Men-honest:questionaire Re: Porn

[norajane]

I am talking about that and thinking in a sexual way. That is why I can't understand why some people are ok with that.

 

Who has said they are ok with that? We've been talking about masturbating to porn, not people who want to have sex with people they know.

[Capatinacen]

Who has said they are ok with that? We've been talking about masturbating to porn, not people who want to have sex with people they know.

It doesn't have to be people they know.

 

I don't want to end up with someone who say looks at porn and has fantasy's about being with them while getting off. To me thats wrong and I want nothing to do with such a person.

 

And sure there are those who don't do that but just because they don't doesn't mean others do.

[norajane]

It doesn't have to be people they know.

 

But you just said you didn't understand why people were ok with with their SO's fantasizing about people they know. Now, you're changing your story about what offends you and talking about people they don't know.

 

I don't want to end up with someone who say looks at porn and has fantasy's about being with them while getting off. To me thats wrong and I want nothing to do with such a person.

 

And sure there are those who don't do that but just because they don't doesn't mean others do.

There's a huge difference between fantasizing and wanting to have sex with someone who works with you or whatever, and wanking to a porn video for a few minutes just to get off. Sexual fantasies while masturbation are nothing like sexual fantasies about real people they might want to dump you for.

[Horse]

if content, happy, satisfied and fulfilled, then why ask or want the

"WHAT IF?"

 

Are you kidding? I do that all day. I'm a designer, so I get paid to ask "what if."

 

It's my favorite game.

 

I do it for fun.

 

Spanking my monkey is fun too.

[rainfall]

With regards to porn, people aren't thinking about anyone in a sexual way, it's porn. Now if you were talking about someone thinking about a REAL PERSON THEY KNOW in a sexual way, that would be different.

 

I don't get what you mean by outside things. I watch porn in my own home, never anywhere else or with anyone else (other than spouse) ever.

 

My wife and I don't NEED anything, we like what we enjoy.

 

If you are having a fantasy about the porn chick how is that not a sexual way? If you are masturbating while looking at a picture of some naked porn chick how are you not thinking of her in a sexual way?

[michelangelo]

Oh yeah, look at that porn chix huge rack, she will definitely be able to nurse our children no problemo. And those hands! Just perfect for grasping that vacuum cleaner when she's cleaning our house!

 

OH man, look at her move, she will definitely be able to reach into the washer and pull out all those wet clothes and put 'em in the dryer.

 

===

 

Would that be ok for the random thinking?

[Guest]

Have any women here just decided they were tired of the whole issue and stop having sex altogether,leaving their husbands to enjoy porn to their heart's content?

 

Somehow..it just seems easier and a lot kinder a solution all around.

[rtHawk]

Oh yeah, look at that porn chix huge rack, she will definitely be able to nurse our children no problemo. And those hands! Just perfect for grasping that vacuum cleaner when she's cleaning our house!

 

OH man, look at her move, she will definitely be able to reach into the washer and pull out all those wet clothes and put 'em in the dryer.

 

===

 

Would that be ok for the random thinking?

 

OH, HOW THE "REAL" WOMEN TAKE SUCH A CRAPPY-BAD RAP EH?

WE breast feed our babies, clean the house, do tons of laundry and then some, but, you need porn for your sexual turn on.

 

just curious, if you guys with your wife, SO etc, had op to make your own home sex/love-making video --would you?

do you think it woud be enough for you?

would you be satisfied seeing you and your SO having some wild sex that is REAL and not fantasy..

could that be enough, could you be satisfied with looking at your own movie, your SO ?? WHY OR WHY NOT??

or do you defend/support/need? porn cuz you just gotta (brutally honest here) have another pu$$y even if it is on a dvd???

[Horse]

I can't watch any movie over and over again without getting bored of it, so I would have to make a lot of movies with different situations.

 

But then if I was doing that, I doubt I would be spanking my monkey very often...

 

Although I might get tired of the camera man filming my butt and the director telling me what to do next.

 

We made a couple, a long long time ago, but she erased them before I got a chance to watch them.

 

 

BTW: I'm not here to defend porn. I'm posting this stuff because you said you want to understand why men (me) would want to look at it. I thought you were seeking insight, not attacking. If you aren't attacking, then there is no reason to defend.

