed with larger labia, does it bother you? do you wish she would have surgery so she could look like the porn girls?

 

My EX had a very large labia, I didn't mind it a bit cause she trimmed and groomed.

 

how important is the "perfect pu$$y?"

 

Perfect pussy is not important to me, but keeping the hair in control is.

 

do you know women are now having anal bleaching so they could have more pink anal areas to look more like porn chicks.??

what do you think of that??

 

Didn't know this, but it's not necessary to me to attract me.

 

if body parts are important to you, after watching porn, do you feel you can see that this is not real and that "real women" don't look like that.??

does it affect how you see your woman/partner?

do you think it could in the future?

 

It does not affect how I view a woman at all.

 

how important is intimacy to you??

 

Very important, but sometimes hardcore sex is nice as well

 

do you watch with your partner and get aroused ?--if so, do you feel it is unjust as you are getting aroused by looking at other nude-exposed-women and their intimate bodies??? but then go to your partner to satisfy your arousal?????

 

No, she can watch porn with a good looking stud with a large organ, I would hope it turns her on and it would not bother me.

 

do you consider it unreasonable to be asked to stop watching?

 

No, it's part of compromising in a relationship

 

if you were asked --because you know it is so hurtful to her, would you?

could you?

 

Absolutely!

 

if not, why wouldn't you try?

Thank you for your honest responses

N/A

[GreenEyedLady]

I am really intrigued that women personalize porn so much...I don't really care as long as it doesn't affect the R...men like it because they're visual...right?...

 

As long as you're secure in yourself and your R, why is it so threatening?

[Rooster_DAR]

I am really intrigued that women personalize porn so much...I don't really care as long as it doesn't affect the R...men like it because they're visual...right?...

 

As long as you're secure in yourself and your R, why is it so threatening?

 

I never understood that either. Women need to be more open about their sexuality if you ask me, perhaps even watch porn with their partner once in a while. I think the reason for this is that religion amongs other culprits have shamed women for being sexual.

 

Cheers!

[GreenEyedLady]

I never understood that either. Women need to be more open about their sexuality if you ask me, perhaps even watch porn with their partner once in a while. I think the reason for this is that religion amongs other culprits have shamed women for being sexual.

 

Cheers!

 

I agree...I think you're right about the religious aspect of it...I think it's so sad...we have these beautiful bodies, in various shapes and sizes and instead of celebrating the diversity, we hide it and think we're not good enough?! I don't think so...I like my body and I'm not afraid to share it with my partner...and whatever adds to the experience, why not?

[Rooster_DAR]

I agree...I think you're right about the religious aspect of it...I think it's so sad...we have these beautiful bodies, in various shapes and sizes and instead of celebrating the diversity, we hide it and think we're not good enough?! I don't think so...I like my body and I'm not afraid to share it with my partner...and whatever adds to the experience, why not?

 

I couldn't agree more, it seems though we still live in a nation that is inhibited by early human religion and culture. It's particularly bad where I live, here in the bible belt. I used to live in California, where people were quite a bit more open that here. The women I dated in Cali were much better in bed than they are here in the south, very different cultural diversities.

[GreenEyedLady]

Ya gotta love California! Well, I do...Pretty laid-back and easy-going...I've been to Texas, my sister and her family moved out there...Very different than here....Couldn't wait to get back where I felt like I wasn't a freak...

[Rooster_DAR]

Ya gotta love California! Well, I do...Pretty laid-back and easy-going...I've been to Texas, my sister and her family moved out there...Very different than here....Couldn't wait to get back where I felt like I wasn't a freak...

 

Yeah, I live in northern California for somwhere around 10 years, when I moved back here I just hated it. It's like everyone down here is 20 years behind. I do like the southern comfort though, but it took me a while to get used to how nice people are down here. It also seems that people are uninformed and undeducated down here, but perhaps is just cause it so slow paced here.

 

I always told myself that Cali would be my home, but still have not make it back yet, too crowded.

