Star Gazer Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 I feel horrible for saying this, but one of the main reasons why I look forward to getting married and starting a family is to have a NEW family - one different from my own. I find the holidays to be so annoying and depressing... all my tiny family does is bitch, moan, and fight. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 I feel horrible for saying this, but one of the main reasons why I look forward to getting married and starting a family is to have a NEW family - one different from my own. I find the holidays to be so annoying and depressing... all my tiny family does is bitch, moan, and fight. Just pray that your "new" family is a bit different than your current one. Pick your husband well, make sure he doesn't have a screwed up family himself, and learn excellent parenting skills...and perhaps you'll be lucky. You're not alone. A LOT of people find the holidays to be annoying and depressing because all their tiny family does is bitch, moan and fight. Usually it's not just a holiday thing, though. Good luck to you. An excellent goal to aspire to!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 I have no children but I consider my wife, my in laws and my friends to be my family. My relationship with my father has taken a turn for the better and I have a gay uncle that I am very close to but the rest of my family are a bunch of wackjob. Family is about more than blood and if I ever have children I will do everything in my power to make sure they don't go through what I did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted December 25, 2006 Author Share Posted December 25, 2006 Just pray that your "new" family is a bit different than your current one. Pick your husband well, make sure he doesn't have a screwed up family himself, and learn excellent parenting skills...and perhaps you'll be lucky. You're not alone. A LOT of people find the holidays to be annoying and depressing because all their tiny family does is bitch, moan and fight. Usually it's not just a holiday thing, though. Good luck to you. An excellent goal to aspire to!!! This isn't just a holiday thing either. Every single time I come home for the holidays, I end up getting so fed up and screaming, "You wonder why I don't come home more often...this is why!!!!!" (I am actually hiding in the office right now!) One of the things that drives me crazy is how ... gluttonness, lazy, and complacent they are. They shove their faces full of food, they're all so incredibly unhealthy, and I've lived my entire life trying to avoid following in their footsteps. And it's not just food and obesity (I am the sole "slender" person, they are all OBESE), but also the manner in which they control (or don't) their finances, their careers, all of it. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted December 25, 2006 Author Share Posted December 25, 2006 I have no children but I consider my wife, my in laws and my friends to be my family. My relationship with my father has taken a turn for the better and I have a gay uncle that I am very close to but the rest of my family are a bunch of wackjob. Family is about more than blood and if I ever have children I will do everything in my power to make sure they don't go through what I did. I hear you. My friends are my chosen family, and if they all weren't each off with their own families, I'd have all of them over to my house and have THAT be our family Christmas. I truly plan on doing everything I can to make sure that my children don't go through what I did. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 My wife and I certainly ended up with a "new" family. Between us we have seven children and seven grandchildren. Not bad for a couple of only children. My parents are long deceased, my wife only has her mother left and we asiduously avoid her (toxic), my wife's ex died shortly after we married and mine moved 500 miles away a couple of years ago and I haven't seen or heard from her since. All our children are grown and out on their own and the REALLY new family is the two of us as empty nesters. It's to die for! Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 I live far from my parents and brother, so I always miss them. By the time a visit is over I am usually ready to be far away from them!!! However, it is much, much harder to spend holidays with my in-laws. Ten times harder I would say. And you don't really pick your in-laws. In fact, I am going on my second mother-in-law because the first one passed away and father-in-law remarried. You can pick the perfect husband and still end up with scary in-laws. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 I must say that I like my in laws but when I went to stay at their place in San Francisco a week before the wedding I felt like I was at the Kennedy's because a few members of her family are in politics. It is one of those families that is very close and you can tell it is real. You can also tell the love her parents have for each other is real. It is such a deep contrast from my own family. My wife gets along great with my father but I think she spent five minutes with my mother and already couldn't stand her. Many people seem to share her sentiments. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 You're not alone. A LOT of people find the holidays to be annoying and depressing because all their tiny family does is bitch, moan and fight. Usually it's not just a holiday thing, though. well assuming we're talking about American families.....they do tend to be selfish and petty. In many eastern cultures you'll see 3 or 4 generations living under the same roof and they have few, if any, problems getting along. The weak family unit here is quite distressing to me. My family is the most impt thing in my life. Yes, we have our differences here and there but we still stick together no matter what. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 well assuming we're talking about American families.....they do tend to be selfish and petty. In many eastern cultures you'll see 3 or 4 generations living under the same roof and they have few, if any, problems getting along. The weak family unit here is quite distressing to me. My family is the most impt thing in my life. Yes, we have our differences here and there but we still stick together no matter what. Yep, the problems are readily solved by the head of household beating the ones that disobey...of course, few disagreements in tiranic families Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 I feel horrible for saying this, but one of the main reasons why I look forward to getting married and starting a family is to have a NEW family - one different from my own. I find the holidays to be so annoying and depressing... all my tiny family does is bitch, moan, and fight. Ditto! God, last night was depressing. I am so glad I only have to deal with these people on the rare occassion. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 well assuming we're talking about American families.....they do tend to be selfish and petty. In many eastern cultures you'll see 3 or 4 generations living under the same roof and they have few, if any, problems getting along. The weak family unit here is quite distressing to me. My family is the most impt thing in my life. Yes, we have our differences here and there but we still stick together no matter what.the same can be said of latin cultures. i think the strong family unit was a casualty of the american emphasis on independence. american families are weird. they distrust one another. right now its x-mas and my aunt from my american side lost a gift card and she insinuated that my sister took it and theres a tension in the air. how sad Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 Those large, cohesive families in other countries/cultures don't necessarily get along better, nor are they any less dysfunctional than American ones. They stick together because it is to their advantage. In the US, it is less of an advantage. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 the same can be said of latin cultures. yes i agree... Those large, cohesive families in other countries/cultures don't necessarily get along better, nor are they any less dysfunctional than American ones. that is total bulloney....i've lived my life in both cultures and american families are much more dysfunctional. They stick together because it is to their advantage. In the US, it is less of an advantage. its always an advantage to have a strong family bond....I really can't picture a situation where it wouldn't be. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 its always an advantage to have a strong family bond....I really can't picture a situation where it wouldn't be. This is your opinion. If it was always an advantage, the people would rarely choose otherwise. I've seen my share of psychos from other cultures. US families did not invent dysfunctional behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 Can we get back to the point of my original post please? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted December 26, 2006 Senior Moderators Share Posted December 26, 2006 Can we get back to the point of my original post please? Excellent idea. TO ENSURE THAT SUBSEQUENT CONTRIBUTIONS ARE ON TOPIC, MEMBERS SHOULD READ THE FIRST POST IN THIS THREAD BEFORE THEY WRITE THEIR OWN POST AND BE SURE IT RELATES IN SOME WAY TO THE TOPIC OF THIS THREAD. Many thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
chryssy83 Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Oh my goodness...I logged on here to say the exact same thing! My boyfriend just broke up with me a week and a half or so ago. One of the reasons I'm so upset, to be honest, is because we were talking about being married and starting our own family. At the time, I was always just thinking that dealing with my family now was just something to get through until I could have my own more functional one. But now we broke up so I guess I have what I have. Here's what I've been thinking a lot lately though--THIS IS IT. This is the life we get, the family we have, the experience we have. I'm trying to focus on being happy now even though they are disfunctional, being independent even though they are controlling, being creative when they are boring and branching out when they say it's not safe. Basicaly doing my own thing. I SUCK AT IT. Ha. But I think I'm better than this...and I know I'm too good of a person to completely ditch them. I am going to try to separate myself from their problems, find a reason to love each of them, and make a happier life for myself (with or without the husband and kids, I guess--hopefully with!). I would just hate to think that if I died tomorrow any part of my life was on hold for any reason because I was trudging along now so that I could really live later. Link to post Share on other sites
vanessabg Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 I feel horrible for saying this, but one of the main reasons why I look forward to getting married and starting a family is to have a NEW family - one different from my own. I find the holidays to be so annoying and depressing... all my tiny family does is bitch, moan, and fight. How disgraceful!if you want to live without of your horrible family.you should marry as soon as possible and leave your family. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 I feel horrible for saying this, but one of the main reasons why I look forward to getting married and starting a family is to have a NEW family - one different from my own. I find the holidays to be so annoying and depressing... all my tiny family does is bitch, moan, and fight. If you don't want to have your family bitching, moaning and fighting, don't be with them. It's that simple, you don't have to get married for that to happen. Don't rush into starting your own family just to get away from them either...get away from them on your own first if that's what you need to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 How disgraceful!if you want to live without of your horrible family.you should marry as soon as possible and leave your family. Thannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnks. That was helpful! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 If you don't want to have your family bitching, moaning and fighting, don't be with them. It's that simple, you don't have to get married for that to happen. Don't rush into starting your own family just to get away from them either...get away from them on your own first if that's what you need to do. Oh trust me, I'm not gonna rush into starting my own either - that's EXACTLY what my own mother did, and she ended up repeating the cycle of pain with her only daughter: me. I don't hate my family by any means, they just drive me up the wall...and after just 2 hours with them, I want to scream and run away. This is true for everyone expect one person, my beloved grandmother, who I adore wholeheartedly. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 I don't hate my family by any means, they just drive me up the wall...and after just 2 hours with them, I want to scream and run away. well this is normal for many families. its the old "familiarity breeds contempt" scenario. assuming you don't live with them SG, you can try to minimize contact with them. but attempting to "start" a new family because you dislike your current one will only lead to bad choices and ultimately, failure... Link to post Share on other sites
chryssy83 Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Wait, I don't think you're being fair to the OP here. I don't think that the intent of this post was a "I can't wait so I won't wait" thing. I feel the same way, but that doesn't mean I'm looking for someone to marry for the sake of getting married. I just think sometimes that one day I will make Christmas really special with my family in a way my parents and siblings can't really do because of other issues. Obviously anyone who is looking for a husband or wife just so they can replace a family will have some problems. But wanting something better isn't bad in itself! Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Oh trust me, I'm not gonna rush into starting my own either - that's EXACTLY what my own mother did, and she ended up repeating the cycle of pain with her only daughter: me. I don't hate my family by any means, they just drive me up the wall...and after just 2 hours with them, I want to scream and run away. This is true for everyone expect one person, my beloved grandmother, who I adore wholeheartedly. Well Gazer, the fact that you worry about becoming like your mother tells me you won't... Something will have to give...odds are they won't change their ways because at that age they are too set in them...so probably you'll have to make a choice between putting up with it or getting to be on your own Link to post Share on other sites
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