My bf's friendships with girls.

[princesssockhead]

Hi. I have been in a great deal of distress this evening while my boyfriend has been out hanging out with a girl friend of his from out of state. I thought I could get a handle on my jealousy and distrust but my ugly side got the best of me. I am also friends with this girl but not as much as my boyfriend is. In the past we've all hung out together and had good times so I thought that would be this time she was visiting.

 

Our plans this evening were for me to get off of work and meetup with them around 7. Well they went ahead and had dinner w/o me and said they wanted to go to the bookstore so I said go on ahead and I'll clean up and take a shower while ya'll do that. Well while I was in the shower I got a call that went to voicemail from my boy saying they would probably be a little later than 7:30 and that I should go ahead and eat. So I tried to call him back and he let it go to voicemail. I thought maybe they were driving or just had arrived at the bookstore. So I went and got something to eat and cleaned up the apartment some. Well went it got around 8:30 I called again and it went to voicemail. By this point my head has the worst of me and I'm thinking all sorts of horrible things ie. cheating. Well I went to the bank then and stopped by my friend's house to hang out for a bit. I called him again at 9:30 and got an answer. He said they were having coffee and talking a lot and I was like well what happend to hanging out with me? He said how about later fully knowing that I'm getting sleepy from getting up for work early today. His speech was halted and he seemed annoyed so I just blurted out, "So are you going to break up with me?" because we've been having problems a lot lately. He got pissed off and said that they were going to hang out for awhile longer.

 

Still hanging out over at my friend's house he calls me and says they are playing pool and drinking and going to head to a club after that. I said, "Ok, well have fun and be safe, I love you."

 

Now he just got home and will hardly speak to me.

 

The clincher that really has gotten to me is that I know he *like* like's her and has expressed to me that he wants to **** her.

 

Now I guess I'm just trying to sort out if I had another maniac distrust pattern come out or if this legitimately would affect someone?

[insomnie]

I don't know what to tell you exept that reading stories like yours make me sick to my stomach =(.

 

Your boyfriend is a piece of ***** for putting you through this and if I were you I would dump him.

[Trialbyfire]

Nope. You have a right. Relationships are based on respect, trust and caring. He's ignored all three. If possible make him understand this from your perspective. If it's not possible, move on because he's another selfish individual.

[alphamale]

If it's not possible, move on because he's another selfish individual.

but i thought girls liked selfish boys

[Trialbyfire]

but i thought girls liked selfish boys

Stalker...

[Guest]

If you choose to settle for less than you deserve then that's exactly what you will get. He was testing the waters with her and when he decided all was going well he no longer wanted you around. Tell him that he obviously need some time to decide what he wants. No tears, no yelling, no convincing, just a happy determined voice. Go out with friends, sounds like you might live together so stay gone. No calling just you having fun. If you answer a call from him be laughing when you pick up the phone. Get you own life for awhile and let him see you as he sees her, with no worries, something new to learn about - and find a "friend" of your own!

[Walk]

I got through the whole post thinking.. yeah, it would bother me too.. but it probably wasn't intentionally designed to hurt you. UNTIL I got to the end and you said he's told you that he wants to f*** her!!!!!!

 

You're not being crazy. You should be worried. You should be jealous. But most of all, you should break up with him. I have a strong feeling that he was unavailable for two hours because him and miss "****able friend" were doing stuff they shouldn't have.

 

You won't know he cheated unless he tells you. The only thing you have to go on is his actions. What did his actions tell you? Honestly? To me, they screamed, go away so I can be alone with the friend I wanna have sex with.

 

Man, don't be stupid about this. The whole evening was a effort to avoid you. They made it so you couldn't have dinner with them. Broke the original plans, and took off without you. Set up new plans and then broke those. Refused to answer your call instead of coming to get you. THen he got mad at you for being upset. And refused to talk to you the rest of the night. He was the one wrong. If you had ever done something so underhanded and mean to him, you can bet he'd be screaming at you he'd be so pissed. But you're taking the blame thinking it's all your fault. Open your eyes. Men who want to keep their relationships DON'T pull this crap. He wanted to be alone with her, without you interferring.

