Men-honest:questionaire Re: Porn

[GreenRose]

I didn't mean to imply that you do.

 

I am just curious as to why any of you would feel compelled to sleep with someone who's actions totally kill your libido. It seems like it would be hollow for both people and just build resentment.

Okay.. I just wanted to make sure that no one thought that I was. I'm not like that.

 

I feel compelled because if I don't, I have to listen to him whine about it. I know it's not honest, and it's not right... But he knows that I'm constantly reluctant to jump into bed with him, and he knows that I submit under his pressure.

 

I feel like it's over at this point. I'm just waiting for him to get his own veicle. Then he can leave.

[Horse]

I want to know why someone who isn't ok with porn is insecure?

 

With asking that would it be ok then to say that men or women are insecure if their SO has opposite sex friends or anything else for that matter?

 

I had to look it up:

"Insecurity: a feeling of apprehensiveness and uncertainty : lack of assurance or stability.

or

The anxiety you experience when you feel vulnerable and insecure"

 

Isn't that what most of the people here have been describing? The porn makes you feel unsure about your partners love and loyalty?

[new_stella]

I always assumed that "love of self" was not dependent upon outside parties (including spouse).

1. Off course people will be affected by their partner’s behaviour. That’s only natural.

 

2. You can still love yourself even if you have 10 or 20 pounds extra. That wouldn’t affect your health at all. You can also love yourself even if you are not dressed sexy.

 

What I’m saying this doesn’t have to be related to "love of self" at all.

 

Why do opponents of porn say "its not about my own insecurity" but at the same time they lash against the "perfect fake beauty" of porn stars? If I stick with the very ugly undesirable porn, would that have the opposite effect of boosting my wife's self image?

Funny, but for me, it would make all the difference in the world! I don’t know if it would actually boost my self-image, but would definitely make me much more interested in porn.

 

It would be interesting to see what other ladies think about it.

 

But then again, I don’t deny that this it IS insecurity on my part. That doesn’t mean that I can just ‘get over it’ so easily. If it was a matter of a simple decision, or a choice, I would be over it long time ago…

 

You should also bear in mind (and it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone) that most women are very sensitive when it comes to their looks.

 

 

I had to look it up:

"Insecurity: a feeling of apprehensiveness and uncertainty : lack of assurance or stability.

or

The anxiety you experience when you feel vulnerable and insecure"

 

Isn't that what most of the people here have been describing? The porn makes you feel unsure about your partners love and loyalty?

Don't know about the others, but for me this is pretty accurate statement.

[lonelybird]

Don't you see, gentlemen? It is all for your good

It is like wine, or sugar. If take them once in a while, they are good to people. But if take them vastly, they turn to be bad to people. Sex is a precious gift. too much sex (too much porn) will make you bored of it. end of story

[PussInHeels]

I probably watch twice as much as my husband. He's always at work, I'm always at home with lack of anything better to do. In fact, I guess he only watches it with me. Ah see? Not only men have a problem...

[tommyr]

2. You can still love yourself even if you have 10 or 20 pounds extra. That wouldn’t affect your health at all. You can also love yourself even if you are not dressed sexy.

 

You should also bear in mind (and it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone) that most women are very sensitive when it comes to their looks.

 

So looks are a very sensitive issue, but its not important enough to warrant some priority of time/effort? Please help me understand that one!

 

Dont get me wrong, I am NOT a male metrosexual obsessed with always "looking great". Simply that a big part of my mental process of self-love, self-esteem, self-confidence, etc. DOES involve some modest effort to maintain in my appearance. And this part of me is totally 100% independent of my spouse. Am I just weird? Have I just not fully abandoned myself to my marriage? Does it show "true love" when one partner sabotages themselves in response their spouse's actions?

 

I guess I disagree with Capatinacen that my private/discreet porn use is a cause of my wife's 35# weight gain and Walmart "granny pants" attire. If anything, I would say the opposite.

