Men-honest:questionaire Re: Porn

[Capatinacen]

My H says exactly the same thing.

And yet, the image is what upsets me most…

 

I had a couple of guys tell me that before and I said if it's the act then they have no problem if it's two of the most non attractive people doing it. It was actually a turn off. But they had no problem if it was good looking people or whatever else guys like. They had preferences which I'm assuming most people do which is why it's hard to believe someone when they say that.

[new_stella]

So for a woman to just "maintain" is like NASA prepping for a space shuttle mission? Come on ladies! We dont expect plastic surgery and 6-hours/day in the gym (very few single/dating women even do all that). Just very very basic stuff: sensible choices at mealtime, wear a dress once or twice/week "for no reason", get some healthy exercise. Thats it! Really that is ALL it takes! Comparing oneself to a porn star is no reason to just "give up" on one's entire sex appeal (both visually and mentally).

Ok, it sounds funny when you say it like that.

 

But seriously:

It’s not necessarily about what you expect, it is more what women expect from themselves (probably influenced by media, mags etc). Women can be terrible perfectionists when it comes to their looks and quite a few ‘normal’ women expect too much of themselves. No matter how good they look, the majority of women are not satisfied and will focus on (small) imperfections.

 

No, it shouldn’t be like that and women should love their bodies. But the reality is: most don’t.

 

Of course, you can laugh and dismiss what I’m saying as silly.

[Mr. Lucky]

It’s not necessarily about what you expect, it is more what women expect from themselves (probably influenced by media, mags etc).

Perhaps it's a question of degrees, but aren't men exposed to the same idealized media images and pressure? Six pack abs? Tanned and buff? It just strikes me that you don't see very many "normal" looking people in the media, women OR men

And when you try something this hard (often unhealthy hard) you expect some reward for that.

You want to look good for yourself, but as I said, messy hair, a few pounds extra and baggy clothes won’t actually prevent you from loving yourself.

You want to look good for other people too, but that can bring only so much of satisfaction.

But the single most important person in evaluating your efforts to look good is your SO. If that fails, and if you feel that in his eyes you didn’t succeed and he would rather look at 20 yo bimbo, it’s very easy to go down the ‘why bother’ lane.

Someone asked before why the men in this thread were so defensive. That was a fair question as we men had spent a lot of time here defending our use of porn. Let me ask this question in return:

 

Why are women (like the one above) so quick to offer excuses and so slow to accept responsibility for their own actions? Why portray the wieght gain and lack of care for one's appearance as a reaction to H's porn use? Seems like an awfully easy way out

 

I think for some (note careful use of qualifier) women, the porn in their relationship is a convenient, low-risk target. It can't be the 50 lbs you've gained since your wedding day or the fact that your H hasn't seen you in a negligee (sp?) in 2 years, it's that nasty porn that's harming your marriage.

 

Mr. Lucky

[new_stella]

Why are women (like the one above) so quick to offer excuses and so slow to accept responsibility for their own actions? Why portray the wieght gain and lack of care for one's appearance as a reaction to H's porn use? Seems like an awfully easy way out

 

I think for some (note careful use of qualifier) women, the porn in their relationship is a convenient, low-risk target. It can't be the 50 lbs you've gained since your wedding day or the fact that your H hasn't seen you in a negligee (sp?) in 2 years, it's that nasty porn that's harming your marriage.

 

Mr. Lucky

 

The woman above was just trying to explain how it sometimes/often works.

 

I don’t think that this is H’s fault, and I don’t see how is that ‘the way out’.

Nor I suggested that woman should not accept responsibility for their actions.

 

Not for a moment I was trying to make excuses for myself or any other women.

 

I personally, didn’t gain any weight and I love to dress sexy. I accept all responsibility for maintaining my looks (and weight), for dressing up and for inventing thousand of sexy games for us. I honestly don’t see what’s wrong with that.

 

I attempted to explain the process; I never said this was a valid excuse.

 

Besides, after reading these threads, I got an impression that it didn’t matter how a woman looks, a man would still want to look.

[Mr. Lucky]

I personally, didn’t gain any weight and I love to dress sexy. I accept all responsibility for maintaining my looks (and weight), for dressing up and for inventing thousand of sexy games for us. I honestly don’t see what’s wrong with that.

 

I attempted to explain the process; I never said this was a valid excuse.

 

Besides, after reading these threads, I got an impression that it didn’t matter how a woman looks, a man would still want to look.

Your Husband is a lucky man, new stella.

