Men-honest:questionaire Re: Porn

[new_stella]

You're an example of the reason why men complain about their wives. Of course you need to take care of kids and responsibilities. The only problem is some people use it as an excuse not to have sex.

What you said here is based solely on some incorrect assumptions about me, so I will not comment on that.

 

My point was that the porn was just the imitation of the real thing.

 

I am sorry about your marriage; I understand you have to rely on porn. I understand the decisions you made, I don’t question them and I respect them.

 

However, OP’s situation (and mine) is fundamentally different from yours in that we do have sex with our Hs, we enjoy sex and get genuinely horny (often ). So, for our Hs, porn is not the only outlet for their sexuality.

 

Look, if you didn’t have a leg and were using crutches, you would obviously think that the crutches were great – they enabled you to walk. But if you have both legs and you can run and jump and dance, why would you need the crutches?

 

I personally LOVE sex and lots of it, but a man looking at porn is still a turn off for me. This means that, when my partner doesn’t look at porn, I want sex more often and I am much more creative sexually. When he does, I feel like he is inviting all those porn chicks into our sex life, so I become more ‘withdrawn’ and I feel less sexual. And I’m masturbating more often (instead of initiating sex).

 

Since I am probably not the only woman who feels this way, maybe there is a possibility that those wives that loose interest in sex experience something similar?

I’m not saying that this is the case in your marriage; I’m merely suggesting that W’s loosing interest in sex could be caused/reinforced by H’s porn use.

 

It's not any worse than owning Playboy's like men have been doing since the 50's. What the frig is the difference?????????

There is no difference.

 

The only reason I'm still married is because I refuse to watch our kids grow up in some crappy apartment. I put my kids happiness and well being ahead of my own needs/desires.

As I said, that is your choice and I completely respect it.

[Porn_Guy]

My point was that the porn was just the imitation of the real thing..

so what?! women read those romance novels by the truckload....those are also imitations of the real thing. women read those books for mental masturbation.

[AManWithTroubles]

You realise, of course, that those women are not REALLY horny?

 

In fact, you’ve probably never seen a horny porn star.

 

...

 

Are there any other kinds of porn?

Are you talking about the interactive stuff like webcams?

I think that you are wrong. I'm not talking about Hustler, Playboy, etc. Yeah, I'm talking about the more grass-roots stuff you see on the internet now. I was always bored with the porn industry. It's too fake for me. I'm a down to Earth kinda guy. I hate fake breasts, too much make-up, etc. I don't even like jewelry much.

 

Look around, you'll find some good stuff out there.

[new_stella]

so what?! women read those romance novels by the truckload....

I can’t tell for other women, but I can’t stand them!

 

those are also imitations of the real thing.

You are absolutely right. They are also imitations of the real thing, fake and boring. And this is the reason that neither me nor my husband read them.

 

women read those books for mental masturbation.

I wouldn’t be so sure it’s only ‘mental’

 

No, seriously, this is wrong comparison just because I HATE romance novels.

If I had to choose b/w them and porn, I would ALWAYS choose porn.

[rtHawk]

so what?! women read those romance novels by the truckload....those are also imitations of the real thing. women read those books for mental masturbation.

 

I FOR ONE AGREE WITH STELLA... THOSE BOOKS ARE A WASTE OF TIME (FOR ME) I WOULD RATHER HAVE LIVE REAL SEX THAN READ THAT CRAP.

 

I DONT NEED THAT TYPE OF MENTAL STIMULATION.

 

I DO NOT BELIEVE IT IS COMPRABLE....

IN THE BOOKS YOU CREATE YOUR OWN IMAGES OR THOUGHTS BASED UPON THE AUTHORS DESCRIPTIONS (IF THEY ARE GOOD AT HOW THEY WRITE) BUT YOU DO NOT HAVE A REAL (AIRBURSHED) PORN CHICK WITH HER T/A/PU$$Y FOR ALL THE SUN TO SEE BEING THROWN INTO YOUR FACE.

BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO---

WHAT YOU "SEE" VS WHAT YOU IMAGINE YOU SEE IN THE SPACE OF YOUR OWN MINDS EYE.

IT IS A WEAK ANALOGY AT BEST BUT IT WORKS FOR THOSE UNWILLING TO STOP AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND ANOTHER PERSON'S VIEW OR THOUGHTS.

I loves reading lord of the rings--my mind created the images and the visual in the book

but when I saw it on screen, it played out the book according to the director and producers visuals....

 

how in the world is romance novels(words--no pics) and porn (dvd --no written words just pics) the same???

 

not that that really matters, that isn't the premise of the post here...

it is to get a better grip on the reality of porn for and with men....

 

gotta say---------FAKE is not sexy so I am glad there is stuff out there that at least is some with the real thing...

fake sex, fake boobs, fake orgasms, fake sounds, fake turn -on--ugh...

FAKE!

[new_stella]

I was always bored with the porn industry. It's too fake for me.

So our different opinions are not so different after all.

 

I think that you are wrong. I'm not talking about Hustler, Playboy, etc. Yeah, I'm talking about the more grass-roots stuff you see on the internet now.

...

Look around, you'll find some good stuff out there.

Now you’re tempting me to ask ‘where?’

I’m wondering if I would find some of that stuff to be good, as well.

Maybe it can help if I go and 'educate' myself a bit better.

 

 

Sorry, rtHawk, I’m taking over your thread. I’ll stop now and retreat back to my own ...

[alphamale]

I DO NOT BELIEVE IT IS COMPRABLE....

what you mean its not comparable RTH??? its totally comparable. romance novels are pornography for the female mind and make them unrealistic about real-life relationships.

[CynicalP]

YAY! another Porn thread I think LS should open up a whole new catagory to discuss porn. It is such a popular subject.

 

"is it for the scripted sex?" - no

 

"is it for the porn girls?" - no

 

"do you think of your partner?" - no

 

"do you imagine you are with the porn girls?" - Sorta, I dont imagine I with them but there is always a part of me that wishes I could have sex with them. It's the fantasy of having sex with the unobtainable unreal woman.

 

"do you feel badly if you know your partner doesn't care for the porn?" - Subject hasnt been brought up, I am not sure if my wife knows and if she does she hasnt mentioned it to me. Probably, she knows but she views it as a personal guy thing and is does not feel threatened by it.

 

"how do you view the porn chicks? is it their body parts or them as a whole if body parts: is it T/A .. crotch shots?" - Mostly the parts

 

"if it is body parts.. what is most important?" - Definately the crotch and the face. I prefer watching female masturbation exclusively instead of other acts.

 

"do you know there are women going to plastic surgery for labioplasty? trimming the inner labia to be "porn perfect" so no labia shows from the outer ones because it is considered not as attractive? what do you think about that?" - I am utterly clueless on this, I didnt know there was a model vagina.

 

"if you are with a woman who has been blessed with larger labia, does it bother you? do you wish she would have surgery so she could look like the porn girls?" - I havent seen a much difference in my wife's cooch and that of the ladies of porn.

 

"how important is the "perfect pu$$y?" " - I wasnt aware there was such a concept I havent seen a pussy that I didnt like.

 

"do you know women are now having anal bleaching so they could have more pink anal areas to look more like porn chicks.??" + "

what do you think of that??" Nope other that breast augmentation, liposuction, Botox, and face lifts I am much ignorant to other plastic surgery enhancements. My comment is if makes the ladies feel better about themselves more power to them. I would never desire nor want my wife to augment her body in any way, other than having a healthly diet and exercise. Which she does pretty much.

 

"if body parts are important to you, after watching porn, do you feel you can see that this is not real and that "real women" don't look like that.??

does it affect how you see your woman/partner?" - When I view the porn I pretty much sense that the situation is fake, the actress is fake and Real women never act like that. I haven't yet to have found a 'real' woman who overacts like they do in porn. If they did then I would suspect they were faking it. I don't expect my wife to act like those women. Porn = fantasy it's not real in any sense.

