For the love of the rant.

[Cub]

Not that I really expect anyone to be able to help me, but I'm really confused with what I want with my ex and I don't think I can stay in this limbo so here it goes...

 

Well, if you’ve read my previous posts then you know that she has done nothing but play with my heart and throw it away for another guy’s. Her entire situation with him is even more confusing, but not really important. The way she screws with her friends isn’t my problem. Anyway, and to sum it up quickly, we dated for a while, she started becoming distant and refusing to go out with me…yadda yadda yadda, she breaks up with me over I’m and is with him the next day.

 

Which leads me to my mixed feelings of hatred and love. I’m one of those nice guys that gets stepped on because he wants everyone to be content with him; I’m sure you all know one. I want desperately to cut the strings she has tied around my heart, strings she persists in pulling at for, what I can only assume, is her own personal enjoyment. I helped her study for a test a few weeks ago and we ended up “hooking up” for lack of better terms. Next day she tells me there’s nothing between us and she won’t leave him for me like she did visa versa

 

ARGH!

 

Ah yes, and now she’s left him to go out with one of my friends, lovely!

 

I’m not even sure why I still love her. It’s not like she wasn’t cheating on my for the majority of the time we were together anyway. All I know is that I am WEAK and tired of being in this in between spot.

 

My apologies for the lack of depth and the grammatical errors, but I’m too wound up tonight to check over my words.

 

Life sucks…

[Cub]

Why is going NC so freaking hard for me?

[notmakingsense]

I don't think you love her -- I think you are reacting to the fact that she stepped on your low self-esteem, that really hurts, so you are agonizing over it because her return to you seems to be the only way to cure that pain.

 

Well, it isn't. You've taken a great first step in recognizing her for who she is. Now, all you have to do is find other ways to re-build your self esteem and confidence that don't involve her.

 

Focus on friends, hobbies, career. Work out. Build up your own self image, and pretty soon, she won't matter to you any longer. What is even better, is that you will be better equipped to not fall for people who tear you down.

[Cub]

That makes sense I suppose, but I still feel like I'm just stuck in a loop. She'll always do or say something that makes me regret wanting to drop her and just mover on. It's not long before I'm back to square one, of course, but it's hard as hell to move on when she keeps putting hope back in my head. If and when I do go nc, how should I initiate?

[notmakingsense]

It all comes down to the realization that she isn't good for you, even if she offers you an opportunity to be back together again. Until you can stick to this belief, you will be caught in your endless loop.

 

It sounds like you really do realize this -- so build on that. Focus on the fact that you deserve someone much better than her, and that you will eventually find someone.

 

NC is designed to protect you from yourself. You are still wounded and vulnerable, so as long as you are open to contact, you risk being re-hurt. Your NC doesn't necessarily need an announcement. You don't owe her an explanation. You could simply just stop responding to any attempts at contact from her.

[Cub]

I really want to start now, but I'm going to have to see her again soon because last night we went a party together (where I found out she was with my friend) and in "hanging out" she left her cell phone in my car. Is there any way I should act when I see her again?

 

The more I think about things the more clear it becomes that she's been using me for awhile...heh

[notmakingsense]

I really want to start now, but I'm going to have to see her again soon because last night we went a party together (where I found out she was with my friend) and in "hanging out" she left her cell phone in my car. Is there any way I should act when I see her again?

 

The more I think about things the more clear it becomes that she's been using me for awhile...heh

 

I would just drop it off with a friend or whatever. If you HAVE to see her in person, act busy -- you only have time to drop it off before running off to your next appointment... "Hi, here's your cell phone. Sorry I can't stay to chat.. have a happy new year!" Then, be gone.

[Cub]

My emotions are a roller coaster. As of now, I couldn't care less about her, but I know that soon she'll do something or I'll hear something that will bring me right bakc to her. I'm always fine until I hear about her, so this is it. Total NC, not going back either. I think I understand now that she's neither mature enough nor loyal enough to be worth my time.