[Capatinacen]

I guess I disagree with Capatinacen that my private/discreet porn use is a cause of my wife's 35# weight gain and Walmart "granny pants" attire. If anything, I would say the opposite.

 

I went back and read what I said and I wasn't saying that to you. Sorry. I didn't say that this was the case for you.

[Capatinacen]

I had to look it up:

"Insecurity: a feeling of apprehensiveness and uncertainty : lack of assurance or stability.

or

The anxiety you experience when you feel vulnerable and insecure"

 

Isn't that what most of the people here have been describing? The porn makes you feel unsure about your partners love and loyalty?

 

Sure some could be insecure about it but others don't see it as being insecure. Has nothing to do with it. If you've never liked it then how is it being insecure? I think it's to easy to tell someone if they have a problem with it that there insecure.

 

I guess I don't see it the way as you do.

[lonelybird]

Have I just not fully abandoned myself to my marriage? Does it show "true love" when one partner sabotages themselves in response their spouse's actions?

You Can't Give Away Something You Don't Have

 

by Joyce Meyer

Loving and being loved are what make our lives worth living. Many people experience times in their lives when they feel unloved. During these times, it's easy to dwell on those negative thoughts, but allowing it to continue leads to unhappiness and depression.

 

Love is the energy of life. It is what motivates people to get up each day and keep going. Love gives life purpose and meaning. Everywhere you look, you see people searching for love...but they're looking in the wrong places. God is love, and they will never find what they're looking for until they find Him.

 

People look for fulfillment in life in different ways. These ways may seem good to them at first, but eventually the unsuccessful search will leave them feeling frustrated, disappointed, and empty. The only way they can find the true fulfillment they are so desperately seeking is to choose to walk in love—to actually put love into action by reaching out and loving others.

 

As soon as I made a commitment to God, I began to hear people talk about the importance of loving others. Since I wanted to live my life according to the Bible, I wanted to walk in love, but I just couldn't. I had the urge...but no power to follow through. I always made elaborate plans, but couldn't carry them out.

 

Unfulfilled desire is often frustrating.I felt very frustrated and wondered what was wrong with me. I was impatient with people. I was legalistic and harsh, judgmental, rude, selfish, and unforgiving--and that is only the beginning of the list. The harder I tried to walk in love, the worse I became.

 

I began to understand that I could not love others because I had never received God's love for me. I knew in my head that the Bible said God loved me, but I didn't feel His love in my heart. I wondered how could God love us as imperfect as we are.

 

God loves us because He wants to—it pleases Him. God loves us because it's His nature to love, and He always will love us. He doesn't always love everything we do, but He does love us. God's love is unconditional. In fact, there's nothing we can do to ever escape His love. God's love is the power that forgives our sins, heals our emotional wounds, and mends our broken hearts.

 

Over time, I came to realize that I am deeply loved by God simply for who I am, not because of any work I could do for Him. I could finally quit trying to earn His love by doing things I thought would make me worthy of His love.

 

Once I began receiving God's awesome unconditional love, I was able to start loving Him in return and to more freely reach out to others in love. Because God's never-ending love was in me, I could give it away to others without fear of ever running out.

 

Everyone in the world wants to be loved and accepted, and the love of God—that wonderful gift He freely gives us—satisfies that need. His love flows to us, and then it should flow through us to other people.

 

Now I see myself as a container full of blessings. I want to be the type of person who can pour out God's love into the lives of the people around me. I've found that I'm always happier when I choose to make others happy.

 

In the Bible, God calls Christians the salt of the earth. He expects us to "season" the lives of those around us. All of life is tasteless without love. Love is the salt, the energy of life, and the reason to get up every morning.

 

Every day can be exciting if we see ourselves as God's secret agents, waiting to sprinkle a little salt on all the lives we encounter. And we know that because we are deeply loved by God, we can never run out of love, no matter how much we give away.

[rtHawk]

Why do opponents of porn say "its not about my own insecurity" but at the same time they lash against the "perfect fake beauty" of porn stars? If I stick with the very ugly undesirable porn, would that have the opposite effect of boosting my wife's self image?

