My girlfriend says she misses her ex.

[higherground5]

If ever there was a sign that a woman is not all that interested in you, it would be that she "misses her ex." Geez.

 

Of course.

 

Tell her you miss your ex too, and disappear.

 

Why would she say she's in love with me then?

[gfto]

Why would she say she's in love with me then?

Who knows? It doesn't make any difference when she's telling you that she misses her ex. How old is she?

[higherground5]

Who knows? It doesn't make any difference when she's telling you that she misses her ex. How old is she?

 

So you're telling me she's just saying this to keep me around? She is 26. She had a long term relationship, says she loves me, but yet says she misses her ex and doesnt know why. I'm either at the point to stick with it and back off, or tell her to figure out what she misses of her ex and to get back to me when shes over it.

[gfto]

So you're telling me she's just saying this to keep me around? She is 26. She had a long term relationship, says she loves me, but yet says she misses her ex and doesnt know why. I'm either at the point to stick with it and back off, or tell her to figure out what she misses of her ex and to get back to me when shes over it.

Who asked who to be exclusive? Did she bring it up first? We have to examine her ACTIONS. Does she laugh and seem at ease when she's with you? Does she kiss you goodnight?

[Rooster_DAR]

So you're telling me she's just saying this to keep me around? She is 26. She had a long term relationship, says she loves me, but yet says she misses her ex and doesnt know why. I'm either at the point to stick with it and back off, or tell her to figure out what she misses of her ex and to get back to me when shes over it.

 

In this case I think Alpha male would tell you that women say one thing and mean another, and I would agree with that. Don't go by anything she says, she probably knows she can get to you that way. Do as Cali-Guy suggested, and watch for what she does. I don't know whats going on with you two, but from reading the post it would seem to me she more likely does have feelings for her ex, and is playing her cards, but that's just a mere guess.

 

Making the statement "I miss him" can mean many things, but one big thing is that maybe she is not getting one of her needs met by you, something to definately to consider.

 

Good luck!

[gfto]

So you're telling me she's just saying this to keep me around? She is 26. She had a long term relationship, says she loves me, but yet says she misses her ex and doesnt know why. I'm either at the point to stick with it and back off, or tell her to figure out what she misses of her ex and to get back to me when shes over it.

Ignore the first part of my last post. I just saw in your previous post that she is the one who asked you to be exclusive. That's a sign of high interest, but I suspect her interest has dropped since that time. Otherwise, she wouldn't be telling you that she misses her ex. How does she act around you? Does she ever touch you? giggle when you tell a dumb joke?

[higherground5]

Ignore the first part of my last post. I just saw in your previous post that she is the one who asked you to be exclusive. That's a sign of high interest, but I suspect her interest has dropped since that time. Otherwise, she wouldn't be telling you that she misses her ex. How does she act around you? Does she ever touch you? giggle when you tell a dumb joke?

 

yeah, she is into pda, laughs at my dumb jokes. i mean not at all the time, but she does every so often. Also, she sometimes makes me breakfast, gets me coffee...stuff like that.

[higherground5]

Ignore the first part of my last post. I just saw in your previous post that she is the one who asked you to be exclusive. That's a sign of high interest, but I suspect her interest has dropped since that time. Otherwise, she wouldn't be telling you that she misses her ex. How does she act around you? Does she ever touch you? giggle when you tell a dumb joke?

 

She asked me to be exclusive. She told me she loved me first. She told me she even loved me today. The only time she has said im pushing her away is when i bring up "what she wants", however, I caught her saying she misses him so what am i supposed to do? That's a big red flag in my book, however, maybe it is human nature to have missed someone that you shared a good amount of your life with. I dont know?

[gfto]

yeah, she is into pda, laughs at my dumb jokes. i mean not at all the time, but she does every so often. Also, she sometimes makes me breakfast, gets me coffee...stuff like that.

