Twisted Posted November 12, 1999 Share Posted November 12, 1999 Hello People, I have a tough decision to make here and any advice I could recieve would be very helpful. Even if you haven't been in this situation you may still be able to shed some light for me. I've been seeing this woman for about 3 months, she is a little older than me and she is a single mother of a 2 yr old daughter. She works in my building and sought me out when she found out that we both live in the same area and we could possible car pool. I thought this to be a good idea and agreed. After about a week of car pooling I knew that we were attracted to each other so I asked her out and she agreed. We had a wonderful dating relationship for about 2 months. Spent alot of time together, she allowed me to get to know her daughter and her family. I have never felt such a togetherness and compainionship with a woman before and I started to develope deeper feelings for her. I thought she was feeling the same, there was nothing to lead me to think differently. I thought we were on the same page and I wanted to tell her how I felt, I thought that she would be happy to know that I was starting to fall for her. So I told her, BIG MISTAKE... I don't know if I scared her, she hasn't been with anyone in a long time and probaly hasn't had to deal with these feelings and emotions in along time either. Her sister whom she used to discus such matters with died of cancer a little while back and I know this weighs alot on her. She changed on me after I told her that I was falling for her. She went cold and distant, no reaction to my affection although she hugs me like I was a life-long companion and she still kisses me good-night. Now it has come to be that she just wants to be friends. I would love to be her friend as this is what we were doing quite well before I went and opened my mouth. My problem is that I have feelings for her that extend way beyond mere friendship and I don't know how I'm supposed to surpress these feelings in order to remain friends, I mean these feelings just aren't going to go away especially if I'm still seeing her. I told her that I didn't know if I could be just a friend, and she started to cry. She told me that this just wasn't ment to be and that the little differences between us that would never change was why she couldn't handle a relation ship. I hear this and I'm thinking "bulls***" the whole time. How could a person tell what was meant to be in such a short time, and everybody has "little differences" that's what makes us all unique. She has differences to but I accept them because I accept her for who she is completely and unconditioinaly. Not olny that but if I trully cared about someone I would be willing to do all I could to make as much of those little differences go away. So what's your opinion people, should I become her friend and have faith and hope that time and her getting the chance to see me differently will change her views. Or does this realy sound like "it wasn't ment to be" and I should cut my losses. All I can think about is the time we have shared, sometimes it felt as if were we a real family ourselves and I totaly forgot that her daughter wasn't mine. Thanks for any light or expierence you can shed on this overwhelmingly hurting situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Jim99 Posted November 12, 1999 Share Posted November 12, 1999 Hi, In my opinion I would probably 'cut my loses' and try and find happyness else where. Once you become attached to someone as deeply as you say, you cannot be friends and you will toture yourself trying to keep from taking things futher.. If she has said that nothing can happen (ie. you can`t get back together) then the only way you can remain friends is to forget about how you feel, if you can. Its hard.. Very hard.. but you have to be cruel to be kind. Link to post Share on other sites
luke Posted November 13, 1999 Share Posted November 13, 1999 Tough call man....what exactly is the age difference? That might be a factor........she might feel as though you really don't know what your getting into.... Or......you might of have just jumped the gun a little bit..........you could keep up the friendship and see what happens.... keep us posted Link to post Share on other sites
Me Posted November 13, 1999 Share Posted November 13, 1999 Hello People, I have a tough decision to make here and any advice I could recieve would be very helpful. Even if you haven't been in this situation you may still be able to shed some light for me. I've been seeing this woman for about 3 months, she is a little older than me and she is a single mother of a 2 yr old daughter. She works in my building and sought me out when she found out that we both live in the same area and we could possible car pool. I thought this to be a good idea and agreed. After about a week of car pooling I knew that we were attracted to each other so I asked her out and she agreed. We had a wonderful dating relationship for about 2 months. Spent alot of time together, she allowed me to get to know her daughter and her family. I have never felt such a togetherness and compainionship with a woman before and I started to develope deeper feelings for her. I thought she was feeling the same, there was nothing to lead me to think differently. I thought we were on the same page and I wanted to tell her how I felt, I thought that she would be happy to know that I was starting to fall for her. So I told her, BIG MISTAKE... I don't know if I scared her, she hasn't been with anyone in a long time and probaly hasn't had to deal with these feelings and emotions in along time either. Her sister whom she used to discus such matters with died of cancer a little while back and I know this weighs alot on her. She changed on me after I told her that I was falling for her. She went cold and distant, no reaction to my affection although she hugs me like I was a life-long companion and she still kisses me good-night. Now it has come to be that she just wants to be friends. I would love to be her friend as this is what we were doing quite well before I went and opened my mouth. My problem is that I have feelings for her that extend way beyond mere friendship and I don't know how I'm supposed to surpress these feelings in order to remain friends, I mean these feelings just aren't going to go away especially if I'm still seeing her. I told her that I didn't know if I could be just a friend, and she started to cry. She told me that this just wasn't ment to be and that the little differences between us that would never change was why she couldn't handle a relation ship. I hear this and I'm thinking "bulls***" the whole time. How could a person tell what was meant to be in such a short time, and everybody has "little differences" that's what makes us all unique. She has differences to but I accept them because I accept her for who she is completely and unconditioinaly. Not olny that but if I trully cared about someone I would be willing to do all I could to make as much of those little differences go away. So what's your opinion people, should I become her friend and have faith and hope that time and her getting the chance to see me differently will change her views. Or does this realy sound like "it wasn't ment to be" and I should cut my losses. All I can think about is the time we have shared, sometimes it felt as if were we a real family ourselves and I totaly forgot that her daughter wasn't mine. Thanks for any light or expierence you can shed on this overwhelmingly hurting situation. I agree with Jim99, follow his advice and disreagrd the other suggestion. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts