lonelyctg Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 I just don't like Christmas anymore.....used too. I believe it is a day for celebrating Jesus, don't get me wrong. But it is the disapointment that I feel when I get up on Christmas morning only to find that yet again, my husband has bought nothing for me.... Why just yesterday, he went out and spent 150.00 on flash cards for himself, and about 2 weeks ago, bought himself an apple ipod for 200.00- but hey, we can't afford to buy presents, right? I'm sad. He says he loves me, but can't make the tiniest gesture and go out and get me something to open on Christmas? Anything? Whatever. Seems like pleasing himself with purchases is much more important than me.... Christmas sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
lasan Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 *disclaimer* I don't celebrate Christmas so if anything I say sounds wacky feel free to ignore me *disclaimer* Have you told him exactly what you typed up there? You said "yet again", so that means he has done this before. To me, that is unacceptable. For people who celebrate this holiday, it is kinda a given that you give each other gifts. Personally I hate people who complain about what they got, BUT, He didn't get you a thing! I really don't have any advice to give you aside of talk to him about it. I know if I celebrated Christmas I would be ticked off if my own spouse didn't get me anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 I just don't like Christmas anymore.....used too. I believe it is a day for celebrating Jesus, don't get me wrong. But it is the disapointment that I feel when I get up on Christmas morning only to find that yet again, my husband has bought nothing for me.... Why just yesterday, he went out and spent 150.00 on flash cards for himself, and about 2 weeks ago, bought himself an apple ipod for 200.00- but hey, we can't afford to buy presents, right? I'm sad. He says he loves me, but can't make the tiniest gesture and go out and get me something to open on Christmas? Anything? Whatever. Seems like pleasing himself with purchases is much more important than me.... Christmas sucks. Christmas doesn't suck at all...your husband sucks! However, you need to take some responsibility in this. YOU are the one who agreed to marry him. Even though in most persons' minds it may be reasonable to desire a Christmas gift from one's spouse, I think it is wrong to expect anything from anybody. Let your husband know you are hurt by his selfishness. Did he just all of a sudden become this way? Most selfish people start out that way early in life...you apparently didn't notice when you were courting. Or perhaps he forced himself to be generous to suck you in...if that's so shame on him. Link to post Share on other sites
CynicalP Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Giving him the benefit of the doubt, his problem might be he has no clue what to get you. Do you give him hints on things you might like? But then if he truely doesnt get you anything not even a gift card to your favorite store then maybe he is just a selfish, self centered jerk either that or you married the grinch. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Be assertive and TELL HIM what you want for Christmas. And tell him that if he doesn't buy you afew gifts then maybe it's time to end the marriage. Outside of the whole Xmas non-gift thing, what is the rest of your marriage like? Because it sounds to me that there's more going on than meets the eye.... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Buy something for yourself that is really nice and expensive and put your name on it from him next time...then say sweetly, thanks honey... Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Be assertive and TELL HIM what you want for Christmas. as unromantic as it sounds, this is pretty much a standard in a marriage, unless your guy is observant, perceptive or just well-trained. Because on average, it's women who notice the little things and file them away for future reference (he's got holey underwear, he's running out of his favorite cologne, he really likes this particular artist, etc), whereas men rarely think on the same wavelength. It's not to say they don't love us, but that they just think in a whole other way about things. If you're upset about his ignoring you, tell him. Don't hint around, don't soft-pedal it, but say, "hey, I know things are tight, but I was really hurt that you didn't think of me at Christmas/birthday/anniversary." He can't read your mind ... nor should he have to. another thing you can do is sit down and write out a list of things you want versus things you need. For you, for y'all, for the house, for the car, for the property (in the event that you've got a farm or something). it's easier for him to have that visual and do his shopping from there, because you've given him the green light on a gift he knows that you'll like. our birthdays are a month apart and Christmas falls pretty much in the middle of that period, so we often agree to buy a major purchase for the house that we both can enjoy, and if there's money, splurge on something personal. That way there's no pressure to "have" something for the other person, especially when money is tight. Still, it took some communicating to get the point across that this was an okay arrangement, that feelings wouldn't be hurt because one of us felt ignored on the special day. Link to post Share on other sites
ohmy3 Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 He's doing this cause you've allowed him to let you accept it! (i.e: me 1st. you last) thinking! my guess is you have been quite an not made it CLEAR what you want in your marriage SPEAK UP! US WOMEN ARE GOOD AT THAT! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I just wanted to say that I know where you are coming from. Holidays are always a fight and always a disppointment...actually I should not say always...because my H used to get me gifts especially before we were married. We have been together for 9 years...I am 24 he is 30. This year I had to argue with him to get me something (to open, I believe you should have something special to open)....because I had bought myself an MP3 Player...although he had spent $2000 on his car. Anyways....you need to tell him you are hurt...expect that you may have to say it several times. I have been struggling with this for about three years....from x-mas to birthdays to anniversaries....when I bring it up he tries to guilt me by saying I am materialistic. Well....good luck....if he is anything like my H you will need it. Link to post Share on other sites
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