 

It just seems a small step from "explaining the process" to making a "valid excuse". Several women have said that, since tommyr looks at porn, his wife (on the theory she can't compete) has a reason to let herself go. That makes no sense to me and, by making her a victim, seems to absolve her of any reponsibility for her own health, well-being, appearance and attractiveness. That approach by EITHER partner does not bode well for a relationship.

 

Mr. Lucky

[IpAncA]

Your Husband is a lucky man, new stella.

 

It just seems a small step from "explaining the process" to making a "valid excuse". Several women have said that, since tommyr looks at porn, his wife (on the theory she can't compete) has a reason to let herself go. That makes no sense to me and, by making her a victim, seems to absolve her of any reponsibility for her own health, well-being, appearance and attractiveness. That approach by EITHER partner does not bode well for a relationship.

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I haven't let myself go either. Of course I don't do it for my H. I do it for myself and always have. I would never let myself go for any reason.

 

Sure there are days that I don't like dressing up or looking good but that isn't my style.

 

There are so many reasons why women let themselves go.

[rtHawk]

Hey all

it seems this thread is bearing down on the dwindle and that is ok..I am amazed at the contiuum of communication and honesty..

as well--did anyone notice...

how many views this thread received?????

THAT alone speaks to the nature of this beast, because there are alot of women and maybe men, trying to understand and find some kind of information about how they feel, think, care or don't care about this and more importantly, their partner's porn use and the effect of lack of in their relationship.

 

Someone asked before why the men in this thread were so defensive. That was a fair question as we men had spent a lot of time here defending our use of porn. Let me ask this question in return:

 

Why are women (like the one above) so quick to offer excuses and so slow to accept responsibility for their own actions? Why portray the wieght gain and lack of care for one's appearance as a reaction to H's porn use? Seems like an awfully easy way out

 

I think for some (note careful use of qualifier) women, the porn in their relationship is a convenient, low-risk target. It can't be the 50 lbs you've gained since your wedding day or the fact that your H hasn't seen you in a negligee (sp?) in 2 years, it's that nasty porn that's harming your marriage.

I do believe it can be the porn, but that it is just a part of the problem-- as mentioned before, women can find goodness in themselves in the things they do well; mother, employee, friend etc. and they can find that when (if porn is an issue for them) they feel that the 'easy' way for their SO to find satisfaction in the physcial R is thru porn, they in turn feel that the effort made in their direction ie, romancing, complments. touches, actual foreplay that starts that morning and not just 5 sec. ... when the time,energy and effort is put into the physical responsivess of how their SO is attracted and desireable....it can reap the benefits...BUt--- if the porn becomes the "screen girlfriend"--- it can become."why bother--I'll never be that young, that perky, that whatever" so I can't ever do for him what they do...."

 

Porn is not an excuse in my R and for my working on staying fit, healthy and joyful, --in fact it holds the opposite effect...BUT THAT takes alot of mental energy and "self-talking to" to keep myself from NOT feeling badly about myself, how I look etc.

So for a woman to just "maintain" is like NASA prepping for a space shuttle mission? Come on ladies! We dont expect plastic surgery and 6-hours/day in the gym (very few single/dating women even do all that). Just very very basic stuff: sensible choices at mealtime, wear a dress once or twice/week "for no reason", get some healthy exercise. Thats it! Really that is ALL it takes! Comparing oneself to a porn star is no reason to just "give up" on one's entire sex appeal (both visually and mentally).

 

just a generalized comment -not a personal one:

do the guys tell their sweethearts that? tell them how hot they look when they do?

and when they do and you do; but the porn continues--where is the positive reinforcement??? you know the Pennsylavania Dutch saying, the further I get along the more behinder I get.

I feel the porn can just act as a constant affirmaton that whilst "my SO loves me and we can have sex, he still get turned on to what I am not or ever will be" and so the words can become lost in the process.

 

 

My H says exactly the same thing.

And yet, the image is what upsets me most…

New Stella-

always with good points and thoughts

my curiousity, my ? if you are comfortable with it...is what of the images etc. is it that you find upsetting??????

Quote:

Originally Posted by Horse

This makes sense to me...

The only thing that I would say is that to him, Porn isn't another person who fulfills him or is competing for his desires. It is an object that serves one purpose. Kind of like toilet paper.

 

I think you said something important here.

You objectify those women.

 

For me it’s hard to comprehend how men can objectify one women and not objectify the other.