"do you think it could in the future?" - I doubt it, again Porn is a fantasy world and in the real world sex is a every other month (if I'm lucky) event.

 

 

"how important is intimacy to you?? " Sexual intimacy is fairly important but I tend to take care of my needs more then I feel I should. I have moved past my resentment of my wife for the lack of sexual intimacy. To me it's not worth the aggravation or the emotional trama that is create to solict sex on a regular basis. I use the porn to take care of those needs since I do value the other great attributes my wife provides within our relationship.

 

"do you watch with your partner and get aroused ?--if so, do you feel it is unjust as you are getting aroused by looking at other nude-exposed-women and their intimate bodies??? but then go to your partner to satisfy your arousal?????" - no I do not wish to watch porn with my wife I view it as a private personal moment that I do not want to share. I also would be embarrassed to watch porn with my wife. Fortunately after 11 years it's a subject that is never been brought up.

 

 

"do you consider it unreasonable to be asked to stop watching?

if you were asked --because you know it is so hurtful to her, would you?

could you?" - Well, if my wife knew about the porn and told me that it really bother her I would try to respect her wishes. But, as another guy replied she would have to make up the difference in someway. I use porn to take care of my needs when my wife doesn't wish to engage in any sexual activities. I did once tell I would settle for frequent hand jobs, but that was too much effort on her part. So it's looks I am going to have to go solo.

 

"if not, why wouldn't you try?" - She hasnt asked I havent brought it up. It's my own dont ask dont tell policy.

 

 

There is a message concerning this topic which I responded too. Here is my opinion on the whole porn use dilemma. I understand completely that there are women who feel threatened by the fake porn actresses thing. That they somehow feel they need to measure up to those images that the porn industry sells. One one hand I can see their point, but on the other hand I want to say hey, it's not real those images. Just like any movie or marketing slogan or ad it's doesnt represent the true real life experiences. Porn is enhanced just like any other stage production. Just becuase I see some guy dressed in tights fly around with a big S on his chest doesnt make me want to compared myself to fantastical speciman he represents.

 

Also, reading post after post of many frustrated men who come to LS to rant that their wives just are not fulfilling their sexual needs I can see why porn is the monster of an industry. I dont have concrete evidence in front me other than my own experiences and those experiences other men wish to relate, but I would guess that the average man masturbates on weekly basis if not daily (dependant on the age of the man ). Sure I bet there are guys who never spank the monkey but I think the average male does and does so frequently. I do not think average women has such a strong drive that motivates them to masturbate or seek orgasm on a weekly or daily basis. Granted my evidence is circumstanial at best, based on personal observations only. Porn in my little thoery is used to compensate for sexual gratification discrepancies between the sexes. There you have it.

Thanks for reading.

[rtHawk]

what you mean its not comparable RTH??? its totally comparable. romance novels are pornography for the female mind and make them unrealistic about real-life relationships.

 

thus pornography and romance novels =make for unrealistic real life relationships

 

so true so true!!!!!

[rtHawk]

Sorry, rtHawk, I’m taking over your thread. I’ll stop now and retreat back to my own ...

no worries,, you make valid comments, honest opinions--all's good.!!!

 

Also, reading post after post of many frustrated men who come to LS to rant that their wives just are not fulfilling their sexual needs I can see why porn is the monster of an industry. I dont have concrete evidence in front me other than my own experiences and those experiences other men wish to relate, but I would guess that the average man masturbates on weekly basis if not daily (dependant on the age of the man ). Sure I bet there are guys who never spank the monkey but I think the average male does and does so frequently. I do not think average women has such a strong drive that motivates them to masturbate or seek orgasm on a weekly or daily basis. Granted my evidence is circumstanial at best, based on personal observations only. Porn in my little thoery is used to compensate for sexual gratification discrepancies between the sexes. There you have it.

