PandorasBox Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 I recently was cast aside by my sister because I told her something she didn't want to hear. I told her the truth, something I really think in the back of her mind she knew to be true, but didn't want to face it. She asked for my opinon on a certain matterr and now she wants nothing to do with me. The thing is, she surrounds herself with people who tell her what she wants to hear. I recently even found out, that some of her freinds, and other family members don't even feel a certain way about things like she thinks they do, they just tell her what they think she wants to hear, when infact they just don't have the guts to tell her the truth. I don't get it, I tell her the truth, something she doesn't want to hear, and I get cast aside, I get the door slammed in my face (so to speak) because I was honest! Why are some people like this? Also, I was told by another family memeber that becausmy sister has alot of drama in her life anyway, maybe by her casting me aside, she actually did me a favor. I simply don't need allthat drama. I even tried several times after the fact to be in touch with her. To let her know I was sorry for upsetting her, but she never returned calls, emails or anything. I guess thats my clue I should move on. I can't say I didn't try. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 my gf of 4 years recently decided she needed a hiatus from the relationship to "find herself." She said that she needed to experience living on her own and being without a bf for a while because we've basically been together since we've been dating. I was fine with this and even tried to help her out by talking to a business acquaintance so he could land a better job (he did). I found out she was dating someone, so i told her that i hope she finds the love she is searching for and i told her that because of this i don't see how it would ever work again. because bascially she lied, and every time i just asked for honesty, she did things that are so serious to my life that it is now impossible to ever trust her again. she knows how she could change that but i am aware that she will never admit to these things and that alone is the reason we truly are over. I still love her, but i will not be her husband, bf, or friend - she would have to earn that respect back and she has never fought for anything before and isn't about to start for someone like me. and that's ok. i hold no anger, hate, spite - life is too short for that. i've just moved on Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 IMO, it sounds like you already know why some people are like this. Its what you said, they don't want to hear the truth. Your sister likes to hang out with people who tell her what she wants to hear, and when YOU didn't, she pushed you away which is kind of extreme, but I can understand, I have been there, and it happens alot more than you think. If your sister's life is full of drama as you say, then maybe she did do you a favor by not speaking to you anymore. You are rid of having to worry about someone who's life is full of drama, and who wont listen to you anyway. Sounds like a burden has been lifted. I would enjoy the fact you don't have deal with that right now. It reminds me of a something Dick Cavett once said, and another person named, Johann Goethe; "It is rare a person who wants to hear, what they don't want to hear." "A person hears only what they understand." Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 I recently was cast aside by my sister because I told her something she didn't want to hear. I told her the truth, something I really think in the back of her mind she knew to be true, but didn't want to face it. most people don't want to face reality. just leave sis alone for now... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 MY 2 CENTS the longer someone puts off something the longer they will zone out whenever i have to face something, i face it right away - get it over with, stop dwelling and dragging the past into my future for example - i would tell someone to just come and meet now because then u don't think to much about something that really has no expectations she's the opposite - she waits forever and then rushes into trouble because of it that's ok - everyone is different Link to post Share on other sites
Author PandorasBox Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 Thanks Jack, and Alpha. You're right some people don't want to face reality. But can people be immune to reality forever? Not sure if that is a good way of putting it. I wont be back in touch with her. I tried before and that's all I can do. The ball is now in her court. If she wants to act that way, then yes, its probably for the best we no longer speak. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Sounds like your sister isn't in a place to accept the truth. You made it sound as if it's something fairly obvious, something a smart person would see. If she's refusing to see it, then chances are she's not mentally capable at this point to deal with it. Sometimes it shows a lack of trust to point out things you feel are "the truth". Might be interpreted as not trusting her to do what's right, or a lack of understanding of who she is. Which could make her feel alienated, judged, and/or misunderstood. I stopped trying to point out "the truth" to my brother a long time ago. I have no business giving him opinions that he doesn't ask for. If I feel something is going to cause him serious pain/problems, then I'll offer my thoughts. But I don't present it as "The One and Only Truth". I present it as my concern and my thoughts on the matter. Implying that I trust his judgement and his intellect, and allowing him to come to his own conclusion on the matter. If I push, he immediately goes on the defensive and blocks out any truth there might have been to my words. Then we don't