[GreenEyedLady]

I do like the southern comfort though, but it took me a while to get used to how nice people are down here.

 

Had to laugh at this one... You must have visited Orange County then...

[tommyr]

I sense some anger in this post, but if I can help by honestly answering your questions, here goes.

 

is it for the scripted sex?

dunno what you mean here

is it for the porn girls?

yes, i enjoy seeing naked ladies (not so much girls)

 

do you think of your partner?

no

 

do you imagine you are with the porn girls?

no, its just entertainment from a safe distance

 

do you feel badly if you know your partner doesn't care for the porn?

not applicable. my wife knows I like porn, she probably does not know its a quick thing almost daily. NO I dont feel badly about this expression of my sexuality

 

how do you view the porn chicks? is it their body parts or them as a whole

if body parts: is it T/A .. crotch shots?

I would say body in general but I do have some favorite parts too

 

if it is body parts.. what is most important?

I like athletic legs and abs

 

do you know there are women going to plastic surgery for labioplasty? trimming the inner labia to be "porn perfect" so no labia shows from the outer ones because it is considered not as attractive? what do you think about that?

if you are with a woman who has been blessed with larger labia, does it bother you? do you wish she would have surgery so she could look like the porn girls?

how important is the "perfect pu$$y?"

sounds bizarre, but if a woman decides to do that, i suppose she has reasons that make sense to her

 

do you know women are now having anal bleaching so they could have more pink anal areas to look more like porn chicks.??

what do you think of that??

you are suggesting that I am somehow responsible for weird things that some people do to themselves?

 

if body parts are important to you, after watching porn, do you feel you can see that this is not real and that "real women" don't look like that.??

does it affect how you see your woman/partner?

do you think it could in the future?

i like natural pics (not the airbrushed fake stuff) so mostly what I see is actually "real women" who just happen to be in excellent shape physically.

 

how important is intimacy to you??

an odd question since intimacy has nothing to do with porn: these are orthogonal ideas for me. Intimacy is about emotional needs. Porn is about physical needs. No intersection.

 

do you watch with your partner and get aroused ?--if so, do you feel it is unjust as you are getting aroused by looking at other nude-exposed-women and their intimate bodies??? but then go to your partner to satisfy your arousal?????

my wife does not watch porn with me, i do this alone, and only when sex with the wife is not an option (usually because she only seems to want sex twice per month)

 

 

do you consider it unreasonable to be asked to stop watching?

in the absence of offering me any alternative relief (like agree to sex 5X per week) then it would be unjust to ask me stop watching

 

if you were asked --because you know it is so hurtful to her, would you?

could you?

Honestly, I dunno if I could totally stop all use of porn. Maybe it depends on your definition of porn. Is Victoria's Secret catalog porn? I just seem to NEED regular orgasms far more often than sex is possible (even back when my wife had a normal sex drive).

 

if not, why wouldn't you try?

If my wife ordered me to stop, yet offered me no help obtaining almost daily orgasm, the only honest response I could say isI CANNOT STOP

[Okeydokey]

 

an odd question since intimacy has nothing to do with porn: these are orthogonal ideas for me. Intimacy is about emotional needs. Porn is about physical needs. No intersection.

 

[/b]

 

rthawk - I think this is right on here... Relationships are tough enough and there are enough serious problems to deal with (eg. spouse is indifferent, spouse is an alcoholic, spouse is financially irresponsible, spouse lies etc.) that I would save your energy, arguing and worrying for something else that is more dangerous to a healthy relationship. Watching the porn has nothing to do with you or your SO appreciation of your physical appearance. tommyr's comment is right on - there is probably no way WE want to have sex as often as they do - so for guys this ends up being kind of a physical health and maintenance issue (ie. dudes get pretty crazy when they're all pent up and frustrated).

[Guest]

You can find some of the most beautiful women you've ever seen in the horniest of situations. When I view it I imagine I am the one giving them the orgasm. Sometimes you only view a woman for a particular body part that may turn you on. Other times it's the whole package.