Thanks for reading.

 

thanks f:rolleyes:or the honesty and complete response!

and trust me, it is a very very valid point you make, and one I will take to heart....

I enjoy loving my man as much as I possibly can --and plan to keep it that way till either my parts fall off or his do:laugh:or both!

and thanks for at least trying to understand the way some women view porn and its effects on our self esteem. It really does come down to the couple and their relationship---- I throughly do not believe it belongs in a relationship unless it is a mutual choice or an only alternative for a partner in a discordant sexual relationship.

[WhisperingWillow]

Ok, I'm coming in a bit late on this one. Porn has been around for a long time and no amount of griping that women do about what it does to their self esteem or to their relationships will make it go away.

 

Now I use to be one of those women that would hate and I do mean hate porn and I wouldn't be with a man that watched it or that I found out that watched it. I would get rid of them the moment I found out. That has now changed. Chalk it up to maturing to the age of 31 or whatever you like. The reason I hated it and the reason I think most women do hate it is because their insecure. I am now more secure than ever. I view it like this. We all feel we're entitled to a certain amount of whatever freedom hobbies we have. Some people take up cooking, some take up shopping for shoes, some take up kickboxing, you get the point. I think that if a man watches porn (unless it's seriously harming your relationship and he's addicted) that is his way of releasing whatever pent up sexual frustration he has. I also happen to agree that if the wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, fiancee whatever isn't giving a man what he needs that he has a right to relieve himself. As long as he's not harming the relationship with overdoing it, or not cheating, then I see it as no big deal.

 

I think it's unrealistic for women to think that once a man is in a relationship with her that she is the only woman he is suppose to lay eyes on and worship and all other women are invisible. The porn threat is not realistic and albeit not even attainable. Women are so catty, and very competitive, that we tend to hurt ourselves more by making demands on men. Ladies you feel you have the right to shop and do whatever it is to make yourself pretty, what is wrong with a man's right to view a little porn. Hell I know many of my girlfriends that are just as bad about it. Personally I don't like porn, but now for different reasons. The bad story lines, the bad clothing, the fake orgasms and the cheesey music. I'm not above looking at pictures though because I view them as artistic. There are so many arguments and so many threads about porn. I think it all stems to insecurities.

 

Even if the ladies in the porn were attainable by your SO then it is your SO's responsibility to do the right thing. You can't make demands on your relationship with expecting some backlash, resentment, or harbored feelings of having to be secretive. I have a boyfriend that enjoys looking at Playboy, I'm not threatened at all. We do not live together and his subscription just ended last month. He has since stopped looking at it because our sex life is high energy. We mostly make love 7-10 times a week and I actually enjoy it. I couldn't fathom letting my sex life dwindle. A man needs sex. It's a fact. If you're going to fail in that department then expect that man is going to take it upon himself to watch a little porn and relieve himself and then to some men it's a way of life. I'd say look inside yourself and figure out why you're threatened by it. I just can't imagine demanding someone to give up something. It's a fifty fifty deal. If you're going to ask then you must meet the need in some other way.

[Rooster_DAR]

Ok, I'm coming in a bit late on this one. Porn has been around for a long time and no amount of griping that women do about what it does to their self esteem or to their relationships will make it go away.

 

Now I use to be one of those women that would hate and I do mean hate porn and I wouldn't be with a man that watched it or that I found out that watched it. I would get rid of them the moment I found out. That has now changed. Chalk it up to maturing to the age of 31 or whatever you like. The reason I hated it and the reason I think most women do hate it is because their insecure. I am now more secure than ever. I view it like this. We all feel we're entitled to a certain amount of whatever freedom hobbies we have. Some people take up cooking, some take up shopping for shoes, some take up kickboxing, you get the point. I think that if a man watches porn (unless it's seriously harming your relationship and he's addicted) that is his way of releasing whatever pent up sexual frustration he has. I also happen to agree that if the wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, fiancee whatever isn't giving a man what he needs that he has a right to relieve himself. As long as he's not harming the relationship with overdoing it, or not cheating, then I see it as no big deal.