 

Like you, am just trying to learn about some foreign concepts!

 

Well, trying to learn is a GOOD thing and I will say if I have gained (and I have)

some learning from the guys here, that I can apply into my own life and my R I am hoping it has been of some sort of help. and I would hope that if the guys could get anything as well, they could maybe gain perspective to allow some greater understanding and communication with their SOs.

 

sticking with the very ugly undesirable porn..... truthfully, we KNOW that you as guys don't think of it or see it as "very ugly undesirable" porn--we KNOW you think otherwise and are ,in proof, getting off to it.

For women who feel that porn is somehow a testament of what their SO doesn't feel, share, have, want, or worse goes to because his SO isn't all those things and he just needs to look at another set of T/A/P...

it will always reinforce her sense of doubt and her developing negative self.

 

 

Well put. I think the third point is especially resonant because, once that cycle of "withdraw and resent" starts, it seems to feed on itself. I admire the effort you put into making your relationship work

 

Mr. Lucky

 

thank you- Mr. L---.... I sometimes wonder how much my SO does????

 

and, this point can be relagated to any R issue,,not just porn...

again,, like we have said,---it is about give an take and finding balance..

it becomes futile for one partner if the balance is always one-sided...

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Horse

I had to look it up:

"Insecurity: a feeling of apprehensiveness and uncertainty : lack of assurance or stability.

or

The anxiety you experience when you feel vulnerable and insecure"

 

Isn't that what most of the people here have been describing? The porn makes you feel unsure about your partners love and loyalty?

 

Sure some could be insecure about it but others don't see it as being insecure. Has nothing to do with it. If you've never liked it then how is it being insecure? I think it's to easy to tell someone if they have a problem with it that there insecure.

 

.

 

I agree CAP..

and it can be about more than that... it can be about the simple belief and hope for a sense of fidelity.... and that is used in a term of not just physical fidelity,--it accounts for emotional-mindful too.

It is about the sense of wanting to be the one desire of your partner...

It is about wanting to be the person who fulfills your partner and in that , they are no longer of need for other women...(even if on screen)

 

So I agreee with longely bird....LOVE is important to us, and does move our

souls ----

I would also say it is important to acknowledge that not all people are Christians and read the BIBLE. I, was brought up in a Catholic home but I realize that in a nonsectarian issue, religion can trun this into a very UGLY moral debate.

[Capatinacen]

I agree CAP..

and it can be about more than that... it can be about the simple belief and hope for a sense of fidelity.... and that is used in a term of not just physical fidelity,--it accounts for emotional-mindful too.

It is about the sense of wanting to be the one desire of your partner...

It is about wanting to be the person who fulfills your partner and in that , they are no longer of need for other women...(even if on screen)

 

Yes and it's a concept that I'm finding hard for some people to understand. Might as well come out and say that some women who want that are living in a dream world.

[new_stella]

So looks are a very sensitive issue, but its not important enough to warrant some priority of time/effort? Please help me understand that one!

Women usually work hard to look good, too hard sometimes (just think of plastic surgeries and eating disorders among women). Please note, I’m not saying ALL women, but women in general, most women I know…

 

And when you try something this hard (often unhealthy hard) you expect some reward for that.

You want to look good for yourself, but as I said, messy hair, a few pounds extra and baggy clothes won’t actually prevent you from loving yourself.

You want to look good for other people too, but that can bring only so much of satisfaction.

But the single most important person in evaluating your efforts to look good is your SO. If that fails, and if you feel that in his eyes you didn’t succeed and he would rather look at 20 yo bimbo, it’s very easy to go down the ‘why bother’ lane.

 

Why bother when I know I would never be 20 again?

Why bother when I know my T/A will never become perkier again?

Why bother when I’m fighting a lost battle?

 

No matter what I do, he will find someone better looking to look at – so why bother?