 

I too couldn't understand that.... and so appreciate the toilet paper analogy... that at least makes it fit into a better reference place... toilet paper is meant for sh*t like that:laugh:

 

I would say that there are plenty of healty men out there who haven't succumbed to the sophomoric entrapments of porn vs real life importance/values etc.... so in some degree that the porn becomes objectified is a positive....

as objects they become detached and hopefully do not establish some emotional or irrational attachement to it/them and that keeps the connection separated to make it liken to "toilet paper"

if the porn became more connected with/ emotional and less objectified,,, then I fear, that would be an irrationally unhealthy and distorted need/want/desire that isnt very compatible with a loving and caring relationship.

[rtHawk]

Hey all

it seems this thread is bearing down on the dwindle and that is ok..I am amazed at the contiuum of communication and honesty..

as well--did anyone notice...

how many views this thread received?????

THAT alone speaks to the nature of this beast, because there are alot of women and maybe men, trying to understand and find some kind of information about how they feel, think, care or don't care about this and more importantly, their partner's porn use and the effect of lack of in their relationship.

 

Someone asked before why the men in this thread were so defensive. That was a fair question as we men had spent a lot of time here defending our use of porn. Let me ask this question in return:

 

Why are women (like the one above) so quick to offer excuses and so slow to accept responsibility for their own actions? Why portray the wieght gain and lack of care for one's appearance as a reaction to H's porn use? Seems like an awfully easy way out

 

I think for some (note careful use of qualifier) women, the porn in their relationship is a convenient, low-risk target. It can't be the 50 lbs you've gained since your wedding day or the fact that your H hasn't seen you in a negligee (sp?) in 2 years, it's that nasty porn that's harming your marriage.

I do believe it can be the porn, but that it is just a part of the problem-- as mentioned before, women can find goodness in themselves in the things they do well; mother, employee, friend etc. and they can find that when (if porn is an issue for them) they feel that the 'easy' way for their SO to find satisfaction in the physcial R is thru porn, they in turn feel that the effort made in their direction ie, romancing, complments. touches, actual foreplay that starts that morning and not just 5 sec. ... when the time,energy and effort is put into the physical responsivess of how their SO is attracted and desireable....it can reap the benefits...BUt--- if the porn becomes the "screen girlfriend"--- it can become."why bother--I'll never be that young, that perky, that whatever" so I can't ever do for him what they do...."

 

Porn is not an excuse in my R and for my working on staying fit, healthy and joyful, --in fact it holds the opposite effect...BUT THAT takes alot of mental energy and "self-talking to" to keep myself from NOT feeling badly about myself, how I look etc.

So for a woman to just "maintain" is like NASA prepping for a space shuttle mission? Come on ladies! We dont expect plastic surgery and 6-hours/day in the gym (very few single/dating women even do all that). Just very very basic stuff: sensible choices at mealtime, wear a dress once or twice/week "for no reason", get some healthy exercise. Thats it! Really that is ALL it takes! Comparing oneself to a porn star is no reason to just "give up" on one's entire sex appeal (both visually and mentally).

 

just a generalized comment -not a personal one:

do the guys tell their sweethearts that? tell them how hot they look when they do?

and when they do and you do; but the porn continues--where is the positive reinforcement??? you know the Pennsylavania Dutch saying, the further I get along the more behinder I get.

I feel the porn can just act as a constant affirmaton that whilst "my SO loves me and we can have sex, he still get turned on to what I am not or ever will be" and so the words can become lost in the process.

 

 

My H says exactly the same thing.

And yet, the image is what upsets me most…

New Stella-

always with good points and thoughts

my curiousity, my ? if you are comfortable with it...is what of the images etc. is it that you find upsetting??????

Quote:

Originally Posted by Horse

This makes sense to me...

The only thing that I would say is that to him, Porn isn't another person who fulfills him or is competing for his desires. It is an object that serves one purpose. Kind of like toilet paper.

 

I think you said something important here.

You objectify those women.

 

For me it’s hard to comprehend how men can objectify one women and not objectify the other.

 

I too couldn't understand that.... and so appreciate the toilet paper analogy... that at least makes it fit into a better reference place... toilet paper is meant for sh*t like that:laugh:

 

I would say that there are plenty of healty men out there who haven't succumbed to the sophomoric entrapments of porn vs real life importance/values etc.... so in some degree that the porn becomes objectified is a positive....

as objects they become detached and hopefully do not establish some emotional or irrational attachement to it/them and that keeps the connection separated to make it liken to "toilet paper"

if the porn became more connected with/ emotional and less objectified,,, then I fear, that would be an irrationally unhealthy and distorted need/want/desire that isnt very compatible with a loving and caring relationship.