 

The way I see it, it's merely a safe way of living out fantasies of being with all types of women that turn you on who you otherwise couldn't be with in real life. I've been married for 20 years and my wife doesn't care about sex anymore or would do the things you see these women doing on the internet.

 

If wives would be as horny and wild as the women on the internet, men like myself wouldn't need a reason to run to the computer to get their jollies.

[AManWithTroubles]

Porn. It's great, for a spell. My wife tells me that she expresses love in other ways, she's not interested in sex. Is that selfish? Should I rid myself of sex forever because she could care less?

 

When I watch porn, it's not about the looks of the women. I look for women who are into it, women that really show a genuine lust. I hate the faker porn, where the women look like they're only doing it for the cash. I want some good horny women up on my screen. In all reality, I think it's me wishing that that woman is my wife. That my wife loves sex and can't get enough of it.

 

I would say that when I was much younger, it was about the looks of a woman, but I'm beyond that, and the paragraph above applies now to what I want in porn.

 

But as to going to my wife to satisfy my arousal. That, for the most part, is impossible. I satisfy myself, porn helps get it out. Without porn, the orgasms would be weak and leave me in a frustrated manner. If I'm not getting off after about 2 to 3 days time, I get pretty mean, seriously. It's nature, right? Just like PMS? I have every right to get rid of that pressure. I would much rather it be with my wife, but that's more like a monthly routine. I seriously doubt that I could wait a month. I don't even think I could try.

[Rooster_DAR]

she's not interested in sex

 

Perhaps you should look into this a little further, sounds to me like you relationship could be in trouble.

 

Otherwise, I agree with some of the things you are saying about the porn and wishing it was your wife that was that sexual.

[Guest]

Perhaps you should look into this a little further, sounds to me like you relationship could be in trouble.

 

Been there, done that. I'm beyond all that now. On to better things.

[AManWithTroubles]

Perhaps you should look into this a little further, sounds to me like you relationship could be in trouble.

 

Already been there, done that. Onto other better things now.

[rtHawk]

pLEASE TRY NOT TO BASH ANY MEN HERE, I POSTED TO TRY AND GAIN INSIGHT FOR MYSELF AND OTHER WOMEN WHO FEEL SOME OF THE SAME WAY AS I DO.

 

I never understood that either. Women need to be more open about their sexuality if you ask me, perhaps even watch porn with their partner once in a while.!

 

please explain how watching together ( so a man can get aroused looking at some porn chick's spread leg close up crotch shot)(and then getting down with his lady) how does that make one more open to their sexuality?????

 

Watching the porn has nothing to do with you or your SO appreciation of your physical appearance.

REALLY??? see below

 

 	You can find some of the most beautiful women you've ever seen in the horniest of situations. When I view it I imagine I am the one giving them the orgasm. 

 

just trying to make some points here, but truthfully, I quess it all boils down to who you are and who your partner is and how you either both understand or work out your sexuality and its nuances.

 

All I can say is, that I feel for the men who don't have supportive women with them when it comes to fulfulling your needs...

but, that is not all of the women.

I know I am slim, may not be an air brushed model, but not an unattractive woman, I work out, exercise, smile, laugh, intelligent, keep up with three teens and work fulll time and still love love love SEX--lots of it and in all sorts of ways and styles (minus third parties) have even made our own movies... but I do not see how porn can make me more open to my sexuality--I am as open to it simply becuase I love him and love getting hot and sweaty and feel and do and taste with him..... with him..not with some porn (slut's) (makes me feel better with that reference) crotch and butt in my face.... that is not a turn on. I am not into faux lesbianism, am not bi curious and have only a hetero interest. I know women are beautiful but it doesn't mean I need to see their boobs giggle to get me turned on. I don't need to see my guy get turned on to that and then "use" me to finish off his arousal gained by a porn chick.