 

Besides, the appearance is not the most important thing in the world – I’ll put my effort into something more important. Something that I can actually be good at.

 

So, the fact that you try so hard is actually responsible for giving up. We put so much effort into it, that it makes it easer to give up. Moderate effort would be easier to sustain.

 

Now, I’m not saying this is an ideal situation and the way a person should go about it. I’m just trying to explain how it may work for some women.

 

 

Am I just weird? Have I just not fully abandoned myself to my marriage? Does it show "true love" when one partner sabotages themselves in response their spouse's actions?

No, off course you are not weird.

What I’m saying is: women are not perfect. And some do react by sabotaging themselves even though it would be better for everyone if they didn’t. I strongly believe that in most cases it doesn't mean that they are lazy, selfish or don't respec/care about their SO.

 

 

I guess I disagree with Capatinacen that my private/discreet porn use is a cause of my wife's 35# weight gain and Walmart "granny pants" attire. If anything, I would say the opposite.

I don’t know about your wife, but I tend to put on weight when I am stressing about something. I know many other women who eat when they are unhappy. Also, when I discovered my H’s porn habit, my instinctive reaction was why bother when I can’t win? After that, it’s only downward spiral.

[Horse]

Sure some could be insecure about it but others don't see it as being insecure. Has nothing to do with it. If you've never liked it then how is it being insecure? I think it's to easy to tell someone if they have a problem with it that there insecure.

 

I guess I don't see it the way as you do.

 

So insecurity has nothing at all to do with it?

 

A guy viewing porn wouldn't make you doubt the health of your relationship and feel unsure about it's future?

...I can't even begin to understand is why people feel the need to turn to other things or think of someone else instead of say their wife or husband...

 

That doesn't make any sense unless that relationship is having problems.

 

It wouldn't make you unsure of his fidelity?

...because sometimes it can lead to other things.

 

Seriously though if most don't act upon them or want them to come true then why do it unless deep down people wish they would happen but if it can't then they will just think about it happening? That doesn't even make sense.

 

If you just don't like it, I can see you not wanting to watch, but in that case it seems like his personal viewing would be a lot easier to deal with. It would just be annoying.

 

Just because something makes you feel insecure, doesn't mean it is only your problem and that it is only up to you to deal with it.

[Horse]

It is about the sense of wanting to be the one desire of your partner...

It is about wanting to be the person who fulfills your partner and in that , they are no longer of need for other women...(even if on screen)(

 

This makes sense to me...

 

The only thing that I would say is that to him, Porn isn't another person who fulfills him or is competing for his desires. It is an object that serves one purpose. Kind of like toilet paper.

[norajane]

The only thing that I would say is that to him, Porn isn't another person who fulfills him or is competing for his desires. It is an object that serves one purpose. Kind of like toilet paper.

 

:lmao::lmao:

[Capatinacen]

So insecurity has nothing at all to do with it?

I didn't say that. I said some of it could be insecure but you can't use that across the board as an excuse to keep on doing it. It's so easy to say someone is insecure because what you think and what someone else thinks is different. That is a lame excuse.

 

So if my SO did something else that I didn't like would that make me insecure? Or does that too depend on what it is?

 

How am I insecure because I don't agree with something?

[new_stella]

This makes sense to me...

The only thing that I would say is that to him, Porn isn't another person who fulfills him or is competing for his desires. It is an object that serves one purpose. Kind of like toilet paper.

I think you said something important here.

You objectify those women.

 

For me it’s hard to comprehend how men can objectify one women and not objectify the other.

 

How can you completely switch from looking (in a sexual way) at a woman as an object to looking at another women (again in a sexual way) as a complete human being?

[Mr. Lucky]

For me it’s hard to comprehend how men can objectify one women and not objectify the other.

 

How can you completely switch from looking (in a sexual way) at a woman as an object to looking at another women (again in a sexual way) as a complete human being?

Well, as long as we are still talking about porn, one woman is a piece of paper or pixels on a screen. The other is a living, loving human being. Pretty easy to separate the two.