[Mr. Lucky]

I would say that there are plenty of healty men out there who haven't succumbed to the sophomoric entrapments of porn vs real life importance/values etc.... so in some degree that the porn becomes objectified is a positive....

as objects they become detached and hopefully do not establish some emotional or irrational attachement to it/them and that keeps the connection separated to make it liken to "toilet paper"

if the porn became more connected with/ emotional and less objectified,,, then I fear, that would be an irrationally unhealthy and distorted need/want/desire that isnt very compatible with a loving and caring relationship.

My theory (somewhat opposite to yours ) is that porn is the latest urban folklore over-hyped relationship threat, similar to the food-borne illness hysteria you sometimes see. You know, one person gets sick from eating at McDonalds so people 3000 miles away won't go into their local buger palace. Understand, I'm not saying that there are not porn-addicted husbands and boyfriends out there whose "sophmoric entrapments" are much to the detriment of their relationships. But every woman with a SO that occasionally looks at porn and problems in her relationship can't cry wolf - there can be a lot of other things going on.

 

Truth is, on those rare occasions that my wife isn't in the mood and I am, it sometimes comes down to a choice between porn and Sports Center. And Sports Center usually wins

 

Mr. Lucky

[rtHawk]

Truth is, on those rare occasions that my wife isn't in the mood and I am, it sometimes comes down to a choice between porn and Sports Center. And Sports Center usually wins

 

Now THAT I would watch with my SO----nothing like a good competitive game to get those ol' juices flowing...

I think when we watch a game together, particularly a rivalry game,,, we end up getting all fired up and it makes for alot of fun physical contact and that can always lead to good things....

NOT that that is the purpose for the wathing a game...

[cutegirl]

So for a woman to just "maintain" is like NASA prepping for a space shuttle mission? Come on ladies! We dont expect plastic surgery and 6-hours/day in the gym (very few single/dating women even do all that). Just very very basic stuff: sensible choices at mealtime, wear a dress once or twice/week "for no reason", get some healthy exercise. Thats it! Really that is ALL it takes! Comparing oneself to a porn star is no reason to just "give up" on one's entire sex appeal (both visually and mentally).

 

Yea, but the cold hard fact is even if you look like a supermodel it is NOT enough, even if you ARE a Victoria's Secret supermodel your spouse/partner would most likely STILL be watching porn, most likely jerking it to women who are UGLIER than his wife, just because he wants variety. Even IF you maintain yourself it is not enough because men will always want MORE, there is always something DIFFERENT, even if you are better.

 

Personally I don't feel like I let myself go. I'm around 90lbs. I wear a size XS and size 0. I LOVE to dress up, I actually don't like wearing flats, I only prefer strappy heels, I have a pair of "hooker shoes" too that I'll wear at home for dress up. Their one of those 5-6" stripper shoes you see strippers wearing in the strip club. If it were up to me I would dress up EVERYDAY, my boyfriend actually dislikes it because he says it creates TOO MUCH attention. I am such a slave for fashion that I actually don't mind wearing skirts and heels and tank tops in the Cali winter weather, my boyfriend is actually AGAINST this because he says it is a DANGER to him because men will create trouble etc... We actually fight over this...

 

I work out around three times a week even though I'm slim because I want to be toned and ripped like a stripper... I NEVER leave the house without makeup. Not even to check the mail or go to the grocery store. I always have to look my best. I self-tan so I can have a "glow" year-round. I get my hair trimmed and glossed every month. I get my eyebrows threaded professionally every 2 weeks.

 

I always want to dress up for my bf, I think even Victoria's Secret is too tame for lingerie sometimes, I told my bf to pick out stripper costumes or dance wear from internet sites I showed up (lingerie outfits made for dancers) but he claims he doesn't care for that...

 

I think swallowing is boring and mainstream vanilla. I have no problems swallowing or anal or any of that... To me that is not "wild sex" but kind of normal. Maybe I've seen too much porn and became desensitized but I don't consider that exactly wild. So sex is not a problem.

 

I STILL caught my bf surfing to Bangbros once in awhile. I know he doesn't have a membership because I'm smart and I know how to check with the processors Epoch and CCbill to see if he has any transactions which he doesn't, plus I check his cc statements. Plus I'm a webmaster so I'm VERY knowledgeable about the net. Trust me. I leave NO stone unturned. I check history, cache, temp files, have a keylogger, know his email pass, etc. I know how long he stays on the site and it's usually only 1 or 2 minutes, I think he's just bored and clicks on the free trailers to see the latest updates.

