RH Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 Hi guys, first I'd like to thank everyone who commented on my last post and helped me sort out all the conflicting thoughts in my head. I'm just thinking aloud here now and hoping it might get some conversation going. ) When I left for university in 1997 I had never been with a girl, and had only kissed a girl in a dare contest. Thats not to say I didn't have my chances, I was just too shy, too unconfident and lets face it on one occasion too stupid to act on those chances. three months into Uni I got involved with a great girl and we ended up being together for four years. I don't regret the time I spent with her, I just feel as I'm single now and wish I had more confidence with women, maybe I should have used my university years to date more women, exprerience more things, and get to know more about myself as well. I feel like now would have been a better time for long term relationships. Maybe I'm hanging out with the wrong people and going to the wrong places but being 18 and at university, living on campus, the opportunities seemed endless and its alot harder now for me to meet new people, and start new relationships when working full time. I'm working on it though, and in the three years since I left uni, I am probably a lot stronger, and more confident to approach women. I just need to act on my chances quicker... Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 I don't know what to say but, good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 And you are doing just that....but don't consider it ALL lost...you learned a lot about relationships and being in one...and your next s.o. will be VERY thankful...you will too. Link to post Share on other sites
RH Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 I can't work out what s.o. stands for?? Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 Significant Other Link to post Share on other sites
Duh! Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 Sorry. Me stupid! :oP Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 31, 2002 Share Posted July 31, 2002 Sorry...I'm lazy LOL Link to post Share on other sites
RH Posted August 8, 2002 Share Posted August 8, 2002 OK, so I'm moving on and want to discard some of my inhibitions, be braver and approach girls I might be interested in dating, picking up etc. I still find I get real anxious and alot of the time my shyness wins over still in the end.. whats a good way to get past this? or am I just going to have to keep trying until one day it doesn't feel like such a scary thing?? Link to post Share on other sites
Tracey Posted August 8, 2002 Share Posted August 8, 2002 Picking up will always be scary. And I sympathise with you in not making the most out of your university years. However, I'm sure you learnt a LOT about yourself by being in that 4 year relationship. I know most kids who graduate never held onto a relationship for more than 2 months during uni and THATS what they regret. So, you know, the grass is always greener... About picking up. I find that alcohol goes a long way to help here. I don't mean getting trashed, but after a couple of beers believe me, approaching that cute girl won't be such a major drama. And once the hard part is over (ie walking over and risking rejection), you won't need the alcohol to continue the relationship. This is why most people meet at bars and parties - if it wasn't for alcohol, these people would not be getting together. Apart from that, i would suggest getting to know someone in a friendly way before making the moves. I mean, if you like someone in the office or in a social group, make an effort to be friendly. Not only will you find out whether you're compatible, but asking her out on a date will be much easier once you've sussed the situation out (ie you know whether or not she is likely to say yes!). I wouldn't stress about this, though. Relationships seem to come along when you least expect them. Link to post Share on other sites
RH Posted August 8, 2002 Share Posted August 8, 2002 Yes, alcahol does help, but I tend to take too many beers to get the courage up and end up trashed and no use to anybody... haha.. ) I don't want to stress I just wish I could get over the broken heart. I know she's not interested in even being friends with me, and I keep trying to convince myself that I'm over it, its been 15 months, I can live without her, etc. Some days I'm almost convinced I'm cured.. but other days.. It gets to me again. Maybe 15 months isn't enough time.... I just think the sooner I get over this and start seeing other people my spirits will lift. Link to post Share on other sites
Tracey Posted August 8, 2002 Share Posted August 8, 2002 There isn't any fixed period for getting over a broken heart. But I do agree that once you get out onto the dating scene, things will be easier. I mean, the distraction alone will stop you thinking about her as often. Of course, it will be weird being with different girls after being used to only one girl for four years... When you start going out with people again, don't 'compare'. That's a big mistake, believe me. Just enjoy yourself and try not to take anything too seriously. Yeah it's easy to intend on having a couple of drinks and end up getting blind (happens to me all the time!). How about heading down to the pub or out with friends on a weeknight? Then you KNOW you can't have a big one because of work the next day... it might be an incentive to cut your losses early on. Or make that move quicker! I can't really give you a guaranteed way of picking up - if one existed all guys would be using it! Good luck, though. You seem like a nice guy and even if you wait a little longer, I'm sure Ms Right (Now) will come along soon. Link to post Share on other sites
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