Thought we aren't living together , I understand the need can't be satisfied if we can't be together but there are other options. I know i don't fantasize about other dudes and don't need to --he's all I want and need and have in my mind together or apart.

 

So, me, like other women who give give give and try their best to stay in shape, work out and love their man--mind, body and soul----and love SEX ...alot and often......

what the need for porn????(and thankfully it isn't an addiction)

[Rooster_DAR]

pLEASE TRY NOT TO BASH ANY MEN HERE, I POSTED TO TRY AND GAIN INSIGHT FOR MYSELF AND OTHER WOMEN WHO FEEL SOME OF THE SAME WAY AS I DO.

 

 

 

please explain how watching together ( so a man can get aroused looking at some porn chick's spread leg close up crotch shot)(and then getting down with his lady) how does that make one more open to their sexuality?????

 

 

REALLY??? see below

 

     You can find some of the most beautiful women you've ever seen in the horniest of situations. When I view it I imagine I am the one giving them the orgasm. 

just trying to make some points here, but truthfully, I quess it all boils down to who you are and who your partner is and how you either both understand or work out your sexuality and its nuances.

 

All I can say is, that I feel for the men who don't have supportive women with them when it comes to fulfulling your needs...

but, that is not all of the women.

I know I am slim, may not be an air brushed model, but not an unattractive woman, I work out, exercise, smile, laugh, intelligent, keep up with three teens and work fulll time and still love love love SEX--lots of it and in all sorts of ways and styles (minus third parties) have even made our own movies... but I do not see how porn can make me more open to my sexuality--I am as open to it simply becuase I love him and love getting hot and sweaty and feel and do and taste with him..... with him..not with some porn (slut's) (makes me feel better with that reference) crotch and butt in my face.... that is not a turn on. I am not into faux lesbianism, am not bi curious and have only a hetero interest. I know women are beautiful but it doesn't mean I need to see their boobs giggle to get me turned on. I don't need to see my guy get turned on to that and then "use" me to finish off his arousal gained by a porn chick.

Thought we aren't living together , I understand the need can't be satisfied if we can't be together but there are other options. I know i don't fantasize about other dudes and don't need to --he's all I want and need and have in my mind together or apart.

 

So, me, like other women who give give give and try their best to stay in shape, work out and love their man--mind, body and soul----and love SEX ...alot and often......

what the need for porn????(and thankfully it isn't an addiction)

 

I don't believe anyone said there is a need for porn, it's just another avenue of exploring sexuality. There is nothing wrong with it. It's really between the couple to decide how they are going to fulfill there sexual roles together, and it's nobody's elses business what so ever.

[new_stella]

I look for women who are into it, women that really show a genuine lust.

 

You realise, of course, that those women are not REALLY horny?

 

In fact, you’ve probably never seen a horny porn star.

 

The problem with that is: they are setting up standards of how a woman should behave when she is horny.

In reality, genuinely horny woman doesn’t act like a ‘horny’ porn star. (Thank God!) I’m sure men who have had both experiences would tell you the same.

Real horny woman is much hotter…well, providing you don’t expect her to act like a porn star. If she does, it means she’s not really horny and is just faking.

 

If wives would be as horny and wild as the women on the internet, men like myself wouldn't need a reason to run to the computer to get their jollies.

Would you be happier if your wife was just acting like those ‘Internet women’?

 

I hate the faker porn, where the women look like they're only doing it for the cash

Are there any other kinds of porn?

Are you talking about the interactive stuff like webcams?

[new_stella]

Women need to be more open about their sexuality if you ask me, perhaps even watch porn with their partner once in a while. I think the reason for this is that religion amongs other culprits have shamed women for being sexual.

I could be considered to be a sexually open woman (hum, lets just say I’m into some pretty kinky stuff and no stranger to threesomes), and I’m telling you, not getting aroused by women in porn has nothing to do with ‘sexual openness’.

 

How many men would get aroused by the image of a naked man spreading his legs and playing with himself??