 

You know, if technology progressed to the point that I could summon a real, three dimensional person for porn, it would lose it's appeal to me. I'd wonder where she was going after we were done. And if her feet hurt standing there. And did she notice my bald spot ? It would ruin the fantasy.

 

When masturbating, I'm fantasizing about the sex act itself. The image is really just there to get me going...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Horse]

I think you said something important here.

You objectify those women.

 

For me it’s hard to comprehend how men can objectify one women and not objectify the other.

 

How can you completely switch from looking (in a sexual way) at a woman as an object to looking at another women (again in a sexual way) as a complete human being?

 

I objectify images (objects). I know there are some people out there who can't tell an image from the real thing, but for me it is pretty easy to tell the difference and act accordingly.

 

I've never had a problem treating a woman as a whole person with the respect that she deserves.

[Horse]

I didn't say that. I said some of it could be insecure but you can't use that across the board as an excuse to keep on doing it. It's so easy to say someone is insecure because what you think and what someone else thinks is different. That is a lame excuse.

 

So if my SO did something else that I didn't like would that make me insecure? Or does that too depend on what it is?

 

How am I insecure because I don't agree with something?

 

Sorry, I must have misinterpreted "Has nothing to do with it."

 

If your So did something that you didn't like because it made you feel insecure, then you would be insecure. If he did something that you didn't like because it was annoying, then you are just annoyed.

 

I never said it's OK for your SO to continue looking at porn, if it makes you feel insecure. If anything that's a good reason for him to stop, or to try to work out a compromise.

 

Either way. I think I'm done here. I don't think this conversation has anything to do with trying to find understanding anymore.

[new_stella]

You know, if technology progressed to the point that I could summon a real, three dimensional person for porn, it would lose it's appeal to me.

That makes sense.

Thanks for explaining it so well.

 

However, in this (or maybe another thread) you mentioned that you fantasise about real women you met. Is the woman still an object in that situation?

 

Well, as long as we are still talking about porn, one woman is a piece of paper or pixels on a screen. The other is a living, loving human being. Pretty easy to separate the two.

Mmm, it must be more than just that…

Please don’t jump at me, but: if you look at the photo or digital image of the woman you love (again in a sexual way), how do you differentiate then?

 

When masturbating, I'm fantasizing about the sex act itself. The image is really just there to get me going...

My H says exactly the same thing.

And yet, the image is what upsets me most…

[rainfall]

Why do opponents of porn say "its not about my own insecurity" but at the same time they lash against the "perfect fake beauty" of porn stars? If I stick with the very ugly undesirable porn, would that have the opposite effect of boosting my wife's self image?

 

Like you, am just trying to learn about some foreign concepts!

 

 

Well for me it is the fact that he needs porn at all. I work very hard to look good and when he turns to be it makes me feel like no matter how much weight I lose or whatever I will never be good enough for him. It makes me feel like he doesn't really love me.

[Flyin in Clouds]

OK, I'm coming in way late and no I haven't read all 500 posts... got through the first 60 and jumped to the near the end. So I'll try to answer rtHawks original questions.

 

.... just for understanding the inner mind of men...

 

I might ask women to reciprocate in the hope of understanding the inner mind of women but I've been told that's impossible for one reason or another ....

is it for the scripted sex?

What do you mean scripted sex? You mean watching a woman get DPed? yes.

 

is it for the porn girls?

do you think of your partner?

No and yes. Most often I think of my wife or other women I know in the place of the porn girl. Imagining her in the center of the gang bang or performing some really deep throat on some hung stud. Often I think of our circle of friends in an orgy. Latent swinger fantasies.

 

do you imagine you are with the porn girls?

Do I want the porn girl IRL? No. Do I fantasize about my wife and maybe her girlfriend acting like the porn girls with me? Yes.

 

do you feel badly if you know your partner doesn't care for the porn?

No.

 

how do you view the porn chicks? is it their body parts or them as a whole

if body parts: is it T/A .. crotch shots?

