CaliforniaBlue Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 my fiance and I have been together for over 3 years. in the first year of our relationship, our sex life was great(typical, right?) Well, soon after she got pregnant from not using protection, and she had an abortion. We both knew it was definitely not the best choice. But after all that happened, she became very sexually inhibited. Her sex drive went WAY down, it was like she became a different person in bed, acting very shy and intimately uncomfortable. She has been like this for almost 2 years now, and I feel like I have done everything in my power to remedy the situation. Basically it's affecting me negatively, I feel very unwanted. Every time we have sex, she acts like a virgin, she gets nervous and uncomfortable, and tries to "postpone" our sex as much as she can. She has no desire for foreplay, even though I explained to her many times it might help her be more relaxed, and she refuses to have sex any other position besides missionary. But in the beginning of us, she was willing to do anything and everything known to man in the bedroom. She turned from a "sexpert" to a "repeat virgin" in one night, if that can explain it. Does anyone know what can be done, if anything? Any and all comments/advice are appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
C&M4ever Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 Im thinking there is a great deal of guilt on her end and making love to you is a constant reminder of the abortion. If you genuinely want to help her and your relationship, perhaps you could hold off on sex and explore in a loving manner why she is withdrawn. Let her know that you are there for the long haul and sex is a perk, not the foundation. Tell her you are genuinely concerned and feel that this is causing a rift between you and that you want nothing more than to fix it so you all can move on to a more secure future. 2 years is a long time but everyone deals with things differently...you should really focus on finding a solution to this before its too late. Link to post Share on other sites
WhisperingWillow Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 I think the abortion guilt is haunting her. A abortion is very hard to go through. It's not like you go in there, take your twilight medication, spread your legs and are relieved it is over. It takes a toll and this is what might be inhibiting her. She might need some space and understanding. She might also need some counseling. Was there any counseling afterwards? Very few people come away from those things feeling relieved. Link to post Share on other sites
loggrad98 Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 I agree with WW, she needs counseling for the affects of the abortion. That can be a very traumatic experience. One question, was she a virgin when you got together? If she went from virgin to abortion so quickly (one year is not a very long time to be accustomed to being sexually active, with all the emotional turmoil that can entail), it is a wonder she did not have a nervous breakdown. No matter what it sounds like the best thing you could give her is space and a supporting shoulder, and help her get some help. Be willing to forgo the sex in favor of intimacy, and foreplay in favor of cuddling. Just be there and be supportive and let her decide when she is ready again. But help her get some help too. Link to post Share on other sites
vanessabg Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I think the abortion guilt is haunting her. A abortion is very hard to go through. It's not like you go in there, take your twilight medication, spread your legs and are relieved it is over. It takes a toll and this is what might be inhibiting her. She might need some space and understanding. She might also need some counseling. Was there any counseling afterwards? Very few people come away from those things feeling relieved. I am agree to WhisperWillow:may be your girl friend just scared of abortion and don't want be pregnant again. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I am agree to WhisperWillow:may be your girl friend just scared of abortion and don't want be pregnant again. Yep thats what it's sounds like to me. She should try and talk to someone about this. Link to post Share on other sites
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