 

I think it's unrealistic for women to think that once a man is in a relationship with her that she is the only woman he is suppose to lay eyes on and worship and all other women are invisible. The porn threat is not realistic and albeit not even attainable. Women are so catty, and very competitive, that we tend to hurt ourselves more by making demands on men. Ladies you feel you have the right to shop and do whatever it is to make yourself pretty, what is wrong with a man's right to view a little porn. Hell I know many of my girlfriends that are just as bad about it. Personally I don't like porn, but now for different reasons. The bad story lines, the bad clothing, the fake orgasms and the cheesey music. I'm not above looking at pictures though because I view them as artistic. There are so many arguments and so many threads about porn. I think it all stems to insecurities.

 

Even if the ladies in the porn were attainable by your SO then it is your SO's responsibility to do the right thing. You can't make demands on your relationship with expecting some backlash, resentment, or harbored feelings of having to be secretive. I have a boyfriend that enjoys looking at Playboy, I'm not threatened at all. We do not live together and his subscription just ended last month. He has since stopped looking at it because our sex life is high energy. We mostly make love 7-10 times a week and I actually enjoy it. I couldn't fathom letting my sex life dwindle. A man needs sex. It's a fact. If you're going to fail in that department then expect that man is going to take it upon himself to watch a little porn and relieve himself and then to some men it's a way of life. I'd say look inside yourself and figure out why you're threatened by it. I just can't imagine demanding someone to give up something. It's a fifty fifty deal. If you're going to ask then you must meet the need in some other way.

 

Now this is a real woman here, maturity and all.

 

I also think it's insecurity that one shun's the idea of porn and/or maturbation. My EX made sexual comments watching movies with Brad Pitt in them, did I freak out? No, it's harmless. Now if porn is affecting your love life negatively, then I think there is valid need for concern. Again, it's what the couple are comfortable with and as a couple you should be able to talk openly about these things. If one partner still cannot feel comfortable, the other partner needs to consider their feelings and negotiate and acceptable use policy.

[Guest]

I'll buy the whole I have to watch porn and visual thing BUT I don't want to hear one guy complain when their SO is friends with another guy or does something else that may make them uncomfortable.

 

If they need it that bad and can't live without it and can't take their SO feelings into count, then they can live without some of their requests they have for their SO that they might not like that we do.

 

It's a 2 way street IMO.

[Guest]

Ok, first one....Anal Bleaching?!?!?!?! OW

 

Second: I'm with Whispering Willow: Women think...no, EXPECT their men not to look at any other women after they're married. They think that any woman is a threat to their relationship. They do think that their husbands would prefer sex with the women in porn to having sex with them. I do believe that these women are terribly insecure and are being totally unrealistic. There's not a magic pill that will make these ladies feel better about themselves, and I don't think banning their husbands from viewing porn will make them feel better either. As I've said many times to many people, I'm my husband's wife, not his mother.

 

Third: I think some of the appeal of watching porn from a male perspective is that the whole foreplay part is usually skipped. The man in the porn got the woman naked and active without any whining, begging, coercion, or romancing. It's just wham-bam, they're doing it! Unfortunately, that's the part most guys need some work on to get to the horizontal-mambo. Too bad real life isn't a porn eh?

 

Fourth: I am female and I've watched porn with my hubby. The porn usually goes off about 5 minutes after it's been started. That's because we're getting busy.... ;- ) Sometimes, I find that porn can re-direct my thoughts to sex. During the daily grind, my attention and thoughts are constantly being directed towards things that are very far from sex. Watching porn will redirect that mind. I do hope I've explained that well enough....it's difficult to explain.

