karlesa Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 My wife left me and got an apartment with my step-daughters a month before Christmas. She expects me to help her out by paying her rent, utilities, car payment and insurance while she figures out what she wants or whether or not to try and save our marriage. I believe she has had an affair on me, but i can't prove it even though she swears she isn't or hasn't been with anyone. I want to give her time and space, but up till now she hasn't shown me any attempt to re-kindle the flame. I have been doing all the work. She doesn't show me even the simplest gesture to show that she cares or wants to try. I am really losing my patience. She told me after the holidays she is going to counseling on her own. I am thinking of giving her an ultimatum if after January she still is undecided. I will go broke myself if i continue to pay her bills. I have to live too! I love her and need her and have never been unfaithful to her! We have had our share of ups and downs and i know we can work through it if we try. I guess it's all up to her. I don't know what else to do. Any advice would be really appreciated.
alphamale Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 What were her reasons for leaving? he said he believes she's messing around
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 I think you need to talk to a lawyer and find out what your options are. And if you suspect she's cheating (or cheated) on you, then investigate into that. Protect yourself because what she is doing, getting you to pay for just about everything is outrageous!
GreenEyedLady Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 I don't see why you are paying for those things...she left and set up another household...I wouldn't pay anything towards that household until I was made to by a decree...
Guest Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Wife initially said that she had never lived on her own and wanted out. She was married before to a guy that cheated on her and left her with three girls. I met her and accepted her daughters like my own. I had two sons of my own, but who were living with my ex. My ex died of cancer two years ago at 38 years of age, so my boys ages 14 and 18 came down to live with us. I was happy that they finally got to live with me, but she got angry and bummed out. She said when i met her it was a package deal with her girls. My oldest boy moved out and my youngest boy is sixteen. He has been in his share of trouble (like her girls), but she just can't deal with it. She say's she doesn't want to be my boys mother. I told her i don't want her to be. I just need her help raising them like i did her girls for the past 12 years.
Trialbyfire Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 he said he believes she's messing around He's only expressed what he believes she's done. He hasn't provided the reasons she gave for leaving. No one leaves without some form of explanation.
alphamale Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 No one leaves without some form of explanation. i've done it a number of times
Trialbyfire Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 i've done it a number of times Ummmm...no comment alpha...
LakesideDream Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 How long were the two of you married? You have no responsiblility to support her children from another relationship (assuming you didn't legally adopt them), so that mitigates your liabilities. He claim of a "package deal", is wishfull thinking. It doesen't matter if she was cheating or not. She abandoned the marital home. That was her choice. She can pay the bills unless a judge says otherwise. Take care of your son, and be happy she's gone.
bit11 Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 sounds like my wife. she moved out and wants me to help her with her rent. i did it first month but now i don't know what i am going to do for jan. leaning against it especially since i just paid for a big wedding and honeymoon just 6 months ago.
simon sez Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 Do what this guy did. Let her believe you have found another woman. That should do the trick...This is from another site... Men who chase women who are distant are destined for failure. Wise up and let her see you have moved on. I am a typical example of a WAW, but my current situation is a bit unusual. After being separated for 5 months, my husband came home desparately trying to reconcile. We went to counseling. We talked and faught. I remained cold and unable to show any emotion. I moved out for 2 months, then came back. Still unresponsive to his efforts, I felt dead in the relationship. I finally asked him to leave and said it was over. He did it. He moved three hours away and started a new life. Three months later and I've changed my mind. It's like a lightbulb went off and I want to put this marriage back together more than anything in the world. Problem is, after an entire year of one-sided efforts on his part, he says he is done and can't imagine getting back together. He has recently begun seeing a young woman in her early 20's, and all of his friends are single and/or recently divorced and loving it. All of these factors, not to mention the distance, make it extremely difficult for me to do anything. We have a child together, so we see each other 4 times a month for a brief period. I don't know what to do. I stopped all of the crying, begging, apologizing etc as I know this is not helpful. Do men truly get to a point where they give up and completely move on? For all of you who are desparately trying to get your wife back, this should serve as a ray of hope.
Delarocha Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 Do men truly get to a point where they give up and completely move on? For all of you who are desparately trying to get your wife back, this should serve as a ray of hope. Yes, I think men do. I am currently *desperately* trying to work on my marriage and yes I can't help myself with the desperation. I am trying really hard, but I am starting to think I am destined for failure. I know in my heart that when my wife divorces me she will miss what we had. I know she will miss me... But it will be too late, if we get divorced there is no going back.
