Interested Posted July 26, 2002 Share Posted July 26, 2002 Hello everyone, I have a general question for anyone who is in a steady relationship. Sef-growth is the issue at hand and I need advice as to what some might think it entails. Laconically speaking, does one, who feels he/she needs to grow personally, go about it by being in the relationship or completely alone? Some say that you should try to grow before you can concentrate on sharing a life with another, while others state that you can do this with your partner: Meaning you do this together. I am confused in regards to which is the way to go, despite the acknowledgement that we indivially have to decide for what's best for us. This is an issue that's affecting me presently. I'm not out to hurt this woman who I care for completely, but feel lately this has been consuming my mind. At times I feel like I've never given myself the opportunity to grow within due to the fact that I've always had someone around me. I ask anyone who's experienced with these feelings at one point in their lives, as to how they rectified this emotionally. I would love to read any psychological connections to this issue as well as one on one solid advice. Thank you for reading this... Interested Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 26, 2002 Share Posted July 26, 2002 Don't worry, what you are feeling is normal. People change and what's important is that relationships change WITH them. If your s.o. is an understanding person and truly loves you, you should have no problems being yourself in your relationship. Just let them know that you feel like you are going through a change in your life, and you need their support by letting you explore yourself. And that you love them (if you truely do) and you are confiding in them. I think the big reason why people say that you won't need to be in a relationship is if your relationship is part of the question. However, if you feel confident in your relationship, I see no problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 26, 2002 Share Posted July 26, 2002 If you're wanting psychological perspectives on the personal growth process, click on the following link to read about what Carl Jung called "individuation": http://www.wynja.com/personality/jungarchf.html and go here to read what psychologist Abraham Maslow termed "self-actualization": http://www.performance-unlimited.com/samain.htm Your question is impossible to answer for you personally on a message board because I don't know your age, maturity, background, life experiences, state of mind, etc. It would take several hours of interviews to determine if you need some time alone or if you are fine with going forward with a relationship in your present state of development. However, the fact that you have brought up this question is somewhat of an indicator that you are fine and that continuing on to learn about the world in the context of a relationship what you ought to do. Personal growth is a rather ambiguous term and its status in each person is really very subjective. Only you can tell for yourself if you are comfortable enough with your place in life to be ready to embark on it with another person or if you still need time alone. The first thought that popped in my mind is that you were using what psychologists called "intellectualization" in bringing up this question in order to find a good scientific excuse to end your relationship or at least question it. If you were happy and fulfilled in with your lady, this personal growth stuff would be the last thing on your mind. There's got to be something going on besides concern for your status as a human being for you to wonder if you should be by yourself for the sake of growth. Or you could just be curious as to what life as a lone adult is all about since you have been in a relationship the greatest part of it. That is normal and it might be to your advantage to do some exploration if you have that need. Again, I'd have to have you in front of me for a few hours to make a firm determination....but there are a lot of great counsellors out there who could do the same thing. If this is truly a burning question that you cannot answer for yourself, find a good therapist who can help you arrive at the answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Interested Posted July 26, 2002 Author Share Posted July 26, 2002 I just wanted to thank you, Tony and Ally for responding to my post. I have to find myself someone who I can devote a few hours of conversation so as to reach an inner-answer. "intellectualization" ?? Very interesting Tony... and I must say, it has my mind running. I believe that maybe it would be to my advantage to explore solely for the reason of not hurting her in the long run. I know I would have to speak to someone (and her)before I can make any decisions since what I feel for her is sincere. By the way, I'm 28... Once again...thank you for the links...and the great advice. Interested Link to post Share on other sites
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