Them as a whole. Mostly their apparent attitude toward wild and kinky sex. Yes, I know it's fake. Yes I know they are being paid. But some of them are good at "faking it" and putting on a good show. If only the wife were half as good at feigning interest in sex. sigh...

 

if it is body parts.. what is most important?

Lips, mouth? A great BJ.

 

do you know there are women going to plastic surgery for labioplasty? trimming the inner labia to be "porn perfect" so no labia shows from the outer ones because it is considered not as attractive? what do you think about that?

It's stupid. I like women in all the varieties, shapes, sizes, colors, eye color and hair color. I do have a fondness for blued blonds or green eyed redheads. But raven haired women can be just as attractive and exciting.

 

And attitude trumps looks. By a long shot. A rather "plain jane" can be oh so hot if she presents a wanton attitude toward sex. Coy, demure, but "wanting it". You know, the innocent girl that is about to be debauched, deflowered, degraded, defiled and turned into a raving nymphomaniac all by the power of my mighty sword. :lmao:

 

if you are with a woman who has been blessed with larger labia, does it bother you? do you wish she would have surgery so she could look like the porn girls?

how important is the "perfect pu$$y?"

How important is a 10 inch dick? Come on now be honest girls.

 

What the hell is a perfect pu$$y? Maybe one that earns a lot of $$???? hahaha..

 

do you know women are now having anal bleaching so they could have more pink anal areas to look more like porn chicks.??

what do you think of that??

Pretty disgusting actually. Not a turn on at all. So don't bother. A willingness to take it up the rosebud ... now that's different.

 

if body parts are important to you, after watching porn, do you feel you can see that this is not real and that "real women" don't look like that.??

What do you mean not real? I married a porn star...

 

You mean there aren't any "real women" that are stacked? Sorry, I did marry a woman that is stacked.

 

Did you know that porn stars come in all shapes and sizes too? They aren't all big breasted or skinny or even young. I prefer "mature" porn. Women that are 40, not 18 year old girls.

 

does it affect how you see your woman/partner?

do you think it could in the future?

no and no, other than to wish my wife was a little more like a porn star in her enthusiasm for sex and her oral abilities.

 

I don't know about a MFM 3some IRL, but as a fantasy it's hot. And yet I'm very jealous. If she dances with other guys it's upsetting. But that's mostly because I'm not a good dancer and I'm not dancing with the other hot women I'd like to be dancing with. And I only like slow dancing where you get to actually hold the woman. Wiggling at each other without touching, what's the point? So why would I fantasize about MFMs? The only explanation I can offer is I like to see my wife orgasm and we all know men run out of batteries quickly, while women can go on and on like the energizer bunny. So I figure if I can only give her two or three orgasms maybe 3 guys can give her 9 and by the time number three is worn out, I might have recovered enough to keep the party rolling and keep her in a state of near constant orgasm. Until her brain melts. Figuratively speaking of course.

 

how important is intimacy to you??

What's intimacy?

 

do you watch with your partner and get aroused ?--if so, do you feel it is unjust as you are getting aroused by looking at other nude-exposed-women and their intimate bodies??? but then go to your partner to satisfy your arousal?????

my wife doesn't watch with me anymore. Only a few times when we were younger.

 

do you consider it unreasonable to be asked to stop watching?

yes. unless she's willing to give up something that consumes her time and instead starts dressing and acting more like a porn star for me.

 

if you were asked --because you know it is so hurtful to her, would you?

could you?

if not, why wouldn't you try?

I would make sure she didn't know about it if I continued. But she'd have to do a whole lot more than she seems to be willing to do. I.e. if she wants no porn, fine, but she better replace it with something more exciting. And no, just her isn't likely to do that.

 

OK, so comments on stuff I came across on the thread.

