Suchafool Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Ok, I will try to cut a very long story short... I split up with my ex around a month ago; we had been going out with each other for a year and a half. Last Xmas I cheated on my ex girlfriend with my ex fiancé, I have never done anything like this before and I deeply regretted what I had done. My ex fiancée went round to my now ex girlfriends house and told her everything. My ex did forgive me and everything was fine since then. Anyway just over a month ago I got a text from my ex fiancée saying she was really ill and had to go to hospital for some tests. I stupidly agreed to go for a coffee with her just to see how she was. My ex found a text on my phone from my ex fiancée saying thank you for going to see her. I tried to explain to my ex that nothing happened but she would not believe me. She told me that she does not love me anymore and that she hates me, she has changed her mobile number and blocked my emails too. I have tried to talk to her and explain everything but she won’t accept it. I have spoken to her mum who says that my ex had told her that she thought I was the one and how much she loves me and that peoples feelings when strong like that don’t change overnight (don’t know if she was trying to tell me something here?) I have had NC with her for around 3 weeks now; I desperately miss her and love her so much, what should I do? I don’t know if she was just really really hurt and mad with me or if she really did mean that she hates me and does not love me. I’m so scared that I have lost the person I love in all this and I would do anything to make things right, I thought about trying to contact her in the new year and suggest we try counseling or something I just want to make her realize I do love her and will do anything it takes to try to fix things? Any ideas / views would be greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 I think you are doing the right thing. Give her space for a while, then get back in touch and tell her that you love her. You perhaps don't need to go in to total no-contact... maybe a note every few days telling her how sorry and how much in love you are with her. You might also want to consider telling this to your ex-fiancee. Maybe she will vouch for you? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 I think that your ex-fiance sounds manipulative. if you want things to work out with your ex you need to tell the trouble making once fiance to take a hike. Actions speak louder than words. If I were your ex I would be fuming and hurt. Get rid of the ex fiance first, then give your ex some space to let her figure things out. If I was your ex I would assume you had cheated again. If you get back together with your ex- make sure you NEVER have any involvement with the "other woman" again. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Why don't you have the ex fiance' tell her what happened so she knows it wasn't something you did. Personally though, I would not have hepled the ex out without discussing it with my current girlfriend. Good communication can solve a multitude of problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Suchafool Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 thanks for your advice, i dont want her to think im not botherd about her by leaving her alone but she did say to leave her alone and she has changed her mobile number and blocked my emails, i honestly dont know if she means that or if she was just mad, upest etc.. i dont want to look like a stalker by keeping getting in touch? All she has said when i have spoken to her is that i should have thought about all this before i went to see her. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Anyway just over a month ago I got a text from my ex fiancée saying she was really ill and had to go to hospital for some tests. I stupidly agreed to go for a coffee with her just to see how she was. Why didn't you tell your g/f about this before you went? Did you keep the original text messages? I can see why your current g/f is upset. You cheated on her with this ex. Now you've hidden text messages and a visit. If nothing happened, why would you hide this from her in the first place? I'm having some serious difficulties believing that anyone could be so naive. Be honest. You hid it from her because you wanted to see the ex and knew that your g/f would say no. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Suchafool Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 Why didn't you tell your g/f about this before you went? Did you keep the original text messages? I can see why your current g/f is upset. You cheated on her with this ex. Now you've hidden text messages and a visit. If nothing happened, why would you hide this from her in the first place? I'm having some serious difficulties believing that anyone could be so naive. Be honest. You hid it from her because you wanted to see the ex and knew that your g/f would say no. I went to see her because i thought she was seriously ill like she told me she thought she was, my ex fiance still wants us to get back together but i dont want to. I have since changed my mobile number so she cant contact me, i know i should have spoken to my ex about seeing her before i went but i didnt and i cant change that now, im trying to look to the future - unfortunatly i cant change the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Suchafool Posted December 27, 2006 Author Share Posted December 27, 2006 I have sat down and worked out it has been 3 weeks since me and my ex had any contact. I have been thinking about sending her a note just to say im still thinking about her and I still love her. I have been looking on this forum and I think I should not say im willing to change - I have to show her i have changed - although im unsure how to show her. I thought about putting in that im going to go and see a relationship councilor and I would like her to come to? I think that kind of shows her that I want her and me to be together and im willing to try and sort this out? I think this is something I should do for myself even if she does not want to go. I’m just unsure what to say or when to send it or to even send it at all? I thought about New Years Eve as she might be missing me then? Any ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
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