Lowcountryman Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 If so would love to hear them. Just wondering what led to getting the second chance and how long you were apart. I know I shouldn't be holding out hope of a second chance with my ex gf but I pray for it every night. Just looking for tips and advice of what you did in the between time.
Art_Critic Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Just looking for tips and advice of what you did in the between time. You need to date.......
jusified Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 go on with your life, no point even hoping to getting back with an ex. They left you or you left them for a reason.
Canuck2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Do a search on here and you'll find lots of people that have gotten back together. Search "success" or "second chance success" good luck with everything.
Rooster_DAR Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 I agree that sometimes things can work out, but from my experience they usually don't.
AriaIncognito Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 You'll find there's no set time for things like that. I've had times where it's been months, had times where it's never occurred. Second chances are very situation specific. I think the advice to date in the meantime is the best idea. For one, meeting other people will either 1.) reinforce that you love your ex and want her only or 2.) will show you that you could quite possibly love someone else more. Waiting around for the second chance, isn't recommended. Sure, there are success stories, but I'd bet those folks weren't ones that waited around or pined too hard. They probably stayed focused on themselves and their happiness. Good luck to you.
CaliGuy Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Don't listen to these two morons. Do a search on here and you'll find lots of people that have gotten back together. I usually notice the people that leave you comments like this have failed in their own attempts. LOL. Seach "success" or "second chance success" good luck with everything. Wow, talk about rude..... Show me the examples on here where the second chances have worked out. I've seen few, if any other than people who were MARRIED. Besides, if their second chance was working out they wouldn't be on here talking about it, they'd be out dating....
jusified Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 I might be a moron, but I'm a damn charming and Sexy moron. Besides, I was saying that as a serious suggestion. When someone breaks up with you, you should move on. There really is no point sitting there and hope, you show the other person that you are; 1) a strong person that can be independant 2) can be selective with who you go out and only go out with ppl that is worthy of your love 3) You improve yourself and how you deal with relationships If you keep hoping to get back with an ex, you might miss the great guy/girl that walks past in your life. Don;t make your self unhappy over someone that no longer cares about you anymore.
Guest Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Wow, talk about rude..... Show me the examples on here where the second chances have worked out. I've seen few, if any other than people who were MARRIED. Besides, if their second chance was working out they wouldn't be on here talking about it, they'd be out dating.... Here's one. Take a look at who is the first person to respond to the person..too funny.
Canuck2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Wow, talk about rude..... Show me the examples on here where the second chances have worked out. I've seen few, if any other than people who were MARRIED. Besides, if their second chance was working out they wouldn't be on here talking about it, they'd be out dating.... Here's one. Take a look at who is the first person to respond to the person..too funny! This cracks me up. Doesn't look married either. Hmm. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t77958/ In all fairness though if you read on a bit and look at her other postings, her boyfriend is some scumbag messing around with another chick. There are lots of success stories on here. Stop being so lazy and do a search. Here's another: My bf of three years told me he needed to find out what life was like without me (whatever the excuse, its all the same load of crap lol). I cried, was feeling like my world crashed down on me...but I was strong and maintained NC for a month despite his trying to call/text me a couple of times (I refused to respond unless he was saying "TAKE ME BACK I MADE A MISTAKE I LOVE YOUUU!") I was strict about the "all or none" of me theory -- I dont believe in being friends until I had sufficient time to heal (AT LEAST 6 mos) so I wouldnt give him the chance to keep tabs on me while he moved on with his life. Anyway, amonth later he came back to me -- like I have never seen before. He was SO upset, so distraught, would do anything to have me back. Reluctantly I agreed, since I dont believe in recycling boyfriends. But, that was 2 mos ago that we got back together, and he is still being 100% better than ever. I am happy Cant say I have completely forgotten that he found me disposable, and I get resentful from time to time, but he is patient and acknowledges that he caused me to feel rejected and is willing to work thru the troubles. So I am living proof that it does happen!!!!! __________________ Love makes you do crazy things...insane things. Things you never thought in a million years you would see youself do. - Wicker Park
CaliGuy Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Being lazy? You're pretty rude, you know that. I've been on these boards for quite a bit longer than you. I've read more of these stories than you know. So what? There's a few successes out of THOUSANDS of failures. I wouldn't exactly say it's common. Most reconcilliations that I've seen posted aren't long breakups. Usually a couple months max. Once you stretch it out past 6 months, forget it.
alphamale Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 There's a few successes out of THOUSANDS of failures. I wouldn't exactly say it's common. Most reconcilliations that I've seen posted aren't long breakups. Usually a couple months max. Once you stretch it out past 6 months, forget it. Most couples who end up succeeding are the ones who broke up cause one party did not want to get married. So they part for a while and that one party reconsiders and decides to get married. Then the couple reconciles and they end up at the altar. But in these scenarios there was already a very strong bond.... My experience and that of my friends is that unless the couple is seriously considering marriage then a reconciliation won't work out.
Canuck2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 I don't think I'm rude at all. I thought that was rather funny when I took a look at that posting. Think about it..why would you stick around here after you've gotten back with your ex? People are people. I'm truely sorry you've been here for so long. Pehaps you need to get back out there and try again. Best of luck!
CaliGuy Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Think about it..why would you stick around here after you've gotten back with your ex? People are people. I'm truely sorry you've been here for so long. Pehaps you need to get back out there and try again. Best of luck! Another assumption on your part. I AM dating right now and happy. The reason for being on LS is to give something back. LS gave me a lot of healthy advice back when I needed it. You might learn a thing or two, if and when you're ready to listen instead of talk. Cheers.
