To be or not to be

[CCamal]

I’ve been dating Mike for 2 months now (by the way, we’re both 30). I met him one night when I was out with my friends. The second I walked in, he couldn’t stop staring at me. He started talking to me and then I found out he owned the bar/restaurant. He ended up hooking my friends and I up all night with free drinks and food and then begged me to go out with him, telling me (in front of my friends) that he was going to marry me one day. According to him and everyone else at the restaurant who knows him, said he’s a really great guy and has never pursued a girl like he has pursued me. Plus, this guy has no recent ex-girlfriends, so that’s a plus.

 

On our first date, he took me to a very expensive restaurant and treated me like a princess. He even bought me cough drops, prior to picking me up, because I had a sore throat.

 

The second date (a week later) was a trip to the zoo. He got up early on a Sunday morning (having worked until 3:00am the night before), bought food, showed up at my house by 10:00am and made me an entire picnic feast to take to the zoo with us. All my friends thought (including my brother) he was the nicest guy. All my friends fell for this guy.

 

The fourth of July, he took me to his friends pool party. All his friends are married and have children, and he was so happy that they all liked me, and I got along with everyone.

 

Since then, we were getting really close. We have so much in common with regards to family, religion, ideas, and we even finish each other’s sentences, which cracks everyone up. I was starting to really like him, though I didn’t get to see him much, because he works every night and only has Monday’s off. It’s now been 3 weeks since he’s taken me on a real date. I was even putting in effort to go to the bar once or twice a week, just so we could see each other.

 

Then the calls late at night started, when he was getting off of work – 2:00 or 3:00am. He’d want to come over and stay over, which I’d let him, because it was the only time we could really see each other. Well I put a stop to that after 1 week. I told him, if he wants to see me, no more late night showing up or phone calls, because I have to work in the morning. If he wants to see me, he’s going to have to take me on a real date, so we can continue to know each other. Now he’s hardly calling me. He says he’ll call and then not call. Every Monday he has off, so we make plans and he’s canceled the last 3 weeks. He ends up having to work. He said we weren’t exclusive yet, but in 3 or 4 mo. if things are still going well, we would then decide. So I said fine and went on a date with someone else. He was so upset, he called me non-stop last week. Then he said, even though we’re not exclusive, I don’t want either of us to date anyone else (go figure).

 

Well he canceled again this past Monday, so I finally told him it wasn’t working. He’s too busy with his new business and I’m feeling neglected. He said, “Don’t you support me and my business? You said you understood. This business is so important to me, but you are too. I’m crazy about you and I know you’re crazy about me. Please bear with me, I just get so caught up. It’s not going to be like this for much longer, only until I get the business going, then we’ll go away for a weekend together.” Then he said he’d call me later, and if not that evening, don’t be upset, but he’d call me the next day. That was 3 days ago, the longest he’s ever gone without calling. I’m trying to be understanding, cause I know this business is important to him, but now I’m thinking I’m a fool and I’m getting angry. I feel like the guy really likes me, but if he really did, wouldn’t he want to see and talk to me? What - he can’t pick up a phone to say hello for 2 seconds? Is anyone really THAT busy? What should I do?

[Ally Boo]

Just do your own thing. Let him make all the moves period, and you show indifference about whether he calls or not. Date other people....this is how I was with me and my ex. He worked at a bar too, and after we broke up I found out that he probably DID have some extra time to call me, he just didn't want to for whatever reason. Yall aren't exclusive is right....so you are under no obligation to understand his business or support it. Words are just that...words. Actions speak way better than words, and he's showing that he doesn't have time for you...and you deserve someone who will devote as much time as possible to you. It's not worth it. So, go along about your business and when he decides to call, and treat you like a decent human being because he has TIME to, maybe give him another chance, but until then, I'd hang it up. He doesn't have time for you, and you don't have time for his b.s.

[yes]

he sounds strange

just keep dating others, i think

once his business is up n going & he finally has time for u - then u'll think about it again ... until then - u'r free as a bird =) and i dont think it hurts to see this guy once in a while as well - u know, when u got nothing better to do ;P

 

and if he asks... i'd say "yes, i like u, we'll give it a try as soon as u untangle your new business :)" ...

 

thats my take...

i agree he sounds weird... i dont think ull know what's rlly up with him until you watch his actions for a lil longer...

 

-yes

[BeReal]

ok, so he's busy. I guess I can understand him canceling on you the last 3 weeks and not having much time for you. I agree with you on the statement "What - he can’t pick up a phone to say hello for 2 seconds? Is anyone really THAT busy?" How many hours a day is he working?

 

3 days isn't so long but he said he'd call and he didn't. He's showing you that he can't keep his word and I don't think that will change when his business gets going. Maybe he's keeping you waiting on purpose because he's passive aggressive and he's upset with you.

 

If you want to, you could explain to him about keeping his word and give him another chance. It doesn't sound like you are getting what you need from this relationship. I don't see anything wrong with you seeing other people or telling this guy to look you up when he actually has time for a relationship.

[velvet]

He must be all business! Real bad at intimacy and romance!

 

You have to expect that business owners, in the beginning stage of a business will have to work up to 90 hr weeks. Just the way it works to ensure survival of it. However, as a business man he should understand that when you say you do something, you do it. When he says he will call, he should call. When he sets a date, he should be there for the date.

 

For example say he calls an early Monday meeting at his restaurant. If an employee doesn't show or better yet if he doesn't show up, wouldn't that be very disrespectful? Its character, and you have to have great character to run a business. Sad thing is, his character sucks when it comes to dating. He may not recognize what hes doing when he cancels, bails or doesn't call, but you could try to change this in him using some simple psychology. If he wants a r/s with you, he should agree and make changes. Very easy, basic changes that only require a little more attention and respect.

 

For now, don't call him, let him call you. Let him think about things. If he doesn't call, than he has issues that he needs to deal with. If he calls, be nice, explain to him that you wont tolerate his word being broken as well as dates and anything else. That if he does it again, you wont accept another apology.

 

It sounded pretty great in the beginning. If something is still there I wish you the best. If you feel you still don't get that quality time with him don't be afraid to hang at the bar for awhile before closing time. I have a friend who manages a restaurant, I go up there for freebies all the time, heck bring girlfriends with you too.