 

Fifth: I can understand how someone can become obsessed with porn. To my thinking, it's rewarding without too much effort. Just click on a video, and you can masturbate to it. There is no true physical interaction with another person. You don't have to expose yourself to the complaints or letdowns that may happen. The viewer can imagine themselves being pleasured by many different people doing all kinds of things without actually having to DO anything. Hmmmmmmmmm....kinda lazy?

[Guest]

"Ladies you feel you have the right to shop and do whatever it is to make yourself pretty, what is wrong with a man's right to view a little porn."

 

good grief! women go shopping and do what they can to make themselves pretty!!! THAT is supposed to somehow threaten the masculinity of their man/SO. When they do go shopping ( assuming this is somehting exclusive to women only) are they getting aroused and getting-off to the new pair of shoes and jeans they just bought for their 3 kids.

 

I didn't know porn was a new consititutional amdendment~~~now its a "right"

 

a mature woman is one who assumes resposniblities for herself, her relatiionhsip, works, takes care of the kids, runs errands, works out, cooks, cleans and then exhausted still finds a way to love her man.

 

Maturity is not based upon one's acceptance or tolerance of porn in the relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[AManWithTroubles]

Yeah, because an actual relationship between two living beings is the same as looking at a flashing screen.

[Carbine]

I think it's unrealistic for women to think that once a man is in a relationship with her that she is the only woman he is suppose to lay eyes on and worship and all other women are invisible. The porn threat is not realistic and albeit not even attainable.

 

I hate porn, and yet I don't for a second believe that I'm the only girl on the face of the planet capabale of turning my bf on. As nice as it would be, I have to accept that he finds other women attractive.

 

Be that as it may, he has absolutely no right whatsoever to indulge in behaviour that he knows damages my self-esteem and hurts me deeply i.e. watching porn.

 

So what it really boils down to is the expression of his thoughts and feelings, not the thoughts and feelings themselves. So he wants to perve at attractive women, well that's too bad if he wants to be in a relationship with me at the same time. If worst comes to absolute rock-bottom worst, then he can bloodywell watch the crap when I don't have to be subject to it in any way, shape or form. Why the hell should I have to willingly sit there and put up with the torture of watching him get off to other women, just because "it's what guys do"?? F*** that! The last time I checked, relationships were about accommodating the needs and feelings of your SO and helping them grow as a person, NOT about crushing their self-esteem and confidence into the goddamn ground.

 

For example, my bf went through a stage about six months ago where he thought he was bisexual (he'd fooled around with guys when he was in his teens, but got caught once and copped a lot of bullying, and thus developed a chip on his shoulder about it). I encouraged him to experiment with some gay porn if he was comfortable and we did so. I'd never seen gay porn before this, and surprisingly, I actually found it an incredible turn-on. Soon after, I would actually need the stuff to get off, and we'd watch some every time we had sex. However, after awhile my bf admitted to me that the gay porn was making him very uncomfortable and that it made him doubt himself. At first I ignored him and wanted to keep watching it, and he got really upset on a couple of occasions. I realised then how much my behaviour was hurting him, and never again did I subject him to it. Moreover, I stopped watching it when I was masturbating by myself.

 

In a nutshell, I'm still alive, aren't I?

[WhisperingWillow]

You hate porn but you were watching Gay Porn to get off and needed the stuff to get off, that's a contradiction. I in no way said a woman had to sit and watch her SO get off to other women and I in no way said that they should keep doing it if it hurts their spouse, I did say that they should compromise. If he has to give it up then something else needs to take it's place like frequent lovemaking and the willingness to explore.

 

You were in fact encouraging your boyfriend to explore it and you explored it too, so much so that you needed it. You see the contradiction there, yet you state you hate porn. You hate that men idealize chicks that look better than you or as good as you, yet you were getting off to male porn. Sorry sweetheart but to me you're a walking talking contradiction. No offense and not trying to attack you but it sounds like you're bitter and you and your boyfriend have some issues. I'd get to the bottom of that.

