Asking brother to give me away

[xxbaddgurl83xx]

My fiance and I are getting married in May and I would really like for my younger brother to give me away. My father passed away when we were young and I've dreaded this moment since I first became engaged. I always wondered how it would feel having my father walk me down the isle but since he is not here to do it I would love it if my brother took his place. I am very close to my mother but I have chose to make her my maid of honor so it would be hard for her to walk to me down the isle, plus I've been told by many people that it should be a guy giving me away to another guy. The problem however is that I'm not even sure if my brother is coming to my wedding. My brother is only 17 but he can not stand my fiance and he has told my mother that he wants nothing to do with the wedding and he may not even come. It will break my heart if he chooses not to attend and if he does attend I'm not sure if he would be willing to give me away to my fiance since he is against us getting married in the first place. What should I do? If he doesn't give me away would it be tacky to have my mother give me away and be my maid of honor?

[Buttaflyy]

I hope everything works out the way you plan, but keep in mind that weddings are not so "traditional" these days. If you want your mom to walk you down the aisle then I think she should.

 

In fact, if it weren't for my step dad, I'd have my mom walk me down the aisle too.

[norajane]

Why is your brother so firmly against this marriage and why does he hate your bf? Perhaps you should consider if he's got a point?

 

You can ask him to give you away and if he says no, your mom can do it - you can do anything you want for your wedding.

[Trialbyfire]

He's 17, which means he has plenty of growing up to do. It also sounds like you haven't discussed the situation directly with him versus hearing about it through a third party. Sit him down and talk to him to find out exactly where he stands, then make your plans from there.

[My Fair Katie]

You can ask him, and he has every right to say no, but you won't get anywhere if you don't at least ask (this is why I ask for a pony for christmas every year, you never know when hubby might say yes).

 

I refused to be given away, wth, I'm not property. My dad did walk me down the aisle and "presented this woman to be married."

 

Anywho, why can't your mom walk you down the aisle? Then instead of sitting down she'll just take her place next to you.

[johan]

Maybe your brother just doesn't think the terms are fair. Ask him if he'd feel better selling you. For a fair price, of course.

[bab]

Ask him. That's really your next step. Also, listen to what he has to say about your fiance. The fact of the matter is that if this marriage sticks, then they are going to be family for a very long time, so now is as good of a time as any to figure out why they don't get along and try to fix it.

 

If he really doesn't want to do it, then having your mom do it will be just fine. It's your wedding, who cares about traditions. The more you make it yours the more people will notice how you've personalized it and it will make it more intimate and genuine. Have the wedding you want, don't worry about others thinking it might be tacky.

[JamesM]

If your brother doesn't walk you down the aisle, you can walk alone. As sad as that sounds, it may be an alternative worth looking at. It would be better than having a brother who doesn't want to do it...do it.

 

My wife's father refused to come to her wedding...long story, but she didn't want him to walk her anyway due to childhood abuse. Her alternatives were a BIL with whom she was close, or she could walk by herself. Under the circumstances, her BIL did not want to be in the middle. She chose to walk by herself. In her case, it was a stark reminder of a man who had not been a true father to her, and he had not earned that "right" to be by her side. When she reached the end, her mother stood next to her, and answered the preacher when he asked "Who giveth this bride to this man?" And since the circumstances were awkward, her mother responded, "I do." My MIL is one of the neatest ladies I have met to this day. Fortunately, she likes me, too.

 

In your case, if you choose to walk alone, it can be symbolic of the father who could not be there. He is walking by you in spirit. Many will remember him in a special way...and it will be a reminder to you of the man that would have given you away. Then when you reached the end, your mother could step out and answer the question. How she chooses to answer the question is up to you. Some people say, "The family and I" as in the case if your brother did it. Some mothers may say, "I do." Or yet, slightly untraditional, she may feel comfortable in saying, "Her father and I." I am not sure how this would go over, but I think if your father would have approved, then it may be appropriate.

 

Just some ideas. I think you can still have a very wonderful day in spite of some setbacks.

[Art_Critic]

Just ask him.. tell him how much it would mean to you.

 

My brother and I both walked 2 of my sisters down the aisle when they got married...

It was an honor.

 

My father passed away many years ago and they asked us both to do it..

When we walked her down the aisle My brother and I each were on an arm.

a few years later my other sister got married and we were asked to do the same..

 

Like I said.. it was a heart warming honor

[xxbaddgurl83xx]

My fiance and I have been together for almost 4 years. About 2 years ago things got pretty rocky between my boyfriend and I. Seeing how upset I was all the time upset my brother. I guess he feels that since he is the man of the house it is his job to protect me and not see me get hurt. Its pretty cute since he is 6 years younger than I am but at the same time it can get annoying. Things between my fiance and I are obviously a lot better now than in the past, otherwise we wouldn't be planning a wedding. I suppose my brother just doesn't want to see me hurt again. He is a pretty quiet guy so when my fiance see's him he does make a effort to start conversations with my brother in hopes that he will change his opinion. I will mention to him about giving me away but if he doesn't want to do it I will just ask my mother. I guess there is nothing wrong with her walking me down the isle and then standing next to me during the ceremony as my maid of honor. Having her as my maid of honor sorta breaks typical tradition anyway so I suppose there is nothing wrong with going all the way with it!