Well, looking at her ACTIONS, it sounds like she digs you. She asked you to be exclusive, shows affections toward you, laughs at your jokes, gets you coffee. Something doesn't add up. How is this "missing the ex" business coming up in the first place? How does the conversation go?

[higherground5]

Well, looking at her ACTIONS, it sounds like she digs you. She asked you to be exclusive, shows affections toward you, laughs at your jokes, gets you coffee. Something doesn't add up. How is this "missing the ex" business coming up in the first place? How does the conversation go?

 

Read the thread. i asked her if she misses him because she kept on bringing up him when we placed his place. like "i wonder what's going on with the music in the basment" yadda yadda. So i called her out on it and she told me that she wront an email to her friend saying that she misses him and she doesnt know why.

[gfto]

I went back and read more of this thread. You need to start running a tighter ship. When your girlfriend starts talking about "missing an ex," the best thing to do is just disappear for a while. If she calls and says, "I'm sorry for going on and on about my ex. That was rude of me, and I only want to be with you," then (and only then), would you stay around. Instead, you basically showed her your cards and told her that you're willing to sit around and wait while she figures this out. In essence, you gave her your permission to jerk you around, and now here you are in this predicament. It's difficult for me to suggest what to do at this point, because I would've walked the first time she told me she missed her ex. But, what's done is done. Stay with her if you must, but you're right: this is a red flag. I wouldn't bring this up with her again, and if she ever again even hints about missing this ex, say a final goodbye. Good luck!

[longlegzs80]

So the girl I've been dating for about 5 months has just told me she wrote an email to her friend today saying that she misses her ex, but shes not sure why because there was nothing ever good that came out of it. On the flip side, she said she's in love with me, and she has long term expectations with our relationship. I was extremely frustrated with this-what should i do?

 

Forbin

 

GEez, talk about getting a kick in the crotch. Maybe you need to ask her who she wants to be with. Can you imagine that everytime you make love to her she thinks about her ex. Ask her where you stand in all this. That would be what I would do. Just my 2 cents.

[higherground5]

I went back and read more of this thread. You need to start running a tighter ship. When your girlfriend starts talking about "missing an ex," the best thing to do is just disappear for a while. If she calls and says, "I'm sorry for going on and on about my ex. That was rude of me, and I only want to be with you," then (and only then), would you stay around. Instead, you basically showed her your cards and told her that you're willing to sit around and wait while she figures this out. In essence, you gave her your permission to jerk you around, and now here you are in this predicament. It's difficult for me to suggest what to do at this point, because I would've walked the first time she told me she missed her ex. But, what's done is done. Stay with her if you must, but you're right: this is a red flag. I wouldn't bring this up with her again, and if she ever again even hints about missing this ex, say a final goodbye. Good luck!

 

Well, yes and no...

 

Just told me she misses him from time to time because I squeezed it out of her. Then she admited to me she sent an email over to her friend that she misses him, but can't identify why because the entire relationship was terrible. Then I got the "it's human nature to miss someone you've been with so long". Is that true? She told me that she doesn't love him anymore, and that she loves me, and wants to have kids with me, and marry me, and travel with me...and she's like "what can I do to prove it to you?". I mean I want to believe her but in back of my mind she says she misses her ex and doesn't know why. On the other hand, she says there is no emotional attachment, not feelings nothing...but she misses him?

[higherground5]

GEez, talk about getting a kick in the crotch. Maybe you need to ask her who she wants to be with. Can you imagine that everytime you make love to her she thinks about her ex. Ask her where you stand in all this. That would be what I would do. Just my 2 cents.

 

I did ask her that...I also asked her if he were to call her up and saying he's a changed man, would she go back to him. She replied with "never..the relationship was terrible...everything is irreversible". Read the last post I did.

