Woe is me, my life sucks situation

[JackJack]

Why do some people like to milk the pity party for all its worth? Or play the victim card till it runs out?

 

I'm not meaning people who are victims of a real tragedy, not that things in their lives are not important or real concerns, but why do they continue to complain about things, they can possibly change or minor things, that they act like they are victims of and they the world owes them, because their day is crappy or their life sucks, and its something they do or a way they act all the time. Is it for attention? Or what?

 

Examples; My car broke down, woe is me. And they are still talking about it 3 months later like they are just upset to no end. Or my spouse is an a$$ and my kids fight all the time, woe is me. 5 months later its still the same thing. I mean if you are not planning on trying to change something you might could change, then why keep talkin about it and making it come across as you are just pityful and are a victim? Sure, there are many things we can't control or change, but some we can, so if people are not not going to, why keep making it out like they are the victim? And it seems sometimes even when they get pity, thats not good enough.

[blind_otter]

Perhaps the worst part is that they realize how pointless complaining is, but they lack the courage to take the next step and make real changes? To me this is something to pity, not to get upset about.

[JackJack]

Perhaps the worst part is that they realize how pointless complaining is, but they lack the courage to take the next step and make real changes? To me this is something to pity, not to get upset about.

 

 

I'm not upset about it. If I take pity, its because I feel for these people who can't seem to get out of this mode they are in. Most of the time these are situations that people create themselves and could possibly avoid, but for whatever reason don't. But yet love to complain about the life they created for themselves.

 

No I'm not talkin about the car broke down incident, thats something that can't be helped possibly and it happens. But after 3 months don't talk about anymore, move on. If you're complaining your spouse is an a$$ get to the root of why that is, then after that, if you get to root of why it is, don't still complain later on down the road because you chose to stay with the a$$. Its one thing to vent from time to time, but to harp on the same things over and over is another. I guess thats the part I don't get.

 

I usually don't hang out to much with constant complainers, it brings me down so I avoid it if possible. I was just wondering why some people do what seems like all the time. I guess its different for different people.

[typical]

But yet love to complain about the life they created for themselves.

 

Much as you are complaining about them complaining in this thread?

 

 

 

I mean if you are not planning on trying to change something you might could change, then why keep talkin about it and making it come across as you are just pityful and are a victim?

 

Are you jealous?

 

 

But after 3 months don't talk about anymore, move on. If you're complaining your spouse is an a$$ get to the root of why that is, then after that, if you get to root of why it is, don't still complain later on down the road because you chose to stay with the a$$. Its one thing to vent from time to time, but to harp on the same things over and over is another. I guess thats the part I don't get

 

Seeing on how you have it all figured out, you should write a book.

 

 

Perhaps the worst part is that they realize how pointless complaining is, but they lack the courage to take the next step and make real changes? To me this is something to pity, not to get upset about

 

I think Otter has a point. It is good that some of us are deep enough to really look into each situation and see what the root of the problem truly is. Its not that we are all just worthless complainers, its that we are sometimes cowards and lack the courage to fix something we know isnt right.

 

 

Look, the bottom line is this. Alot of people get sucked into relationships that arent healthy, only they dont realize it at the time. Before too long, they fall in love with the person, and by then its too late. For some reason love will make you put up with alot of crappy crap. It must be a side effect.

 

I believe I mentioned this before, but its sometimes difficult for people to really see that they arent in a good thing at all. Their self esteem becomes eroded and their perception is skewed. They feel 7 kinds of hell inside of themselves and arent sure what is going on anymore.

 

I think its great that this place exists. I am sure a lot of people are benefitting from a clearer head because of it. Everyone loses their sense of direction from time to time. Everyone needs to be pointed the right way. There is nothing wrong with that.

[JackJack]

Much as you are complaining about them complaining in this thread?

 

It was a question just like any other. My original question was, "Why are some peole like this? It was answered.

 

Are you jealous?

 

 

No, why would I be jealous of people who know how their life is, but they choose not to do anything about it? As I stated before, its one thing if there are situations where things can not be helped/controled/changed, but quite another when people can do something about things and choose not too. Sure they may have their reasons, and as I said earlier, it was a question that I wondered about it. As Otter said, its somethig to pity, and I do. Sorry if if it came across as complaining, or being p*ssed, because I assure you I'm not.

