what is the right answers

[ssstrider]

I started a thred about my live in girlfriend a feww weeks back. you can read it so you understand about her and her health. However I seem to get alot of mixed comments, but everyone seems to be directed towrds me in fact that is should get over it.

 

My concern is not to recocile the relationship...it her health...i will easily let go, if it makes her happy. But im not sure she is making healthy decisions.. and her mum is not the one to help in any way.

 

I have been told everything that she will contact you because I am a safe haven for her.

 

She will keep running because it is easier for her to run then too contact me in fear that i have changed and she doesnt feel worthy.

 

she will realize after that her mother is a control freak...trying to be a mother to a daughter that she was never a mother too. and a daughter that is trying so hard to be part of a family that she will do anything

 

im not sure what the right answer is...maybe there is none, but what i do want advice for is her, if there is anything i should do, remember she isnt in the same province as me now, and her mother is not letting me call her in anyway. and they have no internet.

 

If more info is required then ask me, ill surely give it. I have no problem letting go, i just want it to be her decision, and her pain to go away from her past demons.

[Love Hurts]

It sounds as if she is good hands with her mother.

If she is making a mends with her mother; for some lost time between the two of them. It’s a good thing.

 

Obviously her mother is protecting her, not keeping her hostage.

As for past demons………… if you represent her past or at least part of it, and she is not making contact with you.

She has and is letting go. Now you need to …..Just let go.

 

If she is ill and needs medical attention her protecting mother can aid in taking action in order to get her daughter to the appropriate physician.

 

She is in good hands... or she wouldnt run there.

[ssstrider]

ok,,,in good hands...let me tell you a story...so i go to met her mum amnd her now step dad...and remember she has not met her mother till she wasw 20's. Her new dad has a son who is a bit slow but nice guy. The son is living with this girl who is deaf......they have a kid together all live in same house.

 

 

Well i arive there with my girlfriend about 11 pm at night....they are sitting around haveing a few drinks. The father and mother start making fun of this deaf girl, the way she speaks, well i didnt laugh. didnt think it was funny at all.

 

My X stayed there for 8 months once before. then ran and never talked to mother again, said she was way to controling, you must be careful when saying she is in good hands, This is a girl who is very vulnerable, her wanting a family because of her past overwhelms what is healthy and what isnt. Anyways read the first post, maybe you will understand a bit more.

[CardPlay3r]

Yeah it sounds bad strider...well look..you're worried about her, I think you should go there where she lives and talk to her, try to get her to come back to you, if not to you at least away from the control freaks...tell her she needs help and all that...if you can't convince her then there's not much else you can do, she'll only leave when she feels she wants to.

[ssstrider]

thanks card play3r

 

I wish it was aseasy as that...she is 4 hours away....and her parents wont lrt me near her im sure. I talked to phscologist to see what i could, nowing the circumstances. He said the only was you will get through to her is once her parrents have a falling out again. its pretty screwed up situation...and very surprising to me, she precieved to be very happy, not only to me but anyone who was around us. The night we talked about her going to visit her mum to find out what her issues were about, Because she wasnt returning my girl friends calls, We also talked about her and what she would like to do, she said i think ill go to school, and i need to get counciling to help me deal with some past issues.

 

I said that is great idea and encouraged all i could. She and i laughed and were enjoying putting stuff away cause we just bought new house. she packed just one pair a clths and said maybe i should wait for awhile, I said you should resolve your issues with your mum, cause i see that you are hurt over it, but told her it was her choice. She left on bus the next day with a kiss and a hugg...told me to call her while she traveled (on her cell). so I had no idea that it would come to this at all. Anyway, the only thing I can do now is move on and hope she will come to some realization, if she is healthy enough to ever resist, her mums preassures,

 

I wont and refuse to pressure her, she needs to make her own choices. At best she will move from there at some periode and proceed to get help. so her next relatiuoship will be a healthy one. whether she will contact me or not is anybodies guess. I hope she realizes at some point that i was and am a good friend, and she can call me for support anytime.

[lone56wolf]

Thre no right answers - only guesses. She'll be where she feels safest. Take it from someone who's walking his mile in your shoes right now. All you can do is hope for the best and get on with your own life.

 

Wolf