Author Lowcountryman Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 That's great news Magda, congrats. Guess my first question to you is did you maintain contact w/him during the the time away? How did he show you he changed? Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 That's great news Magda, congrats. Guess my first question to you is did you maintain contact w/him during the the time away? How did he show you he changed? We talked about once every few months and both had other relationships during that time. He called me to "make amends" at some point, but we didn't talk about "how he'd changed" for over a year. A couple months after that conversation I called him and a month later we agreed to meet and we've been together ever since. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lowcountryman Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 Can you give some idea of what he said when he was calling to make amends? Just curious how that conversation went after the time away. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Hmm, well the conversation didn't last long. 5 minutes or so. He just apologized for things he did when he was drinking. Mostly right after I broke up with him. (Calling a lot, trying to manipulate me.) I just said don't worry about it, and that was that. It kind of made me uncomfortable actually, because to me it was water under the bridge. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Yeah, I broke up with a guy and then about a year and a half later "came crawling back." (He stopped drinking, joined AA and turned his life around.) Anyway, now, we're married. Notice that he got his act together? You may never have fallen out of love with him but he did put you in a bad position. I truly believe when someone falls out of love with you, it's extremely hard to change their mind. The best thing to do is go NC and heal yourself and get your life in order. If they change their mind you may not even want them back. I don't rule out second chances, I just think they're are many more cases of second chances not working out or not even getting a second chance than those that do. Link to post Share on other sites
jusified Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Agree with Caliguy. second chances might come months or years down the tract but you uually have moved on then. It is most important to heal and move on. There will be better and nicer partners in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 I feel for a second chance to work both partners will need to change so in a way it will be a new relationship with a different person even though it's the same two people. Just like magda it took both of them to change. Sure it doesn't say magda changed, but she had to in order to see he had changed and except the new person as he was, not as he used to be. I know I am not the same person I was 4 months ago and I don't EVER want to be that person again!!! The best thing is to make yourself a better person then you will have choices because there will be more then one person that will like you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lowcountryman Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 Yeah I'm kinda like you PWSX3, I've changed alot since she broke it off w/me. I've still got more to work on but I'm getting there. My first change was weight loss and that's usually the first thing you can see that someone has changed, I want her to be just amazed the first time she sees me, I've lost 50lbs w/another 25 to go. She won't recognize me, but it's more than my weight that I'm changing. I just hope I get the chance one day to show her I've changed but by that point I'm going to be beating women off w/a stick so she might have to earn her way back to me then..haha. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Yeah I'm kinda like you PWSX3, I've changed alot since she broke it off w/me. I've still got more to work on but I'm getting there. My first change was weight loss and that's usually the first thing you can see that someone has changed, I want her to be just amazed the first time she sees me, I've lost 50lbs w/another 25 to go. She won't recognize me, but it's more than my weight that I'm changing. I just hope I get the chance one day to show her I've changed but by that point I'm going to be beating women off w/a stick so she might have to earn her way back to me then..haha. Losing weight is just one part of it, the part they can see but it takes more then that. Congrats on losing the weight by the way, that is just awesome!!! I know how hard it takes to do it, but keeping it off is going to be the hard part. You need to change who you are on the inside so then it will show on the outside by the way you act and treat people, but the weight loss is diffently a bonus that's for sure. You read it all over that it takes 100% from both sides, not just 50% like some people think. (I was one) If the biggest thing that separated two people was just lack of communication or doing stupid stuff why wouldn't you give someone another chance? Now abuse or things like that are a different story!! If you start over with someone else then you have to start from scratch, but since you already know the person you have been dating, married to, etc. then you have a head start I feel because you did have good times and things in comon to get you together in the first place. If you are waiting for the perfect relationship you will be waiting a LONG TIME so no matter who it is you are going to have to work at it. I still don't know how my situation will end, but I know when if we don't get back together and the fat lady sings I'll know I gave it 100% to make it work and it just wasn't meant to be, which also can happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Just like magda it took both of them to change. Sure it doesn't say magda changed, but she had to in order to see he had changed and except the new person as he was, not as he used to be. I definitely changed a lot, too. And I wasn't really thinking about him during our time apart. He says now that he was coimpairing everyone to me during that time. I'm glad he still held a bit of a torch for me though, otherwise we wouldn't have gotten back together. I think your chances of having a 2nd chance really depend a lot on why you broke up, and of course what changes you both go through during that time. Congrats on the weight loss! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 I definitely changed a lot, too. And I wasn't really thinking about him during our time apart. He says now that he was coimpairing everyone to me during that time. I'm glad he still held a bit of a torch for me though, otherwise we wouldn't have gotten back together. I think your chances of having a 2nd chance really depend a lot on why you broke up, and of course what changes you both go through during that time. Congrats on the weight loss! Agreed. I do believe if one person "checks out" of the relationship before they break it off the chances of a reconcilliation are slim. Once someone falls out of love with you it's extremel difficult to create that spark again. That's why at some point you have to realize what is best for you is moving on. I mean, we're so stuck on someone and the damage to the relationship is often so severe that only by moving on with someone new can we truly find the best fit for us. Link to post Share on other sites
slimmontana Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 To LowCountryman: From the looks of it seems like you are doing all the right things to help yourself heal through all of this..the most important thing is not to focus on you and be ready for the second chance if it ever does come..but if it Link to post Share on other sites
slimmontana Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 To LowCountryman: From the looks of it seems like you are doing all the right things to help yourself heal through all of this..the most important thing is not to focus on you and be ready for the second chance if it ever does come..but if it doesn't you would have created a whole new person and that only increases your chances of attracting a better mate Link to post Share on other sites
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