 

I basically said I'll wait this out, but this is the first and last time I'm putting up with it. I gave her the option to take off and to have some space, but she didn't want to hear it. She kept on saying she loves me and wants to have my children. BUT SHE MISSES HER EX?? WTF. I'm leaving it as that...and I'm backing off for a while...disappearing if you will. I'm with her, but that doesn't mean I can't back off. Is that a good idea?

[SmoochieFace]

So the girl I've been dating for about 5 months has just told me she wrote an email to her friend today saying that she misses her ex, but shes not sure why because there was nothing ever good that came out of it. On the flip side, she said she's in love with me, and she has long term expectations with our relationship. I was extremely frustrated with this-what should i do?

 

Forbin

 

That would be the signal to completely cut her off with no questions asked.

 

The instant a girl starts pining over an X the 'relationship' is D-E-A-D. I have neither the time nor the inclination to get caught in the middle of that drama.

[higherground5]

That would be the signal to completely cut her off with no questions asked.

 

The instant a girl starts pining over an X the 'relationship' is D-E-A-D. I have neither the time nor the inclination to get caught in the middle of that drama.

 

Why is it dead...now im having mixed feelings. She says she loves me...I almost forced her to say it...she said she can't identify why she misses him but she yearns for boys who treat her badly. Yet she says she wants my children...I gave her the option to go back to him, and I asked her if she would go back to him if he said he was a chagned man and she said no.

[SmoochieFace]

Why is it dead...now im having mixed feelings. She says she loves me...I almost forced her to say it...she said she can't identify why she misses him but she yearns for boys who treat her badly. Yet she says she wants my children...I gave her the option to go back to him, and I asked her if she would go back to him if he said he was a chagned man and she said no.

 

Your post effectively answers your question IMO.

 

You almost 'forced' her to say she loves you - buzz... no good.

She wants 'bad boys' which you are not - buzz... no good.

AND... she doesn't know (meaning she won't tell you) why she misses her X - buzz... no good.

 

Three strikes? Yer OUT! Exactly what I would tell her.

 

You're having mixed feelings because deep down you know that you will not have a good future with her as long as she is having these 'issues'. Best thing to do is cut out while you can. You'll thank me later.

[higherground5]

Your post effectively answers your question IMO.

 

You almost 'forced' her to say she loves you - buzz... no good.

She wants 'bad boys' which you are not - buzz... no good.

AND... she doesn't know (meaning she won't tell you) why she misses her X - buzz... no good.

 

Three strikes? Yer OUT! Exactly what I would tell her.

 

You're having mixed feelings because deep down you know that you will not have a good future with her as long as she is having these 'issues'. Best thing to do is cut out while you can. You'll thank me later.

 

First of all, you need to pay attention to my postings. I did not force her to say "i love you to me"--i never have. She's always said it to me without me saying anything. Second of all, you could be write she likes "bad boyz", but I am a bad boy...I dont treat her like ****, but I'm not your typical school boy. Third of all, she doesn't know why she misses her ex...meaning she won't tell me...sure...I'm thinking I need to tell her to piss off. Wait it out and see if she comes back to me. thoughts?

[SmoochieFace]

First of all, you need to pay attention to my postings. I did not force her to say "i love you to me"--i never have. She's always said it to me without me saying anything. Second of all, you could be write she likes "bad boyz", but I am a bad boy...I dont treat her like ****, but I'm not your typical school boy. Third of all, she doesn't know why she misses her ex...meaning she won't tell me...sure...I'm thinking I need to tell her to piss off. Wait it out and see if she comes back to me. thoughts?

 

I said you 'almost forced' her to say it - quoted from Post 41 in which you said...

 

"She says she loves me...I almost forced her to say it..."

 

Yes, she probably isn't telling you the real reasons why she is missing her X... she knows but she's pulling the typical 'spare his feelings' crapola. That is quite common as I am sure you know.

 

Indeed, you should tell her to piss off. Why would you want to spend time with a girl who is vacillating?

[crazy_grl]

Geez, I think you guys are making too much of this.