[WhisperingWillow]

Now this is a real woman here, maturity and all.

 

I also think it's insecurity that one shun's the idea of porn and/or maturbation. My EX made sexual comments watching movies with Brad Pitt in them, did I freak out? No, it's harmless. Now if porn is affecting your love life negatively, then I think there is valid need for concern. Again, it's what the couple are comfortable with and as a couple you should be able to talk openly about these things. If one partner still cannot feel comfortable, the other partner needs to consider their feelings and negotiate and acceptable use policy.

 

I appreciate your kind words. It took me a long time to come to terms that it was my own insecurities and to see that there is nothing to be insecure about. I enjoy looking at other chicks in pictures. I view it as art and something is stunning about the female body. My favorite is Drew Barrymore. My SO doesn't have a problem with this and he knows that I find it beautiful to look at those pictures, in the same way I don't care that he looks at his Playboys. It doesn't affect our sex life. Our sex life is fantastic. He has since stopped with the Playboy subscription on his own but I got him another one for Christmas . I say do what you like as long as you're not seriously addicted, not harming your SO, and if you need to give it up then you have to reach a good compromise. It's all about choices and a couples right.

[Carbine]

You hate porn but you were watching Gay Porn to get off and needed the stuff to get off, that's a contradiction.

 

How on earth did I know that some bright spark would be quick to jump and point this out??

 

I hate porn because the majority of it features women who are significantly better looking than me. That's IT, there are absolutely no deeper reasons involved. And while I haven't been exposed to porn for very long (my bf introduced me to it a year or so ago) every single bit that i've been forced to endure has inevitably been full of stunning, hot women who kick my arse in the looks department.

 

Anyway, as I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to physically resemble the male actors in gay porn, I am therefore perfectly happy watching it.

 

You were in fact encouraging your boyfriend to explore it and you explored it too, so much so that you needed it. You see the contradiction there, yet you state you hate porn.

 

As I said, the only thing I resent about porn is that the actresses in it are prettier than me. Its not the experimenting or the so called reliance on porn that bothers me. We explored an area that we both felt comfortable with at the time, and when these feelings changed, we left it behind and moved on.

 

At the end of the day if he wants to jerk off to gay porn until he's drowning in his own fluids then it's more than okay with me. But if it's porn that involves women, well the situation is completely different.

 

You hate that men idealize chicks that look better than you or as good as you, yet you were getting off to male porn. Sorry sweetheart but to me you're a walking talking contradiction. No offense and not trying to attack you but it sounds like you're bitter and you and your boyfriend have some issues. I'd get to the bottom of that.

 

My bf has absolutely no problem with me looking at other men, he's not insecure about his looks like I am. In fact, he's actually tried to encourage me to fantasise about other men, obviously as a way of forcing me accept his views on porn and other women. Besides, I never came across a piece gay porn that had hot guys in it. The majority of them were actually kind of ugly. It certainly wasn't their looks that got me off, that's for sure. My bf knows this and agreed with me that the gay porn was a little dissapointing due to the looks of the actors. However, you'll never ever find him watching porn that has less-than-perfect women in it! They simply are not worthy of a place on his stupid porn pedestal.

 

I still don't see why I deserve to be labelled a 'walking talking contradiction'.

[whichwayisup]

I honestly don't think he's comparing you or expecting you to be like the girls in porn movies.

MOST female porn stars are hot, but I think in your situation you take it to heart and are threatened by him watching it.

 

Maybe the real problem is your own insecurity about you. I mean if he tells you "you're beautiful" do you believe him?

 

Does he treat like crap after he watches porn? If not, and things are good, then again, the problem is your own self image and how you perceive yourself.

[GreenEyedLady]

Excellent post WWIU!

[rtHawk]

My bf has absolutely no problem with me looking at other men, he's not insecure about his looks like I am.

I honestly don't think he's comparing you or expecting you to be like the girls in porn movies.

