brunette4u Posted July 27, 2002 Share Posted July 27, 2002 here is my problem. It might be somewhat boring to some of you. my boyfriend whom i was with for almost a year cheated on me about a month ago.we were pretty serious, talked about marriage, etc. I was a bitch to him, pmsing, and bossed him around non-stop...so he did this as a way of coping with it, which is wrong, i know. I know that he is sorry, he is pretty much in a state of depression, doesn't eat, sleep, go out, anything...i know that he is sorry, and that he would never do it again...however, for some reason, i am not ready to take him back. I know that he is the guy that i want to marry, or i thought he was, and I still do, but i just can't get over this cheating incident. i have never cheated on him. We still talk, and mess around, but i have told him numerous times that i do not want a relationship right now, although i continue to mess around with him because I ENJOY IT! is it wrong of me to do this? Would it be wrong of me to see other guys? Do you think i will ever get over this, and things will be back to normal with him? Thanks... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 27, 2002 Share Posted July 27, 2002 The two of you are incompatible. This man cheated on you, which is a very MAJOR betrayal and for a reason which is very MAJOR in a relationship. YOU WROTE: "I was a bitch to him, pmsing, and bossed him around non-stop...so he did this as a way of coping with it, which is wrong, i know." This is not the kind of woman that a man dreams of. It was wrong of him to cheat on you but he should have broken up with you instead. This behavior is a major danger sign. He's probably still in love with the sweet you, which he got to know initially before you turned into his nightmare. Perhaps you are behaving this way as a strategy for avoiding more emotional intimacy, you may have have a lot of fear about closeness, or this may have come from elements of your childhood. If you want to remain with this guy, you need to seek counselling so you won't be such a bitch to him. Explore this uncanny behavior with a therapist, who can go into your past and present psyche and give you strategies for making permanent change. Also, you might see a gynecologist or other medical doctor who can prescribe some excellent new medications that will help you through your PMS so you don't react so unkindly to others during this time of the month. Otherwise, have a little tiny bit of compassion and let the poor guy find a lady who will treat him kindly with respect and consideration (which is the way loving couples relate to each other) so he can have a peaceful and fulfilling life. You should conduct yourself in whatever way you are happy with but find a guy who likes a bossy bitch, who will put up with your bitching, pmsing, etc., and who won't run off and cheat on you to get back at you for making his life a living hell. Frankly, you wouldn't last ten minutes in my life...but, then again, I've been through a lot and I just don't let people treat me this way. It sounds to me like your guy has had enough as well. He clearly cheated on you so you would find out. He wanted you to find out to send a clear messge to you. Your preoccupation with being hurt over this cheating is clearly taking the focus away from exactly why he did it. Instead of being hurt over the cheating, I hope you will closely examine how you have treated him and what led him to such a dramatic way of telling you enough is enough. I do hope you are able to get this worked out but you've GOT to learn to treat people you love decently. What you have been doing is just plain insane if you really want this guy to stay with you. Give all this some thought before you take any action. But, for gawd's sake, don't make the life of another human being miserable. Life is too short. The cheating is not really the issue here. This was clearly a retaliatory strike against you...a grudge fxxk...to get back at you for the way you have treated him. And you can bet your life that now that he sees how much it upsets you, he will do it again if he remains with you and you don't straighten out. The relationship is just not in a good state right now. Let's all mature and make it right. Good luck!!! I want you to be happy, with him or without him. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 27, 2002 Share Posted July 27, 2002 If I had actually married every guy that I thought about marrying, I'd have more husbands than Elizabeth Taylor...well maybe. I actually really want to be with the one I'm with forever, for more reasons than the fact that I love him...and those reasons are different and more substantial than the reasons I wanted to be with the others....if that makes any sense. This time is different from the others, so I feel like I'm really making the right decision this time. My point is....you gotta go through these so that you'll know the right thing when you see it. Just move on, break contact with him and it will be easier. And STOP fooling around with him....totally get away from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel Posted July 27, 2002 Share Posted July 27, 2002 That was fantastic Tony. That young lady should staple that one to her forehead. My only advice to Meaganu would be to read that post over and over! Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted July 28, 2002 Share Posted July 28, 2002 It is wrong to keep seeing him and hurting him because you "ENJOY IT". Is it your goal in life to be evil? If so, than I would have to take that back and say go right ahead. It probably wouldn't be a good idea to date other people either. That is until you feel you could have some compassion and care about the other person. Link to post Share on other sites
Cadydid5 Posted August 8, 2002 Share Posted August 8, 2002 it sounds like you are making excuses for him. are you sure you're just not looking for reasons why the cheating was your fault? and if in fact you really were so bitchy etc.... cheating is still no excuse. if you're in a good relationship, its the other person's job to call you out on your bad behavior towards them, not to swallow it and then cheat on it. if he didn't let you know he was unhappy thats his deal. no, you shouldn't treat people like trash- but if they stand for it silently thats their deal. i'm not saying in every case cheating is unforgivable- and i don't know the entire situation, as does no one else on this message board. however- the feeling i got from your post was that its just not going to work out. gotta agree with ally some on this one, just being able tosee yourself married to him doens't mean he's right for you. blame being tossed arund like a pancake is a sure recipe for relationship failure. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted August 8, 2002 Share Posted August 8, 2002 If a girl is being constantly bitchy to her guy, it's not a good happy relationship, and that's what Tony was pointing out. Link to post Share on other sites
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