 

colforbin, just go on with your relationship. Stop worrying about this unless it surfaces again. Worrying is just going to make things worse. Maybe back off a little, but don't tell her to get lost because of something you forced out of her that REALLY isn't that bad.

 

She realizes that bad boys are bad for her even though she still has a yearning for them. She's already a step ahead of a lot of other girls by realizing that weakness in herself.

 

One of the strongest appeals of "bad boys" is their (perceived) confidence. If you start getting all insecure over this little thing, you may as well stamp "p*ssy" on your forehead. Have some confidence, man. So what, she misses the other guy. You need to take on the attitude that it doesn't matter because you're such a good catch that she'll soon forget about him in no time.

[SmoochieFace]

Geez, I think you guys are making too much of this.

 

colforbin, just go on with your relationship. Stop worrying about this unless it surfaces again. Worrying is just going to make things worse. Maybe back off a little, but don't tell her to get lost because of something you forced out of her that REALLY isn't that bad.

 

She realizes that bad boys are bad for her even though she still has a yearning for them. She's already a step ahead of a lot of other girls by realizing that weakness in herself.

 

One of the strongest appeals of "bad boys" is their (perceived) confidence. If you start getting all insecure over this little thing, you may as well stamp "p*ssy" on your forehead. Have some confidence, man. So what, she misses the other guy. You need to take on the attitude that it doesn't matter because you're such a good catch that she'll soon forget about him in no time.

 

I cannot believe what I am reading here. So what?!

 

If this girl isn't over her X then she isn't ready to be in a relationship with any new guy. Period. And any guy who is in such a relationship is making an unwise decision to be in it. I am beginning to wonder if this is one of those 'rebound' thingies...

 

This isn't a 'confidence' issue - this is about people getting over their issues and moving on before getting into another relationship - something that this girl clearly has not done. The OP should just end it now for his sake. Doing so would demonstrate true confidence - confidence in that he isn't willing to put up with wishy-washy rubbish. Setting firm boundaries isn't being a 'p*ssy'.

[crazy_grl]

I cannot believe what I am reading here. So what?!

 

Smoochie, I would agree with you if she had come out and said "I miss my ex. I need time to think about this and reconsider our relationship." That's not what happened though. The OP asked her if she missed him, and when OP tried to let her out of the relationship, she didn't hesitate in saying she wanted to stay with him.

 

My ex broke up with me 2 or 3 years ago (I forget how long). He asked me to take him back 3 months later. I turned him down, multiple times. Even after a couple years, I sometimes missed him. And yet, I didn't want to be with him at all. You can miss things about a person and still not want to be with them. I would think having to drive by that person's place and hear people having a great time would make that worse.

 

The way for the OP to counteract her missing being part of that isn't to mope and make her feel bad about it. It's to make sure she has an even better time with him.

 

Setting firm boundaries isn't being a 'p*ssy'.

 

He set the boundary already when tried to break up with her. She knows that he's not ok with it. Any more pressing the issues just makes him look insecure. The boundary has been set and if the issue comes up again, then it'll be time to enforce it.

 

Maybe you do have a point though, because there's one thing I forgot to ask. I've been assuming this is a fairly new relationship of only a couple months. If it's been long term, then that makes the issue bigger.

 

If the relationship is just starting, then it's no big deal. This is just a sign to be cautious and it's not a good idea to invest more deeply in the relationship yet. The fact that she's honest about these kinds of things is a good sign and makes me think that she might be worth giving a chance. She could have denied it and let the OP get more and more frustrated by being able to see the signs of her missing him but being lied to about it. I've seen a lot of people do that kind of thing, and it drives their SO crazy. IME, those people who deny are usually the people who end up back with their ex.

[SmoochieFace]

Smoochie, I would agree with you if she had come out and said "I miss my ex. I need time to think about this and reconsider our relationship." That's not what happened though. The OP asked her if she missed him, and when OP tried to let her out of the relationship, she didn't hesitate in saying she wanted to stay with him.