 

It depends on my mood if I get mad or not. I posted before that I don't care if my bf looks at porn, but it's weird cause sometimes I kind of do. It has NOTHING to do with morality. It's NOT my problem if women get "degraded" or whatever, and I could care LESS if other men like porn, I ONLY mind if my bf looks at it because I'm jealous and possessive and to be honest sometimes I don't like other females. I'm competitive and I dislike females which could possibly be a threat to me even if I'm more attractive. It's actually insulting if my bf looks at a girl who I think is more unattractive than me... It's like WTF??

 

I want my bf's attention focused only on ME and no one else. I admit I am an attention whore, I don't want to share the attention with ANYONE else.

 

I don't find porn degrading cause my morals are kind of loose and I'm just the type of person that finds anything degrading... even rough sex, spitting, dp's ... whatever... It's not even about that. I admit for me it's more about my ego. I like it to be all about me. And I'm insanely jealous and possessive.

 

I don't mind if my bf watches porn with me, I just don't like it when he watches it by himself. Sometimes I will even show him new porn girls on-line cause I like to critique their looks ... etc For some reason I'm fine with it if I SHOW him the girls and he looks cause I told him too, but if he does it on his own I get very upset and angry.

 

I make very good money and have no probs fixing whatever flaws I have. My bf actually doesn't like plastic surgery, he says he would leave me if I got a boob job etc... He claims that I would be doing it to get other men's attention. He also gets mad when I take long getting ready doing makeup and hair, claims I'm doing it for other men cause he likes me the way I am... whatever... So it's not true that taking care of yourself will help it, like some of the men said. Some men are threatened if you look too good.

[WilliR]

Is it insecurity or selfishness then? From a guy's perspective, if he works out 3x a week and only wears Armani suits and always makes sure his hair is gelled, does that give him a right to tell you never watch other guys on TV or think about them? Its admirable to keep yourself in top shape but IMHO that sort of attitude will push a guy away

 

Let me know what you think of my article, I've written it based on everyone's responses to this thread. In it I present what (I find) to be middle ground but sometimes it seems everyone's reasons for liking or not watching porn are very personal and don't have anything in common

 

 

Is Pornography Harming Your Relationship?

 

 

I may be way off the mark. But hopefully its accurate

[new_stella]

Mr Lucky, you mentioned that at some point you felt uncomfortable about your wife male friends, tennis partners etc.

If you knew that your wife regularly fantasise about them while mastrubating, would you feel ok with that?

 

my curiousity, my ? if you are comfortable with it...is what of the images etc. is it that you find upsetting??????

I'm not sure that I understood your question completely, but I'll try to answer:

I find it upsetting that he has the need/desire to look at other women naked and particularly if those women have something that I don’t. They are never ugly of course, and I really hate the thought that he finds them somehow ‘better’ than me.

 

Based on what’s been said, I guess I feel pretty much the same as you do...

[rtHawk]

Insecurities about weight, attractiveness, and physical performance can be amplified through pornography to the point that some spouses will refuse to engage in relations with their partner, or demand a "choose me or the porn" type of decision. When faced with this red flag, which has less to do with the porn itself than problems or unspoken resentments in the relationship, the other partner must determine what it is that the significant other finds so damaging and repulsive about erotica, and most important, their assumptions about why their partner wants to watch it. Chances are, this will be a good opportunity to discover insecurities you never knew existed, and help the person you love overcome them.

 

WiilR

I found the article very well written and in a concise format, you did cover the range of views and EMOTIONS that come with this issue.

I do want to reiterate; I do not believe that women who have concerns with Porn are all insecure and have insecurities that cause them to have issues with porn.

I abslolutley hate this "over-flow" of explanation for women feeling uncomfortable with porn. Insecurities exist amongst all of us; men, women ; those who have porn and those who don't. I don't for one minute beleive that it is the reason for many women to find porn in their relationship difficult..

It does for many become a simple matter of dedication, commitment to one person, knowing that we/you/us as a woman can satisfy you partner.

No matter how much you partner loves you---- he is still getting off to other women---why is that insecure???????

that is just a type of underlying statement, that you are never going to be the one who will fulfull and satifsy your partner.

 

I'm not sure that I understood your question completely, but I'll try to answer:

I find it upsetting that he has the need/desire to look at other women naked and particularly if those women have something that I don’t. They are never ugly of course, and I really hate the thought that he finds them somehow ‘better’ than me.

 

Based on what’s been said, I guess I feel pretty much the same as you do...

 

Hey NStella--I sort of screwed up my ? but you answerered it even so; and yup-- not only are you and I on the same page to some degree but so are THOUSANDS of other women..