[cutegirl]

Oh yeah, look at that porn chix huge rack, she will definitely be able to nurse our children no problemo. And those hands! Just perfect for grasping that vacuum cleaner when she's cleaning our house!

 

OH man, look at her move, she will definitely be able to reach into the washer and pull out all those wet clothes and put 'em in the dryer.

 

===

 

Would that be ok for the random thinking?

 

What makes you think all women nurse children and "clean house?". I do not want children and I do not clean. I hire a housekeeping service for that.

 

It's 2006 and I do not feel that "cleaning house" are tasks that should be assumed to naturally be the woman's domain.

[cutegirl]

 

It's 2006 and I do not feel that "cleaning house" are tasks that should be assumed to naturally be the woman's domain.

 

Damn, I meant it's 2007 now.

[michelangelo]

You know, rain person asked if there was a nonsexual fantasy possible while viewing porn. So I thought it absurd and tried my hand at a little levity.

 

You know, humor, as in a joke? Tried to show how silly the concept was.

[rtHawk]

HORSE:

absolutley for insight and understanding..never to attack.. the defend part of the ? was in response to what sometimes seems a bit of an attack from other posters.

thanks for always providing insight and things to "think" about:rolleyes:

 

I do have a question tho... if you have your own dvds.. doesn't that get "old' then too??

 

Michalangelo....

Ah..I see, but think you misread how Rain posted.. it was in response to Jeffrey's comment about porn/sexualizing someone.

thanks for trying to put out a laugh:laugh:

[Capatinacen]

But you just said you didn't understand why people were ok with with their SO's fantasizing about people they know. Now, you're changing your story about what offends you and talking about people they don't know.

 

There's a huge difference between fantasizing and wanting to have sex with someone who works with you or whatever, and wanking to a porn video for a few minutes just to get off. Sexual fantasies while masturbation are nothing like sexual fantasies about real people they might want to dump you for.

 

I didn't change my story. I never said that was what I was ONLY talking about that.

 

So does that make it ok even if they think about someone else that they don't know personally or seen in a picture or movie? I sure hope not. Even though they may not have that chance to be with that person, their still thinking about it. How is that ok, even to just get off? Why should I allow that in my own relationship?

 

If people need to be all visual and look at something else or decided to think about someone else regardless if they know them or not then so be it and if their SO is fine with that then so be it too. Both sides are happy.

 

But you can't expect me to accept that in my own relationships. I should be enough to where my partner wouldn't need to look at porn, or do whatever else they feel they can do. And if I can't do that then something is wrong. May not be with you or some others but to me it would be a problem. And yes I've found guys who feel the same way as I do so this doesn't apply to every single guy out there.

 

And you can't expect me to believe that guys don't wish they could be with those good looking women. Yeah right. If they weren't tied down to someone and had the chance to be with that person they would.

[Horse]

HORSE:

absolutley for insight and understanding..never to attack.. the defend part of the ? was in response to what sometimes seems a bit of an attack from other posters.

thanks for always providing insight and things to "think" about:rolleyes:

 

I do have a question tho... if you have your own dvds.. doesn't that get "old' then too??

 

Michalangelo....

Ah..I see, but think you misread how Rain posted.. it was in response to Jeffrey's comment about porn/sexualizing someone.

thanks for trying to put out a laugh:laugh:

 

Yeah. I don't buy any dvds for pretty much that reason.

[CynicalP]

This has been a great thread, but I think it just going in circles without changing anyone's hearts or minds. Those that see porn/sexual fantasy as normal human behavior can defend it all day long to no measurable effect. People who see sexuality in terms of moral absolutes are unwavering in their belief that any fantasy of another person is equilavent to betrayal. It's simple as that.

[norajane]

I didn't change my story. I never said that was what I was ONLY talking about that.

 

That's part of the problem with this whole porn conversation. No one is ever just talking about porn. It quickly migrates from a guy whacking off to porn to guys looking at other women and then strip clubs and cheating and who they're fantasizing about when they're having sex with their SO and women not being good enough...

 

Nobody is ever talking about ONLY porn when they start saying how bad porn is. So everyone talks at cross purposes.

 

For some men and women, porn is just porn. A non-issue.

 

For others, porn is the tip of the iceberg of sexual and relationship issues. A major issue.

 

Hopefully, never shall the twain meet in a relationship.

[Capatinacen]

That's part of the problem with this whole porn conversation. No one is ever just talking about porn. It quickly migrates from a guy whacking off to porn to guys looking at other women and then strip clubs and cheating and who they're fantasizing about when they're having sex with their SO and women not being good enough...

 

Thats because sometimes it can lead to other things.

[rainfall]

Oh yeah, look at that porn chix huge rack, she will definitely be able to nurse our children no problemo. And those hands! Just perfect for grasping that vacuum cleaner when she's cleaning our house!

 

OH man, look at her move, she will definitely be able to reach into the washer and pull out all those wet clothes and put 'em in the dryer.

 

===

 

Would that be ok for the random thinking?

 

 

Actually I wasn't askiing that at all. I was responding to how someone (I forgot who) said when they view porn they weren't thinking of the porn chick in a sexual way.

 

As for your comment.....I also NEVER want kids and I am not my man's maid so if he thinks I am gonna slave over his laundry and do all the house work myself he is crazy.

[Mr. Lucky]

Thats because sometimes it can lead to other things.

So can alcohol. Is your relationship alcohol free? So can gambling. Have you or your SO ever placed a bet? So can illegal drugs. Ever had a toke?

 

I entered into my marriage with the idea that my wife and I were both adults. I would no more tell her that she can't look at a picture of another man's penis than I would tell her that she can't have a glass of wine. Not only is it not my job, I'm not even interested in applying for the position. She is a grown-up.

I And you can't expect me to believe that guys don't wish they could be with those good looking women. Yeah right. If they weren't tied down to someone and had the chance to be with that person they would.

But, assuming some "good looking woman" would have me, what would stop me from acting on that wish if I so desired? LoveShack is full of posters who cheat or bail on any type of relationship. If, as you say, the siren call of some DVD vixen was so compelling, I'd be out the door tomorrow.

 

Your confusing two things that don't have anything to do with each other.

 

Mr. Lucky

[WhisperingWillow]

This has been a great thread, but I think it just going in circles without changing anyone's hearts or minds. Those that see porn/sexual fantasy as normal human behavior can defend it all day long to no measurable effect. People who see sexuality in terms of moral absolutes are unwavering in their belief that any fantasy of another person is equilavent to betrayal. It's simple as that.

 

I couldn't agree more! It's just a neverending circle of explaining, listening, explaining, listening, wtf, explaining, listening. It's no use. You can ride this horse (sorry horse no reference intended) to hell and back and nothing will change.

[whichwayisup]

said when they view porn they weren't thinking of the porn chick in a sexual way.

 

Uhhm, it's the activity going on that is being viewed..>The people "doing it" are just the eye candy. I don't know about anybody else, but when I watch porn I don't "picture" myself IN the porn, acting out wtf is going on...

[Carbine]

What you'll get, rather than knowledge, is deceit. If you set an impossible, impractical and (in my opinion) illogical standard for your partner - "look at me and only me, think about me and only me, fantasize about me and only me" - then he will lie to you about his compliance to keep the peace. Doesn't this "committed, monogomous relationship" you describe value honesty? You won't get it under your rules. As your SO, you would have a right to judge my words, acts and deeds. Not my thoughts or fantasies...

 

Firstly, nobdy tells me what my rights are. I decide that for myself.

 

Secondly, words/acts/deeds and thoughts/fantasies are not mutually exclusive. They're very much interlinked. Most actions are based on premeditated thoughts. Just as actions can spark the need for further reflection. So how then can you say that I have the right to judge one but not the other??

 

In a similar vein, if i'm on the receiving end of his behaviour, then I have every right to judge his thoughts that are connected to, and drive the specific behaviour. For example when he initiates sex, he leads me to think that he's getting massively turned on by my body. He knows how much my self-esteem is influenced by this, just as it is influenced by my wanting to satisfy him sexually in the relationship. If I were able to do these things then maybe I'd be able to begin building up my self-esteem. But in reality, it's other women who are satisfying him. In the long run, this is hurting me more because I know, like always, I'll find out the truth down the track, though he might conceal it at the start.

 

If i'm not allowed to learn of and judge his thoughts and fantasies, then I'm basically just drumming into him as well as me that it's ok to use me as an object. At the end of the day, my wellbeing comes first, and I should be able to opt out of sex if I'm simply being used.