 

Fake - Fantasy - women complain that they can't compete with porn starts. That's an excuse for not even trying. Of course you could take on half a dozen guys if you wanted to. Of course you could do anal. Of course you could swallow. But wives don't. Yeah, some do but most don't. And the thing most women don't realize is that the average guy isn't hung like a porn start and can't "perform" like the guys on screen any more than the average woman can do everything like the women in a porn movie. The men are just as "fake".

 

One ad for an adult friend finder site said, "I can't blow my husband like I can blow a stranger". And there is truth to that. I can't **** my wife like porn stars studs **** the porn slut. I have to live with with my wife. One advantage of sex with a "stranger" is I don't have to live with them. If they are offended or disappointed I won't see them again so sex can be a lot different. In other words sex with one's wife is more inhibited because we dare not "offend" the wife by asking for anal or a BJ to completion. We can't be too nasty without risking castration in the middle of the night.

 

I wanted to talk dirty to my wife, I thought it might spice things up and she might like it. After a romantic dinner and heading off to bed I said I was going to **** her brains out. Oppps... bad move. She was appalled I'd say something like that. Well I was pissed that she didn't take it as I meant it. That I wanted to try to give her so many fantastic orgasms that her brain would melt. I wanted to give her as much pleasure as one man possibly can. Once I said maybe I could try tying her up and having my way with her and her response - why was I pushing "kinky" stuff. "Oh, I don't know honey. So maybe we had a little variety in our otherwise mundane sex life?"

 

And then I hear about all the women that want to swallow and like anal, like dogggie and are willing to try some 3somes and I wonder what I've missed.

 

how in the world is romance novels(words--no pics) and porn (dvd --no written words just pics) the same???

Because women get off on language and men get off on images. Romance novels serve the same fantasy purposes for women as porn does for men. Both are unreal, fake, fantasy. Nothing wrong with fantasy is there? Dreaming?

 

Do you know that there are studies that show women use 3 times as many words in a day as men? Something like 21,000 to 7,000. Women vent.

 

Men are activated visually. Women are aroused by more subtle means. Generally, women put a lot more effort into their looks than men do. Look at women's fashion versus a mans? How much space does a woman's wardrobe take in the closet versus the mans? Men's suits. Pretty simple and fairly standard. Women's dresses... all over the place. Why? Because being visually attractive and uniquely so is far more important to a woman than it is to men. Sure men want to look sharp but women go to extraordinary lengths compared to men... visual, images....

 

and yet I don't for a second believe that I'm the only girl on the face of the planet capabale of turning my bf on. As nice as it would be, I have to accept that he finds other women attractive.

Carbine, if your bf didn't find women in general attractive why would he be attracted to you?

 

I am attracted to and fine most women "stimulating". But my wife has something special that no other woman has. My wife loves me.

 

I hate porn because the majority of it features women who are significantly better looking than me.

Actually, the "porn star look" is a bit of a turn off. I much prefer the "amateur allure" kind of porn - more natural looking women that "do it"... that's more of a turn on, to think that 'average' good looking soccer moms can be absolute sexual sluts... (and I mean sluts in the good sense - meaning women that want sex as much or more than I do.... and aren't afraid to get it).

 

every single bit that i've been forced to endure has inevitably been full of stunning, hot women who kick my arse in the looks department.

But, but... does your BF have 10 inches and thick as a baseball bat? (ouch...) but hey that's what they go for with the guys. Is that realistic? Do you compare the male actors to your BF's size? Shouldn't the 'average' guy feel a wee bit intimidated by the likes of John Holmes? What if you said to your husband/bf, "hey honey I'd really like to try a dick like that guy, he's so much bigger than you. I bet he'd really light my fire." Do you think your guy would be a little intimidated and feeling insecure?

 

And here is the big secret. For me it isn't so much how the women looks, but the appearance that they actually like the sex. nay, that they crave all the kinkiest sex. Enthusiasm.They'll suck off four or five guys and want more. They'll actually take it down the throat or up the ass. It is the fantasy that there is a woman that is such a sex starved slut that she'll take it in all three holes at once. Air tight. Fantasy? Sure. And the reality from guys that have done DPs say it's not all that great. I don't know how it is for the women. Would getting DPed be really exciting for the woman? Extra big orgasms? If so then I'd really like to be part of that.