 

Can't really be too loyal if she's into stealing her friend's boyfriends, right? It would be nice, however, if someone could offer some insight into why I ever cared about someone liek her in the first place? It would be nice so i can avoid this kind of thinking in the future.

[Cub]

It is 3:35 in the morning and I just finished a long letter to her putting out all the emotions I had been saving up for the last few months. I didn't send it of course, but it did help to get it all out; even if my cat is the only one who'll ever hear it. The only thing left for me to do is get her phone to her friend to give to her then I can put all of this behind me. It's funny because I'm actualy relieved that it's almost over with her. I know I have a lot of healing to do and many sleepless nights to miss her before I'm really ready to start my life again, but the prospect that the day will come where I'll no longer harbor any emotions for her ill or otherwise is one that has me in a rather content mood.

 

My new years resolution: put my past behind me and her along with it.

[Cub]

I posted this response on the friendship thing too, but it also applies here.

 

I called her to drop off her phone, but she told me to just leave it at the door...so I did. After I dropped it off (I knocked but she didn't answer, but I know she was home) I called her (which is how I know she was home) to make sure she got it and she just said yes and hung up. I don't know what to do. She doesn't want anything to do with me anymore and I'm not sure if she ever will.

 

Hurts like hell

[hollywood24]

I posted this response on the friendship thing too, but it also applies here.

She doesn't want anything to do with me anymore and I'm not sure if she ever will.

 

 

GOOD.

 

She sounds like a selfish bitch and a whore and anyone with a head on their shoulders wouldn't want anything to do with her.

 

Now maybe you can find someone worthy of your time. She OWNS, yes, she F*CKING OWNS YOU right now. come back here in a month or 2 and re-read your posts. You are all upset over some ho who is controlling you like you are her little puppet. Dude, I could understand if she was a really nice girl or something. But come on. She is a self centered bitch who doesn't even deserve you thinking about her.

[Cub]

Yea, I feel like that too. It seems liek the last couple of months all of my moods and actions have depended on how she's been treating me. When she decides to throw me a bone with a tiny bit of affection, I take it happily and beg for more. That's when everything else goes right and I'm happier with myself. On the other hand when she hits me on the nose and tells me to shoo for begging everything goes wrong and i feel like crap. I'm like her dog and I'm slowly starting to see it now. Funny how retrospect brings that kind of thing out...

 

Still, it's hard to accept, ya know? I worry that after all this time, breaking her hold on me will be ten times harder.

[Cub]

Has barely begun and already I was just inches away from picking up the phone and calling her. I can't stop thinking 'what if she never wants to talk to me again?' and 'what if she hates me?' and I can't take it anymore. I just wish it would all go away

[MotherGooze]

Has barely begun and already I was just inches away from picking up the phone and calling her. I can't stop thinking 'what if she never wants to talk to me again?' and 'what if she hates me?' and I can't take it anymore. I just wish it would all go away

 

 

ah I know how it feels. I wanna freez myzelf in and instantly defrost when he calls me or something. But I'm trying to hang in there. You should do to, it's the only way things could actually work out. Hang in there; I'll try the same

 

Don't show her you are in pain at all btw... Be strong!!

[luvtoto]

I’m not even sure why I still love her. It’s not like she wasn’t cheating on my for the majority of the time we were together anyway. All I know is that I am WEAK and tired of being in this in between spot.

When you are having a good day..right down exactly what you would want from your SO. What kind of specific traits are you looking for. Be honest with yourself. What do you think you deserve?

 

Once you have your list and feel like you deserve a woman like that.

 

Then, try dating again.

 

You will be surprised what you will and won't stand for.

 

Also, I bet your X doesn't even come close to the kind of woman you really want.

 

Don't sell yourself short by being treated badly by someone that doesn't deserve you anyways.

 

I know this cause I've been in your situation before. Controlled by a guy that just threw me bones to keep me satisfied. After I made my list, I see him differently now.

 

Don't get me wrong, I still think about him and still miss him...but, in the back of my mind and what keeps me above water, is that I know he's not the one for me. According to my wants and needs on my list.