Would you wait?

[Bill]

If you met someone so perfect, and you knew they were the one, but you had to wait a little less than two years to be together... would you wait?

 

I'm in this situation now. I dated the girl for two months and everything was perfect. She is willing to wait, and has expressed how it's only a little less than two years.

 

I've been in a few relationships before, one as long as 2.5 years. I just have never cared for someone this much. Everything is says is very sincere.

 

 

Note: I am absolutely waiting for this girl.

[yes]

so u've already made yr decision, just asking what other'd do if they were u?

 

i would NOT wait. i'd keep dating people, and if i still wanted to be with her when the "almost two yrs" is over, i'd go for it. also, if i really wanted her, i'd get rid of the "almost two yrs" and make it possible to be with her NOW.

 

good luck

yes

[Bill]

obviously i'm waiting for a reason... we CANT be together now.

[Ally Boo]

If you are questioning waiting, maybe that should tell you something. I mean if she's as wonderful as you think, then there would be no doubt in your mind or heart, you just do what you have to do. Everyone is different. Two years is a long time, and people change a LOT in 2 years. God, when I think about the last 2 years of my life (and I'm 24) I've done a complete 180. I would think the best thing you could do, is just keep exploring yourself and do what you need to do, her too, and when that time comes for you two to try again, go for it and see if the feelings are still there...bc no matter how impossible it might sound right now, it probably won't be the same then. You either grow together, or you grow apart, and if you can't be together, where do you think that leaves you?

[Bill]

To combat that, we have setup a system so we can stay in touch. It's most likely going to be like a long distance relationship for that time. Actually the time is 21 months, and of those months will consist of my last 2 years of college.

 

I know a friend that has had a long distance relationship for 3 years or more.

 

Ally Boo: I agree with the changing in 2 years. Her and I have talked a lot about this issue. We are to keep in contact as much as possible ex. phone/online/mail/etc.

[Tracey]

I think it is unrealistic to 'wait for someone' for two years, especially at your age. I presume you intend to remain celibate? Or at least not embark on relationships with anyone in order to remain 'true' to this girl? Okay let's see how you feel about this in a year or even 6 months' time. It might be harder than you think, especially when you can't be physically intimate (and I don't just mean sex!) with her. I agree with yes - I think you should be honest about caring for her and wanting to keep in contact with the view of getting together in two years, but keep dating others so that when those two years do eventually end, you'll have no question as to what you want. Dating other people might confirm your love for this person, or it might make you question how 'perfect' the relationship was in the first place. In my experience two months is not long enough to fully get to know a person or make any accurate presumptions about your suitability together. It certainly isn't enough to put your love life on hold for two years. I know that you have good and deeply felt intentions, but in situations like these you have to rule with your head, not your heart.

[velvet]

Don't drive yourself crazy waiting for someone. It already sounds like you have some doubts otherwise you wouldn't question it and get opinions from others about waiting.

 

I'm not sure what your waiting on. Are you many miles apart? If its long distance than I would just maintain a friendship rather than a relationship. Look at what you have now, it sounds more like a f/s than a r/s anyway. So don't go bending your life around something that isn't happening yet.

[Bill]

We're not far apart at all. Don't bring age into this. I don't like comments like "at your age". I think I've accomplished a lot "at my age".

[yes]

keeping in touch is great

so is a long distance r/s

just dont make it an exclusive r/s

 

-yes

[clia]

Everyone is perfect after two months. Two months is nothing in the grand scheme of things. It takes much more than that amount of time to truly get to know someone.

 

I don't really know what you mean by "waiting." Are you going to have any contact with her at all for the next two years? Are you just going to be friends?

 

Would I wait two years? Not a chance. I might "keep the option open", but I wouldn't put my life on hold waiting around for something that might not happen. Two years is a long time. Anything can happen. She might meet someone else. Her life goals might change. Your life goals might change. She might develop a drug problem. She might gain 100 pounds. She might decide to move across the country. Who knows?

 

Of course, it's your life. If you want to wait around, by all means do so. Personally, I think it's silly. Date other people. Go on with your life. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

[Bill]

ahhh I'm so torn between what to do!

[BookGurl]

Well...

 

Long Distance is really rough. If the two of you are in reachable distance--why is it that you can't try the relationship now? If you care about her so deeply you should definitely try long distance. It's a tough road to travel, but it's certainly been done.

 

I guess I'm just a little confused on why long distance is not an option...then again, I don't mean to pry.

 

All the Best,

J.

[Ally Boo]

Bill, honey, you're a sweetheart and I'm sure she is too. I'd just keep my options open, don't get tied down to anyone, just stay single and enjoy yourself. And keep in mind that in 2 years you will be each other's, unless someone REALLY incredible comes around...and keep in mind that someone to fill her shoes would HAVE to be an act of God.

[Bill]

We just can't be physically near each other for 21 months. Any other thing will be fine. After that, we have stated that we can live together etc.