 

My ex broke up with me 2 or 3 years ago (I forget how long). He asked me to take him back 3 months later. I turned him down, multiple times. Even after a couple years, I sometimes missed him. And yet, I didn't want to be with him at all. You can miss things about a person and still not want to be with them. I would think having to drive by that person's place and hear people having a great time would make that worse.

 

The way for the OP to counteract her missing being part of that isn't to mope and make her feel bad about it. It's to make sure she has an even better time with him.

 

 

 

He set the boundary already when tried to break up with her. She knows that he's not ok with it. Any more pressing the issues just makes him look insecure. The boundary has been set and if the issue comes up again, then it'll be time to enforce it.

 

Maybe you do have a point though, because there's one thing I forgot to ask. I've been assuming this is a fairly new relationship of only a couple months. If it's been long term, then that makes the issue bigger.

 

If the relationship is just starting, then it's no big deal. This is just a sign to be cautious and it's not a good idea to invest more deeply in the relationship yet. The fact that she's honest about these kinds of things is a good sign and makes me think that she might be worth giving a chance. She could have denied it and let the OP get more and more frustrated by being able to see the signs of her missing him but being lied to about it. I've seen a lot of people do that kind of thing, and it drives their SO crazy. IME, those people who deny are usually the people who end up back with their ex.

 

Well, to me, there really is no difference in whether she actually says it or not. We do know that some women (and men) are loath to say what's really on their minds... especially if those things have the potential of hurting someone so I see no distinction in this case. Her honesty is to be lauded but that still doesn't change the fact that a spanner has been thrown into the spokes, so to speak.

 

If the OP decides to carry on with her, he needs to be very careful. Fence-sitting has never been a good thing IME. You have to come down one way or the other and this 'missing the X' thing would be a huge red flag for me. JMO, of course.

 

This relationship, IIRC, has been 'on' for five months. Five months is a bit too long to be with someone and still be missing the X, IMO. Sounds like rebound...

[CaliGuy]

Crazy and Smoochie.

 

I tried to bring this point up to the OP before. His g/f told him her feelings and he needs to decide what to do about it. Other than watching her actions, I personally think he should just let it go.

 

She's with him right now, not her ex and in the grand scheme of things that is all that matters. I am not sure why she brought it up. I gotta hand it to her, it was gutsy to do that and well, he should appreciate her honesty.

 

Bottom line is can the OP handle the information or not. If it bugs him, then he should back away a little and see what she does. If it's not that big of a deal then he should let it go and just watch for any warning signs from her that her feelings are changing. They are there and we can see them only if we're paying attention.

 

I think if this is still bothering the OP then he needs to sit her down and talk about it. At least to the point where they're both satisfied with the answers.

[SmoochieFace]

Crazy and Smoochie.

 

I tried to bring this point up to the OP before. His g/f told him her feelings and he needs to decide what to do about it. Other than watching her actions, I personally think he should just let it go.

 

She's with him right now, not her ex and in the grand scheme of things that is all that matters. I am not sure why she brought it up. I gotta hand it to her, it was gutsy to do that and well, he should appreciate her honesty.

 

Bottom line is can the OP handle the information or not. If it bugs him, then he should back away a little and see what she does. If it's not that big of a deal then he should let it go and just watch for any warning signs from her that her feelings are changing. They are there and we can see them only if we're paying attention.

 

I think if this is still bothering the OP then he needs to sit her down and talk about it. At least to the point where they're both satisfied with the answers.

 

Granted, the OP probably has a much different mindset from me and that's cool. All I'm saying is that if my GF said anything like that to me she would be out on her ass. I do not have time for silly 'games' such as 'backing away a little' and all to 'experiment' and gauge her reactions. Either you are with me both mentally or physically or you're not. No grey areas there.