Why is this happening?

[Mike817]

First of all I want to say Hello to everyone here. This is my first post on the site. I have read a few threads and it seems that alot of you have the same problem I have.

 

My wife and I are "high school sweethearts" we have been together for 11 years, married for 5 of them. About 5 months ago she came to me and said that she didn't think she was still "in love" with me. It hurt, it hurt sooo bad. We started to go to counseling and that seemed to be making some progress. Well we got off the path and stopped going. Now it is back to the I don't know if I love you the way I should anymore. My wife is absolutely beutiful, we have two beutiful girls and a nice home.

 

I don't understand it though. I have never cheated, never even really attempted to try those waters. I am not the best looking or have the best physique, but I try to compensate for that by being the best husband I can. She says that she does love me, but feels that I deserve better. The only thing I can think of that would be better is the intimacy part of the relationship. That well has dried up. I can count on one hand the number of times we have done that in the past six months. I have been feeling that she may be interested in another. I have even gone as far as to do my own "investigating" (i am a cop by the way), but that has not provided any proof. She swears there is noone else, and I believe her, but I can't understand. She takes medication for depression and has since I've known her. I wonder if the pills are messing with her head. The problem is though if she stopps taking them she is even harder to deal with. I used to have the same issues, but forced myself to not need the medication and to be happy. Why can't she.

 

I guess my main question for those who have been here longer is What do I do now. She has mentioned divorce, but I really don't think she wants to. I think she is just lost and doesnt know how to get past the "puppy love" and get into the "marriage love" I know there are other women out there who are more attractive (physically), and who could take care of my needs intimately, but I don't have a desire for them. What do I do to make her realize that we are in fact perfect for each other, and need to stay together. Help me please. I don't know how much more I can take...

[WhisperingWillow]

With the marriage counseling. You say you're a cop and have done your own investigating if there is another, I say keep plugging at it. There's gotta be a reason for this. Physical attraction is only a fraction of the cost here. Take a really gorgeous person on the outside but a nasty personality and that in turn makes them very ugly. So to use the physical aspects of it is just not even warranted.

 

You seem to be suffering from low self esteem, et al "I'm not the best looking person", you should work on that as well. Confidence is so attractive it's not even funny.

 

Also you forced yourself to not need the medication, why can't she? Well that's just a tad bit harsh. Some people need other things to help them. It could be the pills that are messing with her, which is why it's vitally important to get back on track with the counseling. Also sometimes we have awakenings late in life that change us as people, it happens. I say the counseling needs to come into play here and you need to make double sure it's not someone else. Have you checked her computer? Cell phone? Does she work and if she doesn't work is she at home most of the time? All these things can be found out very easily. Need some more information about your situation first.

[Mike817]

well I really didn't want to sound like a non trusting ******* but I have gotten into her work computer, personal email, and have even tailed her when she was out with friends. There is nothing there. I think that makes me more mad that I am wrong. I dont mean to be harsh about the medication thing, but I knew how it was affecting the relationship and didnt want it to continue. maybe her problems are deeper. I told her the other night that i wanted to go back to counseling, but didnt get an answer.

 

the thing about her is she is physically gorgeous, and who she is on the inside is beautiful too. she just snaps sometimes. I want my wife back, but don't know how. I have never been the "romantic" person, I just don't know how to be. I do what i can to be sweet and all that. In all honesty too the sex part is a big deal especially because i have heard her talking about it and have read it in her emails that she enjoys sex with me. I guess i am pretty good at it. I make sure she is satisfied before i finish. anyway, i have to go for now, i will check back later. thanks