 

 

Seeing on how you have it all figured out, you should write a book.

 

 

I never claimed to have it all figured out. Writing a book is not my bag.

 

 

 

 

 

I think Otter has a point. It is good that some of us are deep enough to really look into each situation and see what the root of the problem truly is. Its not that we are all just worthless complainers, its that we are sometimes cowards and lack the courage to fix something we know isnt right.

 

 

Look, the bottom line is this. Alot of people get sucked into relationships that arent healthy, only they dont realize it at the time. Before too long, they fall in love with the person, and by then its too late. For some reason love will make you put up with alot of crappy crap. It must be a side effect.

 

I believe I mentioned this before, but its sometimes difficult for people to really see that they arent in a good thing at all. Their self esteem becomes eroded and their perception is skewed. They feel 7 kinds of hell inside of themselves and arent sure what is going on anymore.

 

 

I agree.

[alphamale]

Why do some people like to milk the pity party for all its worth? Or play the victim card till it runs out?

 

I'm not meaning people who are victims of a real tragedy, not that things in their lives are not important or real concerns, but why do they continue to complain about things, they can possibly change or minor things, that they act like they are victims of and they the world owes them, because their day is crappy or their life sucks, and its something they do or a way they act all the time. Is it for attention? Or what?

becasue they are simpletons and don't realize that everyone has their own problems and concerns and really don't want to hear about other peoples problems and concerns. its usually a downer.

 

now if its a close friend or family member I am happy to listen and help if needed.

[blind_otter]

becasue they are simpletons and don't realize that everyone has their own problems and concerns and really don't want to hear about other peoples problems and concerns. its usually a downer.

 

now if its a close friend or family member I am happy to listen and help if needed.

 

The funny thing is, I find that if you bother to listen to people's complaints - I mean actually listen and give empathic responses that show you are listening and are interested....they really appreciate it.

 

Maybe complainers are used to people ignoring them or getting impatient with them, and they are starved for a little compassion.

 

Compassion seems to be in short supply lately.

[alphamale]

The funny thing is, I find that if you bother to listen to people's complaints - I mean actually listen and give empathic responses that show you are listening and are interested....they really appreciate it.

once in a while it ok....i think OP is talking about habitual complainers

[JackJack]

Maybe complainers are used to people ignoring them or getting impatient with them, and they are starved for a little compassion.

 

 

This very well could be the case for some.

 

I have a buddy who I have been friends with for 14 years, and I'm still his buddy even though he feels he is no longer mine. Something about pity was mentioned earlier. I was his friend, I did take pity on his situation for the 14 years that I had known him. I felt bad for him. I listened to him, gave him advice, only if he asked for it. He praised me for being there for him and listening. Heres the thing, after 14 years, I saw nothing he did to even try to change his situation, but he barked about how miserable he was with his life all the time. I'm not trying to be mean, but the reality is, that gets old afterwhile.

 

Over the past few months I kind of backed off from hanging out with him so much. Not becasue I think he is a loser, he is my buddy. But becasue I got tired of hearing it, it brought me down and I got tired of him complaining and watching him not even try to do anything about his situation. I felt drained after speaking with him. I finally told him how I felt. I wasn't mean about it either. I was very kind in my words to him, but guess what? I got the ax! For 14 years, I listened to him, was there for him then the minute I'm not longer into the pity party, I get dumped, thats the wonderful thanks I got.

[JackJack]

once in a while it ok....i think OP is talking about habitual complainers

 

 

Bingo! Thanks alpha yes this was the whole point of my thread. Once in awhile or even right often is one thing, but ALL the time even after years and years have passed, this was my point.

[My Fair Katie]

In my experience the people who do this are socially awkward. They don't know what to talk about and the only thing of interest in their lives are the things that are going wrong.

 

My mother in law is like this. It is emotionally draining to talk to her.

[blind_otter]

In my experience the people who do this are socially awkward. They don't know what to talk about and the only thing of interest in their lives are the things that are going wrong.

 

My mother in law is like this. It is emotionally draining to talk to her.

 

That is really insightful.