 

...whose wardrobe replaces all skirts/dresses with oversized jeans, whose visual appearance (makeup/clothes) and attitude goes from "sexy wife" to "burnedout MOM", who goes from a slim runner to at least 35 pounds overweight? Its clear to me just where my sexual needs rank in importance to the wife (my last blowjob was valentine's day 2006), pretty clear encouragement for me to use porn in between our bi-weekly sex.

 

That's GOLD! The second her appearance changes, you run straight back to your playboy collection with the feeble excuse that she doesn't care about your sexual needs. I feel sorry for your wife. On one hand she's pressured by you into maintaining her body/appearance in a certain way. But at the same time you want to use that body as a vehicle for bringing your children into the world. Then you kick up a fuss when that vehicle experiences some wear and tear because of the children. Unbelievable.

 

Women love men for who they are. Men love women for who they wished they were.

 

Agreed. From a young age, men are raised to believe that women are there to fulfill his needs. Whether these needs are emotional, sexual, as vehicle for his kids, whatever. He has mummy cooking and cleaning for him until he leaves home, he has his porn to get off as soon as he's old enough to purchase it. It's the whole madonna-whore thing that someone has already mentioned. Unfortunately, most women can't fulfill all of these needs, simply because it's unrealistic. So the men figure 'oh well, I'd better not put all my eggs in one basket' and hence has some of his needs fulfilled elsewhere.

 

What's the old saying? 'Behind every great man there's a woman' (and, let me just add 'as well as hundreds of porn mags, half a dozen strippers, and at least one or two secret affairs).

 

Get some help rainfall. It's liberating. Trust me.

 

Having to suppress your thoughts and feelings is not liberating. That's a complete contradiction.

 

I think then just about EVERY SINGLE person, male and female on this site is in need of help. We all need therapy because we all have had fleeting moments of thinking of someone else

 

The only ones that need help are a) those who believe that they are Superman, and attempt to prove that they can fly by consistently jumping off of skyscrapers b) those with more than three seperate personalities, one of which must be sociopathic.

 

Seriously though, why is everyone so quick to jump into a shrink's chair and let that person tell them how to think, feel and act? And whatever happened to solving one's own problems? Just because a person may have unusual and/or strong beliefs, it doesn't mean that they're suffering from a mental disorder! I once was told by my GP that I was suffering from 'Borderline Personality Disorder' because of my extremely black-and-white views on life and whatever else. I just sniggered at her and said "You want me to believe that I'm mentally ill just because I have a strong personality?". Never went back to her since that day.

 

With regards to porn, people aren't thinking about anyone in a sexual way, it's porn.

 

From Merriam-Websters Online Dictionary:

 

Main Entry: por·nog·ra·phy

Pronunciation: -fE

Function: noun

Etymology: Greek pornographos, adjective, writing about prostitutes, from pornE prostitute + graphein to write; akin to Greek pernanai to sell, poros journey

1 : the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement

2 : material (as books or a photograph) that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement

3 : the depiction of acts in a sensational manner so as to arouse a quick intense emotional reaction <the pornography of violence>

- por·no·graph·ic /"por-n&-'gra-fik/ adjective

- por·no·graph·i·cal·ly /-fi-k(&-)lE/ adverb

 

 

 

It speaks for itself, really.

[Jeffrey]

Ahhh another new recruit from the academy of MIND POLICE.

 

Good luck finding someone who will fit that bill, or rather good luck finding someone who will LIE to you about it.

 

Everyone has fantasies, most never act upon them or want them to come true, but they're still quite healthy for the soul.

 

 

 

It doesn't have to be people they know.

 

I don't want to end up with someone who say looks at porn and has fantasy's about being with them while getting off. To me thats wrong and I want nothing to do with such a person.

 

And sure there are those who don't do that but just because they don't doesn't mean others do.

[Jeffrey]

One, it's not the people in the porn, but that ACT that arouses me (And just about everyone I know says the same thing). Second, people in porn are not REAL people I'd ever meet or talk too.

 

That's how.

 

If you are having a fantasy about the porn chick how is that not a sexual way? If you are masturbating while looking at a picture of some naked porn chick how are you not thinking of her in a sexual way?