I think it is a clear statement about not just the difference in men and women, but it says something about "working" on a relationship and how absolutely insensitive we as people are getting to the very basic concepts of respect, caring, nurturing, working on, and actually being mindful of oneself and those around you who give of themselves....

 

I don't know seem like a sad statement about how we as consumers--buy into the $ hungry -manipulative-parasitic people who think nothing of selling you the cheap-fast-easy-greasy-grimy version of their distorted idea of sex/ physcial connection .

[Mr. Lucky]

Mr Lucky, you mentioned that at some point you felt uncomfortable about your wife male friends, tennis partners etc.

If you knew that your wife regularly fantasise about them while mastrubating, would you feel ok with that?

That's a tough one, Stella, because it plays into my original insecurities about the situation. I like to think that I would understand that her fantasies are her fantasies alone, outside of my (or anyone elses) governance.

 

Now if she took pictures of them, blew them up to life size, laid them out on the bed and lit some candles, we might have to have a conversation

 

Mr. Lucky

[rtHawk]

Now if she took pictures of them, blew them up to life size, laid them out on the bed and lit some candles, we might have to have a conversation

 

 

I do not wish to appear that this is even remotely to single you out or "pick" on you--- it is for the sake of example ONLY-

and because I just can't resist....

 

hypothetically; you don't know these guys; never met them and

yes, she did take a few pics of them (let's say 8x10) and had them in the bedroom in a drawer and also did masturbate to them...as you may have found out----------

 

would that be a conversation??????

if you can see where I am going with this....is the only difference in the knowing that she could potentially get with these guys....??????

 

just curious......

[Mr. Lucky]

I do not wish to appear that this is even remotely to single you out or "pick" on you--- it is for the sake of example ONLY-

and because I just can't resist....

 

hypothetically; you don't know these guys; never met them and

yes, she did take a few pics of them (let's say 8x10) and had them in the bedroom in a drawer and also did masturbate to them...as you may have found out----------

 

would that be a conversation??????

if you can see where I am going with this....is the only difference in the knowing that she could potentially get with these guys....??????

 

just curious......

It's a fair question, I don't feel picked on

 

If the use of the pix was a part of our overall sexual relationship, I don't think it would be a problem. If I felt it was in place of our sexual relationship, I think we would have a problem. Fair enough?

 

But the answer to your question also falls within this context - I know that my wife masturbates (duh!). And yet, in 20 years of marriage, it has never occured to me to wonder about (or be threatened by ) what she looks at or thinks about while doing so. That's a contrast to some of the posters in this thread.

 

Mr. Lucky

[cutegirl]

Hey Cute, I started out with my sisters stack of glamour and cosmopolitan magazines. I didn't have accesss to porn when I discovered my protein shake ability. The women in those magazines are very close to the women in the men's mags. My wife get's her victoria secret catalog and I am just astonished by the women in there. Might as well be looking at a playboy. I asked her doesn't it bother you the women in the catalog are extremly hot. Does looking at those models make you want to buy that stuff they are selling. Wouldn't they sell more stuff if they had average looking models wearing the bras and panties?

 

 

I have been doing a lot of on-line shopping for clothes lately and it reminded me of your post. I found the models on J Crew and some other sites so plain jane and in my eyes not very attractive to the point where I would no way order anything from there because I would not want to look like those women. I find myself only even wanting to buy stuff from sites with attractive models. I am not that intimidated by attractive people because I consider myself attractive. They even had a lady that was 60 years old on J Crew and that might be great for the "senior market" but I'm only 28 and seeing that is NOT going to make me want to buy something. It will make me close the window and get the heck out of that site!

 

I don't even really want to look at sites with plain jane models, it makes me not even want to look or buy the clothes at all, to the point where I cannot even consider buying something because in my eyes the item doesn't look good on the model. Or perhaps the top is cute but it just looks unattractive to me because I don't think the model is pretty.

 

So I find myself preferring to buy stuff from sites with hot and sexy models. I love buying stuff from the Victoria's Secret site. So as a woman I have to say I only want to buy something if the model is hot and sexy. Plain people make me not want to buy jack. Why would they? I don't aspire to look plain, only as hot as I can!! I actually refuse to buy things from models with "average" looking models, it ruins my shopping mood.