 

You know I was talking about something similar a few weeks ago with a friend, about how some people are just ALWAYS trying to sell something to you. My friend suggested that these types are socially awkward and the only way they understand how to associate with others is to try to sell them something, a concept, a product, a service, a belief, even.

 

I never thought of it like this but complainers do seem socially awkward. That makes me feel even more compassionate towards them. Thanks!

[typical]

I never thought of it like this but complainers do seem socially awkward. That makes me feel even more compassionate towards them. Thanks

 

Otter, the amount of compassion and kindness you show towards people astounds me sometimes....

[alphamale]

You know I was talking about something similar a few weeks ago with a friend, about how some people are just ALWAYS trying to sell something to you. My friend suggested that these types are socially awkward and the only way they understand how to associate with others is to try to sell them something, a concept, a product, a service, a belief, even.

your friend is correct B_0....the people who are the most soically accomplished and interesting are the ones who make others talk about themselves.....

[dropdeadlegs]

I have a friend that is a constant complainer. She hates her job and most of her coworkers yet never looks for other employment. She hates being single yet makes no attempts to meet men. Her grown kids are always in some kind of drama and most of them come home to live with her on a fairly regular basis, some bringing up to three kids back home with them. She talks about how fat she is (apparently she was very thin until she hit her 40's) yet eats fast food with tons of fat and calories everyday for lunch.

 

My friend would do anything for me and would be here in two shakes if I ever needed her. She is one of the most loving, caring, giving, and compassionate people I know. I believe she gives to others to the point that it often makes her own situation worse and ultimately makes her miserable when she doesn't feel she gets the same treatment in return.

 

My friend is also depressed and many constant complainers are as well. We have all seen the commercials about depression that state that it hurts everybody in that persons life. Depression skews your esteem, both self and public) and those afflicted cannot see any light at the end of that dark, dark tunnel. My friend has sought treatment, but is so depressed that when she doesn't feel much differently after a few days of medication or a few sessions of therapy that she quits one or both. Most of the medications have side affects that she won't tolerate (dry mouth, insomnia, a feeling of being "loopy", etc.) It is also somewhat difficult to find therapists with evening appointments and employers that allow for generous appointment times within working hours every week. Therapy (both medical and psychological) takes a lot of time. I think many depressed people would benefit from intense inpatient therapy prior to weekly visits, much like rehab, yet our medical coverages often do not view our mental health in the same way as our physical health. I have taken more "mental health" sick days over the years than I ever took for physical ailments.

 

So, that's my two cents. I love my friend so much, and it is sometimes draining to hear her unhappiness with the same issues over and over again. But I mostly just listen with a sympathetic ear. Deep down she knows the solutions to much of her malaise, yet her mental state does not allow her the strength to act on things for long. Depression is clouding her belief in any change at all.

[JackJack]

So, that's my two cents. I love my friend so much, and it is sometimes draining to hear her unhappiness with the same issues over and over again. But I mostly just listen with a sympathetic ear. Deep down she knows the solutions to much of her malaise, yet her mental state does not allow her the strength to act on things for long. Depression is clouding her belief in any change at all.

 

Thats great You sound like a wonderful friend, and I'm sure she is lucky to have you.

 

I think it also has to do with other people limits. What is it is they are willing to continue to deal with or not. In my case with my buddy, after 14 years of watching him not even try to do anything about his situation, and even though I was there for him and listened, for me I had just had enough of the complaining. I reached that limit I guess you could say.

 

Doesn't mean I don't like him anymore, doesn't mean I don't care or that I'm not compassionate, it just means I reached my limit of what I felt could tolerate. I guess it was my choice as to what I could or couldn't tolerate just like its his choice to do nothing. Anyway, I wish him well and hope everything works out for him.

[IpAncA]

Yeah I know people who are like that. All they do is complain and just can't let it go.

 

IMO they have nothing better to do then sit around, complain, and look for others to try and make them feel better. Even if you give them advice that will work, they won't do it.

 

I like to call them as drainers because if your around them enough they will drain you too and make you start complaining too. What a drag.

[dropdeadlegs]

Yeah, I have found some threads here at LS that after a few days of posting I tire of trying to help the poster when they just keep on doing the same thing and don't try the suggestions given by forum members.

 

When I ask for advice, I genuinely am willing to try just about anything.