 

( Sometimes I wish I was bi – it would solve a few problems and open new horizons…)

[Guest]

Duh, on the first line I said 'It's a way of living out your fantasies'. You're an example of the reason why men complain about their wives. Of course you need to take care of kids and responsibilities. The only problem is some people use it as an excuse not to have sex. At least I'm not cheating in real life like so many other men would have by now. It's not any worse than owning Playboy's like men have been doing since the 50's. What the frig is the difference????????? The only reason I'm still married is because I refuse to watch our kids grow up in some crappy apartment. I put my kids happiness and well being ahead of my own needs/desires.

[Rooster_DAR]

I could be considered to be a sexually open woman (hum, lets just say I’m into some pretty kinky stuff and no stranger to threesomes), and I’m telling you, not getting aroused by women in porn has nothing to do with ‘sexual openness’.

 

How many men would get aroused by the image of a naked man spreading his legs and playing with himself??

 

( Sometimes I wish I was bi – it would solve a few problems and open new horizons…)

 

Good point!

 

You seem fairly open to me as well.

[rtHawk]

You realise, of course, that those women are not REALLY horny?

 

In fact, you’ve probably never seen a horny porn star.

 

The problem with that is: they are setting up standards of how a woman should behave when she is horny.

In reality, genuinely horny woman doesn’t act like a ‘horny’ porn star. (Thank God!) I’m sure men who have had both experiences would tell you the same.

Real horny woman is much hotter…well, providing you don’t expect her to act like a porn star. If she does, it means she’s not really horny and is just faking.

 

It just amazes me how many people don't actually comprehend that! and I do so agree that it definetely sets women up to an inaccurate, distorted and unatainable (for most women) standard.... it becomes a vicious cycle in their core as women...

 

I could be considered to be a sexually open woman (hum, lets just say I’m into some pretty kinky stuff and no stranger to threesomes), and I’m telling you, not getting aroused by women in porn has nothing to do with ‘sexual openness’.

 

How many men would get aroused by the image of a naked man spreading his legs and playing with himself??

 

tHANKS NEW-STELLA FOR MAKING A VERY GOOD POINT THAT CAN BE UNDERSTOOD FROM A GUYS PERPECTIVE.

 

as much as I appreciate the guys and women and their honest postings, and even tho this may help to better understand how porn does or doesn't fit into a man's life.... it really does make me better understand that what i am and am not comfortable with truly has to be communicated with my guy. I have been working on that, but always put his needs before mine,--in this regard; but it has done me a dis-service as I now feel resentful, doubtful of myself as a woman and of my sexuality and sensuality. This is not just about my insecurities...for me... the distortion and the unrealisitic aspects of porn--looks, acts, sounds etc...it seems a set-up for failure --unless you become untrue to yourself as a woman and a partner.

[justagirliegirl]

I watch porn sometimes and just seeing naked people doing stuff is a turn on.

 

If you listen to many of the men, the women they are with aren't being horny sexual beings. How could they when they aren't even interested in sex and only want it a couple of times a month.

 

OTOH I hear women complain that men seem to stop those romantic gestures and foreplay rather they want to roll over on their partner, give her a peck on the lips and insert their penis. Guys if that is what you do, no wonder your wives are turned off. Also if your wife is working and then comes home to her 2nd job of cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids while you sit and watch tv or work late to avoid all that, no wonder she is turned off. So what I am saying is consider your own role in her being turned off.

 

I love sex and would have it every day. I was married to someone who really didn't like sex. I think the last 10 years of our marriage we had sex 2 times a year if that. The times we did have sex it lasted about 15 minutes and he was drunk and stinky. Total turn off.

 

I left him a few years ago and now I have a new partner and I made up for those 10 sexless years in the first month we started having sex together.

[Porn_Guy]

when you watch:

 

is it for the scripted sex?

is it for the porn girls?

do you think of your partner?

do you imagine you are with the porn girls?

do you feel badly if you know your partner doesn't care for the porn?

yes

yes

sometimes

most definately

no