[Guest]

I have been doing a lot of on-line shopping for clothes lately and it reminded me of your post. I found the models on J Crew and some other sites so plain jane and in my eyes not very attractive to the point where I would no way order anything from there because I would not want to look like those women. I find myself only even wanting to buy stuff from sites with attractive models. I am not that intimidated by attractive people because I consider myself attractive. They even had a lady that was 60 years old on J Crew and that might be great for the "senior market" but I'm only 28 and seeing that is NOT going to make me want to buy something. It will make me close the window and get the heck out of that site!

 

I don't even really want to look at sites with plain jane models, it makes me not even want to look or buy the clothes at all, to the point where I cannot even consider buying something because in my eyes the item doesn't look good on the model. Or perhaps the top is cute but it just looks unattractive to me because I don't think the model is pretty.

 

So I find myself preferring to buy stuff from sites with hot and sexy models. I love buying stuff from the Victoria's Secret site. So as a woman I have to say I only want to buy something if the model is hot and sexy. Plain people make me not want to buy jack. Why would they? I don't aspire to look plain, only as hot as I can!! I actually refuse to buy things from models with "average" looking models, it ruins my shopping mood.

 

 

Now here I am very much the opposite. I don't find the anorexic, plastic surgery "ideal" attractive at all. Here's a fact for you (I can go dig out all my old psych stuff and quote the exact article for you if I wish) but 99% of playboy models are underweight, and a large proportion of them fit the criteria for anorexia. (sorry, don't have stats on victoria secret models - that's not what the study was done on.) Now, why should I aspire to look like that? Why should I aspire to slowly kill myself to be "hot" - and when the **** did that become "sexy" anyhow. No- I will buy from places that use more "average", healthy, natural looking models because I find that alot more appealing than some sick ideal. If anything, I steer clear of the blatant unhealthy sex appeal most advertising succumbs to.

[cutegirl]

Now here I am very much the opposite. I don't find the anorexic, plastic surgery "ideal" attractive at all. Here's a fact for you (I can go dig out all my old psych stuff and quote the exact article for you if I wish) but 99% of playboy models are underweight, and a large proportion of them fit the criteria for anorexia. (sorry, don't have stats on victoria secret models - that's not what the study was done on.) Now, why should I aspire to look like that? Why should I aspire to slowly kill myself to be "hot" - and when the **** did that become "sexy" anyhow. No- I will buy from places that use more "average", healthy, natural looking models because I find that alot more appealing than some sick ideal. If anything, I steer clear of the blatant unhealthy sex appeal most advertising succumbs to.

 

Well, I eat a lot and I'm still a size XS and a size 24 in jeans. And when I eat a lot I mean A LOT. Some people are just natually thin. It's not my fault if half the nation is overweight. Sorry but I have high standards for beauty. It's not my fault if other people have weight problems, all that concerns me is that I don't have one. I noticed overweight people always think people are "anorexic" just because their slim. I know SOME people really ARE anorexic, but some people, like myself, are just build different and have a high metabolism. I feel like overweight people just need an excuse or someone to blame because they don't look as good and it makes them feel better to point out to someone who is naturally thin, like me and go "oh you MUST be anorexic." It's not MY fault I was blessed with good genes.

 

I don't have to "kill myself" to be hot because I already am hot

 

I don't necessary mean just "thin" models but also ones that look glamourous and made up. Even if the models are thin but if they have plain androgynous looking faces it also makes me not want to buy. I consider myself a girlie girl and I always love to look glamorous and dressed up and I consider myself a "glamour girl" so I like models that I can relate to.

 

Even if certain clothes are good looking, if the model who's wearing it looks plain it makes the CLOTHES look plain too and less attractive. The model is supposed to SELL the clothes.

[Rhyla]

Well, I eat a lot and I'm still a size XS and a size 24 in jeans. And when I eat a lot I mean A LOT. Some people are just natually thin. It's not my fault if half the nation is overweight. Sorry but I have high standards for beauty. It's not my fault if other people have weight problems, all that concerns me is that I don't have one. I noticed overweight people always think people are "anorexic" just because their slim. I know SOME people really ARE anorexic, but some people, like myself, are just build different and have a high metabolism. I feel like overweight people just need an excuse or someone to blame because they don't look as good and it makes them feel better to point out to someone who is naturally thin, like me and go "oh you MUST be anorexic." It's not MY fault I was blessed with good genes.

 

I don't have to "kill myself" to be hot because I already am hot

 

I don't necessary mean just "thin" models but also ones that look glamourous and made up. Even if the models are thin but if they have plain androgynous looking faces it also makes me not want to buy. I consider myself a girlie girl and I always love to look glamorous and dressed up and I consider myself a "glamour girl" so I like models that I can relate to.

