Running out of patience

[aly]

I have been dating my boyfriend now for about a year. Hes a great guy, however we have issues that are REALLY bothering me. There are just certain things I wish he did.....showing more affection. We dont even kiss! Its just a short hug & quick smack on the lips! I put a post in a couple of weeks back and took yalls advace & talked to him about showing more affection towards me, that Im a healthy woman & all I want is a loving & healthy relationship. He said he wishes I was more romantic. But, How can I be romantic when all he makes me feel is like I don't mean anything to him! He is the guy - I expect some lead from him, & more acts of affection, but nothing! I told him that we have to let our relationship grow & yes, he wants the same thing but he doesn't want me thinking hes going to marry me tomorrow! I simply made him understand that its not fair to let our relationship suffer & that I promised to make no assumptions based on that. We then agreed to express our feelings & not hide anything back. Well, thats as far as it got almost like we never had that conversation! Im tired of trying so hard, Im tired of justifying myself, and Im tired of being the one to bring it up all the time! AAARRRGH !!! Im so frustrated at him that it puts me in a bad mood...& then its even harder to concentrate on being a romantic partner to him! What a cartoon, eh! So, do I need to grow up OR get out ?? Advice would be nice!

[Ally Boo]

Ok this sounds like my ex husband. This behavior will drive you to getting attention elsewhere to have your needs for attention met. The fact is, you can't change him. He has intimacy issues. Me and my ex husband went to a church counsler and took personality tests, and when the preacher came back to tell him that his intimacy issues were the problem....he didn't want to hear it and we divorced. Some guys have a TERROR of being affectionate. I don't understand it. The preacher said that you can never be TOO affectionate, but you CAN be too UNAFFECTIONATE. And this will break down your relationship....it already is. You need to talk to him, especially if you are planning on having a serious relationship, about this intimacy issue. He may not want to change, like my ex husband, and because you aren't married, it would be easier to walk away. But TRUST ME, you won't EVER be happy with this.

I felt like I was my husband's sister or mother....we were married a year and a half and didn't have sex for 3 months. He found my brother and wrestling and computer games more fun than spending time with his wife. I was just there to clean up the beer bottles. And ONLY got a kiss when I kissed him first....THEN he started complaining about that saying that he never got to "come on to me." Hense the waiting 3 months to see when he WOULD come on to me......

..........yeah.

[Angel]

My x was like this. Real fear of intimacy. It drove me crazy--and it doesn't get better, these things get worse. BAIL! or you'll be unhappy

 

good luck

[AcidReflux]

Ally's boyfriend here

 

My take is that you can't be too affectionate, but you can do it in inappropriate places. If a man doesn't want to kiss and hold and "love" on his woman there is a problem. Another woman, not attracted to you like that, closet homosexual, the list can go on. You are supposed to be in the "honeymoon" phase of your relationship. It will only go down hill.

 

Michael

[Ally Boo]

I think my ex is a closet homo-sexual to tell you the truth....which is fine, except that he's living a lie. I feel sorry for his fiance.

[clia]

This is an accept or reject situation. If you can't deal with this, move on and find someone who wants the level of intimacy you want. Your boyfriend may not be your match. It will be hard to move on, but do you really want to live your life this way? One year spent on it is better than a lifetime.