2sunny Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 just pay the bills and buy some time.... maybe it will work out. women always want to view the man as the provider...
alphamale Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 women always want to view the man as the provider... even when they are sleeping with another man...
alphamale Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 it's just money alpha... well lets reverse it. lets say we were married 2S and i was a house-husband () and you worked. i start and affair then decide to move out with the OW. then i ask you to pay for my apt. ha ahah haahah hahhaha ah a hah aahh
2sunny Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 you wouldn't - because YOU are the alpha! :lmao: alot of women expect to be in a submissive role and the men want to take care of things - everything... just depends on the marriage...
TYASAFAHICSI Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 Dude-if she has one foot out the door, the other is close behind. SHe is gonna take you for half of what you have as it is. Cut the losses, call an attorney, and begin divorce proceedings as soon as you can. She has abandoned your marital home and the marriage. Protect what assets you can.
alphamale Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 Protect what assets you can. the most important "assets" to protect are the scrotal contents....
Gunny376 Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 Do what this guy did. Let her believe you have found another woman. That should do the trick...This is from another site... Men who chase women who are distant are destined for failure. Wise up and let her see you have moved on. I am a typical example of a WAW, but my current situation is a bit unusual. After being separated for 5 months, my husband came home desparately trying to reconcile. We went to counseling. We talked and faught. I remained cold and unable to show any emotion. I moved out for 2 months, then came back. Still unresponsive to his efforts, I felt dead in the relationship. I finally asked him to leave and said it was over. He did it. He moved three hours away and started a new life. Three months later and I've changed my mind. It's like a lightbulb went off and I want to put this marriage back together more than anything in the world. Problem is, after an entire year of one-sided efforts on his part, he says he is done and can't imagine getting back together. He has recently begun seeing a young woman in her early 20's, and all of his friends are single and/or recently divorced and loving it. All of these factors, not to mention the distance, make it extremely difficult for me to do anything. We have a child together, so we see each other 4 times a month for a brief period. I don't know what to do. I stopped all of the crying, begging, apologizing etc as I know this is not helpful. Do men truly get to a point where they give up and completely move on? For all of you who are desparately trying to get your wife back, this should serve as a ray of hope. When I was going through all of this ~ the song that got me through it, and the way that you need to be was this one by Keith Whitley: I'm over You Lyrics document.write('[COLOR=red]Send Keith Whitley polyphonic ringtone to your cell phone[/COLOR] ');Where there's a cloud, don't mean there's rain Tears in my eyes, don't mean there's pain Don't flatter yourself I'm over you Things aren't always what they seem You can't believe everything you read On my face I'm over you You've heard I'm drinking more than I should And I ain't been looking all that good Someone told you I was taking it rough Now why they making those stories up When i'm over you There were times if you'd been around You would have seen me broken down But now you won't I'm over you So if I seem a little bit cold It only means you've lost the hold You had on me I'm over you You heard I'm drinking more than I should And I ain't been looking all that good Someone told you I was taking it rough Now why they making those stories up When i'm over you Yeah you heard I'm drinking more than I should And I ain't been looking all that good Someone told you I was taking it rough Now why they making those stories up When i'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I played that one, over and over, and over until I got it through my thick skull!
Cinnesyn Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 I'd HELP with the bills but tell her you can't afford TWO households indefinitely. I'd also ask her to go to marriage counseling and see what her response is. If she refuses, then I would stop helping with the bills. As a woman, I can understand her asking for help with the bills and if my husband requested we go to MC, if I didn't think it would help, I probably wouldn't go. He'd have his answer at that point about the state of the marriage.
notmakingsense Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 Go ahead and help with her bills, but tell her, and your lawyer, that you will be deducting that money from whatever support the court awards her during the divorce. Keep very careful records.
Ladyjane14 Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 You're at no obligation to HELP your wife leave you. If it were me, I'd talk to an attorney and NOT set that kind of precedent. If you're paying for all her sh*t now, you'll more than likely end up paying big alimony later. See your attorney, and let Mr. Reality deal with your STBX. It's amazing how much a person can see once the blinders are off. Maybe she'll see that you weren't such a bad guy afterall... while she's looking for cheaper apartments.
Recommended Posts