whichwayisup Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 It makes perfect sense...I know everything you've said is true. And I do very much want to keep my heart open and available for someone who deserves it! Then get him out of your life. BH is right. Set boundries for yourself and don't cross the lines. IF he can't respect your rules and boundries, then tell him to take a hike. BT, you don't need him in your life at all. Is he worth it? Really ask yourself this question. What good does he bring to you? And in those stolen moments of possibly feeling good, are the bad feelings that come, the games, the hurt, the drama, the rollercoaster ride is it worth it? Think with your head, not your heart. The sooner you detach emotionally and get out of the habit of including him in your life (thoughts and all) the better off you'll be. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 You know, maybe everyone here is right...or maybe not...he could in his own way be trying to make amends... I would rather try to see the good in someone than the bad...but maybe that's what got me here in the first place... BTDT, you know him better than anyone here...if you think that you can be friends, then it's worth a try...if you don't think that's possible, then stay NC...you know yourself and your limits...best of luck... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 I would rather try to see the good in someone than the bad... But when the bad outweighs the good most of the time, sooner or later something has to be done to change the situation, right? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 but if I'm that important to him, he's not going to do anything stupid and risk me disappearing altogether. but hasn't he done stupid things in the past that could have caused his family life to disappear? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 Ego, ego and more ego. He is only thinking of himself and what is best for himself. And that is why he'll hurt you because you let him have control and power over you and this situation. GO back to NC. NOW. Tell him thanks but no thanks. That you have lots of support and WOMEN friends you can turn to due to the death of your boss. You may not want to hear this, but he is completely taking advantage of the situation and making it turn into something that HE can benefit from. Thank you. No worries about anything I might not want to hear. This is the kind of stuff I need to hear. I did tell him that I will not allow him to help me, that I will never lean on him, that any support from him just sucks. My exact words. And Alpha, yes, he's very smooth. Said he would go back to stearing clear of me if that's what I need. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 but hasn't he done stupid things in the past that could have caused his family life to disappear? Very good point. That he has. And GEL, me too...I don't think in manipulative terms, so it's not always too easy to see when someone is doing it to me. I can't comprehend doing this kind of crap just to satisfy my own needs. Time to take the Pollyanna hat off again.... Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 BTDT, I wasn't here when your story started, so I don't know the whole history. But what you said at the start of the thread is that you are getting tired of the anger and hatred. However, it seems like your anger was serving you well, as a barrier to keep him far away while you got over him. Maybe you should bring the anger back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 BTDT, I wasn't here when your story started, so I don't know the whole history. But what you said at the start of the thread is that you are getting tired of the anger and hatred. However, it seems like your anger was serving you well, as a barrier to keep him far away while you got over him. Maybe you should bring the anger back. Thanks SR...I'm sure it will come back. It ALWAYS comes back...We both know we're just waiting for my inevitable "freak out"...which really just consists of me sending him a nicely worded "f**k off and die" note. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Thanks SR...I'm sure it will come back. It ALWAYS comes back...We both know we're just waiting for my inevitable "freak out"...which really just consists of me sending him a nicely worded "f**k off and die" note. Sounds like a healthy choice under the circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 Just take care of you...with all that has happened in the past little while with your boss and the holidays' date=' you need to take care of you. And maybe his support is what you need...and maybe you'll blow up again because that is what you'll need to do.[/quote'] Thanks...I really haven't been taking care of myself lately. I'm just too tired. Just doing the bare minimum to get by right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Well, we're on speaking terms again. I'm conflicted. Part of me feels relief because I was so tired of carrying around all that hate. The other part of me is afraid. I know he's afraid too. I can tell he's scared he will misstep and 'poof' I'll be gone again. When I wasn't speaking to him, he was on my mind constantly, and I was miserable because I had created an enemy in my life - and all the negative energy that went with it. So now I guess the question remains whether I can keep him as a small part of my life and enjoy the friendship without internalizing it and getting pissed off and behaving like a brat all over again. I guess we'll all just have to stay tuned... Haven't you tried doing this before? Whatever you decide to do is cool with me. I just hope that you have learned from the mistakes of the past with this guy. Good luck BTDT and you know that we are always here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Freedom Now Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Why would you want to be friends with someone who has broken your heart? Now, I am