 

In fact, he's actually tried to encourage me to fantasise about other men, obviously as a way of forcing me accept his views on porn and other women.

Nope, I'd bet that's not why. It's a fairly common male fantasy to have their wife/gf be the center of a gang bang. It's a way of saying you don't have to look like a porn star to be sexually attractive to a bunch of guys, you just have to act like a porn star... I'm sure you are not so ugly that guys wouldn't want to do you. The thing that is the sexiest about a woman isn't her looks per se, but her attitude toward sex. And the porn actresses put on a good show that they really like it. Whether they actually do or are just doing it for the money doesn't matter. Giving the appearance that they want it is what matters.

 

Well for me it is the fact that he needs porn at all. I work very hard to look good and when he turns to be it makes me feel like no matter how much weight I lose or whatever I will never be good enough for him. It makes me feel like he doesn't really love me.

Ladies google the Coolidge Effect. It explains part of why men like looking at porn. It is simply a matter of variety.

 

http://www.heretical.com/wilson/coolidge.html

 

Beauty, Fashion and the Coolidge Effect.

http://www.beautyworlds.com/beautyfashioncoolidge.htm

 

 

And lastly the hottest porn every - The Story of O. Saw that one with my wife when we were just dating...

 

I put this up some place else.

I'd agree it is not just the difference in hair color, but being "out of character" in a sexual way... But say you dyed your hair purple, (presuming it isn't already purple), put on some fish net stockings, some long black gloves, a sexy short skirt and top, some heavy make up, put on a ball gag, hand cuffed yourself, had previously told your bf to be home at x o'clock sharp, and attached a little note to your cute little butt that said "Tonight I'll be your sex slave. Do anything you want with me, I'm yours totally". If my wife did that I think I'd drop dead of a heart attack, it would be totally out of character. After the shock wore off I'd start to wonder if I could really satisfy this wanton woman? Well I don't know, but I'd be willing to die trying. There are lots of things women (and men) can do to be "different". I think "attitude", a mental thing, is a big turn on.

Now how many of you nice, decent soccer moms would have the guts to actually do that, ball gag and all?

 

I guess I disagree with Capatinacen that my private/discreet porn use is a cause of my wife's 35# weight gain and Walmart "granny pants" attire. If anything, I would say the opposite.

Oh, man... compare that image to the one I painted above... now which would you think a guy would be more interested in? Brother I can relate... women seem to think that once they are married they no longer have to play the dating game and dress in sexy lingerie. And then they wonder why there H is interested in his sexy secretary or some porn.

[tommyr]

So, the fact that you try so hard is actually responsible for giving up. We put so much effort into it, that it makes it easer to give up. Moderate effort would be easier to sustain.

 

So for a woman to just "maintain" is like NASA prepping for a space shuttle mission? Come on ladies! We dont expect plastic surgery and 6-hours/day in the gym (very few single/dating women even do all that). Just very very basic stuff: sensible choices at mealtime, wear a dress once or twice/week "for no reason", get some healthy exercise. Thats it! Really that is ALL it takes! Comparing oneself to a porn star is no reason to just "give up" on one's entire sex appeal (both visually and mentally).

[Capatinacen]

Sorry, I must have misinterpreted "Has nothing to do with it."

 

If your So did something that you didn't like because it made you feel insecure, then you would be insecure. If he did something that you didn't like because it was annoying, then you are just annoyed.

 

I never said it's OK for your SO to continue looking at porn, if it makes you feel insecure. If anything that's a good reason for him to stop, or to try to work out a compromise.

 

Either way. I think I'm done here. I don't think this conversation has anything to do with trying to find understanding anymore.

 

You did. That went along with the last part of the sentence before I said that.

 

No it probably doesn't and I think it's safe to agree to disagree. You see it as insecure and others don't.