When does the hurt go away?

[Winter.01]

I am very new to this whole thing.

I am 23 and has spent the last 2 years with the love of my life.

We are not married but have talked about it.

He always treated me like I was the best thing that has ever happened to him and I never would have thought for him to hurt me in anyway.

This all began when he became friend with this married girl. she is about our age and has a child. I always suspected a bad vibe from it all and told him that he needed to be careful with her. I can't say why I felt uneasy about her but I did.

He always reassured me that they were just friends.

And now I stumbled upon some very heartbreaking emails that they were together.

I found out a few days before Christmas.

I confronted him and told him that I would never accept a cheater in my life.

But I love him deeply and This is out of character for both of us. I use to say I would never take back a man who cheated on me, and he is not the type to approche women.

He says she meant nothing, and He didn't deserve me. He apologized and we both want to try to work it out. We start counseling next week.

This is so hard to swallow my pride and accept that he was with another girl, but I know that he just made a mistake right?

I want to so badly find her husband and let him know what his beloved wife does while he is a work but I feel that if her relationship was to end I didn't want to be apart of it. She will probably get what she deserves in the end, I hate that I have to mend the pieces of our relationship and her family is doing well, but karma will come back to me if I seek a revenge just because I hurt. So I just leave it alone.

He let me change all the passwords to the computers, voice mails, ect. But I guess what surprised me was he did it on his own. He told me to do it and He changed is number. He told me he forfeit his privacy rights when he did wrong to me. It was only one time and The last email he told her he didn't love her and his guilt was killing him because he loves me.

He told me he is sorry he ever met her, He is doing everything to make it up to me, but I feel so lost, and hurt and unsure. I do love him but when does the hurt go away?

Can we really work this out?

Is there a true couple that has overcome this kind of thing?

[whichwayisup]

With alot of love, understanding, respect and the desire to want to fix things, yes it can be done.

 

Going to couples therapy is wonderful and him being open and honest with you is good too - Shows that he IS sorry for what he did...But I'm sure you need alot of questions answered - the why's etc..Why did he feel the need to become close to this woman. Why he turned to her instead of you.

I'm sorry that you're in pain and you have every right to be upset, pissed off, confused, hurt, betrayed and whatever other emotions you are feeling. Don't hold that back. It might be a good idea for you to seek one on one counselling just so you can cope with the devastation he brought into your life.

 

He needs to prove to you that he's worthy of your trust, respect and love again. To be honest, he has ALOT of hard work to do! And don't rush into deciding it's over or it's not over... Try the thearpy and see how you feel. If you feel that it's not going to work and you can't get past this, end it and move on so you can find a man who will love only you and not betray you by choosing to sleep with another woman, let alone a married woman with a child.

 

Good luck and keep posting.

[Winter.01]

I thank you so much for your words. I firmly believe there is hope for us and I am glad I am doing the right thing on leaving the other women alone. You honestly brighten my hope and I greatfully thank you.