 

Even if certain clothes are good looking, if the model who's wearing it looks plain it makes the CLOTHES look plain too and less attractive. The model is supposed to SELL the clothes.

 

 

First of all, I am not overweight and trying to make myself feel better. I'm 5'4 and 110lbs (108 is the minimum recomended healthy weight for my height) and I have 17.2% body fat (between slim and athletic). I know damn well Im attractive and have a nice body.

 

You're right, its not your fault that half of your nation is overweight. But I don't see what that has to do with the fact that models are consistently underweight (not healthy).Nor does it mean that models should be underweight - no they should have nice (but realistic and healthy) bodies. You can imply that overweight people are making excuses all they want, or people are just intimidated or jealous or whatever- it doesn't change the fact that the large MAJORITY of models are UNDERWEIGHT (and many are anorexic) - neither of which are healthy, and cause as many, if not more problems for your health and body as being overweight or obese. I know because I used to be anorexic, and it took years off my life that I can never get back, and it took it's toll on my body.

 

I'm sorry, I disagree, I do not find the underweight "ideal" image of models attractive. It promotes a very sick body image. Yes I like glamorous, and sexy, and girlie - but I like it on healthy, happy, attractive people.

 

When fashion and porn both posit the "perfect" (far too) skinny, implanted (porn, not so much in fasion), airbrushed ideal - it distorts expectations and perceptions of both men and women. This is not an opinion, it's been shown over and over again in psychology.

[rtHawk]

When fashion and porn both posit the "perfect" (far too) skinny, implanted (porn, not so much in fasion), airbrushed ideal - it distorts expectations and perceptions of both men and women. This is not an opinion, it's been shown over and over again in psychology.

 

I understand your personal approach to trying to be healthy and feeling and looking healthy from my own like-personal experiences!!!!!!!

 

and about the above post is that it is the ABSOLUTE TRUTH-

 

the problem is we as a society.---- women, men--ALLOW/CONTINUE AND PERPETUATE THIS UNHEALTHY AND DISTORTED VIEW--

EVERY EVERY TIME WE BUY the magazine, the porn, the fashionable ideal--

every time we buy Victoria's secret--we perpetuate this idea and ideal...

sometimes, women can be their own worst ememy on the level of how we view and approach the ideal body-

 

It's sad that there are people who won't buy from a company because the models aren't SEXY--

BUT---those companies (inclusive of porn industry) know exactly how to hook and bait the fish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and....

(my environmental rant here---- VICTORIAS SECRET-- stop getting their catalogs....THEY CUT AND DESTROY TOO MANY TREES TO SELL THEIR PRODUCT--YOU CAN GO ONLINE AND VIEW-PURCHASE)

WE ALL HAVE TO BECOME MORE ENVIORNMENTALLY AWARE AND RESPONSIBLE)

 

I FOR ONE WOULD LOVE TO SEE A MAGAZINE MADE OF REAL PEOPLE WITH NO DIGITAL MANIPULATION----

our girls who become women would have so much more of healthy attitude about their bodies etc if we could stop bombarding them with the fanatastical distortion of the ideal....

 

and on that level---only that one, not all the other ones that come with how porn can be hurtful and destructive to women; then maybe women wouldn't feel so unravelled by porn

[Rhyla]

I understand your personal approach to trying to be healthy and feeling and looking healthy from my own like-personal experiences!!!!!!!

 

and about the above post is that it is the ABSOLUTE TRUTH-

 

the problem is we as a society.---- women, men--ALLOW/CONTINUE AND PERPETUATE THIS UNHEALTHY AND DISTORTED VIEW--

EVERY EVERY TIME WE BUY the magazine, the porn, the fashionable ideal--

every time we buy Victoria's secret--we perpetuate this idea and ideal...

sometimes, women can be their own worst ememy on the level of how we view and approach the ideal body-

 

It is true, we do allow it to continue, unfortunatley, there would be very little left for us were we to choose not to buy it- there isn't much of an alternative as is- and most people are too apathetic to put in the effort to voice their opinions.

 

I FOR ONE WOULD LOVE TO SEE A MAGAZINE MADE OF REAL PEOPLE WITH NO DIGITAL MANIPULATION----

our girls who become women would have so much more of healthy attitude about their bodies etc if we could stop bombarding them with the fanatastical distortion of the ideal....

 

and on that level---only that one, not all the other ones that come with how porn can be hurtful and destructive to women; then maybe women wouldn't feel so unravelled by porn

 

This is why I love the new dove adds, it's real people, they're not photoshopped, and their not afraid to show themselves as they are. That's a far more healthy outlook.