not saying that you can't EVER be friends with him, but with your anger and rage at him, it is showing me that you still have strong feelings for him. And that's okay. It is hard to get rid of the feelings overnight. It takes time. Yes, BTDT, it is a slippery slope you are walking on. He is being a master manipulator to get you into his life. He knows he isn't going anywhere and he is willing to settle for being friends with you because some of his emotional needs will be getting met then. Ask yourself if that is enough for you or is that going to make you feel shortchanged and used? Trust me. I have been where you are. Soon, he will want more from you. He will want you as his OW again. I HAVE been there, done that. Cut him loose at least until you feel apathetic about him. Maybe then you can be friends. My thoughts are with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 Thanks Riddler and Freedom. I'm just going to play like Scarlett O'Hara for now....I'll think about it another day. I have 2 days to not worry about it. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 I'm just going to play like Scarlett O'Hara for now..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 he he... Back at work today. This sucks. My present to my boss finally got here, I was hoping to give it to him last Wednesday. It's a giant popcorn box filled with junk food. I don't know what to do with it... I also have to reconcile his coprorate credit card. Double sucks. There are personal charges on there - his Christmas gifts for his wife, so she wouldn't see what he got. I don't know where he hid them, but I hope she was able to find them. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 It's a giant popcorn box filled with junk food. I don't know what to do with it... Drop it off to a foodbank, or a women's shelter. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Drop it off to a foodbank, or a women's shelter. or better yet at Alpha's doorstep Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Man, your situation is hard...ex-MM was a work thing also, I really understand trying the no contact and being angry, then feeling guilty about it. Why is it that our heads and hearts can't be on the same page???? I still don't want to realize that he is no good for me, have to keep telling myself the truth continually. Emotional issues at work seemed to throw us back together every time, and then after not working together, it still happened. Hey, my thoughts and prayers are with you.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 or better yet at Alpha's doorstep Hope you don't have any loose fillings! I finally opened it...it's got sugar babies, juju bees, twizzlers, raisinettes, mike & ikes and hot tamales. Oh yeah, and popcorn! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 Man, your situation is hard...ex-MM was a work thing also, I really understand trying the no contact and being angry, then feeling guilty about it. Why is it that our heads and hearts can't be on the same page???? I still don't want to realize that he is no good for me, have to keep telling myself the truth continually. Emotional issues at work seemed to throw us back together every time, and then after not working together, it still happened. Hey, my thoughts and prayers are with you.... Thanks...Do you not work with him still? How many times did you take this roller coaster ride? Link to post Share on other sites
sadbuttrue Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 I hope you're wrong. Why would anybody want to do that? because he has that power over you and he can Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Thanks...Do you not work with him still? How many times did you take this roller coaster ride? He got laid off , and then I did a few months later, this was the end of 2005. The R still continued. At least 10 or more times, I was always breaking it off, then something would happen and we would be thrown back together. Am so frustrated, everytime I am just starting to get over him, something happens and am back at square one again. This time I am really keeping up the front, still all of those old feelings popped back up, and am missing him. I have to be strong because am soooo tired of my life revolving around him and his schedule. Tired of being the third person in this little convenient triangle. If you can, think of all the things that brought you to NC....I just want to cry for you and me right now! (((((((((hugs))))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Hope you don't have any loose fillings! I finally opened it...it's got sugar babies, juju bees, twizzlers, raisinettes, mike & ikes and hot tamales. Oh yeah, and popcorn! i like all those except the tamales.... Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Hi BTDT I am sorry to hear about your boses death... Just want to throw in another perspective to this whole thing... Yes maybe he is trying to use this weak moment to find his way back in... But just remember you don't have to start things back up again but People don't last forever and relationships could be here one day and gone the next... so take his words of comfort and put aside the hate and yes I think in some cases that you could be friends with an former b-friend. You should definately protect youself but now that it is over you can at least be kind to eachother... You do work with him afterall, there is nothing wrong with being nice... just don't take it to the next level again. don't feel guilty just go with your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 26, 2006 Author Share Posted December 26, 2006 Thanks, Pricillia. You're right that there are just no guarantees in life. Or relationships. Life is just too short, you know? I've decided that, if he'll have me, I want to be with him one last time. Why deny myself that pleasure? We never know what is around the corner... Link to post Share on other sites
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