MOST female porn stars are hot, but I think in your situation you take it to heart and are threatened by him watching it.

 

Maybe the real problem is your own insecurity about you. I mean if he tells you "you're beautiful" do you believe him?

 

Does he treat like crap after he watches porn? If not, and things are good, then again, the problem is your own self image and how you perceive yourself.

 

If I may Carbine;

the point she has already made is that she is aware that it is her own insecurity with how the porn women look. She has made that acknowledgement here and within herself.

 

And once again, why does it have to be that the only resolve to this issue for some women who feel like Carbine that it is that only they should look into their own securities so they can become tolerant/comfortable/accepting/psuedo-societal swallow that giant horse pill because if its ok for some well then it must be okay for the rest.

Come on --everyone is an individual and everyone has their own level of acceptance and tolerance on this topic. Many women have insecurities, but hasn't anyone stopped to look at the level of insecurities that women are confronted with now that porn is so mainstream

When have you seen so many post,s letters, request for help, women in tears, relationships suffering, women literally aching in their heart and in their deepest sense of themselves as women???

Why do you suppose there are sooooo many scans to threads like this??

Why do you supppose there are even this many threads, blogs, sites, books, programs coming from women all asking the same question and all asking for some kind of way to understand, to cope, resume some sense of feminine self?

Carbine is not alone--- even if her level of acceptance and tolerance is individual, the premise stands similar to mine and thousands and thousands of women asking and wondering and doubting themselves as WOMEN and PARTNERS!

 

It has gone to such an extreme that even in two recent PG13 movies; both had obvious refererence to pornography. Was it really necessary in the moive to the context of the story?? NOT at all! but let's start shoving that down our preteen/teen faces even more so. It wasn't even about safe and healthy sexual practice, it was just about blatant porn.

 

I don't know, but for me, telling Carbine and all of these women, me included that we are immature, that it is all about our insecurities and that we should look deeper into that and not be threatened and take it personally...seems like telling the environmentalists that just becuase we see more cases of asthma everyday, it really is about the fact that we are incapable of handling the pollution, but it really has nothing to do with the increased levels of inhaled pollutants.

 

I really feel strongly it isn't about just turning your back on the women who do have to deal with insecurities and uncomfortable feelings regarding porn. "here honey, you know you really need to work on your insecurities, and just get over it" "I 'm sorry you feel less than a woman whenyour SO get aroused and whacks off to every T/A/Crotch he get his eyes and mind glued to,so take that giant horse pill now and get over your insecurities, you'll feel much better in the morning."

 

I can't see how women not supporting women is ever going to make this situation get any better.

 

INSECURITIES--EVERYONE has at least one, both men and women. I feel very sad that women endure the greatest ones as they find themselves questioning their femininity,their sexuality, their worth and value and their sense of self as a sexual being.

 

Porn may be fine for some, it isn't for others. It is up to a couple to discuss and communicate their understandings and tolerance, acceptance and rules for use or non use.

 

I just feel very strongly that women first and formost and MEN as well, should stop, be mindful, listen, learn empathy and mutual respect, because this issues isn't just going to dissappear..... it is here and it is here with determination.

[new_stella]

Have you noticed that most of the women on these forums, who are pro porn, admit that they had the problem with it initially?

 

Just an observation at this stage, I haven’t drawn any significant conclusions yet.

[whichwayisup]

I'm not pro-porn or anti-porn. Just to me it's no big deal. Once in a while I watch it and so does my husband but neither of us are "into" it or have a problem.

Maybe if he watched it alot and it started interferring with our sex life, then ofcourse I'd have issues with it but that's not the case.

 

I do know one thing, that if I felt the way Carbine did, and female porn stars made me feel insecure, not good enough or not beautiful enough, not good enough in bed, made me feel bad about ME, I WOULD NOT BE watching ANY porn at all! This is the part that makes me go huh? No gay porn, no straight porn.

 

OH and thanks GEL!