-----

 

I know I'm going to be VERY busy when college starts again, as I am moving away. This would be another reason why I can't see her physically, but not the big reason.

 

I am still so torn on what to do, I don't think I could ever leave her, but I am just so worried about everything. I could never leave her on my own will, I just love her so much. I've never broken up with anyone, and I never will, I just can't. I don't know what makes me like this, but it's how I am. I just really do love this girl and I want things to work out, but I just worry.

[BookGurl]

Gotcha.

I'm occasionally a tad thickheaded. So...heh...yes, I would have to agree with the majority of the previous posts. Stay in Touch, but live your life for those two years. And at the end of 2 years, you two are still into each other- then there ya go.

Heh...basically....ditto.

 

Oooch...and the worrying...I hear ya. I drive myself nuts. But, you know that it can't physically work right now. We can't predict the future. It's truly frustrating I know. But, if things are meant to work out- they will. Don't make yourself sick hon. It's hard to interalize it, but what will be...will be.

 

All the Best,

J.

[Bill]

I have always had my future planned out for 5 years at a time. It has always worked out this way. I absolutely like security. I keep thinking about how I was two years ago, and how that didn't feel like it was long ago at all. I still remember starting college then. It just really didn't feel like long ago. That was a longer wait than I would have to wait now.

 

I guess it's the type of person I am. I'm EXTREMELY shy. My first girlfriend even made fun of me for being this way. I'm not ever going to change. It takes a lot to even go out alone at all. I try to put myself into situations where I will have to interact, although it takes a while before I feel comfortable around anyone.

 

I'm going to be in school these 21 months that I have to wait. I wrote a computer program that tells me upto the minute how long I will have to wait. Yes, I know we will change in some aspects, but I am POSITIVE that my love for her will not change. My thoughts about things have never changed in the past, they are not starting now.

 

I know most of you would not wait for someone, but I feel because of how I am, I could do this and so could she. I feel I have so much trouble relating to how other people would react to situations like this, as NO ONE is even near like me, except for this girl. I specifically chose her for this reason. I tried to pick girls in the past like me, but after a couple dates, I realized they were not like me at all. This girl, I know is like me, but does not seem like it on the outside.

 

We just happen to be very similar in our views on everything. We have had similar childhoods. We both honestly believe that each other is the one. For true happiness, I'd take the wait.

[Ann]

I agree with you, go with your heart. How can you date others when your heart is with her? Live, love and enjoy life, have no fear, whatever will be will be. Good luck.

[BeReal]

I don't think you should promise not to date others. I think you should look forward to being with her again and continue to keep in touch but keep things open. One day you may feel like going out with someone else even if it's just a casual thing.

 

You may not feel like dating anyone for two years but maybe she will want to at some point. She is still in high school right? What if she wants to attend a school dance or meets someone else? You may be sure she is the one but maybe she isn't sure or will change her mind at some point. How will you feel if you put your romantic life on hold for two years and she ends up changing her mind?

 

Talk with her about being open to other people. Maybe she will like the idea. That way you both don't put your lives on hold and may gain additional experience. The key is to be honest with each other. If something serious starts to develop with someone new, then let each other know.

[Ally Boo]

If you know, then why ask us? It sounds like you have it all figured out. It sounds like you could be really happy with her. Everyone is different, you're right, and every situation is different. I personally think that it's TOTALLY sweet how you feel about her. She's lucky to have you, because few guys would be as devoted!

[MercyRose]

You are not torn about what to do. You are prepared to wait, your heart and soul wants to wait and thats beautiful.

 

I think the real issue is that you are afraid that she might not wait, or that she may meet someone new because you are not near and thats why you are feeling torn.

 

If your heart wants to wait, then wait. If she is like you and she waits too, you can start your dream life together. But deep down you know there are no guarantees that a person will stay committed.

 

Just think positive, keep communications between you open and frequent and shower her with love and tenderness. Thats all you can do in this situation. If she truly loves you she will wait too.

[wunderbug]

Originally posted by Bill

I've never broken up with anyone, and I never will, I just can't

 

No offense but this statement really stuck out. Why on earth couldn't you break up with someone? Are you co-dependent or something?

 

You're awfully cryptic in your posts here. You say there's not a lot of 'miles' between you, when someone asked if you were both so far away that seeing each other over the next 2 yrs was possible. Then you say you're going back to college. I can't for the life of me understand how 2 people can't make SOME kind of arrangements to see each other, even if they live miles and miles apart. Seems there's info missing from you here.

 

And after 2 months of knowing someone, how is that really true love? It's a known fact that the first 3 or so months of any relationship is a "honeymoon phase"......where everything's all exciting and passionate, shiny and brand new....everyone on their best behavior........but time allows each other's true colors to emerge. Again, no offense, but I think it's insane to know someone for such a short time period, and to even CONSIDER waiting for them for 2 yrs. Unless she's in prison for 2 yrs, I can't understand what all this waiting business is about?