BF's habit of procrastinating and indecisiveness suddenly magnified and irritating!

[adnCat]

Okay, BF and I have been together for approx 8 years, I'm 27, he is 29. We aren't married but I want to be very soon. He is on board with this and wants to get married and start a family soon, but has taken no actions to show it. He talks about it a lot, though.

 

I'm suddenly irritated by his indecisiveness and tendency to procrastinate. He has a hard time making decisions and often just waits to see how things play out instead of deciding on a course of action. This isn't brought on by marriage issues. He isn't having a hard time deciding that he wants to marry me, but I'm guessing he's having a hard time deciding how and when to ask and what ring to get, etc. This sudden irritation was actually brought on by an opportunity for him to move out and live by himself, instead of living with a bunch of housemates.

 

Anyway, the recent housing situation has made me feel like he won't get anything done without me prodding him. I don't think he sees the prodding as nagging, but rather as help. I'm just 'helping' him and he likes the help. Maybe he relies on it more than he should.

 

Maybe I'm out of line and maybe I don't realize how much he helps me make decisions.

 

Does anyone deal with someone who has a hard time making decisions and ends up dragging their feet or making really slow progress because of it? What can I do or tell him to mitigate this? It's like a bad habit, but I wouldn't say that I can't live with it or it is absolutely necessary to fix. In fact, it can be quite endearing when it for something little like deciding what to order for dinner! It's just the big things that come up that I feel need to be dealt with more quickly.

[norajane]

You have to decide if you can tolerate his level of indecision about everything in general. Some people have a higher tolerance threshold and/or like being in charge. Others don't.

 

If his housing decision means that he's less likely to get his act together on the marriage thing any time soon, I can see why that would trigger your irritation. If that's the case, you have to speak up about what's really bothering you rather than prodding on the lesser things.

 

I say, pick your battles. What's most important to you?

[Guest]

i have a smiliar situation. my gurl has her own home. she has always wanted that - it is important to her. i just bought a new home and about 7 months agoi we agreed the we would have a relationship where we both had our own place and be exclusive - it worked in the past - when we lived together it was a disaster. my question is this - i really love this woman but when i tell her that it freaks her out. i was planning on taking her on a vacation in feb and already bought the tickets and i was going to surprise her then and ask her to marry me -

 

but right now she really likes having the control and freedom from the way things are and i am afraid that any talk of this with make her upset and perhaps push her away. it has always been my fear that this setup is sort of like a separation and that with 'out of sight out of mind' she might forget me, not miss me, and stat seeing someone else -

 

i know for me, other women have seen it as an opening and i have been approached by a few really attractive smart single women and its hard to resist when your significant other is silent and u start getting those negative vibes - i promised myself that 2007 would not be a repeat of 2006 - so i am at a crossroads of sorts - any suggestions on what path i should pick? i am logged in to msn IM if anyone would like a more personal talk about this