CaliGuy Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Most couples who end up succeeding are the ones who broke up cause one party did not want to get married. So they part for a while and that one party reconsiders and decides to get married. Then the couple reconciles and they end up at the altar. But in these scenarios there was already a very strong bond.... My experience and that of my friends is that unless the couple is seriously considering marriage then a reconciliation won't work out. I agree with you. In that case, neither left because they weren't in love anymore. I think once a person falls out of love, it's extremely hard to fall back in love. Essentially it's over. Happens all the time. If they broke up while still being in love the chances of a reconcillation are pretty good, provided both grow a little and work on themselves and figure out what they want in life.
Trialbyfire Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 It does make sense that people can reconcile when there's a strong foundation to base the reconciliation on. If one party is no longer interested, you have nothing since most people can't have a relationship of one... Since I don't know what caused your breakup, it's difficult to ascertain what might work for you. It can't hurt to continue with your life though and not put it on hold.
Art_Critic Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Pehaps you need to get back out there and try again. I thought getting out there and dating was moronic ? Tell me..... when should YOU get back out there and try again ? Healing and moving on is what it takes to be ready to get back with an ex.. if you haven't dated others and healed then you cannot be ready for a new relationship with your ex. It takes introspection in order to fix the issues that broke you up to begin with and one thing that people figure out when they do this introspection is that they don't want the ex back.. You only want the ex back when you are hurt and reeling from a breakup.. if you heal you move on
SoundedPlum Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 I usually notice the people that leave you comments like this have failed in their own attempts. LOL. HAHAHA. Funny! I don't have a second chance YET. However, my ex DOES call me and talk about me incessantly with my best friend (yeah the only downer, he has a girlfriend) but I still consider that somewhat an open door leading to a second chance. My advice? Give em space, be indifferent, but not standoffish. Keep hope alive but at the same time, don't wait around... oh, and become the person they fell in love with from the start! It really depends on your situation.
PWSX3 Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 This might not be the second chance you are talking about but I feel I have had a second chance at life. My W and I separated 4 months ago and it has given me time to learn who I am and what I want. The only person that you need to worry about and make happy is yourself. If you do get back together then I feel it was meant to be, but meanwhile move on and do things that make you happy, because once you are happy, people will see it and you will find someone else if that is what was meant to be.
Canuck2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 I thought getting out there and dating was moronic ? Tell me..... when should YOU get back out there and try again ? Healing and moving on is what it takes to be ready to get back with an ex.. if you haven't dated others and healed then you cannot be ready for a new relationship with your ex. It takes introspection in order to fix the issues that broke you up to begin with and one thing that people figure out when they do this introspection is that they don't want the ex back.. You only want the ex back when you are hurt and reeling from a breakup.. if you heal you move on I never said "dating" was moronic. I already am out there dating and socializing. I'm just upfront with the people I choose to do that with. I don't hurt and I'm not reeling from a breakup. I still go out with people, concentrate on my physical fitness and work hard at my job.
Guest Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Another assumption on your part. I AM dating right now and happy. The reason for being on LS is to give something back. LS gave me a lot of healthy advice back when I needed it. You might learn a thing or two, if and when you're ready to listen instead of talk. Cheers. Somehow with your comments and tips to other people, I doubt you are in a healthy relationship. If you are in any kind of relationship, I'm sure it won't last long with your negative attitude. Your mind seems fixed on certain things and you don't seem open to other possibilities. Well not everybody can be awake in their life I guess.
CaliGuy Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Somehow with your comments and tips to other people, I doubt you are in a healthy relationship. If you are in any kind of relationship, I'm sure it won't last long with your negative attitude. You don't know me from Adam so you really have no idea how my tone is or if I am being negative or not. My comments are based on "reality" and not fantasy as has been demonstrated on LS for some time. Second chances RARELY work. Alpha gave you the one example of where sometimes they do. Your mind seems fixed on certain things and you don't seem open to other possibilities. Well not everybody can be awake in their life I guess. People who are "awake" are not living in the past. Living in the present is being awake. Focusing in on the past, pining over your ex, etc, that is what is called walking through life asleep. My mind is fixed on reality and nothing else. I often find when people post messages like yours here it's because they're looking for some kind of hope they're going to get a second chance. LS is one of the few relationship-based web sites where your're going to get the cold, hard truth with no sugar-coating. If you believe I am being negative, that's your opinion. However, start doing some research on the threads here and you'll find the odds of getting a second chance are slim, much less one actually working out. It's not being negative at all. It's about being honest with the facts. Cheers.
stanchain Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Second chances? nah... no such a thing. For example in my situation she says all th eright htings but i believe that no matter what she says she cant turn back. not just because she probably doesnt want to. But also because of everything that has happen since we broke up both good and bad. Like many on here will tell you, you just have to let her go and be happy with yourself. Because if you are waiting for a woman to realize she made a mistake or that she wants to try and work it out you will be waiting a very very very long time. If your ex is anything like my ex then you will be waiting forever. Just forget about her... remember the bad times and forget about the good times... that is what i have been doing to help me get over what is the hardest breakup I have ever had. Because by remembering the bad it is slwly helping me to realize it is probably better this way
Author Lowcountryman Posted December 26, 2006 Author Posted December 26, 2006 Yeah I've been remembering all the bad times and the times I came close to saying quits but then I remember all the great times and remember how much we have in common and the fact that I'm not sure I'll ever find someone I shade so much in common with. Seriously everything I liked she liked and vice versa, its hard, like you, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to go through and it just doesn't seem to get any better. Something always triggers a memory.
magda Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Yeah, I broke up with a guy and then about a year and a half later "came crawling back." (He stopped drinking, joined AA and turned his life around.) Anyway, now, we're married.
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