talk for months to years, and no one wins. I feel that unless you're talking cold hard facts that can be proven beyond doubt, then there is no "One truth". If you have 10 people and 8 of them agree with you, it's still not everyone's truth. The way your post read, sounds as if there are still several who don't see things the same way as you do. So it's probably not as clear cut as you might be seeing it. Doesn't mean it isn't true for you... but someone else with different experiences, different outlooks, might not believe it's the obvious answer. At that point then, what you have is really only an opinion. I don't know... just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PandorasBox Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 Sounds like your sister isn't in a place to accept the truth. You made it sound as if it's something fairly obvious, something a smart person would see. If she's refusing to see it, then chances are she's not mentally capable at this point to deal with it. I think this is what bothers me though. It seems she NEVER wants to see anyone's point of view on anything unless they agree with her. Thats why she continues to hang out with people who tell her what she wants to hear. I have even had people say to me, they don't tell her how they really see things, they tell her things she wants to hear, so they don't have to be cussed out, or pushed away. She is also one of these people who loves to play the victim role for all its worth. I bet anything she has called up friends/family members and told them how awful I am, and that I ruined the relationship and how bad it has hurt her etc, and that I don't care about her. Which could make her feel alienated, judged, and/or misunderstood. Yes, she probably felt judged. And that wasn't my intention. I stopped trying to point out "the truth" to my brother a long time ago. I have no business giving him opinions that he doesn't ask for. If I feel something is going to cause him serious pain/problems, then I'll offer my thoughts. But I don't present it as "The One and Only Truth". I present it as my concern and my thoughts on the matter. Implying that I trust his judgement and his intellect, and allowing him to come to his own conclusion on the matter. If I push, he immediately goes on the defensive and blocks out any truth there might have been to my words. Then we don't talk for months to years, and no one wins. She asked for my advice/opinon, it wasn't given out free will, although I have before. I wasn't trying to come across as my opinon or advice was the "one and only truth" and there is no other, I gave her my side vs others, because she asked, she liked the others side better because they all agree with her. According to her I'm the only one who doesn't see things the way she does or anyone else. I also wont change how I feel on the matter to "please" her as others do. You are right though, I have now stopped getting involved in her situation wheather she asks for my advice or not. I'm tired of being middle man and getting sh*tted on for it. I chose to be though when she would ask, but not anymore. Maybe this was MY wake up call. I have a great concern for her situation. I always have. I guess it upsets me to see her continue to make, (in my opinon) not so good choices on things in her life. And yes its her life, to make those choices. I see things as a concern for her when I express things she asks about, she sees them as, "You didn't tell me what I wanted to hear, or thats not the answer I was looking for, so be gone". Thats the way it makes me feel. I have tired to contact her a few times to explain to her, what I meant and that I didn't mean to upset her, but a good friend of mine who is a counselor at the hospital where I work, she told me to let it go for now. I did my part as far as trying to reach back out to her, she also told me sometimes people have to learn things the hard way. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 If what you said is the truth regarding her situation, she'll not forget what you said and one day she'll come back to you and thank you for being honest. Sometimes there is nothing else to do but watch as people develop good judgment from experiences caused by bad judgment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PandorasBox Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 If what you said is the truth regarding her situation, she'll not forget what you said and one day she'll come back to you and thank you for being honest. Sometimes there is nothing else to do but watch as people develop good judgment from experiences caused by bad judgment. Thanks Craig, I appreciate that. That would be nice if one day she realizes I was trying to help her, not hurt her or be mean. Pride is something that is hard to swallow, shes full of pride, so hopefully if she swallows a little at a time, she will come around. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 PB, it sounds like your sister knows you are right. If she knew the answer, she wouldnt ask for advice. And the fact that she's asked advice from several other people, who all agreed with her initial opinion, that should have satisfied her. But she kept on asking for validation. She has doubt and all those people who agreed with her wasnt able to satisfy her doubt. Thus, something's still nagging at her, probably the truth. Probably the truth you told her. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 I'm betting too that PB's advice will stick in her mind no matter how hard she tries to shake it loose. Even if she doesn't want to admit it out loud, I bet if she's even half way as smart as PB that she'll take her advice. She'll just make it seem as if she didn't, and oppose any notion that she actually followed the advice given. (that's what I do to my parents ) Link to post Share on other sites
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