 

If he honestly isn't cheating, and I'd be hard pressed to say he wasn't. Then he's still an ass hole. That was just plan rude, underhanded, sneaky, and selfish. You are right to be upset. Don't let him turn this on you. You were fine with it until he backed out of the plans on the second time. You gave him leeway, you gave buckets of leeway. He was wrong.

[fundamental]

but i thought girls liked selfish boys

 

low caliber girls like selfish boys

[fundamental]

Princess,

 

Something does not sound right with him; I'd be cautious.

[alphamale]

low caliber girls like selfish boys

nope....low, medium & high calibre girls like them

[megnog]

yeah, it sounds to me like he was enjoying the attention he was getting from her or enjoying the time he was spending with her too much. even if she is gorgeous a guy thats with you should respect the fact that YOU are his girlfriend and he shouldn't ignore you to hang out with her. the fact that you are friends with her too doesn't completely cancel out the fact that they could have messed around, but i don't think they did.

 

i don't want to tell you to break up with him, but i would have a serious chat with him about what they did and why he was unavailable when you called him. so how does this girl know you two anyway?? what makes them better friends? is it his interest or both of theirs?

 

the big picture is - it was clear to probably all three of you that he wanted to spend time with her and not have a girlfriend around preventing him from checking her out or flirting. it could have been harmless in the fact that he was just soaking up the attention from another girl other than his girlfriend, but i wouldn't dismiss it. sorry if this is getting to be long, i hope i'm not repeating myself here. it was a serious no-no anyway because of the fact that they switched plans left and right and ignored your phone calls. let me know what you decide to do and good luck

[Walk]

Princess, (by the way, I love the name you chose)

 

I read the other thread you posted right before Christmas. I picked out some of the points I felt were important. You said:

 

• The past 5 months or so I have been highly paranoid of infidelity.
   
   
  
• can't even discuss or communicate about every day topics like bills or Christmas plans
   
   
  
• he was acting avoidant, unaffectionate, and generally depressed
   
   
  
• he was annoyed by how I hadn't communicated to him that the bills needed to be paid and when he checked them he found that we had a disconnect notice for the cable. He seemed very distant in explaining this to me - it took me a couple tries of asking him what was wrong for him to come out and say this.
   
   
  
• I supported us (stopped a year ago) for nearly 2 years.
   
   
  
• Other thing that is really bothering me is his avoidance.
   
   
  
• He has started to go to bed at 10am or later in the morning and sleep until 7/8pm or even later
   
   
  
• he hasn't been working from what I can see
   
   
  
• he put off picking up his paycheck until mid-month this past month so I wound up having to support us on my pay for several weeks.
   
   
  
• He also plays computer games for hours upon hours when we are together.
  

 

You seem to take all the blame on yourself. I would be highly suspicious of my bf cheating if he was distant, uncommunicative, and avoided me by altering his sleep schedule. I'm not one to jump to the conclusion my bf's cheating either. I'm pretty secure with myself. But those things will cause a person to wonder if there isn't someone else in the picture. His actions say he's not happy with the relationship, which leaves the door wide open for someone else to enter the picture. I don't feel you're being "paranoid" in a crazy kind of way, it's pretty common to feel insecure when your partner is withdrawing and there are obviously problems in the relationship. I don't know a single person who wouldn't feel insecure by that.

 

But instead of addressing the issue of why you felt insecure, he forbid you from bringing it up again. Part of the fault may lay in how you approached the problem. But still, he should've handled it differently. The actions that are causing you to feel "paranoid he's cheating" could be addressed. The up all night, sleep all day, avoiding you, changing plans so you can't be included when he goes out with other women, etc. etc.

 

Do you know what he is depressed about? You said he had a great new job. Gets to make his own hours, and work from home. You are always there to pay all the bills whenever he doesn't feel like getting around to picking up his pay check.

 

Maybe couples therapy might help the both of you?

 

Still.. I think you had a right to feel insecure, and voice your concerns. It's partly our partners job to help resolve those problems. Not make them worse by going out with other women and intentionally excluding you.